if you ain't getting drunk, get the fuck out the trailer

[kingsroads]

WHO: Strange & Lambert
WHEN: Day 77, after Moss and Shimmer's talk
WHERE: Lambert's trailer
WHAT: booze. and probably eventual talking of plot and maybe Strange'll actually tell Lambert about the deal with Ignatius. but mostly booze
WARNINGS: booooooze

Considering that Strange had already gotten sloppy drunk with Shimmer, he probably shouldn't be getting sloppy drunk with Lambert. But fuck it. The Ignatius thing had been weighing on his mind to the point where even after recovering from a hangover, Strange decided he wanted another drink. He should tell someone. But part of Strange doesn't want to tell anyone about it until Eden proper, just so the Ringmaster and himself can be spared a bit of yelling and spared people trying to persuade him otherwise.

Add in all that about the Huntsman...and yeah, Strange wants some booze. It'd be even better if he had the booze with Lambert. It's been far too long since the two of them just got drunk.

In true Strange fashion, he doesn't use the door to get into Lambert's trailer. This time he enters as smoke, slipping into the trailer through a crack underneath the doorjam. Strange resolidifies: even though they're off of camping time, he's still wearing a variation on his camping outfit of light cotton shirt, sleeves rolled up past the elbows, khaki trousers.

"I hope you summon your soul at some point during the evening," Strange calls out, as he starts to make his way to Lambert's kitchen area, walking in here like he owns the place. "I'm overdue a conversation with Celandine."

Comments

[whattaprick]

Lambert gives Strange a long, suspicious look. With an introduction like that, it doesn't bode well -- and he doesn't need to be particularly intuitive to read the expression on Strange's face, either.

"I'm really going to hate this, aren't I?" he asks, rhetorically. Nonetheless, he'll do as asked, focusing on the small bit of magic it takes to summon his daemon. She'll manifest draped on his lap, looking at Strange as disapprovingly as a cute marble-patterned mustelid can manage, tail curling behind her.

"I shan't stop him from hitting you if you've done something to deserve it, you know," she warns Strange, the frown evident in her voice. She'll stop Lambert from saying hurtful things, perhaps, but she's just as inclined to violence as he is when she reckons it's necessary. But her voice is a little worried, too. It's a little sad there are so many possible topics Strange could bring up that could provoke that reaction, but, well. It's what it is.

[kingsroads]

As Celandine gets summoned, Strange gives her a little nod and a smile. He still suspects this conversation isn't going to go very well. But at least now he'll have Celandine to hopefully act as a voice of sanity or rational thought.

Now that she's here, Strange takes one swig of the bottle for courage, pauses, then continues talking, in a matter of fact voice.

"Ignatius is coming with us to Eden. And the Ringmaster charged me to look after him."

[whattaprick]

To his credit, Lambert doesn’t chuck the wine bottle right at Strange’s head or lunge to strangle him.

That does nothing to tamp down his reaction, namely:

“What the fuck?!” Lambert’s bellow, punctuated by a lick of flame around his words, doesn’t quite break the windows, thought for a moment it almost seems like it might. He shoves himself off the couch, to his feet, and just stands there staring at Strange, fingers curling and uncurling like strangling or punching the magician is still very much on his mind. Then he turns around, steps stiff and wooden, and walks into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him with a teeth-rattling noise. He takes the wine, too.

“Give him a minute,” Celandine says helpfully, from where she’s moved off Lambert to comfortably perch on the couch. She doesn’t offer anything else, even as sounds which seem suspiciously like someone screaming imprecations into a pillow become audible. It is, sadly, going to take more than a minute.

[kingsroads]

This, right here, this is why Strange wasn't going to say anything until Celandine was summoned. As Lambert stares at Strange, Strange just stares right back, trying to keep his expression neutral even as the tips of his hair start to burn a bit brighter. It's only when Lambert slams the door behind him that Strange deflates a little, like someone letting the air out of a balloon.

He stands up and walks over to where Celandine's sitting on the couch. Strange slumps into the couch next to her as he looks up at the ceiling.

"I was against the idea at the start," Strange clarifies, as (without thinking) he reaches over to try and give Celandine a few scratches behind the neck. He's not angry at Lambert, just annoyed that this situation is going exactly as he thought it would. "And even though I suspect most of this is because of me, I never expected the Ringmaster to give me that responsibility."

Not that Strange is complaining, of course. It's nice to be trusted like this, even if he wishes it were under different circumstances.

[whattaprick]

Celandine doesn’t let Strange touch her, deftly eeling away across the cushions with a shake of her head. Touching is a bad idea right now, she’s aware of that much instinctively. With the mood Lambert’s in, she can guarantee they’ll respond well.

“What happened? Last we heard, the Ringmaster wasn’t even letting you see him.”

Something changed, obviously. Or a lot.

[kingsroads]

Rude, Celandine. He just wants pets!

"She changed her mind," Strange simply explains. "I had a meeting with Ignatius on his island—and before you ask, I didn't record it." Yet another thing for Lambert to yell at Strange about. He continues talking, though, like this isn't a problem.

"We got on the conversation of my serving him and I asked how I could break it. He said he wanted to go Eden, and that I should convince the Ringmaster to let him. If I did so, he'd break my contract. Well, I doubted she'd sign off on that, but there's no harm in asking so that's what I did. And she was fine with it."

He pauses for a moment, to take a breath. "There's terms and conditions, of course. Our agreement won't be broken until after Eden. As for Ignatius, he cannot interfere with us trying to obtain the Mirror, nor can he try and obtain the Mirror for himself."

[whattaprick]

She’s still Lambert’s soul, Strange!

Celandine studies the magician for a long moment. She knows Strange as well as Lambert does. There’s no doubt in her mind that conversation hardly went as clinically as all that, given how he’s been talking about him, but she’s also aware giving him shit about it isn’t at all going to be productive. It’s not the end result that would have gotten him yelled at, but probably how he said it that would have rankled.

“You broke your promise,” is all she’s going to say on the matter of not recording the conversation. Her gentle disappointment speaks for itself, but she shakes her head and is quick to move on.

“So in exchange for letting him come to Eden, he said he’d release you from his service?” she clarifies, just to be sure she has that right. “That almost seems too easy ... and fae aren’t known for making generous bargains. Still, if the Ringmaster already agreed, that’s the end of it.”

[kingsroads]

Yeah, he kind of did break his promise. Part of Strange just wants to snap back and complain that really, that's the thing they're focusing on? But instead he keeps quiet, only nodding once Celandine finishes her clarification.

"It does seem too easy," Strange admits. "But I'm glad she agreed on it. We can't keep Ignatius trapped in the carnival forever. And when he's eventually freed, I'd rather he look on us with something closer to mixed feelings instead of outright disdain."

Ignatius is never going to fully like the carnival, Strange is pretty certain of that. After all, he has his Heart taken away. But if they end up with Ignatius liking some aspects of the carnival or at least looking at everyone here with a nuanced glance, Strange will consider that a win.

[whattaprick]

‘Eventually freed.’ Celandine remains quiet, tail flicking slowly, considering what to say. The muttered swearing from beyond the door continues; Lambert can hear every word.

“Fae don’t change easily, or quickly,” is what she settles on instead, curling up on the couch. “I hope it makes a difference. But getting his word he wouldn’t harm the Carnival would be more reassuring, to be honest. If it comes down to the Summer Queen’s orders or feeling sorry for us, you know what he’d have to pick every time... and he wouldn’t be any more likely to give the Court up than you would give up England.”

[kingsroads]

"Or Childermass and the Raven King," Strange responds, with a nod. He knows that Ignatius is going to pick the Summer Court every time. Why wouldn't he? And he knows it's futile to try and convince Ignatius otherwise. And yet here comes Strange trying and hoping that he can at least get Ignatius to pause and think for a moment before blasting them all to hell on the Summer Queen's orders.

"Still, I managed to win you over to my side," said as he gives Celandine a smile. By the 'you', of course, he means her and Lambert as well. "I can at least try with him."

He can at least try and not give up. After all, Jonathan Strange is a man who tried dozens of occupations to try and find one that would fit him and please Arabella: he is too damn stubborn for his own good.

[whattaprick]

Celandine shakes her head. “You see the world differently from us. Maybe you can see something we can’t ... and we already trusted you. But does he? He knows you’d choose the Carnival over him, too.”

At least, her long look says, he’d better damn well choose the Carnival over Ignatius. After a moment, the polecat sighs, lowering her head to the cushions. “That contract didn’t do us much good in the end, did it?”

[kingsroads]

Strange can't help but laugh a little at that, shaking his head. "It really didn't," he'll admit. Because yeah, while the blood contract idea was good in theory, in practice Strange and Lambert are just stubborn enough that they'll push forward anyway despite some common sense.

"We can nullify it, if you want. It should be a simple thing to do."

[whattaprick]

"Probably a good idea," Celandine agrees. "We don't know what's waiting for us in Eden, or with the Fae ... and being able to act and think quickly might be more important then."

Beyond the door, it's gone quiet, but there's no sign of Lambert coming back yet. Celandine studies the floorboards, for a long moment, before she finally ventures:

"We wanted to tell you. You know, about Childermass." It's not an apology, and probably an apology isn't ever forthcoming about that, but that much is the truth.

[kingsroads]

It's not an apology at all. But, though he hates it, Strange has pretty much accepted the fact that he's never getting an actual apology. This won't give him what he really wants or entirely fix the problem of Strange still being a bit bitter that neither Lambert nor Childermass see the utter stupidity of their actions. But it's the closest thing he'll ever get, so he might as well accept it.

"If you wanted to, then you should have," Strange simply remarks, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. There's resignation in his voice as he continues, "But you're too much of a lovestruck idiot to actually go against him, aren't you."

Says the other lovestruck idiot.

[whattaprick]

"Well..." Celandine says, long and drawn-out. "You know better than anyone else what that's like, don't you?"

[kingsroads]

...shut up.

"My point still stands," Strange grumbles, as he sinks into the couch a bit. Celandine's right and he knows it. "You should have told me earlier."

[whattaprick]

"We can't change what's past, no matter how many times you say it," Celandine points out. She sounds a little distracted, distant, but her tone is conciliatory.

"We were afraid it wasn't real."

[kingsroads]

"Would it be so bad if it wasn't?"

Now it's Strange's turn to seem a little distracted. He's obviously thinking of a specific example. Yes, it was horrible that the Arabella he danced with at the Prince's ball wasn't really his wife. But now that he knew it, would he give up those hours of happiness? Not at all.

[whattaprick]

Celandine doesn't answer the question immediately, thinking it over.

"Don't we all just want to be seen for who we are, and not what other people think we should be?"

[kingsroads]

"You didn't answer my question," Strange remarks, with a wry little smile. Still, Celandine offered a question so he'll at least answer. Strange takes a drink of wine before answering the question.

"I suppose that depends on what other people think in the first place. For example, I'm not a good person. But if Arabella or someone else thinks I should be, I wouldn't mind if they saw me that way."

[whattaprick]

"You don't think that feels like you're lying to them?" Celandine asks, with apparent genuine curiosity. "Like you've tricked them into thinking you're something you're not?"

[kingsroads]

There's more of a pause before Strange starts speaking again.

"I don't really know," he admits. The main time Strange felt that he might have tricked someone into thinking he's something he isn't was when he first became a magician and at the start of the Peninsular Campaign. And, at least with both of those, he became the person they thought he'd be. "Is that how you feel with Childermass?"

[whattaprick]

Somehow, yet again, they keep coming around to talk about this. It makes Celandine feel a little miserable, but it's part of why they wished they could talk to Strange about it in the first place, but she desperately needs someone else to talk to about this who isn't just Childermass or Lambert.

"About a lot of things," Celandine admits. 'Imposter syndrome' isn't a term either she or Lambert are remotely familiar with, but, well, it's the trouble with having low self-esteem at heart (a problem Jonathan Strange likely isn't remotely familiar with). They know they didn't deserve they life they had, but what do they deserve? More to the point, does it matter?

"We're not used to having anything to lose, or wanting not to lose them." And now there's everything. Respect, trust, friendship, love ... and the freedom to pursue all those things.

[kingsroads]

Now that, Strange can understand. Not the lack of having anything to lose, but not wanting to lose something to begin with. After all, he learned some fun new ways to lose friends and alienate people when he thought Arabella was dead.

"I think I can understand that," Strange explains, after a small pause. He has no idea what to do here and no idea if his words are even helping, but he cares about Lambert and wants to at least give it a try. "You only know how precious something is to you when it's lost." Arabella. His magic. The simple concept of free will. All things that Strange never thought he'd lose and, now that he's had to deal with them being gone or lessened at certain points, he's desperately going to cling onto instead.

"But think of it this way. Both Childermass and I have seen so many sides of you that even if you were lying to us, it would have been shot to hell and back by now. There's nothing to worry about." And once again, he reaches over to pet Celandine. This conversation's getting a little heavy, so maybe scratches could lighten the mood.

[whattaprick]

"That's an awful thing to say to make someone feel better, Strange." And yet, there's something like a smile in the polecat's voice. Because she and Lambert are sort of awful people, meaning that sort of thing does make them feel better. Like this, it's difficult to hear any sort of thing like 'you're not a bad person' or 'you're worth something' and actually believe it, but being reminded that other people aren't inclined to waste their time on lost causes... well, it's poor comfort, but it's comfort enough.

This time, Celandine doesn't pull away, though she won't exactly lean into Strange's touch, either. She's mulling over his words, remembering them for later, when Lambert unsummons her again and this knowledge -- and this feeling -- is something they can share. She sighs, tail flicking.

"He's coming back out," she announces, a bit drowsily -- and when Lambert does come out of the bedroom, he looks notably more flushed and a little unsteady. Also, he's holding a different, half-full bottle of alcohol.

"All right," he announces, stepping over to the couch and flopping down on it again so that Celandine is between him and Strange. "Let's try that again."