it comes with a free breakfast [closed]

[atouts]

Who: Childermass, Lambert, and Strange
When: D31, morning
Where: Trailer #6
What: Good morning, Childermass is cursed, how would you like your coffee?
Warnings: nah


And just as Childermass told both the witcher and the magician over the radio, not even a half hour ago, the smell of breakfast that fills the trailer and drifts out the cracked window are at least enough to say he did, in fact, have breakfast set out. The coffee is from his own coffeemaker, one of the various items pilfered from Wismuth what seems an entire age ago, but the rest?

Picked up from the cookhouse, no doubt. He certainly doesn't have the supplies to cook on his own and, for all they know, may not even be any good at it. Thankfully, the cookhouse is, and so there's an array of bacon, sausage, bread, butter, hard-boiled eggs, jams and fruit, as well as cream and sugar to go along with the coffee. Not that Childermass has used any in his own, already settled with his own cup of coffee, black as night.

The door will prove to be open (or, in Strange's case, a bathroom mirror put back up), though it's only Childermass sitting about inside, reading some loose papers and sipping coffee. No big dog sprawled out across half the trailer today, it seems.

Comments

[kingsroads]

There's so many worrying signs about the quill before Strange actually explains what it is. As soon as Lambert mentions the quill, Strange gives him a glare that clearly states Lambert's an idiot for bringing this up here and now. Didn't he already tell Lambert that Childermass would react badly to the simple existence of the quill? Why bring it up now of all times?

At least this is taking Strange's mood from panicky to annoyed. Great, now he's going to get yelled at by two people. And he's still hungover!

"For the lunar solstice, the Ringmaster gave me a magical quill that can be used to write powerful binding agreements—specifically, blood contracts. Though I've no idea how Lambert thinks a binding contract could counteract a faerie curse."

He's standing his ground: Strange is explaining the quill in a matter of fact way. He's not guilty about it and certainly isn't ashamed, he just really wishes Lambert could have kept his dumb mouth shut so the subject could eventually be brought up at a better time.

[whattaprick]

Lambert doesn't flinch or retreat. Sure, he's no expert on faerie whatever, but apparently neither of the two idiots in the room are either, so his opinion is as valid as any other, isn't it.

"The curse is a promise of harm. A contract's a promise," he says, flatly. "Faerie magic's powerful, but we know it can be bound. We can make a contract that if the curse comes to pass, it'll split between us. Or make a contract that if something happens to him," he jerks his chin at Childermass. "One of us will know it. Or promise that if we ever hear about Childermass making a contract to protect someone without protecting himself, I'm going to drag him back there myself."

[atouts]

It would probably be kinder to actually just yell at them both and leave in a huff over the sheer implication of this quill but, again, it's Childermass, so he only grows very quiet, very still, while he looks from one to the other. If anything, the idea that the Ringmaster would give Strange such an awful gift to begin with, that's what pisses him off the most, even if he won't say as much, the only real sign of anger how his jaw tightens as he clenches teeth together.

He won't yell. He doesn't want to. What he does instead is very carefully set his cup of coffee down (as he's been keeping it up in case of further tail outrage) and says, "I don't care what you think these contracts of his can do. I refuse to sign anything."

[kingsroads]

Who's surprised? Strange isn't! He looks intensely annoyed in general: partly due to Lambert bringing up the quill, partly due to the fact that he knows Childermass loathes that thing and is doubting Strange's judgement already, partly due to the fact that again, he didn't want Childermass to know this to begin with!

"You can't use a contract to solve all your problems. Besides, I told you this would happen," Strange grumbles, looking at Lambert. He's briefly letting himself get in that 'I told you so' before standing up and walking back over to the coffee machine. He needs to be more awake for all this nonsense and thanks to Lambert's tail, he's out of coffee.

"The contracts require consent," he grumbles vaguely in the direction of Childermass. "I couldn't force you to sign one even if I wanted to."

[whattaprick]

Lambert looks from magician to magician, eerily still -- so blindingly angry his joints refuse to unlock enough to let him move, frozen where he's actually gotten up from his seat to... he doesn't know, really. Yell some more, probably.

"Do either of you even know what I signed my contract for?" he asks, apropos of nothing, his gaze directed at a point far off in Childermass's trailer. He's pissed, Strange is pissed, everyone in the room is pissed, and to his mind, at least, this is a situation that was entirely preventable on a number of different levels.

"I asked the Ringmaster to help me find the fucker who killed my best friend. It was the only thing I could do, because I didn't know what happened to him until after he was already dead." Yeah, unsurprisingly? His motives aren't as great or noble as English magic or saving the love of his life. Just simple, petty revenge, for a simple, petty witcher. "I'd really rather not do that again. And maybe you can just sit there and accept this, but I don't have to."

And with that, he finally unfreezes, striding for the door. He can't stay here, he's too angry, he's going to blow a goddamn hole through Childermass's trailer if he has to look at his calm, unruffled face one more second. The obvious solution is to take himself out of the equation, and if neither man does anything to stop him, he's going to walk straight out of that door, slamming it shut behind him.

[atouts]

Childermass won't stop him, as it's better to just let him go. Off to wherever he has to be, to punch something that is decidedly neither of the magicians or any of his furniture or whatever he'll do to work off all that anger. Only after Lambert's slammed the door shut will Childermass bother to move again, as he'd been watching warily as Lambert said his piece.

Once he's gone, though? He'll breathe out a sigh he hadn't even realized he'd been holding in and lean back against his seat, shoulders slouching as he lets himself actually look as tired as he really is.

"That man is impossible sometimes..."

[kingsroads]

Strange is already at the coffee pot and is far too hungover to make an attempt to try and stop Lambert. He manages to get out a, "Lambert, don't—" before the door slams shut. Strange frowns a little. Well, that went about as well as expected. Still, Lambert came across a problem he couldn't stab. Of course it would end badly.

"I can try to talk him down later," Strange sighs, as he walks back to the table. Hopefully nobody's going to spill this mug of coffee, his head's still pounding. And then, because the creepy blood quill elephant is still in the room, Strange bites the bullet and goes on to address it.

"No matter what ideas Lambert has about contracts, if you don't sign it, it won't bind you. It might involve your choices or actions—Lord knows he's probably thinking of something like arranging it so we keep each other informed if something happens to you. But those things cannot bind you."

He takes a sip of his coffee, reading himself for the inevitable headache that'll be Childermass telling him to not use the quill in the first place.

[atouts]

"Contracts are what caused this mess in the first place," Childermass can't help but grumble. "Apparently whatever deal I had with the Rose Queen in Portland is still valid in the eyes of the universe, whether I recall the details or not."

And he doesn't, that having been years ago on the timeline of that other life. Memories have faded but the harm they cause is, apparently, hellbent on sticking around. Though if that wasn't clear enough, he'll add after a brief moment of scowling down at his own coffee cup.

"Which means I can be tracked through that, too. They can't find you or Steven, but me..." He's fucked. Incredibly so. "I should have thought of that. I spent a whole other life dealing with fairy politics and I apparently didn't learn a damn thing from it all. So, no. No more contracts. I don't care to be bound further, especially not to you, and if you think he'll just let you write one and not try to cram it down my throat, you're being a fool."

[kingsroads]

Strange's frown deepens at Childermass's explanation. So that means his deal with Nightshade is just as valid as well. And Frost...well, Strange never got around to making an actual contract with him, just terms and threats. But he's got no idea how broad those terms are.

But yes, Childermass is incredibly fucked. And Strange is incredibly annoyed that Childermass thinks so little of him in the first place. Of course he's not going to be bound, he remembers Portland! Strange knows perfectly well just how terrible the idea of trying to coax Childermass into signing a contract would be!

"If Lambert's so dead set on this contract idea, I'll find a way to let him run it out." Unlike Childermass, Strange has no problems being bound. He doesn't mind shoving himself under a contract if it means Lambert'll think that he's doing something useful and would simmer down a bit. "But you have to sign the contract for it to bind you. And if I have my way? You're never touching that quill."

[atouts]

"Because you know you wouldn't get it back," Childermass adds, perhaps a little harshly. He realizes Strange doesn't want a repeat of Portland anymore than he himself does but that certainly doesn't stop him from making contracts with practically anyone else.

But maybe it's time to back off the obvious some, so he sets his coffee down and raises his hands, almost as if in a 'alright, fine' gesture.

"Though I suspect the Ringmaster wouldn't like that. As for Lambert... well. He'll get over it in his own time. Either that or he'll be back for another round of yelling, but that's all."

[kingsroads]

"Because I won't force you through something you hate," Strange snaps back. He's still battling that hungover headache, if Childermass is going to be harsh, he's going to grumble right back. "We share aspects, but I'm not that man."

Said more for his own benefit than Childermass's. Strange takes another drink of the coffee as he watches Childermass with a frown. (and yeah, he knows he wouldn't get it back, that's another reason. Don't break his present, dude.)

As the conversation shifts to Lambert, however, Strange gladly takes the opportunity to shift with it. "If he's smart, he'll summon Celandine. She's the only reason he didn't take my head off when I told him I was cursed."

[atouts]

No, he isn't. He isn't even remotely anything near what that man was and Childermass shifts uncomfortably in his seat, just thinking about that mess. He will relent, though.

"You're right, I know," he admits, adding a very rare, "And I apologize if it seemed I meant otherwise..."

Because comparing anyone to the man Strange was in Portland is, as far as he's concerned, one of the greatest insults he could summon. There was barely anything redeeming about him, but he won't go on about that at length, so. Moving the topic back to Lambert is a boon for both of them here.

"And one might hope he does but that seems somewhat different. Your curse was unavoidable if it had already come to pass from when I was." Thankfully their timelines match now (or so he desperately hopes). "This was... well. It was a massive oversight on my own part. I should have avoided this."

[kingsroads]

Strange can't help but smile a wry little smile at Childermass's statement. For all Childermass's talk of timelines and the curse being unavoidable, Strange knows perfectly well that he could have avoided it in the first place. If he just paused, stopped to think before barreling off into faerie like an utter moron, things could have gone differently.

"Massive oversights happen all the time when people we care about are in danger," says the reigning king of massive oversights due to people he cares about being in danger. Childermass...well, he should have known better. But Strange is acutely aware of the fact that he cannot judge ANYBODY with regards to not thinking things through. "What matters now is we find a way to fix it. My biggest worry is that Nightshade would know when we broke the curse and would simply curse you again. And I've only one boon from Creation: I doubt I could use it to break the curse and find a way to protect you."

Because of course Strange believes he can fix this. And of course Strange is already thinking of using his boon to help Childermass. Why wouldn't he?

[atouts]

"You've only one boon and you won't be using it to help me with either of those," Childermass says, shaking his head as he does. It isn't that he doesn't appreciate the thought, but really?

"If Creation is able to lift curses, you ought to save it for yourself and the abbey." And Norrell, hopefully, all included. "There's no knowing when you'll get another chance like this, if ever. As for myself, I am sure there are other solutions."

[kingsroads]

And Strange shakes his head in response. "I don't think I can ask Creation the limits of this boon. When I break my curse, it shall be under my own power so I know precisely what I'm doing."

Which will probably again spark off another round of 'you're an absolute idiot'. But Strange doesn't really care. He's absolutely certain about this: that boon isn't going to be used to break his curse.

[atouts]

Strange is right because Childermass looks at him like he just said something ridiculous, which, to him, he really just did.

"I'm beginning to think if the Raven King himself showed up and offered to free you, you would turn him down just to sate your ego," he says. "Though I am sure your wife and Mr. Norrell will both be pleased to know you keep getting handed opportunities and then not using them."

Yes, he is being sarcastic.

[kingsroads]

"This has nothing to do with my own ego," Strange snaps back, grumpy frown on his face. "The curse has transferred to Norrell as well—most likely the faerie was imprecise in naming the target, simply naming it 'the magician' or something of the like. I've no idea how this boon even works, I won't use it if it only saves myself."

Norrell is tedious, aggravating, put too much focus on his books, argumentative, and obnoxious...but he is also Strange's friend. He's not going to save himself but leave Norrell cursed.

Of course, that doesn't explain why Strange is so adamant against taking up a second contract in the first place so yeah, it kind of has something to do with his ego.

[atouts]

"Which gives reason to believe it is still a single curse."

They're just going to disagree endlessly from this point on, aren't they?

"But since you claim to have no idea how this boon of yours works, then kindly refrain from assuming you can use it to help me any more than you can use it to help Mr. Norrell or yourself."

[kingsroads]

And now the second round of petty arguing has started. Strange takes a sip of his coffee, rolling his eyes at Childermass's words before he starts to grumble again,

"Of course I have no idea how the damn boon works, Creation barely left any instructions! And it's not like I can summon a primal force to ask it a question."

Wait, could he summon a primal force to ask it a question? Now that he mentioned it, Strange's expression goes from a grumpy frown to a quizzical one. Creation reached out to the carnival members, but what if someone reached out to it?

"Anyway, I wouldn't break your curse unless we were entirely certain Nightshade couldn't find out," Strange half-heartedly muses, still distracted by the hypotheticals of summoning Creation. "If she realized we broke the curse, I have a feeling she'd simply curse you again."

[atouts]

"Considering that Creation already exists all around us, I'm not sure summoning it would help you."

Though does that technically make Creation God? Or is it more complicated than that? Childermass can't even begin to figure that out, much less wants to try and figure it out. So, that train of thought set aside.

More importantly--

"But you may be right. She would know. So we at least agree that, for now, we do nothing. I know neither you nor Lambert possess enough patience to fill a cup, but it is the safest outside simply leaving me behind somewhere."

[kingsroads]

You and Lambert were the ones who eventually became magical girls, buddy, Childermass has more of an idea how Creation works than Strange does! Still, he simply smiles at Childermass mentioning he has no patience. Because that's technically true, Strange really doesn't know the concept of waiting. So of course Strange has a half-assed plan that isn't just sit around and do nothing.

"On the contrary, we'll still do something! After all, I plan to continue my research into spellbreaking. I doubt I'll find the answer to our problems but there's no harm in making the attempt." Because of course there's a magical answer to this, there's a magical answer to everything.

[atouts]

Well, yes, hence the 'for now', but all Childermass can do is shrug at that. There's no doubt all three of them are going to search for a way to get around this entire curse thing, but until then?

"I wouldn't ask you to do otherwise." Spellbreaking is useful regardless. "But I would ask that you speak with me before trying anything that may or may not break a faerie's curse. Whatever happens next may not be as simple as asking Baker to sniff out a candle."

That feels like it happened an age and a half ago but the memory definitely sticks out.

[kingsroads]

Whatever happens next definitely won't be as simple as their dealings with Frost. Still, Strange is confident that they'll be able to face down whatever it is. It's partly because of that trademark arrogance of his, partly because he simply refuses to think about any potential failure.

Taking one last sip from his coffee, Strange looks over to Childermass. "Only if you speak with me before doing the same. I doubt your solutions would be as inventive as mine," as bullshit as Strange's normally are, "but I'd at least like to see the magic if it's done."

And, with that despelling trick of his, he can certainly help out should things go sour.

[atouts]

"I did tell you before that I am trying to be more open," Childermass points out. That's as good of an agreement that Strange can hope for coming from him, of all people, and so he chooses that moment to turn the subject another direction. "Ah, by the way... I hope you aren't including Wismuth's bad taste in clothing in whatever it is you're writing these days..."

He'll pick his own coffee up to drink after saying as much, watching the other magician expectantly. It may not be phrased as a question but he's fishing for an answer, anyway. There's plenty of things he'd prefer Strange not write about, thanks.

[kingsroads]

Truth be told, if he did ever publish his memoir of his time here, Childermass's Harbinger attire would just be written off as 'a ridiculous outfit'. But there's no reason he should know that, especially when Strange can get a bit of teasing in. So, Strange simply gives Childermass an ironic little smile that straight up implies he's going to include Wismuth's awful taste in clothing.

"I'm sure I can come up with a fitting description." And so, Strange starts to narrate a bit, as if describing the hypothetical passage. "The shadows clung to his body, shaping his clothes into something altogether ostentatious. Childermass's shoulders were draped with feathers, as if he had skinned a chicken but didn't know where to put the pelt."