Been around the world and found

[squeedlyspooch]

Who: Zim and OPEN!
What: Getting his bearings and going on a glue hunt after going into debt for being a shithead AKA intro post.
When: Day 103
Where: The lake, cookhouse, wandering everywhere!
Warnings: Zim being Zim.


A. The Lake.

[Zim is standing in front of the lake, disguised and disgusted. The very idea of having to live somewhere so close to such a large body of water is not only repulsive, but it's utterly offensive to him. He hasn't actually checked to see if this water will burn him, but that isn't the point. He isn't going to risk that out in the open, where anyone could potentially see a little green alien being set on fire due to something entirely normal to humans. That would look more than a little suspicious.]

Ugh, this terrible. Probably filled with germs, too.

[He kicks at a rock, watching it land in the water with a dunk. With his luck it probably rains and snows here, too. No GIR to do any information retrieval for him, so he's on his own in finding an ample supply of glue to deal with all this water. This is absolutely ridiculous. Does this place even have glue? That thought has him pausing, because what if it doesn't? What if he's stuck here, surrounded by who-knows-how-much-water, with no glue baths to prevent it from making contact with his skin?

That's enough to get him shaking his fist ineffectually at the lake.]

I should drain the whole thing!

B. The Cookhouse.

[His next stop is the Cookhouse, because that seems like a possibility in finding the above-mentioned glue. That one horrible child in his class really enjoyed eating it so maybe there's some human or mutant or whatever here who likes doing the same. It can't hurt to look, right? He doesn't have a lot of options here, and he isn't exactly sure how carnivals work. His intel on Earth (which was terrible to begin with) didn't include a lot on stupid festivals, those being a total waste of his valuable time and all.

He's marching (literal marching, goose-stepping and everything) around, not actually taking any food (because ew) but definitely appearing to be searching for something. Eventually he makes his way over to one of the cooks and in a most demanding voice shouting:]

You! Food drone, where is the glue?? [This is absolutely, 100% the correct way to refer to another employee and no one can convince him otherwise.]

C. Wandering!

[Sooo the cookhouse was a total bust. Which he finds dumb as hell, since glue is clearly an edible thing. It should be made available to eat! Perfect, simple logic. Hardly his fault those idiot cooks can't get that through their thick skulls, though now this means he's wandering the carnival aimlessly, still disguised, attempting to finding a booth or something that looks like it might sell glue. Maybe with the school supplies? Not that they have school here, which is also bizarre to him.

This time he's going to hold off on the approach-and-demand approach to this hunt; it would look a little suspicious if he just began asking every single person for as much glue as possible. He at least knows that human children generally don't need that much glue. He'll just have to find any signs of the stuff, which he is perfectly capable of doing, because he's so good at doing reconnaissance when he has to!

Reconnaissance involves going to places like the game booths, and the tents where the animals are kept. Because of course glue might be there. Feel free to run into one little green weird-looking kid who is obviously on a very serious mission that involves looking under tables and shit.]

Comments

[periphrasing]

How many times do I have to tell you, I'M NOT AN ENTERTAINMENT DRONE?!

[Seriously what does that even MEAN?

She takes a deep breath. Steeples her fingers and points at him with it, forcing a strained, polite smile.]

Why don't we try that again. This time, you can call me "Peridot" or "Boss", or "Engineer", and then we'll talk about this "glue" that you're searching so desperately for.

[squeedlyspooch]

[Zim does not look convinced at this compromise, he barely remembers human names like those of his classmates, or even whatever Dib's sister's name is. They aren't important.

But he really needs that glue.]

Engineer-slave.

[That's the most accurate description of what she is, right???? Good enough. He sounds so exasperated.]

[periphrasing]

[Peridot... Does not look impressed. She drags a hand down her face.]

Why do you always refer to everyone as "slaves" or "drones"? Is that just like a thing for you or something?

[Seriously, gems literally just exist to do work for the entirety of their immortal lives and even they don't refer to each other as such.]

[squeedlyspooch]

[Zim cannot understand why she's exasperated.]

Isn't that what you are? Some kind of ugly mutant dog slave?

[HE ACTUALLY HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS.]

[periphrasing]

[She stares at him loooonnnng and hard before saying another word.]

...No.

[And for once, she's not going to try and lecture or elaborate on what she ACTUALLY is, because she has already decided that Zim isn't worth the effort.]

[squeedlyspooch]

Eh? Oh.

[She definitely looks like a dog mutant to him, but then his definition of dog is an extremely loose one. And since he now doesn't know what the heck she is, he suddenly, unsurprisingly starts yelling.]

Then what are you?? TELL ME!

[periphrasing]

[Peridot folds her arms and sneers at him, obnoxiously sanctimonious.]

I'm not telling you anything unless you tell me what you are, first.

[squeedlyspooch]

I'm Irken, obviously. Now tell me!

[Clearly she should know that. Clearly. She saw the spiderlegs and everything.]

[periphrasing]

[...Well that clarifies absolutely nothing. But also, Peridot doesn't care enough to try and get more information out of him, so.]

I'm a gem? Obviously.

[See, she can dish it right back, mister.]

[squeedlyspooch]

I don't know what that is!

[HE HAS NO CONTEXT FOR THIS NONSENSE.]

[periphrasing]

[PROLONGED SIGH]

We're a spacefaring species adapted to conquering other planets. Except I don't really do much of the "conquering" part anymore, so. There you have it. I'm not a slave, I'm not a drone. I'm just. A gem.

[squeedlyspooch]

Wait.

[He starts looking her up and down very, very carefully. He is paying so much attention right now it's kind of surprising.]

You're an alien? You. [More squinting and staring.] An alien adapted to conquering.

Sorry I made you wait several days for such a short tag X_X

[periphrasing]

Yes.

[It's a pretty overly-simplified way to put it, now that she thinks about it, but.]

NO WORRIES it is all good.

[squeedlyspooch]

Eh.... [He rubs his chin, humming, still thinking.]

Wow, you look like some ugly mutant dog-thing. [His definition of 'dog' is very loose.] Well, your green is flattering to the entire Irken Empire, but you're still going to be enslaved one day.

[periphrasing]

[She blinks with surprise, and then... actually laughs at that? IT'S A VERY RUDE LAUGH.]

Gems. Enslaved. By the likes of YOU?

[And the laughter keeps getting louder, more raucous.]

Neheheheheheheheh! Stars, you can't be serious! You! Or your kind, what was it you said-- Irkens? YOU think you can take down the likes of Homeworld and the Diamonds!?

[SNORT. LAUGH.]

[squeedlyspooch]

OF COURSE WE WILL! [There is absolutely, 100% no doubt in his mind, even though he has no idea what gems are. His loyalty is that ridiculous.]

Universal conquest has already begun! With, eh. Invader Larb and... so on. [Skoodge is not even getting a namedrop, that guy. HE QUICKLY CONTINUES.] Soon EVERY planet will be under the control of the Almighty Irken Empire, and your civilization will be reduced to slaves or destroyed or shot out of cannons for the entertainment of the Almighty Tallest!! One of those!

[periphrasing]

[Nothing Zim has said seems to concern her in the SLIGHTEST, because she's assuming he's pretty much a standard specimen of his species. In her experience, organics don't tend to vary in shape and size anywhere near as drastically as gems do.

She leans forward a little, sneering maliciously.]

The Almighty Tallest? THAT'S what you call your leaders? [SNICKERING.] What gives them their authority, their ability to retrieve bags of cheesy chaps off of the highest surfaces?

[Peridot your species' Ultimate Leaders are literally giant woman.]

[squeedlyspooch]

[That condescending attitude is starting to get to him, mainly because she's insulting the Tallest and that isn't something he can tolerate.]

Of course not! They have service drones for that kind of menial labour! [He's starting to yell again, getting worked up, jabbing a finger at her angrily.] Unlike in your primitive society, TALLER EQUALS BETTER! Only the absolute TALLEST of the entire species gain the prestige of commanding the whole Empire!

[periphrasing]

[She stops laughing, but she's still grinning like a shitlord gremlin.]

Alright then, enlighten me: Just how tall are your pitiful organic commanders?

[squeedlyspooch]

Taller than YOU! SO MUCH TALLER THAN YOU!

[That is what's important here.]

[periphrasing]

Ptch. [She rolls her eyes.] Lots of things are taller than I am. Lots of things are taller than you, too. What I want is hard numbers as a point of reference. Except that it doesn't really matter I guess, because I guarantee you that however tall your pitiful leaders are, they have nothing on the Diamonds.

[squeedlyspooch]

[HE'S IGNORING THAT REMARK ABOUT HIS HEIGHT, YEP. DID NOT HEAR THAT.]

They're the furthest thing from PITIFUL! Your inferior brain wouldn't even be able to process how AMAZING and SUPERIOR they are to you and your leaders, you ROCK SCUM! YOUR BRAINS WOULD EXPLODE, LIKE THE WEAK-WILLED BRAINS OF A BABY BLOOSHKIN!!

[periphrasing]

Yeah right, Yellow Diamond could probably squish you and your stupid leader's miserable fleshy bodies with the jab of a single touch stump! She's pretty much the most terrifying entity in the entire universe.

[squeedlyspooch]

Your inferior species could NEVER match the greatness of the Tallest! Any ruler with YOU for a subordinate has to be foolish scum who couldn't even conquer a planet devoid of life!

[periphrasing]

[Okay this is mostly just starting to be funny, rather than insulting. Seriously, this Zim guy just tries so hard to be intimidating, his insults are starting to lose all impact. Like, he’s so desperate, it’s hilarious. And kind of sad? But mostly hilarious.

That’s how Peridot sees this, anyway. She turns her nose up at him, snickering maliciously.]

Sounds to me like you’re just blustering to cover up for what weaklings you Irkens are. To be honest? It’s really sad. And your Tallest must really be desperate if you’re the best they’ve got for an invasion force.