lostcarnival | (no subject)

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Who: Jonathan Strange & Jimmy Novak
Where: Jimmy's trailer
When: shortly after Strange's network post
What: let's get drunk and talk about death!
Warnings: ...they're going to get drunk and talk about death.

Strange had no idea just what he had 'borrowed' from the cookhouse tasted like. It was a liquor, of some sort, and it had a high proof but honestly, he has no idea how you could make alcohol taste like whipped cream to begin with. This must be some sort of faerie thing. After all, the sweetest alcoholic beverages he's had were wine and champagne.

So, here he is, bottle in hand, as he approaches the trailer. Hopefully this would suffice for something strong, Strange really has no idea how strong or weak the alcohol actually is. It'd be poor form to open it before meeting with Jimmy, after all.

And then, for once, Strange pauses, thinks, and knocks on the door to Trailer #12. Occasionally he has moments of insight like 'don't just shove yourself into the trailer of the guy who you're trying to get information from.' He can summon up enough restraint to knock and wait.

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Jimmy's inside, starting to regret bringing it up at all, but Strange asked. And if he's as good as his word, he brought alcohol.

The door opens, and Jimmy looks like he's bracing himself for talking about this. He moves to let Strange in, taking the offered bottle and exchanging it for a cheap, generic plastic tumbler. Yes, it's probably insulting the quality of the alcohol, but whatever. Jimmy doesn't much care at this point.

Once he's poured himself and Strange both a few fingers of the Mystery Booze, Jimmy leans against the counter and looks over. "Okay. Before I start, I have one question. Why. Really." He takes the first sip, and lets the sweetness sit for a moment before he swallows. "Because neither resurrection was very fun, and I don't think I can help, considering I was dead for most of it. And if you're going to start grilling me about it, I'd like to know what the reason is first."

Whether he's insulting the quality of the alcohol or not, Strange has no idea. He grabbed it because it looked different and high proof, not because it looked good.

He owes it to Jimmy to be honest, at least. Strange never was that much of an outright liar, just someone who occasionally omitted truths. This is obviously a more personal matter than Strange had expected, so he can't just dance around the subject like he was doing on the network post.

"I have two reasons. One, I am a Nightrunner. It's entirely possible that I could be killed on one of those missions the Ringmaster sends me out on. If there's a way for the Ringmaster to raise the dead here, I'd like that in place, at least as a contingency plan in order to keep my timeline intact—after all, Childermass is from my future."

And nowhere in that future did it say 'here lies Jonathan Strange, dead becasue of Carnival nonsense.' Strange might think that Childermass is a bit too over-protective of the bloody timeline, but it didn't hurt to occasionally have a back-up plan.

Strange takes a sip of his glass of mystery booze...and then just makes a face. Jimmy might like it, but to him? Oh man, this is disgusting. The story'll be put on hold for a moment while Strange makes a little coughing noise and pushes the tumbler away from him.

Jimmy half-smiles at seeing Strange get grossed out by the sweetness of the alcohol. God only knows what it actually is, but Jimmy takes another drink as Strange coughs.

"I don't think I can be that much help, sadly. Both times I died and ended up getting dragged back, I was more of an afterthought than the target of the resurrection." A pause, while Jimmy opts to skip the finer points of being a vessel and cuts to the important part. "I was possessed for a few years by, well... An angel. And he was the target of the resurrection, I just happened to be in the body too when it happened."

"But if you have any questions that I can handle answering, ask away."

Strange pauses for a moment, thinking things over as he debates what to ask. After all, this is obviously a delicate subject and as much as he would like to just burst in and ask all sorts of questions, Strange at least realizes that tact might be appreciated in this conversation.

"I suppose the easiest question is how much do you remember about the resurrection despite being possessed?" After all, if it turns out that Jimmy couldn't remember all that had happened when he was possessed, it wouldn't be any use to forge ahead and ask him all sort of nit-picky detail oriented questions, would it.

"Vague impressions, mostly. I wasn't in control, so most of what I perceived was second hand. Is perceived even the right word?" The Mystery Alcohol swirls in the cup as he thinks. "It's close enough. I wouldn't say I saw anything as much I was aware of it."

Jimmy knocks back the rest of the glass and goes for a refill as he continues. "There was the pain of dying and then.... Nothing, really. No pain, no angel... I expected to wake up in the afterlife, to be honest." Another drink, and he shrugs. "Instead, I was aware of me, the angel, and someone else. The angel didn't react at all, and I don't know if I was supposed to be aware or not."

"And then we.... Were. Breathing hurt. That first breath burns like you wouldn't believe." Another pause, another drink. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more specific."

"Don't worry about the specifics," Strange almost instantly responds, shaking his head slightly. After all, any information about coming back from the dead is needed information. And besides, he doesn't yet have any idea how it would feel. Would it hurt when he brought Arabella back?

"I suppose you're lucky," he mused, with a little frown. Tentatively, Strange reached for his glass again, giving the mystery alcohol a tiny little sip, as if that would magically make it better. It didn't, and he set the glass down again with a frown. "I managed to raise some Neapolitans from the dead back in my world but those poor souls I brought to my world straight from Hell. I'm glad it isn't like that for everyone."

It's obvious the act has scarred him more than he'd want to admit. Strange's hand trembles slightly, a nervous tic that he doesn't recognize as he looks over at Jimmy.

"Maybe I am. I don't know. It's just disorienting, when I think about it. I died. Twice. And the only reason I'm still here is because I was an afterthought when the angel was the one they wanted to bring back." And the mention of Hell gives Jimmy a little shudder. He's still got a few fragments of when Castiel went to Hell to drag Dean out.

"I.... are you sure you want to talk about this?" Strange's discomfort isn't that obvious, but Jimmy's starting to reach for the distractions again, and Strange is right there.

"I am," said with a little nod. It's morbid, it's a little off-putting, and the more they talk about death and people coming back, the more deeply uncomfortable Strange feels about the topic, but there's no going back now, is there. He's spent so long wanting to do this, he's not going to stop probing just because things are getting a little uncomfortable.

"I'm planning on bringing my wife back from the dead. I want this to be as painless and as easy for her as possible. Were both resurrections by divine intervention or was one of them different than the other?"

World's worst small talk.

Jimmy winces in sympathy at the mention of Strange's deceased wife. "Ah.... I'm very sorry. It doesn't sound like anything, but I've got a wife back home too, and if I went back to her being gone I.... I don't know what I'd do." It's still not a lot, but it's sincere.

"Both resurrections were the same way. I was dead, there was that brief sense of the unknown third party, and then the angel and I were back amongst the living. Rushing headlong into a breathtaking number of terrible decisions." He sighs and stares down into his glass for a moment. "If there's anything I can do beyond answering questions, just ask."

"I don't know what could be done aside from answering questions in the first place," Strange admits, with a little frown. After all, it's not like Jimmy could pop on off to Strange's London and help with the resurrection process once their contracts were up. Questions were all he had and were all he could do to get information that may or may not be helpful to begin with. "How does one end up being chosen by an angel in the first place? At least in my world, the divine were very hands-off."

If there was something he could do to at least get the attention of a higher power, it might be worth a shot.

"Hands off? Lucky. In mine they decided that now would be a rather fine time for the end of the world and I got drafted into helping stop it." Jimmy finishes off glass #2 and starts pouring his third.

"Mostly, you end up getting chosen by being born into the wrong family and being in the wrong place at the wrong time." The smile that flashes across his face is sharp and bitter. "Sorry. Just... Lot of bad memories tied in with it. But... In my very limited experience, it runs in families. At one point, necessity forced the angel to possess my daughter as well. But I think the primary requirements are 'be born into the right bloodline' and 'be in an angel's way when they're looking for a body."

Yeesh. Strange can't help but frown as Jimmy mentions the end of the world. Just the idea of the apocalypse is enough to cause him to frown a little bit. But more than that, the fact that his daughter got dragged into this nonsense? How awful.

"At least in my world, any sort of familial ties to the supernatural were chosen by the fairy, nothing to do with the bloodline." There's a bit of an awkward pause before Strange continues. "I'm sorry your daughter got caught up in it."

"Her involvement was only temporary, thank God. But it's still more than I would have wanted otherwise." Jimmy takes a deep breath, and starts to feel the booze kick in. Whatever it was that Strange found works respectably fast.

"I don't know which way would be worse, honestly. Either way something larger than life is deciding that you and it are going to be best friends and they won't hear a word otherwise." He sighs and looks into the glass before setting it on the counter. A mild buzz is about the best he should be going for in company.

"But yeah. That's the long and the short of it. The angel had been whispering sweet nothings in my ear and I was stupid enough to think he knew what he was talking about." Jimmy leans back and breaths heavily through his nose. "I am sorry that I can't offer you more than vague answers and foggy recollections."

Strange can't help but frown a little at that. Because the idea of something larger than life deciding you and it are going to be best friends? That's something he's been trying to accomplish for the longest time. The idea of working with a faerie, even just talking about magic with one is something that he's wanted and yearned for so long that he just can't fully empathize with Jimmy thinking it's completely horrible.

Thankfully, he's got enough tact for once to keep his damn mouth shut about that. He tries to brush that frown away by giving Jimmy a small smile, one that hopefully seems apologetic and reassuring.

"There's no need to apologize. Vague answers and foggy recollections are still some form of answer and still more that I had at the start of this. And at least now, I'll know to stay away from angels for my own good."

"I think you'd be okay as long as they don't start throwing around words like 'chosen', 'destiny' and if you hear one say 'vessel', start saying no. A lot." Jimmy's hand twitches towards the glass of mystery alcohol, but he's behaving himself as long as Strange is here.

"And it didn't really hurt, apart from that first breath that.... was really mostly breaking in a new set of lungs. It was like flicking on a light switch. I wasn't, and then I was." He's hoping that helps. That it might be as easy for Strange's wife as well.

He can't help but laugh a little, shaking his head slightly. "I'd imagine that anything talking about your destiny is a worrying sign, no matter if it's angel, human, or faerie."

A supernatural being getting weirdly interested in your life? Yeah, it doesn't take an idiot to see the flags of 'bad idea' getting raised. And likewise, even a human getting interested in your destiny is a bit worrying. Of course, not that Strange puts much stock in destiny to begin with...but vessel. That's an interesting turn of phrase.

"By 'vessel', do you mean like what you were? A body that also hosts the soul of an angel?"

"No, not really. But the angel was laying it on thick, which if I hadn't been getting a massive ego stroke would have been a huge red flag." The angel had been talking him up something fierce, and neither of them had really had any idea what lay ahead for them.

"Yeah. That's what angels call it. If they're being polite about it, anyway. The other term of choice is 'meatsuit' and.... yeah. The less said about that, the better." Maybe cutting down on the alcohol so soon wasn't the best idea. But that's for after Strange leaves, since Jimmy's reasonably sure that the mystery alcohol will be left behind.

Strange winces at the term 'meatsuit'. Well. No wonder they prefer to use vessel in mixed company.

"Is that all humanity is to angels? A body to use when they have to come to Earth?"

Despite having a preacher for a brother-in-law, Strange really didn't care much about divinity and the nature of heavenly beings in the first place. So now that he's in a conversation with Jimmy, with someone who's actually dealt with these things, he is 100% paying attention and 100% taking Jimmy at his word.

"It's... really complicated. You know how, when a family has a kid, and then a few years later, the parents decide to have a second kid, and the first kid worries about how Mom & Dad don't love them any more?" Yeah, screw it. Jimmy's going back to the alcohol. He picks up the cup and takes another sip, feeling the cloying sweetness burn all the way down.

"It's not the worst place to try and approach from. There's a lot of very glaring differences, but 'What if Daddy doesn't love me anymore?' isn't a bad starting point. And it isn't helped at all by angels and humans being drastically different in a lot of ways." Jimmy puts the alcohol back on the counter and leaves it for later again, before digging into the fridge and offering Strange a glass of ice water instead.

"And you know how they say 'The Lord works in mysterious ways'? It's like that. It's mysterious because we don't get it. And the angels don't get us. Like, basic, fundamental level, 1+1=6 level, don't get it. There's a few that do, but for the most part, you'd have better luck discussing philosophy with your dog."

"So the angels are the first child and humanity is the second." How odd. Why would a race as powerful as the angels be as jealous of humanity? If anything, it should be the other way around. Strange certainly knows he's a bit jealous of faeries and the Ringmaster.

Taking the glass of ice water, Strange takes a small sip. And, thankfully now that he's verified it is water, he takes a larger drink.

"But is there any way to actually understand the angels' mindset? Changing ourselves or changing them so that we think in the same ways."

"Your guess is as good as mine. I think part of it is that we're so different. They don't understand us, we don't understand them. Not without a lot of work on both sides' parts." Jimmy sighs, trying to find the right way to describe it.

"It's... A lot of them care about humanity, but they don't understand it. They're that aunt that loves you, but doesn't have the slightest idea about what you do. And you try to explain it and you can see their eyes cross." Jimmy sighs again, going for another sip of water from all the talking.

"But there should be a way to understand them! In my world--" And he can't help but break off here because in his world, one way to see faeries is through madness. And he's kind of got a feeling that telling Jimmy that would make the conversation go sour fairly quickly, especially considering the inevitable questions. 'How do you know that,' 'oh well I made myself mad to see if it would work.'

So, Strange starts back up again, still just as enthusiastic but dancing around the topic in a way that it's obvious he isn't telling Jimmy the whole story. "In my world, there are ways for humans to understand faeries better. Surely the same should exist for humans and angels, we simply need to find it."

"A big part of the problem is the reason for people like me. Like, ninety-five percent of the population can't look at the true form of an angel without all kinds of fun stuff happening. Blindness, insanity, death.... You see what I'm saying." He rubs the back of his neck and sighs. "I mean, when I looked at my angel, I saw light and there was this sense of presence. I couldn't describe it worth a damn, but I was aware of where it was and what it wanted."

"And the vessel works like.... shielding. The angel possesses someone, goes and does whatever it needs to and.... may or may not actually give the vessel up afterwards." Okay, yeah. Back to the alcohol. "But while the angel is possessing a vessel, there aren't a lot of ways to tell an angel apart from a mentally ill person that your average person will take seriously. There are ways to do it, but your average suburban nobody isn't going to put a lot of stock in lines of salt on windowsills or signs drawn on the floor in chalk."

To Strange's credit, he doesn't say what he's thinking: is that it? Blindness, insanity, death, yes those are all terrible things, but also all possibly reversible. He certainly knows that he's become less mad since arriving here. All the more reason to find and talk with an angel in the first place.

"Perhaps not in your world," Strange mused, as he took another sip of his water. "In mine? I think even the dullest, most non-magical politician could see the importance of a well-drawn sign or sigil." They might not recognize what the sign is or does to begin with, but with magic slowly returning to his England, surely people would be able to look at a sign or sigil and go ah, that is most definitely magical. At least, Strange hopes they would.

Almost out of nowhere, Strange turns to Jimmy and asks, "Has anyone in your world ever attempted to summon an angel?"

"Yeah. There is zero acknowledged magic where I'm from. Any politician worth anything talking about magic will find their career cut short in a hurry." He shakes his head. "That doesn't mean it isn't real, but it's so rare it might as well not exist."

"Summon an angel? I'd guess so? You don't really see much angel summoning in pop culture, mostly demons. And it rarely goes well for long. But summoning angels when you're not a vessel means that you're not gonna live long if you get one in its true form. And at that point, it becomes self-reinforcing. You summon an angel, a big chunk of your congregation dies or goes insane, it starts to sink in that maybe summoning angels is a bad idea. Demons are easier, as I understand it. Much worse in the long run, but they're easier to get ahold of initially."