thevictoriandetective: (Beautiful Decay)
William Sherlock Scott Holmes ([personal profile] thevictoriandetective) wrote in [community profile] lostcarnival 2017-05-16 03:29 am (UTC)

Sherlock nodded, the thought of simply just shedding his skin was off-putting enough, but knowing him, he'd probably keep half of it just to test and experiment with. Still--ordinary people didn't have to bloody shed their entire skin off periodically. Sherlock paradoxically had always been torn with wanting to be special and wanting to fit in. He liked being a genius, but he also would rather blend in and not be singled out for being a 'freak.' He'd been bullied as a child for being different. As stupid as he found it to be, there was a deep-seated insecurity there.

However, he listened curiously at Helen's words. He glanced uncomfortably to the side, the words she'd spoke were all things he'd called himself internally, before looking back at her when she spoke about injecting herself with a sample of vampire blood.

"You did? Why? What did you become?"

He grasped at his milkshake, still feeling torn.

"Objectively, it's all very fascinating, and offers some modicum of protection, and a defensive advantage I'd not have otherwise. But, on the other hand..." An uncomfortable pause. He wasn't really used to being this open, much less to someone he hardly knew, but if anyone would understand, she would. "I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. And yes, it's partially vanity. But it's also a reminder of how bit by bit, I'm losing what makes me human. The only thing vaguely remnant of me is my hair. And I doubt that will survive the shedding."

He looked away again. "I know it's stupid. I know what makes you human 'is on the inside.' But even my 'inside' has changed. I...have a memory technique I call my Mind Palace. I don't know if you've heard of the concept, but you build a structure in your mind and fill it with memories, and you can find your way back to anything. Well, I had locked away what I can only describe as 'the snake.' Bestial instincts. But it broke open during the vampire debacle. And now I can't put it back. Because the snake is me. It's my thoughts. My body and my mind betray me bit by bit." His clawed, webbed hands shook slightly.

He scoffed, angry at himself for revealing so much. "It's only for a year or two. I can take it. Scientifically, I look forward to whatever I'm 'becoming.' Emotionally...I'm an idiot."

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