lostcarnival | [OPEN] 3 Spoopy 5 Me

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[OPEN] 3 Spoopy 5 Me

Who: Tamaki and Anyone!
When: Post Day 145
Where: The Summerlands
What: Tamaki's realized he kept a... useful ability from his time as a ghost.
Warnings: Depends on what you want to talk about.

The first time he'd used it had been an accident; without even really thinking about it, Tamaki started to walk through the wall of the cookhouse like he used to as a ghost and-

Well. He crashed into it. Fell flat on his butt, actually. It took him a moment to remember that oh yeah, he's solid again. Walking through walls isn't really a thing he can do anymore.

Though he'd still been a bit curious to see if he really couldn't get through the wall anymore; being able to phase through things easily was really the only nice thing about being a ghost. He'd leaned against the wall of the cookhouse, remembering the way it felt to be completely weightless, just a person-shaped mass of soul energy that could go anywhere-

And then he fell through and landed on his face. Welp.

That little bit of slapstick dispatched, Tamaki was eager to try out his new ability on the Carnival. Which is what lead to now, where a seven-foot teenager has just walked through the wall. He glows blue for a moment before coming solid again, looking all around the space before his eyes land on the person he just most likely startled.

Trailers, tents, game stalls... the only thing he seems to be purposefully avoiding entering unlawfully is bathrooms. He could really be anywhere.

At which point he'll look at the person he just so rudely intruded upon, blinking like they're the ones who just showed up.

"Uh. Pardon the intrusion."

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It's not the same at all!

Tamaki nearly jumps when she slaps his shoulder, and that's when he decides that he needs to leave the dressing room. And also better learn the layout of the big top before he just walks through the wall at random.

"I'm going to wait outside," he says, a little too loudly, in lieu of answering anything she just said. It's not doing anything to counteract the idea that he's embarrassed. He turns on his heel and disappears through the wall once more, only this time he's just outside the dressing room door.

"And a skirt isn't the same at all!" he adds, calling at her through said door.

Doll laughs him out of the dressing room-- poor boy, he's so embarrassed! Some people got hung up on the craziest things, Doll swears. Smirking to herself, she gathers up her clothes in her arms, slips into her shoes, and leaves the tent.

No, she didn't put on anything else before coming out in her chemise.

"Think I'll go f'r a bath! There's a pretty nice fountain in th'middle of that fae town, bet that's good and refreshin'."

She wants to do what now!?

Tamaki's mouth hangs open for a second, before he reaches out and grabs her hand (not roughly, but urgently) to stop her. He gives a light tug to keep her in place.

"No no no, Doe-chan! You can't take a bath in a fountain! What if there's... shady guys!?"

He can only kick the ass of so many people at once.

"Shady guys?" Doll turns around, eyebrow raised, smug smile still on her face. "'n what about you, Tamaki? Don'tcha think there're shady ladies lookin' atcha when ya walk around without a shirt on, hmm?"

~~She doesn't count.~~

"That's different!" he asserts, although as soon as he does, he realizes he doesn't really have a reason it is different. Sure, he's a guy and Doll is a girl, but he performs shirtless for the same reason he doesn't want Doll to parade around in front of people pants-less.

This is a conundrum.

"It's my job to do that. So it's fine."

She knows this to be bullshit, and makes an appropriate scoffing noise with her hands on her hips.

"Tamaki that is th'biggest lie y'ever told me! Yer job is ta be an acrobat, not parade around in yer skivvies!" Not that she objects to that, she likes watching Tamaki parade around in his-- stop.

"If it was yer job, it'd be mine too ya know!"

"It is! Back home! Kinda!"

He's definitely stripped to his skivvies for television before, but that's not really representative of his job. He knows he's floundering on thin ice now, casting his mind for a rebuttal.

"Doe-chan looks beautiful up on her wire. But if you looked sexy, then... it would just ruin the whole effect!"

That's a good reason, right?

She remains unconvinced. It's the 'kinda' that tips her off, and Doll arches a suspicious eyebrow at him, daring Tamaki to dig himself deeper with his excuses.

And then he has to go and call her beautiful. So much for this argument. Doll's face immediately goes pink and she stares, frozen, at Tamaki. Joker always told her she was precious and beautiful, but... it's hard for her to accept. He loves her, he has to tell her she's pretty and perfect even though it's far from the truth.

Doll twists her fingers in her chemise and looks away from Tamaki. "Y-yeah alright. Y'don' have ta just say that t'make yer point..."

Now it's Tamaki's turn to arch an eyebrow, wondering why what he said suddenly garnered that reaction. But then she says that, and he shakes his head, eyes earnest.

"I'm not lying. You really are beautiful, Doe-chan."

He's not embarrassed to say that much, because it's true. Whether Doll believes it or not, she looks like her namesake up on the wire; and is just as pretty off it.

Although he does blush a bit as he continues. "Your eyes are pretty, too... at least, the one I can see."

That's right-- Tamaki doesn't lie to her. Unless he's been lying this whole time like Smile had, but... there's something about his face that she trusts. Or wants to trust. Is she just making another huge mistake? There's no Peter to smack her across the face and tell her she's an idiot for being so trusting, no Beast to snap her whip at forward gentlemen, it's just her and this boy.

This boy who she likes-- so much. And she realizes she just wants him to like her too, and this could be the end of that. How many people had called her a sweet little girl until they'd seen her face? Why had she grown her hair out over that particular spot in the first place? Because she was beautiful if she was careful, and fit her name if she hid her rough spots.

"Tamaki..." her voice breaks as she struggles, her knuckles going white in her shirt. She doesn't know what to say-- lie and tell him the other one is just the same? Tell the truth and have him be disgusted? Or worse-- watch him wince and try to convince her it wasn't so bad?

It was awful. It was ugly. It was a constant reminder of how much her parents hated and resented her, and so it was fine calling it ugly and awful and hiding it away. It wasn't her fault. Someone trying to reassure her that it wasn't so bad wasn't only wrong, it made it sound like she had made a mistake and needed a pat on the back. The only thing that kept her from dwelling on it was her ability to separate her scar from herself, and even with all of the work she does to cover it, it's still a fight.

"I only have one," she says, her voice barely above a whisper, looking very firmly at Tamaki's elbow. "Pretty girls have two."

She feels like she's going to be sick.

Tamaki watches Doll's ever more defensive posture, her knuckles turning white as she grips her shirt. He knows this topic is suddenly distressing Doll, a lot more than he would have ever thought being called "pretty" would distress a girl, and he's not entirely sure what he should do. He doesn't want to take it back, that doesn't feel right, but he doesn't want to upset Doll anymore.

And then she says that: she only has one. Only has one eye? Did something happen to the other one?

Tamaki wants to ask, but he's not sure if it's really okay to now. He doesn't want to cause Doll anymore pain than this is causing her already. He wants to help, but he's not sure how.

He does the only thing that feels right: he reaches out, taking her hand and tugging it away from the shirt, to give him his own to grip on to instead. Then he reaches out his other hand and gently, very gently, lays it on her other arm.

"What's wrong?" He rubs his thumb against her skin, hoping it's soothing. "You can tell me what happened, if you want. I won't get mad or anything."

If Doll trusts him enough, he's willing to listen.

Not much is wrong in Doll's life, if she's being honest. She has a loving family, a second chance at life (horns and diamond skin aside), and friends. What did she really have to complain about? Something that happened to her over a decade ago? When she thought about it that way, it seemed so ridiculous. Plenty of people must have worse problems, she gets along alright.

But it still hurts, no matter how often she pushes it away, it still hurts. And squeezing Tamaki's hand hard as she takes deep breaths and tries to push away the very painful, very vivid memory of what happened to her when she was so young, at least feels a little better.

"Don't be mad. Nobody to be mad at anymore, prob'ly," she says, still so quiet like someone might overhear. Doll swallows and uncurls her other hand from her shirt, putting it awkwardly on Tamaki's elbow-- like she's bracing herself.

"Joker... Joker 'n th' resta them took me in when I was real small. Hadn' even started losin' my teeth yet. I used ta follow 'im around, 'cause his hair was so pretty," she says with a funny laugh. "...an' I didn' wanna go home.

"My mum and dad... they didn' like me. I'd cry when I was hungry, 'n they'd beat me 'til I learned ta stop. They'd pull me around by m'arms 'n legs, send me ta bed if they thought I'd been bad-- 'n I tried. I tried ta be good, always stayed real quiet 'n hidden, stayed outta th'way... But even when I did all that, they'd never tell me I was good. 'N I thought... maybe that's just how it is."

Her hands start shaking, along with her voice. "I don' even know what I did-- if I did anythin'-- but one day mum jus'... held my head over th'stove. It hurt, so bad, and even now I don' know what I did wrong. Sometimes I wish I knew, so it might jus' make some bit 'a sense.

"Joker took me ta a church th'next time 'e saw me, 'n the sisters there fixed me up okay, but..." It's obvious what she's trying to say, but can't. The damage wouldn't be reversed, no matter how long she took to heal. "My mum and dad never looked for me, 'n Joker said I didn' hafta worry 'cause I had a new family. One that would take care 'a me, 'n I would do th'same when I was older." She huffs out a small laugh. "Hard ta believe he was younger'n me when he took me in.

"...he's th'one named me Doll, y'know. Even-- even years ago I knew that name didn't suit someone like me, but he insisted. He said-- he said I was their precious little sister. Like that was reason enough. But dolls are perfect and pretty things, always put together and the like. I'm not like that, I'm..."

Scarred.

Edited (I'M SO SORRY FOR FORTY MILLION EDITS) 2017-09-13 06:35 (UTC)

Tamaki feels a familiar anger flare in his chest as he listens to Doll's story. What she went through is horrific, probably the worst case of it he's ever heard, and yet it's so similar to everything he's heard and seen before, and he can't help but wonder, for not the first time, why, if parents can't love the children they bring into the world, can't they just be nice? Why do they have to take it on themselves to hurt someone so kind and sweet as Doll? To make her think she's anything less than beautiful?

His own father never beat him, maybe because his mother worked so hard to shield him. The things he went through are not comparable to what Doll experienced, perhaps, but he knows how it feels to make yourself as small as possible and hope that he doesn't notice you, hope that you don't give him a reason to get mad. And sometimes it just doesn't work. Sometimes they get angry anyway.

"...I'll never get it," he says softly, voice shaking only slightly. "Anyone can have kids. Sometimes, people who shouldn't. I'll never get why someone doesn't just take the kid away."

They could explain the reasons, maybe there's legalities involved, maybe people just don't feel like it's their place to be involved, maybe they too think this is just the way it is. But Tamaki will never understand anyway. All it does it leave kids where they can be hurt, and they end up like Doll. He's lucky he was taken away when he was; Aya, even more so, because she doesn't remember much of it.

He sighs, and tries to not get angry, because he said he wouldn't and Doll told him not to, anyway. There's not anything that can be done from here about that. But Doll is here. She's here, and she has a family now. Maybe one that Tamaki can be part of.

"You're really nice. And happy and friendly and kind. And you're really talented. And I think you're beautiful." His face shows he believes it, even if Doll doesn't. He'll keep telling her this, even if he knows it'll never quite heal her wounds, just like being told he's not like his father will never quite heal his.

"Even if your scar is ugly. Even if it's the most hideous scar in the world. You're still beautiful. Okay?"

At least Joker had taken her away. He'd seen what Doll was too young to put together herself, and had kept her fed and warm while she'd figured out a new way to live with him and the rest of the group. Joker had been a brother and a parent, and she loved him like she'd love her mother or father-- she's pretty sure. In that sense, everything had turned out the way it should have and Doll can't be upset about that.

Still, it will always be a part of her, and it's not because Joker didn't love her enough. It's not even because it's been burned straight into her skin. At the end of the day, she'd been rejected by the people who were supposed to care for her and keep her safe, and she would always be terrified that it would happen again. It's happening now-- and Tamaki isn't even a parent or a parental-figure. He's just someone she hopes likes her, and even that is enough to start her sweating and fidgeting.

She can't take this, she feels like she's about to faint from holding her breath too long. With a decisive and stressed grunt, Doll grabs Tamaki's hand and drags him back into the dressing room. It already feels like everyone is looking at them.

"If ya don't see it, you'll wonder jus' how bad it is, right?" Doll asks, her voice shaking. "'N I'll wonder if you wonder. So you should jus'... get it outta th'way," she says, not exactly sure if her logic is lining up. After a moment of steadying herself, she looks up at Tamaki, still scared and feeling like she's four again and wondering if she should crawl under the bed.

"...I want ya t'see. If yer up ta lookin'."

When Doll suddenly grabs his hand, Tamaki gives a grunt of surprise but follows her without resistance. He wasn't really expecting this, for her to decide to show him so suddenly, but she has it right that he can't stop himself from wondering. It's only human nature, after all.

She looks so frightened, though, he wants to deny it, to say that he doesn't want to see and that he'd rather they just leave this for another time. But Tamaki has never been one for lying, and even if he were, that might be a lie that only made Doll more afraid, like maybe Tamaki really did find it too hideous to look at.

So he decides to obey her wish. His own hands are shaking a bit when he lets go of hers, raising his fingers gently to her face, not quite touching.

"If that's what you want," he says, though his tone isn't unkind. He looks unsure of himself, not knowing how he should proceed here. He's afraid that just the wrong move will hurt Doll, and he's not sure he could deal with that.

But she told him that she wants him to see, so, very lightly, his fingers brush back her bangs, smoothing them behind her ear. And there it is.

It's worse than he had expected; he's seen burn scars before, but never any that covered this much of someone's skin, like someone had been trying to cruelly split Doll's face down the middle. And yet, he doesn't recoil away, is silent and still as he looks at it. The scar is worse than he expected, but somehow, seeing it isn't as bad as he thought.

"...It looks like it really hurt," he finally says, because it's all he can really think of to say. He grimaces, but at himself rather than Doll's face. "Sorry. Duh, right?"

Doll forces herself to stay still while Tamaki reaches for her face. It's hard, and she questions four or five times in the space of three seconds whether this was such a great idea. She finally closes her eye so she can't see the approach, but she can feel her hair being pulled aside. It almost never happens, and the sensation makes her spine crawl.

It is bad, the scar spans about four inches, her sightless eye is frozen open and... pink. In fact, a lot of the scar is awkwardly studded in gems, too. Two of Doll's changes from the carnival are just plain not visible.

When Tamaki finally speaks, Doll opens her eye. That's not what she expected him to say, and that is for the best. She's used to hearing 'Oh God' or 'It's not so bad' or 'I've seen much worse'. He's not invalidating it at all. Doll blinks and is silent for a moment before smiling, tears welling up in both her eyes.

"Yeah, it really did. But it's alright now."

The gems are a bit weird, and he wonders why in the world she got such a change. But maybe it's an attempt to turn something scarred into something glistening; a sort of weirdly nice cosmic gesture.

Doll starts getting teary, and Tamaki reflexively swipes a thumb under Doll's good eye, willing her not to cry with touch.

"Yeah. You're really strong, Doe-chan."

Probably one of the strongest people he's ever met, to go through something like this and still come out of it a kind, wonderful person. Tamaki admires that a lot.

But there's something else about this situation that is making Tamaki's heart lurch, as he gently smoothes her hair back into place. This isn't something Doll shows to just anyone, after all. This isn't something she wants everyone to see. And yet she till showed Tamaki, and his chest feels a little constricted as it dawns on him.

"Thank you... for trusting me."

Doll didn't exactly pick this one-- she woke up with it just like this, and it would have been better in some other area but here they were. Studding the worst part of her face, and potentially more gems were on the way to perhaps cover her entire scar. Would she feel better about that? She's not really sure.

But more to the point--

Her face turns pink when she feels Tamaki wipe one of her eyes, and her heart thumps extra hard in her chest. What a caring gesture, what a tender thing to do-- and to call her strong on top of that? It's enough to make her squirm and blush. But for some reason, she can't find her usual denial or subject change.

"Yeah, well... Ya make it easy," she says finally, fidgeting with her fingers. "I'd trust ya with anythin', Tamaki."

And she's almost certain that he'd never betray her like Smile had. This isn't the time to think about him, though, she's over the moon. Elated. She wants to cry in relief and throw rocks as hard as she can towards the sun-- Tamaki said she's strong.

Before she can change her mind, she steps up to Tamaki's side and stretches up, reaching to put a kiss on his cheek.

He makes it easy? Really?

Tamaki is so stunned he barely knows how to react. He almost wants to argue with her (No, really, I'm not good and you shouldn't trust me.), but she said he makes it easy and he wants to prove her right, more than anything.

Before he can say anything, though, she's stretching up, and Tamaki's mind shorts out when he realizes she's trying to kiss him on the cheek. It's hardly the first time a girl has tried to kiss him, but this isn't just some overly daring fangirl, this is someone he actually likes, maybe a whole lot.

So he bends down a little so she can reach his face, and almost immediately it lights up in a blush. Doll just kissed him, and even if it wasn't on the lips it's still enough to make his teen hormones send his mind into a dither. What does he say?

"Wow." He scratches his head nervously. "I'm glad I walked in on you now."

And almost as soon as he says it, he realizes how embarrassing it is.

"No, wait. No. Forget I said that."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah-- alright you--" Doll's had enough excitement just now, and she's still in her chemise to be fair. She could walk back to her trailer to change, like she'd intended to do, but her face was burning up from all of the feelings she was having and walking across the carnival looking like a ray of sunshine was sure to get noticed. A cool-down is very necessary, she thinks.

So she turns Tamaki around by his shoulders and starts to march him out of the room again. "Y'got one look, but 'm afraid those days are done, gotta wait outside like any other gentleman!"

Because apparently anybody could see her in her skivvies, but the second she actually liked them, they couldn't watch her change. She'd have to think hard about that one later.

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[OPEN] 3 Spoopy 5 Me

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CW: child abuse

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CW: child abuse

CW: child abuse

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