"I don't want you to know because I should be able to take care of my problems myself!" Strange starts. "I should..." and he trails off. Because if there's one thing that's obvious from this conversation, it's that he really can't take care of his problems himself, not if Lambert's calling him out on this.
"I should be able to do things like protect Ignatius or stop the Rose Queen's curse from taking Childermass. But I can't. And I hate it." He doesn't want to meet Lambert's eyes as he talks, not if he insists on keeping up this glamour.
"And we both know I'm not the same person I've always been. The Jonathan Strange who first arrived at the carnival thought he was a soldier, but there's no way in hell you would have asked him to kill you if needed." There's a little bit of disgust in Strange's voice as he talks. He's a bit worried he's changed for the worse...but if he's good what he's doing, if he can help kill Technicians or a True Fae without hesitation, then it can't be that bad, right? Even if it's something that scares and worries him the more he thinks about it.
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"I should be able to do things like protect Ignatius or stop the Rose Queen's curse from taking Childermass. But I can't. And I hate it." He doesn't want to meet Lambert's eyes as he talks, not if he insists on keeping up this glamour.
"And we both know I'm not the same person I've always been. The Jonathan Strange who first arrived at the carnival thought he was a soldier, but there's no way in hell you would have asked him to kill you if needed." There's a little bit of disgust in Strange's voice as he talks. He's a bit worried he's changed for the worse...but if he's good what he's doing, if he can help kill Technicians or a True Fae without hesitation, then it can't be that bad, right? Even if it's something that scares and worries him the more he thinks about it.