He's making her cry. He hates that. It's hard to make an objective list at the moment, but he's not sure if he's hated any feeling more than he hates this one. But... he doesn't know what else to do.

"It... it was my choice!" he tries to insist, not angry, but defensive. Maybe being flat out in denial was the better idea after all. "It was my fault! Trying to fight them wasn't working..."

He genuinely believed that, even if they could have turned it around. He just can't imagine how.