In the real version of this story, this took longer. The witcher didn't come calling until the next day, until Lambert had already been thoroughly beaten. But the idea of standing around here any longer, his mother looking at him like she looks at his father, is almost too much to bear.

"I've come to settle my reward," he says as evenly as he can. His parents look up, his mother confused, his father's brow furrowing.

"What ... what is he talking about, Osric?" his mother asks.

"What's mine by the law of surprise, for saving your life," Lambert says, forcing the words out. It's terrible acting -- nothing like the steely, dispassionate delivery of the witcher who'd come to their door, but the performance can't matter as much as getting the words right. "The first thing to greet you."

The man pauses, then laughs, short and ugly. "What, the boy? You can have him."