lostcarnival | I Want to Break Free / closed

Entry tags:

doll,
snake

I Want to Break Free / closed

Who: Snake and Doll
What: Snake, who's run away from his living situation, is found by Doll, who disapproves
When: Early in Alola, after Joker's log
Where: Starting in the woods
Warnings: Sadness, possible mentions of past trauma, depressed Snake is depressed

[This is not what Snake wanted, not really. But with Doll in the carnival, he felt he had no choice. That's why he packed up his few meager possessions, boarded all his snakes but Emily in the carnival's menagerie, and set off with his stuff into the woods, ostensibly to meditate. More to hide.

He's not surprised that for a long time no one follows him. Why would they? He's not wanted. Joker would rather he wasn't here, and he'll be happier sharing a space with Doll. Those two are close. It's alright, Snake tells himself repeatedly, as he sits cross-legged under his umbrella in the forest's labyrinth depths. It's fine. They'll be happy, that's all that matters, and he can find someplace else to stay.

He's always been considerate of others' feelings, never once following along, never leaving his post until the day his family didn't return. He wishes sometimes he was more selfish, but his acts of selfishness always seemed to hurt others, so maybe it's better this way. Maybe it'll even help him separate from the demon within, the same demon which grants him hearing sensitive enough to pick up on the acrobat's light footsteps as she approaches. He'd know Doll's scent anywhere, and his hackles rise slightly at her approach. Though he wants nothing more than to run away again, he can't do that to her. His voice, when he speaks, is not harsh, but resigned, despite his words.]

"What do you want?" says Emily...

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[She's a little surprised that Snake can hear her, but sooner or later she's going to get used to the fact that nothing is what it seems here. Frowning, Doll comes out from behind the tree she was lurking behind-- partially to see where he was going, maybe if he'd tell Emily what he was doing. But apparently her cover is blown, so no time like the present.]

I want you to come home, Snake.

[If he weren't a vampire, she'd be sneaky enough. But he is, and she isn't. He ducks his head, as much to try to hide his fangs as anything, but the fact that he's sitting under a huge umbrella in the forest makes his nature obvious enough.

It's hard to find words to suit his feelings, but Emily helps, nosing him and flicking her tongue, as she does.]

"It's not our home anymore," says Emily.

Rubbish. [Doll advances on him with all the ease in the world-- why would she have anything to fear from her family? Umbrella, fangs, wings, pink eyes, Doll knows no matter what's going on Snake and Joker are still both themselves.]

Our home has always been each other, hasn't it? You sayin' you're just gonna avoid me forever now?

[It takes him a second, a moment of uncertain pause, but he shakes his head. He doesn't want to avoid Doll and Joker forever. That would hurt a lot, too much. However, he was going out of his way to avoid them now. Right now they needed to be adjusting, not worrying about him.]

Good, you're still making some sense, I see. [Doll sits down hard on the ground in front of Snake and Emily, her face set in determination.] Joker's upset that you left, an' I can' say I blame 'im. I drop in, suddenly... suddenly you don't want to be around us.

[Her face falls a little until she's staring about at the middle of his chest.] If what Joker said is true-- that things aren't normal here and get hard and dangerous-- we need each other. Like it was back in England. Yeah?

"Joker shouldn't be upset. This is all our fault. You don't need us," says Emily.

[He rubs one arm, a little uncomfortable. It's really all his fault. From the vampirism to Doll being here, it wouldn't have happened if he wasn't a liar, and terribly needy, and just trusted Joker.

But he can't, not anymore.]

Yeah? What if it's my fault too?

[Doll swallows and curls up a bit more, looking ashamed and nervous.]

He told me not to join, and I told him I wasn't about t'sit around and wait for him. B'cause... b'cause I didn't know if I'd ever see him again. I didn' know if I'd see you 'n Emily again.

He's upset 'cause I'm here. 'N now you are too, am I right?

[Snake starts to shake his head, then changes his mind, goes to nod, and finally stops. He doesn't know how to respond without hurting Doll. He doesn't want to hurt Doll. This isn't her fault.]

"...We asked to see you again. That was our contract. All of our family, again. It was selfish and wrong and this is all my fault!" says Emily...

[This doesn't surprise Doll, even if it's new information. Joker had said he'd contracted for the same thing, keeping his family safe and out of England, and she realizes now that Snake obviously would do the same thing.]

[Maybe she is here because of the both of them, but she can't be mad about it, she can't even call it selfish.]

But if you hadn't, I-- [She kept this from Joker so he wouldn't be upset, and she'd planned to do the same thing for Snake for the same reasons. But from where Doll is sitting, he doesn't realize just how important it is that she's here and not back in England.]

[Twisting her fingers nervously, she decides that she just has to be honest. It could be the only way to take Snake's guilt from him.]

...If you hadn't, I could be dead right now. [She swallows hard, trying to block out the last images she'd seen but she can't. As far as she's concerned, it's happened too recently.] I didn't make it to Joker in time and Smile and Black... [Her throat is trying to close and stop her voice, her thoughts are scattered and out of order, but she's going to get through this.]

He told me he killed Joker, and everyone. I didn't think, I just, ran at him and Black-- [She hugs her arms around her shoulders, trying to squeeze the sensation away.] He was a monster.

...

[He lifts his hand to steady her nervous fingers, his own touch a little cold and devoid of heartbeat. He's not sure what to say, and for once, his snakes are stumped too. One of them is a little faster to react, though.]

"Smile or Black?" says Donne.

[She's not being clear. It's obvious why - it's an emotional point of conversation, after all - but...

... It doesn't make telling who he has to kill any easier.]

[Doll's hands stop shaking when Snake covers them, looking up into his eyes again. Even if his hands are strangely cold, she writes it off as him being outside too long.]

Yeah. [She snorts, derisively.] Both.

[She knows what he's asking though, and now that she's admitted this much the details aren't worth keeping under wraps at all.]

It was Black. He... changed, into something else. Something that wasn' human, pitch black. [She swallows. It still scares her to remember the image, even though she was nearly blind with rage when she'd seen it.]

Please. Don' tell Joker, he'll... there's nothing he could have done, but he'll only feel like it was his fault. We both know he will.

[He nods. He won't tell Joker. It'd be too much on the poor guy, and they both know it. But he wonders...]

... "Is Joker dead too? Were they telling the truth?" says Emily.

[Doll might reasonably know, but she can be deceived, too. Ws deceived by Smile and Black once.]

[Doll's eyes drift away again, and she shrugs and shakes her head.]

I believed him when he said Joker was dead-- but they lied from the start. I tried to be his friend and... [She swallows hard again. This is painful to relive for her, but Snake deserves to know.]

It would be dandy to think he'd just made all that up to hurt me one more time b'fore the end, right?

[He can see how hard it is for her, and gives her hands a little squeeze as he nods.

Well, little for him. Vampire strength sometimes sucks.]

"It's hard to be sure, but we can't just ask," says Donne...

[Especially given how Snake has cut himself off. He intended to hurt Joker, as much as he'd been hurt, but he didn't know how much the man was already struggling with.]

No, we can't. If he was lying, it'll jus' upset Joker. But if it is true...

[He'd probably lie, honestly.] No, it's his place t'tell us if he wants. If he doesn' wanna tell us, we gotta respect that. [Even though her face says otherwise.]

"You think it was true, though. Why?" says Donne.

[The small snake is sly, and hisses in Snake's ear that Doll might not be telling the whole truth. Snake trusts Doll, but everyone always kept secrets from him. Maybe it's time some of those secrets were revealed.]

[Doll doesn't want to think about it, but Snake deserves the truth. She would have told him if she'd lived long enough to-- maybe he already knew.]

When I got to Father's mansion... it was on fire. The flames were so big, they covered the whole house, I don't-- [A lump swells in her throat and she looks down. She can swallow a lot of tears when it comes to her own life and death, but when she thinks about Joker dying surrounded by fire with none of them nearby--]

[A sob escapes, and then another as she tries to clamp down. She doesn't think Joker could have escaped the fire, and so when Smile claimed to have killed him, Doll believed it.]

[It's hard, watching her cry. Snake holds her closer, trying not to tear up himself. He's cold to the touch, only room temperature, and something's missing from the contact, but he's still there for her, and will always try to be.

Privately he wonders who Father is and why he has a mansion, but he doesn't say anything. If Joker was there, he's probably going to die if he ever goes back, and that's... He rests his chin atop Doll's shoulder as his own tears start to appear, faintly red on his pale skin.]

[When Snake pulls her closer, when she feels his chin on her head, Doll takes that as permission for her to let it all out. She cries, loud and hard, to get everything out. How afraid she was for Joker and the rest of their family, how traumatized she was from being killed and waking up after it, how different and new and difficult her new home was, and how Joker and Snake didn't seem to be getting along and she wouldn't be able to fix it. Doll gets it all out, clinging to Snake until she's done and exhausted and snuffling the last of her tears out.]

I'm sorry, 've been holdin' all that in, I didn' mean f'r it t'come out right here 'n now.

[He just nods against her and wipes his own eyes with a hand. Now the hand is bloodstained, but that's not important. What is important is that she's ok, she's safe here. That she's feeling better now.]

"It's ok. Everyone needs to cry sometimes," says Emily.

I know. But it was a lotta cryin'. [She laughs a little and pulls back to look at Snake.]

[...what in God's name happened to his eyes.]

Bloody hell, Snake! [She gasps reaching up to look for some kind of wound.] There's blood under yer eyes!!

[... Yeah, this is awkward. Sure he's a little taller and his tongue is forking but this is a liiiittle more noticeable of a change. He looks away, turning his head before her fingertips can touch his blood, and wipes at his eyes again.]

"I cried, too. It's alright, I'm not hurt," says Emily.

[It's the simplest explanation to a not-so-simple situation. She might pry, though, and he doesn't know what to say then.]

...Y'cried and there's blood under your eyes?

[Doll doesn't know much about what goes on in terms of these transformations yet, but she does know that generally crying blood wasn't something that happened to anyone. At all.]

Snake, what's goin' on with you 'n Joker? I know somethin's happenin', but y'both won't say anything for some reason.

[He continues his technique of avoiding eye contact, but he can't do it forever. Or maybe he can. He doesn't really need to blink. All his reflexes, all the things that made him alive, are kind of gone. He can do them if he tries, but not automatically.

But at the same time, he can all but feel her stare wearing him down. He can certainly hear her heartbeat pick up as she worries. Finally he turns to her and takes a deep breath - he hasn't been breathing super regularly either - before speaking.]

"You should ask Joker. It's all my fault, but he knows more," says Emily.

Joker's passed out in our trailer, 'e came home half-walkin' on th'shoulder o' a man named Ginko, wasn' long b'fore he was sawin' wood. So I can' really ask 'im nothin', y'see.

[She crosses her arms.] ...m' not such a child anymore, I don' need protectin' as much as I used to. If I'm not helpin' y'both here, I'll go mad.

[That... it sounds like Joker's really upset. And Snake wasn't there for him; Ginko, Snake's coworker, carried him back. Snake's unbeating heart feels heavy in his chest. He's not sure what to say, what to tell her. Will it make Joker mad?

Finally, he lets out a single word, little more than a whisper.]

Vampires...

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I Want to Break Free / closed

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You know I forgot he didn't have Donne on him but fuck it he took Donne with him too.

WOO 8Db

Re: WOO 8Db

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OH MY GOD I THOUGHT I REPLIED TO THIS MY BAD D8

I do that all the time.

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