He shakes his head, Ginko's words hurting him despite their comforting nature. He tried to do a lot for the people here, but in the end did he ever really succeed?
"I'm a former slave who works to enslave others." He'd chased down his fair share of Psionics on Alternia, bringing them to be enslaved just as he had been on orders he couldn't resist though he desperately wished he could. That isn't what he's talking about now. As Ginko can likely surmise, he's referring to the carnival and it's system of indentured servitude. The labor the ringmaster sought wasn't without it's rewards, but it wasn't always willingly entered either.
"Any kindness I show means nothing compared to that first wrong." he murmurs, voice shaking as tears fall down his cheeks behind his hand. He's filled with anger, at himself, regret at what he's done, and sadness at failing to do better. And still nothing would change. He wouldn't change, not his actions or his words, he would stay the same because the cost of rebelling was too high.
"If I had been like anybody else, if I could turn off these feelings, would I have followed him? If I hadn't felt like something was wrong with me, if he hadn't made me feel complete would I have fought for his vision?"
He knows the answer already, though he can't bare to say it to anyone but himself. If he had been like anybody else he would have ignored Signless as all the others did. The knowledge comes with it's own guilt and fear. Without Signless he wouldn't be here, but now that he was hear he lacked the courage and conviction in that dream to go back. He dared to abandon the man who'd given him everything.
"I don't want to go back. I'm... scared of what loosing might mean."
It's more than he's admitted to anyone before, and the words leaving him feeling vulnerable and exposed. He glances to Ginko then moving his hand, the yellow tinted tears staining his skin as they run down his cheeks.
no subject
"I'm a former slave who works to enslave others." He'd chased down his fair share of Psionics on Alternia, bringing them to be enslaved just as he had been on orders he couldn't resist though he desperately wished he could. That isn't what he's talking about now. As Ginko can likely surmise, he's referring to the carnival and it's system of indentured servitude. The labor the ringmaster sought wasn't without it's rewards, but it wasn't always willingly entered either.
"Any kindness I show means nothing compared to that first wrong." he murmurs, voice shaking as tears fall down his cheeks behind his hand. He's filled with anger, at himself, regret at what he's done, and sadness at failing to do better. And still nothing would change. He wouldn't change, not his actions or his words, he would stay the same because the cost of rebelling was too high.
"If I had been like anybody else, if I could turn off these feelings, would I have followed him? If I hadn't felt like something was wrong with me, if he hadn't made me feel complete would I have fought for his vision?"
He knows the answer already, though he can't bare to say it to anyone but himself. If he had been like anybody else he would have ignored Signless as all the others did. The knowledge comes with it's own guilt and fear. Without Signless he wouldn't be here, but now that he was hear he lacked the courage and conviction in that dream to go back. He dared to abandon the man who'd given him everything.
"I don't want to go back. I'm... scared of what loosing might mean."
It's more than he's admitted to anyone before, and the words leaving him feeling vulnerable and exposed. He glances to Ginko then moving his hand, the yellow tinted tears staining his skin as they run down his cheeks.