pipers_son: (icons-for-the-baes) (I'm gonna make a therapist very)
Joker ([personal profile] pipers_son) wrote in [community profile] lostcarnival2017-04-07 05:15 pm

but oh my heart is flawed // closed

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.

[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]
dorkypantsuit: (&ii)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-21 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
It's such an empty reaction. Even when he speaks, he'd normally sound so amused and instead the words are just blank, like there's no point in finding the humor in it. He didn't know Tamaki thought that, but smiles weakly when he hears it. Maybe if they weren't both so broken something like that might have been possible, in a different reality. Joker looks awful, his face stained red from his tears, his wings a mess, the Psionic wouldn't even be surprised if Joker mentioned he'd lost a few feathers from whatever stress had caused this.

Maybe Joker would want him to keep talking about something inane. He honestly debates it for a second. Should he let his friend return to some semblance of normality? He could pretend nothing was wrong, easily. Or, should he try to help, to really help with whatever Joker's problem could be? He never was very good at being the conciliatory partner in his relationships, but right now maybe that's what Joker needed. He honestly isn't sure which choice is best. Maybe he should leave it up to Joker to decide.

"...I'm guessing a boyfriend isn't what you need right now."
dorkypantsuit: (-x)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-23 06:54 am (UTC)(link)
"Don't." He wants to say that helping a friend is more important than anything else he could have been doing, but he doesn't. Even if he did it felt like Joker the way he was now wouldn't believe it. The Psionic can tell him not to apologize at least. He doesn't tell Joker how panicked Tamaki seemed either. He didn't know for sure what happened between them, but he didn't want Joker to feel guilty about it, whatever 'it' was. No, what Psi really wanted was to make a difference this time, to pay back the friends who gave him the kind of joy he hadn't know for too many sweeps. He hasn't yet found a way to do it, but that didn't mean he was going to stop trying.

He reaches out to catch Joker's hand, mostly trying to make the other man look at him more than anything else.

"What do you need?" he says, the question somehow plaintive as it leaves him. "Let me help you."

He releases Joker's hand, letting him do what he wants with it, but there's a certain pleading to his eyes, and his posture is almost desperate, his muscles tense as though ready to fight.

dorkypantsuit: (-i)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-25 05:21 am (UTC)(link)
He can't know Joker's situation. He doesn't have the personal details and he doesn't understand the context. Human culture seems varied across the multiverse, and it's hard enough for him to grasp the things they have the most in common. Human stations, the sort of class system Joker knows, it's beyond him.

He does know what it feels like to want something he can't have. It's a feeling he's known all his life. Even if he didn't though, the way Joker clutches his stomach before grasping his horn would make his heart swell with sympathy. It's too complicated, it's not something the Psionic can fix. That doesn't mean there's nothing he can do. His head drops, seeing Joker clutch at himself is too painful, to reminiscent of a troll grasping their own horns in an attempt to drown out other sensations. He takes a breath, steadying himself before he looks to Joker again.

"Come to my hive." his voice is gentle, but insistent. It's clear from his tone and expression that Joker's feelings are affecting him, but he doesn't let it hinder his speaking. "We can talk... I'll take care of you."

More than anything he wants to help, he knows it's not something he can fix directly, but maybe he can still do something. He hopes he can. He hopes Joker will let him.
Edited 2017-04-25 05:22 (UTC)