lostcarnival | (open) i have made the fire up bright

Entry tags:

(open) i have made the fire up bright

Who: Joker and whoever else
What: The best way to recover from trauma is to aggressively ignore it, right? And bake.
When: D13 and onwards, with special shoutout to D19
Where: The Carnival Cookhouse, and about the moon

A - D13 onwards, Cookhouse

[Joker can't exactly say he understands fae holidays, which he supposes is nothing new. Despite the fact that they all live under the Ringmaster's employment and interact with her fairly regularly, very few people probably understand the details that go into the fae life. Still, he understands the concept of giving gifts well enough, especially with the various worlds he's seen which all have their own holidays. He figures he can come up with something well enough.]

[While the marketplace is and well and good, Joker doesn't have nearly enough for the amount of people he wants to give things to- especially some of the new faces around, who he suspect might be feeling a little fish out of water. Well, fortunately, there's always one thing guaranteed to be done.]

[For the rare soul that ventures down into the Carnival for whatever reason... They will find that smoke is wafting up from the cookhouse, and the lights are all on. Opening the doors will find a certain song wafting out from the kitchen. Its singer is wearing some jeans and a simple white sweatshirt. His cooking gear that he won't mind if it gets a little messy.]

Tom, he was a piper's son...

[The small of gingerbread is thick in the air, along with a couple of other things he has in mind, and Joker is casually at work decorating what appear to be, yep, gingerbread men. Feathers the Dartrix is on the counters, casually observing, and looks up when someone appears. Enjoy the cooed greeting.]

B - The Moon, various days

[With how long he was out of commission, just laying around and trying to deal with being poisoned, that really hasn't given his wings much time to get their usual exercise... So Joker is back on the moon with everyone else, flying about.]

[....And other things.]

[As the snowball going for someone's head will attest to.]

Watch out~.

[Look at this smug asshole, in his glittery jacket and his striped scarf. It's made worse by the fact that he's actively juggling snowballs in his one good hand.]

C - Joker's Wild

[This post will also be used for various 1x1 things for Joker to do, but if you have something in particular to approach him about, let me know! I'm flexible for him to do all sorts of things now that he's recovered from poison.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Accordin' ta them~.

[Still, he stays out of the way while she tries it out, watching as carefully as he once did when they were all still very young and learning the tricks of their new trade. Joker isn't particularly worried, however. Doll has always had good instincts and better balance when it comes to this kind of thing. If anyone can get the hang of it, he bets she can.]

[Sure enough, he's pleased to see her laps becoming a lot smoother and straighter (for a given value when driving in a circle). His laughter ring out throughout the tent.]

I can see ya! Ya can go anywhere ya like with it, although ya best not lose it~.

[Hard as it might be with a bike like that.]

Oh I won't! [It's probably her most prized possession right now. She could ride it out to the lake, maybe figure out how to balance Tamaki on the back, and if they visited another place as big as Alola, she could ride it everywhere!]

[After a few more laps, she slows the bike down enough to hop off, taking care to make sure it stayed upright before running over to Joker for a hug.]

I love it Joker, thank you!

[It's been a while, he thinks, since she's been so excited. That's good. He wants to see her more like this. None of the misery from that argument, or when he'd been sick. Just, happy. Happy and smiling and laughing like she is as she wraps her arms around him.]

[Soft and fond to the point of it being painful, Joker rests his hand along her head.]

I'm glad. So yer done ridin' around on it for now, then?

Oh! Well uh... [Doll looks a little conflicted and nervous. Did he expect her to ride it more? Did it look like she didn't actually love it if she didn't spend the next few hours on it?]

I jus' thought, 's been a while since we spent any time t'gether. Maybe we can figg'r out how ta get you on too? [That would be fun, right? Solution!]

Ha! [The laugh tumbles out of him.] I think I would make ya tip over if I tried ta get on it!

[He's quite a bit taller than his dear little sister, after all. After a second, however, he sombers up, and glances around the tent.]

I was just thinkin', if ya were done... We could talk.

Talk?

[There's a second where Doll is genuinely wondering what he could be talking about, and then the telltale flicker of recognition flashes across her face. Surely it couldn't be about the hunt, Ginko said he'd talked to Joker about it and everything was fine.]

[As gut-clenching as this moment is, though, this is what she wanted. She wanted Joker to come to her to talk about these things without feeling like she couldn't handle the tougher things. This is her chance to prove she can be a support. She squares herself back up.]

Yeah, a'course, what'd ya wanna talk about?

Well...

[Ah, he doesn't want to talk about this, but since when is this the first time he's had that feeling? Steeling himself, deep in his chest, Joker gestures to the stands and flutters up to them himself where he waits for her to come and find her own seat. He doesn't. Frankly, he feels too antsy to even want to stand in place.]

I heard from a couple of people... that ya were a part of that thing, with the Prince. That hunt.

[Doll does what Joker suggests, and bounds up the seats until she's sitting close to where Joker is fluttering around. She has her hands clasped so they won't shake, but otherwise she looks as open and bright as she can. She can do this, she can prove she's capable.]

[She can not relive those terrible minutes if she tries hard enough.]

Ah, yeah. I wanted ta go, make sure that, ya know. Everything went okay. I wasn't out there long.

[Meaning: she went to make sure Joker didn't suffer, and that was quite enough for the day.]

[Yeah. He figured as much. His fingers tap a little against his thigh before abruptly stopping. No nervousness. None of that.]

...Ya went ta find me, yeah?

Yeah. [She answers immediately with a firm little nod. It's the truth, after all. Who else would she go find?]

I wanted ta be sure everything went okay. I wanted ta be there if... if ya still knew what was goin' on.

[Ah. A part of him almost sinks into relief. There, the perfect opening.]

Well, I didn't, alright? [Carefully, he reaches over to lay his hand onto her arm.] I can barely remember any of it... S'just things in my dreams. So... Whatever ya saw... It might as well not have been me, alright?

I don't... want ya ta think that it was as bad as it coulda been. That ya did anythin' wrong.

[But it was him. Doll knew it was him, and if it hadn't been him she never would have gone. And she has dreams too-- of her voice coming out of Joker's mouth, telling her it's going to be okay.]

Well, I had ta do somethin'! [Her voice sounds stilted and forced, like she's trying to talk over the memory of Joker mimicking her as he faded away.] He wasn' gonna let any of ya go if we didn' play his game, 'n we all decided it was better ta suck it up fer all 'a yer sakes! 'N yeah, I coulda done without it all, but--

[Doll's face is going a little pink from the strain of keeping herself together, and while it feels like she's being brave, she also wonders how long she can keep this denial up. Just a bit longer, just like she learned to work through the pain of standing on a rope for minutes then hours.]

But even if it wasn' the real end, I didn' want ya t'be alone again.

[This isn't working at all like it should be- like he wants it to. His fingers curl uneasily at her skin, jaw a little tight, but he manages to keep himself from getting too upset. Upset, at least, where anyone else can see it.]

...And I never wanted ya ta have ta go through somethin' like that. [Not with her heart.]

I know, I know that. 'N maybe if I listened better, I wouldn't'a done it. But ah. [She pats Joker's shoulder fairly aggressively, still keeping her balance despite her proverbial feet pleading for just a short break. Just a little sniffle, just one tear, doesn't she remember holding his wing down and begging him not to struggle--?]

If ya don' remember, 'n I wasn' there, I woulda come up with all kinds 'a terrible things on my own. Better ta know.

[Not knowing how Joker went in the mansion, wondering if he'd burned or died in some quicker, less painful way still haunted her. No, even if she was being reminded of the worst parts of the hunt, even if sometimes her dreams turned dark and reminded her of the day she helped kill her brother, the alternative was decidedly worse.]

If it were me, you'd've wanted th'same, yeah? Make sure some... stranger too eager ta kill somethin' didn' find me.

[When she puts it like that... Joker knows he would have done the same. Maybe a little worse, cursing himself out for not keeping her safer, better. He knows how he is with his family, after all.]

[Still. That's always the word: still.]

...It had ta hurt.

[Doll, somehow, is still managing to hold Joker's eyes without cracking. She remembers how much it hurt, how much she screamed and carried on as Tamaki held her and tried to comfort her after everything was over. Everyone had known how much it had hurt her, so there was no point denying it to Joker either. Somehow, that makes it a little easier for her to nod.]

Yeah, it did. [She says with a shaky little exhale and a nod, but then she smiles again.] But the alternative was forgettin' I loved ya, 'n that's jus' impossible.

[There's nothing more to say to that- nothing more that he can say. For a second, Joker can only stare down at her, brows scrunched up together, before he finally bends down to wrap his arm around her and squeeze tightly. Around both of them, his wings cocoon around them.]

[She shouldn't have had to get hurt by how much she loves him. He wishes he could have stopped that.]

[Doll interprets this in a massively different way. Clearly he's glad she loves him, and they're both having a warm family moment after a traumatic event. It feels good to have Joker's arm and wings around her, it's definitely worth the experience of the hunt in a strange way.]

'M alright Joker.

Ya didn't seem that way ta me.

[Not the way she was acting as she tried to tell him all this, and that she didn't bring it up to him first. Still. He presses his face into her hair a little more.]

Yeah well... [The pout in her voice cannot be missed, and she even shifts in his arm and pushes her face more insistently against his chest.]

Don' think you'd like it much if I felt nothin' at all, huh?

[He guesses that's true. If she didn't feel anything about him getting captured or hurt, that wouldn't really speak well for their relationship, now, would it... His sigh ruffles through her hair.]

Still, if yer ever upset or not feelin' well from that sort of thing... Tell me, won't ya?

I thought ya'd forgotten. Ginko said he talked t'ya and y'didn' seem ta remember. Thought that was for th'best. I didn' want ya ta remember, ya've been through enough.

[She wishes he didn't ask around or dream about it-- not because then they wouldn't be having this conversation, but because he would have been spared another set of traumatic memories.]

...but I would. I can' hide nothin' from ya, y'know.

It's, ha... foggy.

[Completely different senses, way of processing things, of just moving around... It's a hard thing to mesh with his still human mind.]

So I'm fine. Talkin' about it with ya won't hurt me, right?

[At this point, Doll, leans back so she can look Joker in the eye with an extremely skeptical look.]

I think we've talked enough about it, don't you?

Alright, alright, I get it.

[His ears droop a little.]

I'm just sayin', that's all.

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