lostcarnival | I SCREAM OUT OF FRUSTRATION ++ CLOSED

Entry tags:

doll,
ginko

I SCREAM OUT OF FRUSTRATION ++ CLOSED

Who: Doll and Ginko
When: Day 59
Where: At the Carnival
What: After this stellar conversation, Ginko checks on Doll.
Warnings: SIBLING DRAMA

It had taken everything in her to not march through whatever obstacles, find Joker, and beat her tiny fists against his dumb head.

'Try to understand the situation I'm in?' Try to understand the situation I'm in. Why was she the one who always got her wrist slapped for wanting Joker to be safe, while she did everything he asked and stayed behind? Why didn't her feelings count when she was worried?

Doll was so tired of it. Physically exhausted from everything Joker got into and she sidelined herself during. Tamaki took the edge off sometimes, but now she didn't have him to vent to-- and that was fine. She had to be fine with that because he was home and safe, doing what he loved to do. And she's trying to do what she loves to do to take her mind off this, but her heart isn't in it and her mind keeps wandering. Slipping off the rope is easy when she's this mad at Joker. But who cares? That's why there's a net.

Usually landing headfirst isn't a problem and she's forgotten that here it's a huge problem. In a matter of minutes, Doll has hopelessly tangled her small antlers in the net and she's crying she's so frustrated about being unable to help herself, Joker, and how lonely she feels right now.

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Ginko has something of a list of locations in mind to look for Doll in, so it's a bit of a relief to find her in the first place he checks - though the circumstances aren't exactly ideal. Jeez that looks uncomfortable.

He makes a startled noise under his breath and hurries to the ladder, craning his neck to look up at Doll. "Doll-- hey, are you hurt?"

Asking if she's "okay" strikes him as a little pointless, so... best to be specific.

"GO AWAY!" Doll shrieks, her voice wet and cracked from crying. Ginko doesn't deserve that, and somewhere Doll is wincing because she knows he doesn't, but she's too overloaded to check herself before she opens her mouth.

She pulls fruitlessly again at the net, looking a lot like a baby deer that's in way over its head. "I can do it myself!"

He flinches, just slightly - but it's practically invisible, and more at the volume than anything. He'd known going in that she would likely be in a bad mood. So he stays where he is, partway up the ladder, watching her cautiously for a few moments.

"...I know you can," he says gently. It's only partly a lie; if she manages to calm down, he figures she probably could. "But you don't have to. Please, let me help."

"Yes I do!" She turns her head one way and manages to get one loop unhooked, but the amount of thrashing she did before Ginko arrived means it's a drop in the bucket. She shuffles around on the net, trying to get a better angle, and pauses to take a breath.

"...Yes I do, you're supposed ta be takin' care 'a Joker! Since he don' want nothin' ta do with me!!"

That... hurts more than he's willing to show. He's supposed to be taking care of Joker, he should be-- but that's not an option.

"...I know. But right now, I can't. So we're both stuck here." One more literally than the other, but all the same. He leans against the ladder, staying where he is for the time being.

"It's not that he doesn't want anything to do with you. He doesn't want to hear you upset, and, being... how he is, he's chosen maybe the worst way to handle that." He pauses before adding, "He told me to come check on you."

"'Course he did-- makin' sure I didn' go doin' somethin' stupid ta get back at 'im, probably. Well unlike him, I actually don' want him ta worry! I actually think about what he might be feelin'!"

Doll grits her teeth and pulls desperately, thinking that maybe she can just brute force it, but no such luck. She collapses back on the net, breathing deeply through clenched teeth and groaning in frustration.

"He tells me ta think about what he's goin' through, but I'm stuck here 'n all I can do is tell 'im ta be careful 'n he won' even let me do that much! What else am I supposed ta do?!"

Probably more like making sure she didn't do something stupid to help him, but Ginko supposes he probably shouldn't voice that thought. She's really starting to worry him with that pulling, though. He climbs up a couple more rungs, watching her carefully.

"He's... pretty stupid about this stuff," Ginko concedes. "He doesn't like thinking that what he does bothers people, so when it comes up he tries to avoid the subject or ignore it entirely. It doesn't mean he doesn't care how they feel; he just doesn't know how to handle it. So he doesn't want to try."

Maybe this would be harder to break down if it weren't such a familiar line of thinking.

"This time, we know he's planning to come back. So... as awful as it might feel, all we can do is trust him, and be ready for him to return - and to have a talk with him when he does."

Doll snorts and tries again to feel around her antlers and work out the twists with her fingers. This is still mostly fruitless, the knots are too tight.

"G'luck with that, Ginko. Every time I try ta talk ta him, it's a bloody disaster. There's no point anymore, he's never--" She pulls again and again nothing happens. "Never! Gonna do nothin' diff'rent! He's never gonna try no matter...!!"

She's breathing heavy and the sweat is building up on her neck and forehead from the exertion and the panic. This is useless, she's never going to get out of this, this is never going to be fixed. Doll collapses back down on the net in momentary defeat, curling into herself and hugging her knees.

"I want 'im ta try, 'cause it hurts me so bad. No matter how much he hides, it always hurts. 'N I've said it does, but he seems ta think that if he pretends not ta hear me, I won' feel it...!"

But she does, and she's feeling it right now in spades. Doll doesn't even attempt to stifle her angry and scared wails as she starts crying again.

Shit, that's getting really bad. Ginko goes ahead and climbs the rest of the way up, examining the net with a frown before starting to crawl his way over. He just hopes he can do this without getting his hooves stuck. ...Or his own antlers.

"It's... frustrating, for sure." He settles on the net a couple feet away from her, his tail curling up and around his ankles as he speaks up quietly. "But, for now - please let me help you out of there. Then we can think about what to do about Joker."

"I don' want ta think about what ta do about 'im," Doll sobs, but she doesn't start thrashing or insisting that she can get herself out of this mess. "I want ta go home...! I miss Jumbo 'n Dagger 'n Beast 'n Wendy 'n Peter n' Snake, I want ta go back ta b'fore Smile 'n Black showed their damned faces..."

That wasn't possible though. Everyone was dead, and she was lucky to be alive and have Joker. She should be grateful, and the thought that she couldn't appreciate what she had only added to her misery.

Ginko stays quiet as she talks; he just listens, leaning down to keep untangling her antlers once it becomes clear she's stopped struggling for the moment. As curious as he is about some of this, he knows better than to ask.

"...You just have to finish up your contract. Then you'll be free to go." It's all he can think of to say.

"I can' go back, nobody's there." Doll squeezes her eyes shut and two more tears stream down her cheeks.

"They left me behind... 'n Smile 'n Black killed them b'fore I could get there ta warn them."

...Oh. That's... worse than expected.

Ginko presses his lips together, focusing for a moment on getting another knot undone, getting her a little closer to freedom. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Doll opens her eyes again and looks up at him. Her disposition has always been positive, sunny, even when she was sick she tried to be good to everyone and reassure them she would be alright. Now, as she looks up at Ginko from her twisted position, she just looks haunted by this event.

"Ev'ry time he goes, that's all I c'n think about."

He... hates seeing Doll like this. It feels wrong, like she should never be this upset - should never have to be. But here she is, all the same.

Ginko pulls another loop of rope away, then hesitates for a moment before making a slightly awkward attempt at ruffling her hair, made even more awkward by her current position. "...He'll be alright. And if you can't keep talking to him, I will. We'll get through to him eventually, even if it takes a while."

Doll sniffs deeply, her face a runny and red mess, but the hair ruffle seems to have stopped her crying for now. She realizes she can't nod, so warbles out a little "alright" before settling in to keep still while Ginko works.

Okay. Okay, that's something. He focuses on getting her untangled from there, and, without his attention divided, it's just a few more minutes before he pulls away the last of the netting from her antlers.

"There. You should be able to move now."

Once Ginko gives her the okay, Doll slowly sits up. She looks a little ruffled and snotty, but otherwise unharmed. After a few moments of reorienting herself and getting her legs back under her, she gives Ginko a pitiful look for a hot second before looking down at the net.

"C'n... C'n I have a hug?"

Ginko relaxes slowly as it becomes clear that she's alright - then his ears flick up as he's caught off-guard by that question.

"Uh-- sure." He leans over and wraps his arms around her shoulders; it's not a great hug, but he's gotten a little better at it. Like, maybe 3%.

Doll makes up the difference.

She crawls up against him and puts her arms around his back, laying her head gently on his shoulder. She wants comfort and warmth, and as long as someone is alright with her holding them, she's going to do it.

"I miss Tamaki so much, Ginko. I should be happy, but I feel so alone. Nobody hugs me."

That works, then. He pats her back a couple times, the ear on the side closer to her lifting out of her way.

"...Nobody can blame you for being upset about being separated from someone you care for. Even if it's because he's gone home."

"Yeah, but who wants ta hear it right now? No one, that's who. I can' even tell Joker, he hates seein' me upset, he'll jus' take it all on 'imself."

"Well... for now, you can talk to me about it. And, when things calm down, I'm sure Joker will want you to tell him how you're feeling, too. ...Even if he acts like a dumbass about it."

In which case Ginko will gladly help tell him to knock it off.

Doll, mid-sob, gives a very attractive and snotty snort of laughter. She's never heard Ginko use that word in reference to Joker, so apparently it's very funny. She giggles and pulls back so she can smile up at Ginko.

"He's such a dumbass sometimes."

Hell yeah, that was a laugh. That’s good!

Ginko perks up a little bit, smiling back. “Right? I’d say not to tell him I said that, but... I don’t think he’d be surprised.”

It's not like he's shy about how dumb he thinks a lot of Joker's behavior is, after all.

It's definitely a start at the very least. Doll is wiping her eyes as she giggles, imagining Joker stuttering indignantly at Ginko but being unable to deny how ridiculously dumb he can be.

"He'd prob'ly make me peel potatoes fer a week if he heard me say that, but that don't make it a lie!" Doll rolls to the side so she can lay in the net next to Ginko. "Y'know, he actually asked me ta tell 'im about the hunt? I looked at 'im like he'd gone mad as a bag 'a ferrets. Why in th'world would I do that, huh?!" She laughs, but it gets a little forced at the end as she replays what she's just said. It wasn't funny at the time, and she's not sure she can find it funny now, objectively.

Ginko goes ahead and lies down next to her, since it doesn't look like they're going to be going anywhere any time soon.

He nods and makes a little bit of a face. "He asked me, too. I... guess he feels like, if this is something that's going to be bothering us, he should know about it. ...Who knows what he planned on doing with that information, though."

Besides, probably, beating himself up over it despite not having done anything wrong.

"...At least he still doesn't seem to remember."

"AuuUUUuugh, what!" Doll, frustrated, rolls over to sit on Ginko's stomach. As she talks, she waves her hands around to emphasize her points. "He tells us not ta worry 'bout anythin' that happens ta him, but he presses both 'a us fer the story we know he won' like hearin'!"

She growls a little and folds her arms, frowning deeply, visibly getting more and more annoyed the longer she thinks about this.

"Shoulda never told him nothin'. Lotta good it did us."

Edited 2018-06-07 19:20 (UTC)

Oof okay that's. Fine probably. He's only wheezing a little bit. "--Yeah, that's... more or less it."

He sighs, though, and tilts his head at her. "...Seems like, with Joker, you can never really expect information for information."

Ginko supposes he can understand that; he's never been inclined to open up just because someone talked to him, himself. But he's pretty sure he's not as bad about it as Joker.

"Thought that might change if I said somethin'..." She seems to be shifting from full-throttle annoyance into tired disappointment. Clearly she thought that this would make things better, and create some progress.

"I thought he'd trust me if, ya know, I trusted him with what happened. Like, ya know, how we--" She points back and forth between her own face and Ginko's. "'N Tamaki 'n me. I showed him, he told me 'bout his mum 'n sister..."

That hurts all over again-- thinking about Tamaki, and realizing that the one person who would tell her how he was feeling, honestly, was gone. "'S nice ta have somebody who doesn't keep those things from ya."

"You'd think. But maybe he doesn't see it that way... you might have to be more explicit with him about expecting that." As in, just straight-up present it as a deal you're making, because at least that'll cut off one avenue of escape for this jackass.

Ginko goes quiet, staring up at the top of the tent from where he's lying. "...Yeah. I s'pose so."

"Oh... not that... he's keepin' everythin' from ya," Doll says with an internal wince. That sounded like she'd touched a nerve that she hadn't meant to touch. And given they were talking about Joker and how he just won't share anything, she imagines that Ginko has similar frustrations.

"He prob'ly shares more with you than he does with me," she says with a little sad and nervous titter of a laugh. "Yer special."

Well, she's half right there. There's also the fact that, when Doll talks about people not being upfront about their feelings, it's... hard not to imagine that she might also be referring to him.

That seems a little less likely, though, with that reaction, and Ginko lets out a weak laugh despite himself. "I doubt it, honestly. And if he does, I'd guess it has less to do with me being 'special' than it does with him worrying too much about protecting you."

"Mmmmn..." Doll hums in mild frustration and narrows her eyes at Ginko. This nonsense has to stop.

"Tyki told me about you two in the baths on th'moon. Yer not foolin' me with all that 'I doubt it' nonsense, Ginko."

Oh goddammit Tyki. Ginko winces a little, mostly because of course Doll would bring up one of the most embarrassing incidents in his and Joker's shared history as a counter-argument.

"--Hey, now it's not--" Okay, well, he can't truthfully dismiss the topic outright anymore, can he. "...Things being how they are between us doesn't make me special."

"'How they are?!' I knew it!!"

Doll struggles to do it, but eventually she's kneeling on the net and pointing accusingly at Ginko.

"You 'n Joker are an item! When did it happen, huh? When I was sick?! An' nobody thought ta tell me one nice thing?! I went 'round tellin' everybody 'bout Tamaki!"

Edited 2018-07-01 06:27 (UTC)

Ginko can't believe that after all the bullshit he's survived he's going to be murdered by his boyfriend's teenage sister. He sits up in a hurry, struggling to keep his hooves from getting caught in the netting in the process.

"--No! No, not that far back-- okay, first of all, to be totally clear." To be TOTALLY clear. "We were telling the truth when we said we weren't together back then, alright? And-- we weren't on the moon, either, or... when you were sick. We didn't... we only talked about it a few days ago."

He really can't emphasize enough what a recent development this is, okay!!

Doll narrows her eyes until she can barely see Ginko's eyepatch standing out against his skin. Could anyone blame her, though? She asks and asks and asks and keeps getting 'Ha ha, you're imagining things Doll!'

Her imagination is really accurate.

"I'm tryin' ta decide if I believe ya."

Listen, in his defense Ginko had absolutely no idea anything was going on between them back then.

"Aw, come on, Doll." This is about the closest Ginko gets to whining, that's how you know he means it. "I... know I'm not always straightforward, but I wouldn't lie to you outright about that."

Doll sits back with her legs and arms crossed, continuing to frown and gauge Ginko as he defends himself. Eventually, she takes a big deep breath and lets it out.

"Fine. I won't be mad if y'do somethin' for me."

"...Something? Like what?"

He's a little worried, not gonna lie.

Doll's expression goes a little softer, and sad again.

"He's never gonna tell me nothin'... but he might lean on you. Yer not his little dainty sister.

"Ya have ta promise me that even if it's hard 'n he's not bein' forthcoming, even if y'wanna back off 'n let 'im try ta sort himself out, that you'll take care 'a him whether he likes it or not. Please?"

Ginko wants to tell her that they'll keep working on things with Joker. That, eventually, she'll be able to get through to him enough for her to talk to her.

But she won't believe that, not right now, and he knows it.

At least this is something he can promise pretty easily. He gives a small nod, and a weak but sincere smile. "Of course. Y'don't exactly have to twist my arm for me to do that."

"Naw, I don', but now I can hold ya t'yer word!" She sits back on Ginko's legs and folds her arms, seemingly quite satisfied with how this is working out. "Alrigh'. Y'have my permission ta court 'n flirt 'n do all manner 'a things with my eldest brother. I approve."

He really didn't need it, of course, but this is what she thinks Joker probably did to Tamaki. Right? Gotta keep up that family ~~terrorizing~~ love.

That... gets a quiet snort of laughter, but it's paired with a firm nod. "I... appreciate it."

Even if he doesn't really need her permission, he does appreciate it. He's not sure what he would do if Doll was upset by his and Joker's relationship, honestly, so this is... it's a relief. Even if her phrasing was a little ridiculous.

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I SCREAM OUT OF FRUSTRATION ++ CLOSED

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