pipers_son: (icons-for-the-baes) (I'm gonna make a therapist very)
Joker ([personal profile] pipers_son) wrote in [community profile] lostcarnival2017-04-07 05:15 pm

but oh my heart is flawed // closed

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.


[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]
dontpokethat: i wont be listening (say what you will about it)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-08 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
[Y'know, back home, Ginko would probably have been a lot more alarmed to hear what sounded like someone crashing into a tree. Of course, that's not to say it isn't still a surprise.

He peers up into the branches with a frown that only deepens when he recognizes who's up there.]


...Joker? You alright?
dontpokethat: everything gets worse forever (hey kids i know youre struggling now)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-09 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
[...Ah. So... he's completely smashed, that's clear enough. Which goes to bring up the question of why.

Ginko has never known Joker to let himself get too drunk, even at parties and the like - and what he just said only goes to concern Ginko further. Like, that's the kind of thing that he for one avoids saying specifically because it freaks people out. So that's probably not good.]


...Hey. Stay there, alright?

[He considers the tree for a moment before stepping forward and grabbing a low-hanging branch, hauling himself up after a bit of searching for a hoof-hold. He doesn't really trust Joker to try to get down on his own right now, okay.]
dontpokethat: and i dont have time for answers either (i dont have time for these questions)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-11 04:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I... am me, whatever that means.

[Yeah this just keeps getting more worrying. But Ginko can't focus on that too much right now, because tree-climbing with hooves.]

I imagine so. Especially when you're drunk off your-- agh, shit!

[His hoof slips off the bark, leaving him hanging awkwardly from the branch he's looped his arms over. After a moment of feeling around, he manages to wedge his hoof in a knothole.]

--Dammit. Anyway. That's why you shouldn't be doing it in this condition.
Edited (edits this hours later like a jackass whoops) 2017-04-11 20:56 (UTC)
dontpokethat: ill be dead in my grave (if anyone needs me)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-13 05:24 am (UTC)(link)
Shut up.

[Very eloquent, Ginko.

With a bit of struggling, he eventually manages to haul himself up to basically the same level as Joker.]


Think you can climb down with help, or should I try and carry you? And don't try to tell me you can do it if you're not sure.

[Clearly there's NO WAY this can go wrong.]
dontpokethat: thats just my opinion though (stop murdering and killing all the time)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-15 12:42 am (UTC)(link)
[Ginko's ears flip back. Yeah, that's not going to happen. His voice is gentler when he speaks again.]

Joker, I'm not going to leave you up here. What's going on? ...And hold still.

[He leans forward a little, then pulls his sleeve over his hand and reaches over to wipe the blood off Joker's face. That's just kind of pitiful.]
dontpokethat: you have to just forget about it and move on with your life (if you want something done)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-15 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
I could pick up on that much myself.

[He sits back and makes a face at his sleeve before rolling it back, putting a layer of fabric between the bloodstain and his arm.

More than anything, he's wondering why Joker would do this. Why he would let himself end up in this state, why he'd hide up in a tree like this and refuse to get down. But... he can't push. He doesn't know if it would get him anywhere, and he... really doesn't want to risk screwing up another friendship like that.]


...You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But you should get down; it looks to me like you're going to have enough regrets in the morning without waking up in a tree.
dontpokethat: into the sea (and drive a ride on lawnmower)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-15 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
Then why add more?

[He looks at Joker for a moment... then sighs, and leans back against the trunk. Maybe he'll need to take a different approach here...

Then Joker speaks again. Ginko looks up, his ears tilting thoughtfully.]


...Mushi, yeah. What about them?
dontpokethat: you have to just forget about it and move on with your life (if you want something done)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-15 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
Mostly, no. Sometimes, people will be... turned into mushi, through some means or another. But mushi aren't human souls.
dontpokethat: and i never will (never thought about it like that before)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-15 02:17 am (UTC)(link)
...I don't know.

[He really can't claim to know one way or another. He rests the back of his head against the tree and stares up into the sky.]

I suppose... hm. In some cases, there's been evidence of people retaining memories after they're turned into mushi, even though their bodies are no longer solid.

So... maybe an argument could be made there.
dontpokethat: ill be dead in my grave (if anyone needs me)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-15 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
['Drama queen Hell'... Ginko raises his eyebrows slightly, but doesn't comment on that part.]

No idea. I haven't given it much thought, but... I couldn't say.

[He doesn't ask what's bringing it on this time. Doesn't push or pry. He can only hope that Joker will explain if he feels like it.]
dontpokethat: you have to just forget about it and move on with your life (if you want something done)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-15 02:39 am (UTC)(link)
...What?

[Ginko looks down at Joker again, his ears pinning back.]

Joker, you-- we need you here.

[He regrets that phrasing immediately. Same goddamn thing he said to Psi. Of course.]

There's no way they could have left you behind.
dontpokethat: because i have something to prove (no i didnt drop all this on the floor)

[personal profile] dontpokethat 2017-04-17 04:52 am (UTC)(link)
...I do get what you're saying. [That reasoning sounds all too familiar, actually.] But I can't agree with it.

Tormenting yourself... doesn't help anyone. It can't change the past, no matter how much you might want to. There are better ways to make up for what you may have done wrong, even if they don't feel like much. I... can't claim to know what's happened before, let alone tell you how to feel about it. But I know you now. I know you're an important part of this place, and that you care about the people here, and that they care about you.

You're doing good here. That's more important than torturing yourself over whatever you may have done wrong, no matter how much you might feel like you deserve it - or whatever you might do to try and hide it.

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