He can't find the words and he can't even figure out what he wants to say. His hands fist so tightly in the fabric of Rin's shirt that his knuckles ache, and his lungs burn.

And he--

he lets go of Rin's shirt when his twin's attempt at speaking falters into nothing, and the burst of laughter that chokes its way out of his throat almost startles him. His life is a mess, and no amounts of desperate outbursts or admissions will fix it. It's a joke, and all he can do is laugh as he pulls back, the sound too loud in the alley as his ribs burn with the effort of trying to catch a breath.

"You shouldn't've? You didn't do anything, nii-san. This is all my fault!"