Taako's emotions aren't hard to reach. He's done his best to hide them, of course, to cover any pain or doubt before it can be detected, even by himself, but it's only a very thin veil that covers them, and the Void tears through it all at once and digs its tendrils down into some very fresh wounds. It hasn't been long at all, after all, since Taako lost his sister all over again, and even though she's since returned, he had lost her and he had lost himself for over a decade-- and, not only that, but he's effectively lost another member of his family, as well.
Lucretia betrayed him. She betrayed all of them, she took years of their shared lives, she took... she took his sister from him. She took everything. And, in that moment following that realization, the rage and pain that he'd felt-- not only at the loss of his sister, but at her betrayal, at the abuse of their trust, her thoughtless destruction of years they'd shared-- nearly crushed him. They're here again now, rising up into his chest and his head, choking the air from his lungs until the dull ache within his core is the only thing he can feel anymore. There's no one here to wake him up from it this time. There is no Lup here to reassure him, or to stop him from acting.
Taako's trust is given very sparingly; love is even rarer. He has never allowed someone to hurt him so deeply before, but that pain is tearing him open from the inside now, as though something is crushing his lungs from within, and it's misery, and he's never been more acutely aware that while Lup is alive, Lucretia is effectively dead now, and even her memory is ruined. And it isn't just her. After her, there was Sazed-- a friend, a trusted companion whose selfish actions likewise nearly ruined Taako's life. Is he doomed to feel this again and again? Who will he lose next? How much more can he stand? For all that he has Lup, he's still alone-- she's undead, untouchable, forever out of his reach and set to outlive him and leave him alone in a death she'll never share. Kravitz is just like her, in this sense. Magnus is a human, as is Angus, and both will die long before Taako's own life is over. Everyone that he's dared to feel for, to care for despite his best efforts not to, will leave him alone, sooner or later. He will always end up alone.
All at once, he collapses within, folding beneath the crushing weight of his fear and pain and loss and rage, the horrible, terrifying sensation of love-- love lost, love betrayed, love that has doomed him-- and then... rage is all that emerges. Pain and anger bubble to the top, icy, and his entire body lights up with it, and he sucks a breath into his aching lungs, and he reaches out to the Void and he accepts it.
He doesn't have to feel this way. He doesn't have to feel anything at all.
When he comes to, it's slow; he gazes at the spark before him, his hands going to curl around it, and he feels... better. He feels calm. There's no more pain, or confusion; he doesn't have to feel anything that he doesn't want to anymore. Only love for those who care for him, and nothing for anyone or anything else. Love. He can remove their pain, he can prevent his own, and he knows exactly how. He can ensure that he and Lup, Kravitz, and Barry all share the same eternity, forever.
Taako | OTA | tw: death, and HUGE TAZ Balance spoilers
Lucretia betrayed him. She betrayed all of them, she took years of their shared lives, she took... she took his sister from him. She took everything. And, in that moment following that realization, the rage and pain that he'd felt-- not only at the loss of his sister, but at her betrayal, at the abuse of their trust, her thoughtless destruction of years they'd shared-- nearly crushed him. They're here again now, rising up into his chest and his head, choking the air from his lungs until the dull ache within his core is the only thing he can feel anymore. There's no one here to wake him up from it this time. There is no Lup here to reassure him, or to stop him from acting.
Taako's trust is given very sparingly; love is even rarer. He has never allowed someone to hurt him so deeply before, but that pain is tearing him open from the inside now, as though something is crushing his lungs from within, and it's misery, and he's never been more acutely aware that while Lup is alive, Lucretia is effectively dead now, and even her memory is ruined. And it isn't just her. After her, there was Sazed-- a friend, a trusted companion whose selfish actions likewise nearly ruined Taako's life. Is he doomed to feel this again and again? Who will he lose next? How much more can he stand? For all that he has Lup, he's still alone-- she's undead, untouchable, forever out of his reach and set to outlive him and leave him alone in a death she'll never share. Kravitz is just like her, in this sense. Magnus is a human, as is Angus, and both will die long before Taako's own life is over. Everyone that he's dared to feel for, to care for despite his best efforts not to, will leave him alone, sooner or later. He will always end up alone.
All at once, he collapses within, folding beneath the crushing weight of his fear and pain and loss and rage, the horrible, terrifying sensation of love-- love lost, love betrayed, love that has doomed him-- and then... rage is all that emerges. Pain and anger bubble to the top, icy, and his entire body lights up with it, and he sucks a breath into his aching lungs, and he reaches out to the Void and he accepts it.
He doesn't have to feel this way. He doesn't have to feel anything at all.
When he comes to, it's slow; he gazes at the spark before him, his hands going to curl around it, and he feels... better. He feels calm. There's no more pain, or confusion; he doesn't have to feel anything that he doesn't want to anymore. Only love for those who care for him, and nothing for anyone or anything else. Love. He can remove their pain, he can prevent his own, and he knows exactly how. He can ensure that he and Lup, Kravitz, and Barry all share the same eternity, forever.
He exhales slowly, and he smiles.
"I shouldn't have worried."