"It won't," the answer comes from above, reassuringly. "Quite the opposite, actually; your skin will be clarified and rehydrated!"

Lambert fails to understand what either of those words really even mean in the context of his skin, but the snails keep on trundling over both of them. Once their 'feet' rest firmly on their shoulderblades, the snails stop. Then the massage begins (Let me know if I need to adjust the pressure), rippling flesh working over sore muscles like a massage bed in reverse. A cold massage bed.

Which is all well and good, if a little odd, but as the massage proceeds, it'll hard to miss that they're both getting slimier. Very slimy.