"We should probably sit down," Strange sheepishly responds, as he sits down, cross-legged on the scorched earth. "This might take a while."
And, for the sake of me not having to dialogue all of this and making the thread not be fifteen more comments of Strange bitching about his problems, Strange just friggen lets it all out. He tells Yuya the fact that he wants to be powerful enough to protect everybody but he hates it that he isn't. The fact that the Silver Mirror changed him and it's absolutely scary but also kind of wonderful and the fact that he finds it wonderful is a bit scary. The fact that he wants to protect Ignatius and wants to make him proud because Ignatius is amazing and powerful and respects him and actually tells him things, does Yuya know how beautiful it is when someone trusts you enough to tell you things, but every time he tries to keep Ignatius safe, Strange fails at it. The fact that the Technicians changed him and everybody else is horrified by what happened to them, but Strange doesn't mind what happened to him because he's only had it for a few days but turning into fire is amazing and he feels a little bad that he likes this so much. The fact that he's pretty sure most of the carnival sees him as a useful source of magic and exposition and not an actual person and really, half his information he gets just by talking to people, why the hell is he the only person who seems to do that?
The fact that he's still bitter that the Ringmaster placed him in research because honestly, Strange doesn't mind if he gets hurt while protecting the carnival but it's never going to happen as long as he's in research, since he thinks Childermass views him as something to keep safe and not an actual person. The fact that he knows he's a soldier, he's accepted that he's a soldier, he's fought in the peninsula and he's a nightrunner in the carnival and Ignatius thought he was fit enough to be a soldier, but everyone's so scared that he's going to break or going to mess something up that he's not in the thick of it where he should be. The fact that he's gotten way more cavalier about hurting people and blood-thirsty lately and that's another thing that scares him about himself. And the overwhelming fact, just repeated all throughout Strange's slightly disjointed ramblings, that he misses Arabella and wants to see her and is absolutely terrified that he'll die or be enthralled or what not and he won't ever see her again.
There's probably a little bit of gross crying in the middle of this as well as moments where Strange's flames just shoot right up in anger because he's all over the emotional spectrum and navigating a few months worth of bottled up emotions is tricky.
Once that's all done and said, Strange pauses. That...feels good? But also super tiring. But kind of good. He takes a deep breath and tries to steady his emotions and train his mind back to something calm.
I'm so sorry for this tl;dr, homeboy's got issues
And, for the sake of me not having to dialogue all of this and making the thread not be fifteen more comments of Strange bitching about his problems, Strange just friggen lets it all out. He tells Yuya the fact that he wants to be powerful enough to protect everybody but he hates it that he isn't. The fact that the Silver Mirror changed him and it's absolutely scary but also kind of wonderful and the fact that he finds it wonderful is a bit scary. The fact that he wants to protect Ignatius and wants to make him proud because Ignatius is amazing and powerful and respects him and actually tells him things, does Yuya know how beautiful it is when someone trusts you enough to tell you things, but every time he tries to keep Ignatius safe, Strange fails at it. The fact that the Technicians changed him and everybody else is horrified by what happened to them, but Strange doesn't mind what happened to him because he's only had it for a few days but turning into fire is amazing and he feels a little bad that he likes this so much. The fact that he's pretty sure most of the carnival sees him as a useful source of magic and exposition and not an actual person and really, half his information he gets just by talking to people, why the hell is he the only person who seems to do that?
The fact that he's still bitter that the Ringmaster placed him in research because honestly, Strange doesn't mind if he gets hurt while protecting the carnival but it's never going to happen as long as he's in research, since he thinks Childermass views him as something to keep safe and not an actual person. The fact that he knows he's a soldier, he's accepted that he's a soldier, he's fought in the peninsula and he's a nightrunner in the carnival and Ignatius thought he was fit enough to be a soldier, but everyone's so scared that he's going to break or going to mess something up that he's not in the thick of it where he should be. The fact that he's gotten way more cavalier about hurting people and blood-thirsty lately and that's another thing that scares him about himself. And the overwhelming fact, just repeated all throughout Strange's slightly disjointed ramblings, that he misses Arabella and wants to see her and is absolutely terrified that he'll die or be enthralled or what not and he won't ever see her again.
There's probably a little bit of gross crying in the middle of this as well as moments where Strange's flames just shoot right up in anger because he's all over the emotional spectrum and navigating a few months worth of bottled up emotions is tricky.
Once that's all done and said, Strange pauses. That...feels good? But also super tiring. But kind of good. He takes a deep breath and tries to steady his emotions and train his mind back to something calm.
"That was more than I expected to say."