Tamaki Yotsuba (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
puddingemote) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
lostcarnival2017-08-15 09:28 pm
puddingemote) wrote in lostcarnival2017-08-15 09:28 pm
Entry tags:
[OPEN] 3 Spoopy 5 Me
Who: Tamaki and Anyone!
When: Post Day 145
Where: The Summerlands
What: Tamaki's realized he kept a... useful ability from his time as a ghost.
Warnings: Depends on what you want to talk about.
The first time he'd used it had been an accident; without even really thinking about it, Tamaki started to walk through the wall of the cookhouse like he used to as a ghost and-
Well. He crashed into it. Fell flat on his butt, actually. It took him a moment to remember that oh yeah, he's solid again. Walking through walls isn't really a thing he can do anymore.
Though he'd still been a bit curious to see if he really couldn't get through the wall anymore; being able to phase through things easily was really the only nice thing about being a ghost. He'd leaned against the wall of the cookhouse, remembering the way it felt to be completely weightless, just a person-shaped mass of soul energy that could go anywhere-
And then he fell through and landed on his face. Welp.
That little bit of slapstick dispatched, Tamaki was eager to try out his new ability on the Carnival. Which is what lead to now, where a seven-foot teenager has just walked through the wall. He glows blue for a moment before coming solid again, looking all around the space before his eyes land on the person he just most likely startled.
Trailers, tents, game stalls... the only thing he seems to be purposefully avoiding entering unlawfully is bathrooms. He could really be anywhere.
At which point he'll look at the person he just so rudely intruded upon, blinking like they're the ones who just showed up.
"Uh. Pardon the intrusion."
When: Post Day 145
Where: The Summerlands
What: Tamaki's realized he kept a... useful ability from his time as a ghost.
Warnings: Depends on what you want to talk about.
The first time he'd used it had been an accident; without even really thinking about it, Tamaki started to walk through the wall of the cookhouse like he used to as a ghost and-
Well. He crashed into it. Fell flat on his butt, actually. It took him a moment to remember that oh yeah, he's solid again. Walking through walls isn't really a thing he can do anymore.
Though he'd still been a bit curious to see if he really couldn't get through the wall anymore; being able to phase through things easily was really the only nice thing about being a ghost. He'd leaned against the wall of the cookhouse, remembering the way it felt to be completely weightless, just a person-shaped mass of soul energy that could go anywhere-
And then he fell through and landed on his face. Welp.
That little bit of slapstick dispatched, Tamaki was eager to try out his new ability on the Carnival. Which is what lead to now, where a seven-foot teenager has just walked through the wall. He glows blue for a moment before coming solid again, looking all around the space before his eyes land on the person he just most likely startled.
Trailers, tents, game stalls... the only thing he seems to be purposefully avoiding entering unlawfully is bathrooms. He could really be anywhere.
At which point he'll look at the person he just so rudely intruded upon, blinking like they're the ones who just showed up.
"Uh. Pardon the intrusion."
CW: child abuse
But it still hurts, no matter how often she pushes it away, it still hurts. And squeezing Tamaki's hand hard as she takes deep breaths and tries to push away the very painful, very vivid memory of what happened to her when she was so young, at least feels a little better.
"Don't be mad. Nobody to be mad at anymore, prob'ly," she says, still so quiet like someone might overhear. Doll swallows and uncurls her other hand from her shirt, putting it awkwardly on Tamaki's elbow-- like she's bracing herself.
"Joker... Joker 'n th' resta them took me in when I was real small. Hadn' even started losin' my teeth yet. I used ta follow 'im around, 'cause his hair was so pretty," she says with a funny laugh. "...an' I didn' wanna go home.
"My mum and dad... they didn' like me. I'd cry when I was hungry, 'n they'd beat me 'til I learned ta stop. They'd pull me around by m'arms 'n legs, send me ta bed if they thought I'd been bad-- 'n I tried. I tried ta be good, always stayed real quiet 'n hidden, stayed outta th'way... But even when I did all that, they'd never tell me I was good. 'N I thought... maybe that's just how it is."
Her hands start shaking, along with her voice. "I don' even know what I did-- if I did anythin'-- but one day mum jus'... held my head over th'stove. It hurt, so bad, and even now I don' know what I did wrong. Sometimes I wish I knew, so it might jus' make some bit 'a sense.
"Joker took me ta a church th'next time 'e saw me, 'n the sisters there fixed me up okay, but..." It's obvious what she's trying to say, but can't. The damage wouldn't be reversed, no matter how long she took to heal. "My mum and dad never looked for me, 'n Joker said I didn' hafta worry 'cause I had a new family. One that would take care 'a me, 'n I would do th'same when I was older." She huffs out a small laugh. "Hard ta believe he was younger'n me when he took me in.
"...he's th'one named me Doll, y'know. Even-- even years ago I knew that name didn't suit someone like me, but he insisted. He said-- he said I was their precious little sister. Like that was reason enough. But dolls are perfect and pretty things, always put together and the like. I'm not like that, I'm..."
Scarred.
CW: child abuse
His own father never beat him, maybe because his mother worked so hard to shield him. The things he went through are not comparable to what Doll experienced, perhaps, but he knows how it feels to make yourself as small as possible and hope that he doesn't notice you, hope that you don't give him a reason to get mad. And sometimes it just doesn't work. Sometimes they get angry anyway.
"...I'll never get it," he says softly, voice shaking only slightly. "Anyone can have kids. Sometimes, people who shouldn't. I'll never get why someone doesn't just take the kid away."
They could explain the reasons, maybe there's legalities involved, maybe people just don't feel like it's their place to be involved, maybe they too think this is just the way it is. But Tamaki will never understand anyway. All it does it leave kids where they can be hurt, and they end up like Doll. He's lucky he was taken away when he was; Aya, even more so, because she doesn't remember much of it.
He sighs, and tries to not get angry, because he said he wouldn't and Doll told him not to, anyway. There's not anything that can be done from here about that. But Doll is here. She's here, and she has a family now. Maybe one that Tamaki can be part of.
"You're really nice. And happy and friendly and kind. And you're really talented. And I think you're beautiful." His face shows he believes it, even if Doll doesn't. He'll keep telling her this, even if he knows it'll never quite heal her wounds, just like being told he's not like his father will never quite heal his.
"Even if your scar is ugly. Even if it's the most hideous scar in the world. You're still beautiful. Okay?"
no subject
Still, it will always be a part of her, and it's not because Joker didn't love her enough. It's not even because it's been burned straight into her skin. At the end of the day, she'd been rejected by the people who were supposed to care for her and keep her safe, and she would always be terrified that it would happen again. It's happening now-- and Tamaki isn't even a parent or a parental-figure. He's just someone she hopes likes her, and even that is enough to start her sweating and fidgeting.
She can't take this, she feels like she's about to faint from holding her breath too long. With a decisive and stressed grunt, Doll grabs Tamaki's hand and drags him back into the dressing room. It already feels like everyone is looking at them.
"If ya don't see it, you'll wonder jus' how bad it is, right?" Doll asks, her voice shaking. "'N I'll wonder if you wonder. So you should jus'... get it outta th'way," she says, not exactly sure if her logic is lining up. After a moment of steadying herself, she looks up at Tamaki, still scared and feeling like she's four again and wondering if she should crawl under the bed.
"...I want ya t'see. If yer up ta lookin'."
no subject
She looks so frightened, though, he wants to deny it, to say that he doesn't want to see and that he'd rather they just leave this for another time. But Tamaki has never been one for lying, and even if he were, that might be a lie that only made Doll more afraid, like maybe Tamaki really did find it too hideous to look at.
So he decides to obey her wish. His own hands are shaking a bit when he lets go of hers, raising his fingers gently to her face, not quite touching.
"If that's what you want," he says, though his tone isn't unkind. He looks unsure of himself, not knowing how he should proceed here. He's afraid that just the wrong move will hurt Doll, and he's not sure he could deal with that.
But she told him that she wants him to see, so, very lightly, his fingers brush back her bangs, smoothing them behind her ear. And there it is.
It's worse than he had expected; he's seen burn scars before, but never any that covered this much of someone's skin, like someone had been trying to cruelly split Doll's face down the middle. And yet, he doesn't recoil away, is silent and still as he looks at it. The scar is worse than he expected, but somehow, seeing it isn't as bad as he thought.
"...It looks like it really hurt," he finally says, because it's all he can really think of to say. He grimaces, but at himself rather than Doll's face. "Sorry. Duh, right?"
no subject
It is bad, the scar spans about four inches, her sightless eye is frozen open and... pink. In fact, a lot of the scar is awkwardly studded in gems, too. Two of Doll's changes from the carnival are just plain not visible.
When Tamaki finally speaks, Doll opens her eye. That's not what she expected him to say, and that is for the best. She's used to hearing 'Oh God' or 'It's not so bad' or 'I've seen much worse'. He's not invalidating it at all. Doll blinks and is silent for a moment before smiling, tears welling up in both her eyes.
"Yeah, it really did. But it's alright now."
no subject
Doll starts getting teary, and Tamaki reflexively swipes a thumb under Doll's good eye, willing her not to cry with touch.
"Yeah. You're really strong, Doe-chan."
Probably one of the strongest people he's ever met, to go through something like this and still come out of it a kind, wonderful person. Tamaki admires that a lot.
But there's something else about this situation that is making Tamaki's heart lurch, as he gently smoothes her hair back into place. This isn't something Doll shows to just anyone, after all. This isn't something she wants everyone to see. And yet she till showed Tamaki, and his chest feels a little constricted as it dawns on him.
"Thank you... for trusting me."
no subject
But more to the point--
Her face turns pink when she feels Tamaki wipe one of her eyes, and her heart thumps extra hard in her chest. What a caring gesture, what a tender thing to do-- and to call her strong on top of that? It's enough to make her squirm and blush. But for some reason, she can't find her usual denial or subject change.
"Yeah, well... Ya make it easy," she says finally, fidgeting with her fingers. "I'd trust ya with anythin', Tamaki."
And she's almost certain that he'd never betray her like Smile had. This isn't the time to think about him, though, she's over the moon. Elated. She wants to cry in relief and throw rocks as hard as she can towards the sun-- Tamaki said she's strong.
Before she can change her mind, she steps up to Tamaki's side and stretches up, reaching to put a kiss on his cheek.
no subject
Tamaki is so stunned he barely knows how to react. He almost wants to argue with her (No, really, I'm not good and you shouldn't trust me.), but she said he makes it easy and he wants to prove her right, more than anything.
Before he can say anything, though, she's stretching up, and Tamaki's mind shorts out when he realizes she's trying to kiss him on the cheek. It's hardly the first time a girl has tried to kiss him, but this isn't just some overly daring fangirl, this is someone he actually likes, maybe a whole lot.
So he bends down a little so she can reach his face, and almost immediately it lights up in a blush. Doll just kissed him, and even if it wasn't on the lips it's still enough to make his teen hormones send his mind into a dither. What does he say?
"Wow." He scratches his head nervously. "I'm glad I walked in on you now."
And almost as soon as he says it, he realizes how embarrassing it is.
"No, wait. No. Forget I said that."
no subject
So she turns Tamaki around by his shoulders and starts to march him out of the room again. "Y'got one look, but 'm afraid those days are done, gotta wait outside like any other gentleman!"
Because apparently anybody could see her in her skivvies, but the second she actually liked them, they couldn't watch her change. She'd have to think hard about that one later.