Not much is wrong in Doll's life, if she's being honest. She has a loving family, a second chance at life (horns and diamond skin aside), and friends. What did she really have to complain about? Something that happened to her over a decade ago? When she thought about it that way, it seemed so ridiculous. Plenty of people must have worse problems, she gets along alright.
But it still hurts, no matter how often she pushes it away, it still hurts. And squeezing Tamaki's hand hard as she takes deep breaths and tries to push away the very painful, very vivid memory of what happened to her when she was so young, at least feels a little better.
"Don't be mad. Nobody to be mad at anymore, prob'ly," she says, still so quiet like someone might overhear. Doll swallows and uncurls her other hand from her shirt, putting it awkwardly on Tamaki's elbow-- like she's bracing herself.
"Joker... Joker 'n th' resta them took me in when I was real small. Hadn' even started losin' my teeth yet. I used ta follow 'im around, 'cause his hair was so pretty," she says with a funny laugh. "...an' I didn' wanna go home.
"My mum and dad... they didn' like me. I'd cry when I was hungry, 'n they'd beat me 'til I learned ta stop. They'd pull me around by m'arms 'n legs, send me ta bed if they thought I'd been bad-- 'n I tried. I tried ta be good, always stayed real quiet 'n hidden, stayed outta th'way... But even when I did all that, they'd never tell me I was good. 'N I thought... maybe that's just how it is."
Her hands start shaking, along with her voice. "I don' even know what I did-- if I did anythin'-- but one day mum jus'... held my head over th'stove. It hurt, so bad, and even now I don' know what I did wrong. Sometimes I wish I knew, so it might jus' make some bit 'a sense.
"Joker took me ta a church th'next time 'e saw me, 'n the sisters there fixed me up okay, but..." It's obvious what she's trying to say, but can't. The damage wouldn't be reversed, no matter how long she took to heal. "My mum and dad never looked for me, 'n Joker said I didn' hafta worry 'cause I had a new family. One that would take care 'a me, 'n I would do th'same when I was older." She huffs out a small laugh. "Hard ta believe he was younger'n me when he took me in.
"...he's th'one named me Doll, y'know. Even-- even years ago I knew that name didn't suit someone like me, but he insisted. He said-- he said I was their precious little sister. Like that was reason enough. But dolls are perfect and pretty things, always put together and the like. I'm not like that, I'm..."
CW: child abuse
But it still hurts, no matter how often she pushes it away, it still hurts. And squeezing Tamaki's hand hard as she takes deep breaths and tries to push away the very painful, very vivid memory of what happened to her when she was so young, at least feels a little better.
"Don't be mad. Nobody to be mad at anymore, prob'ly," she says, still so quiet like someone might overhear. Doll swallows and uncurls her other hand from her shirt, putting it awkwardly on Tamaki's elbow-- like she's bracing herself.
"Joker... Joker 'n th' resta them took me in when I was real small. Hadn' even started losin' my teeth yet. I used ta follow 'im around, 'cause his hair was so pretty," she says with a funny laugh. "...an' I didn' wanna go home.
"My mum and dad... they didn' like me. I'd cry when I was hungry, 'n they'd beat me 'til I learned ta stop. They'd pull me around by m'arms 'n legs, send me ta bed if they thought I'd been bad-- 'n I tried. I tried ta be good, always stayed real quiet 'n hidden, stayed outta th'way... But even when I did all that, they'd never tell me I was good. 'N I thought... maybe that's just how it is."
Her hands start shaking, along with her voice. "I don' even know what I did-- if I did anythin'-- but one day mum jus'... held my head over th'stove. It hurt, so bad, and even now I don' know what I did wrong. Sometimes I wish I knew, so it might jus' make some bit 'a sense.
"Joker took me ta a church th'next time 'e saw me, 'n the sisters there fixed me up okay, but..." It's obvious what she's trying to say, but can't. The damage wouldn't be reversed, no matter how long she took to heal. "My mum and dad never looked for me, 'n Joker said I didn' hafta worry 'cause I had a new family. One that would take care 'a me, 'n I would do th'same when I was older." She huffs out a small laugh. "Hard ta believe he was younger'n me when he took me in.
"...he's th'one named me Doll, y'know. Even-- even years ago I knew that name didn't suit someone like me, but he insisted. He said-- he said I was their precious little sister. Like that was reason enough. But dolls are perfect and pretty things, always put together and the like. I'm not like that, I'm..."
Scarred.