dontpokethat: to accentuate my dirt like quality (Default)
Ginko ([personal profile] dontpokethat) wrote in [community profile] lostcarnival2017-05-08 11:55 pm

but all this time i've been chasing down a lie

Who: Ginko and a whole bunch of people (Sans, Joker, Snake, Zecora, Tanyuu…)
What: In the aftermath of Foster’s shitty mushi plot, Ginko isn’t doing great.
When: From Day 90 onward
Where: Medical tent, trailer 13, and menagerie
Warnings: Possible talk of Foster’s shitty reasoning, also Ginko is a pile of depression and self-hatred in a trenchcoat.

Zecora - Medical Tent - Day 90 afternoon

Ginko was unconscious when Tanyuu first brought him in, bruised and scraped from the fight with Foster on top of his already being exhausted. After a certain point, though, he’s just… asleep, and remains that way through the night and well into the next day. The past few days - between the mushi leeching off his blood supply and the lack of sleep from trying to handle the infestations around the carnival and stressing himself out over them - have taken their toll.

Normally, he’d be pushing himself up the moment he woke up, always moving before his brain is even fully awake. But, today, he just lies there for a few seconds, staring up at the ceiling, before lifting a hand to press his palm over his face.


Tanyuu - Trailer 13

Once it’s been confirmed that he’s good to go (and he’s promised not to strain himself too much), Ginko and Tanyuu head back to their trailer. Of course, agreeing not to tire himself out more doesn’t mean Ginko isn’t going to want Tanyuu to catch him up on what happened while was out - what happened to Foster, what was being done about the repellent.

The whole time they’re talking, he keeps fidgeting, whether with his sleeves or his hair or just in the form of his tail twisting and lashing around his ankles. “So… things are being worked out, right? Just… that’s all I need to know.”

Snake - morning of Day 92 - Menagerie

By all rights, this should be the best off Ginko has been in the past several days. In a lot of ways, it is; with the mushi situation finally under control, things are more or less looking up - and, since the mushi that had been leeching off his blood are finally being removed, little by little, he should be feeling a lot better.

Should be. He is feeling better of course, but he’s still more tired than he’d normally expect, and getting himself to go back to work when the time comes proves something of a challenge. But it’s not like he’s never had this problem before, and he does get to the menagerie, albeit a little later than usual.

His ears flick forward when he sees Snake already there, and he gives a small wave as he heads over to watch him feed his snakes. “‘Morning. How are they doing?”

Joker - Menagerie

For all intents and purposes, Ginko seems to be settling back into his work as if everything is normal - though he may seem a little more singlemindedly focused on it when he’s working, and a little less focused on anything when he isn’t. Of course, he’s still having trouble bringing himself to seek out conversation outside of what’s necessary, but… that’s probably fine. Even now, part of him wonders if it might be for the best.

Even when cleaning out the enclosures, he doesn’t pause for long between stalls. Clear out the muck, wash what needs to be washed, change out bedding and food as necessary - it’s a simple, easy pattern to keep up. Like walking, putting one foot in front of the other; he doesn’t need to think for it.

Sometimes, not thinking can be a nice change of pace.

Sans - Barn

Breaks… might pose a problem. Theoretically he could just keep working through them, but the opportunity to pause for a while is more tempting than usual… even if as soon as he’s not working he starts wishing he were. He’s used to spending his breaks chatting, wandering around the carnival to visit with coworkers, but… no way. Not right now.

Which leaves one obvious solution. Going back to his trailer would take too long and probably get some questions from Tanyuu if she catches him. So, instead, he just… flops down on a pile of hay in the corner of the barn. He’s slept in worse places.
zebrarhyme_everytime: (ominous)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-16 06:13 pm (UTC)(link)
The zebra fixed him with a long look, the sort that ought to make it clear just what she thought of that plan and his general effort to downplay his own feelings.

"If you do it alone," Zecora said, as pointedly as if she'd directly jabbed him with a sharp obsidian hoof,
"You'll make me groan."
zebrarhyme_everytime: (zebra in a cloak)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-16 07:49 pm (UTC)(link)
"Talk to me," Zecora responded immediately,
"and let me see
What thoughts I find
Inside your mind."

If she could just get him to open up a little... well, it wouldn't solve everything, but it would help.
zebrarhyme_everytime: (ominous)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-17 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
Well... when one was conducting medicine, one sometimes needed to use a quick and precise strike to open up an abscess, the better to let the contamination flow out.

"How about the blame
You accrue to your name?"
zebrarhyme_everytime: (confidence)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-17 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Zecora shook her head -- not because it was untrue, but because it was an irrelevant thought.

"A different zebra might be able
To keep their numbers culled and stable.
A different man might not know how
To stop the mushi as you do now.
A different Ringmaster might have stopped
The mushi from growing, so their numbers dropped.
You are just one puzzle piece.
In the greater whole, so let guilt cease."
zebrarhyme_everytime: (digging for water or whatnot)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-20 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)
"How you feel
Matters a great deal.
In the end
I am your friend
And I care.
And you're beginning to scare," Zecora said, quite frankly. Now that he was at least a little unwound, she could be that much more honest -- she was genuinely worried about him, and if her rhymes didn't make that clear, her expression, even equine, could leave no doubt.
zebrarhyme_everytime: (a friendly chat)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-21 04:53 pm (UTC)(link)
"Then talk to me," Zecora said, simply,
"And we will see
If we can find
What's in your mind."

Being the Doctor didn't mean she cared only about the crew's physical health, after all. But this sort of ailment was trickier to treat, and here they needed to talk first, brew second.
zebrarhyme_everytime: (a friendly chat)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-22 03:22 pm (UTC)(link)
"So when this all began to start,
What was the first thing in your heart?"

Not specifying what "this all" was also was a little trick of hers, the better to see what HE thought was the origination of his mental troubles. Though as she asked this, Zecora stepped away just far enough to nudge a chair into position with her nose, then climb up on it.
zebrarhyme_everytime: (a friendly chat)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-23 04:22 pm (UTC)(link)
"That is from up here," Zecora said, tapping her head with one hoof (very carefully, because they were sharp.) Then she lowered it down to her chest.
"But this is where I must peer."
zebrarhyme_everytime: (ominous)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-25 03:06 am (UTC)(link)
"If you're being honest and true," Zecora said, watching him carefully as she spoke,
"Was it 'because of that' or 'because of you'?"
zebrarhyme_everytime: (zebra in a cloak)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-27 03:08 pm (UTC)(link)
"You take on yourself such blame," Zecora said, with a gentle sigh,
"And think mushi are your only fame.
You blame yourself for circumstances
And rarely give yourself chances."
zebrarhyme_everytime: (a friendly chat)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-29 02:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe a little more blunt, but that just made them closer to the truth she was searching for. Zecora let him turn away, because he couldn't hide from her words quite so easily.

"I have yet to see
You mess up here. Or with me.
Ginko, you infect
Your perceptions with what you expect."
zebrarhyme_everytime: (a friendly chat)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-30 01:50 pm (UTC)(link)
"You want to believe
You'll have reason to grieve
So badly you displace
The evidence in your face," Zecora said, gently but without mercy.
Do you truly think
This latest stink
Will come with a cost
Of all your friendships lost?"
zebrarhyme_everytime: (zebra in a cloak)

[personal profile] zebrarhyme_everytime 2017-05-30 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Zecora nodded. She understood perfectly well, having seen how people here could grow, and not always in the most positive ways.

"Things change, are new.
This is always true.
But if things do not halt
That is not your fault."

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