Foster van Denend (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
criticallyfucked) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
lostcarnival2017-11-18 09:31 pm
criticallyfucked) wrote in lostcarnival2017-11-18 09:31 pm
Entry tags:
Closed to Herbert West
Who: Foster van Denend and Herbert West Onion Man
When: B1: Day 6
Where: The Cookhouse
What: Foster and Onion Man meet again.
Warnings: TBD, but it's Foster and Herbert, so.........
Foster has caught glimpses of the onion man--nothing more than glimpses, mind, but he remembers those glasses, and that tediously white-collar haircut. He was surprised by the man's voice over the radio, too--a bit too late to catch the name, though he remembers it was very...
... white.
And he remembers the important part.
This Carnival's new medic.
He's never hated a person from description alone more. Just knowing that he had been alone in that cavern with this man, even for a single hour, is a source of overwhelming fear and horror. Even with the onion man under the Prince's control, the possibility, how helpless he would have been--
But if Foster can catch him away from the medical tent... no, no even that's too much, that's too dangerous. No one would stop him--the onion man. He knows it. He knows they would all allow it to happen, whatever the man wanted to do to him.
So when Foster spots him by the trailers, he quickly makes himself scarce. And when he spots him again, by the cookhouse, he does the same. This time, though, there's nowhere to run. Forced to hide or be seen, he tucks himself into a corner between buildings, behind the kitchen itself. And there he waits...
He hates it, this running-and-hiding game. He hates himself--no, he hates what it is about himself that makes him... subject to this. This particular fear. What makes it so terrifying... he knows he has no choice. He can feel his heart in his throat, racing, his breath short. But from a distance like this, he can also be angry--or the facsimile of it, anyway, the awareness of how he would be feeling anger. Onion Man. He has to be afraid of Onion Man?
This... is pathetic and cowardly. He's pathetic and cowardly.
He's always been those things, though. It's only a problem because...
....because it's Onion Man.
When: B1: Day 6
Where: The Cookhouse
What: Foster and Onion Man meet again.
Warnings: TBD, but it's Foster and Herbert, so.........
Foster has caught glimpses of the onion man--nothing more than glimpses, mind, but he remembers those glasses, and that tediously white-collar haircut. He was surprised by the man's voice over the radio, too--a bit too late to catch the name, though he remembers it was very...
... white.
And he remembers the important part.
This Carnival's new medic.
He's never hated a person from description alone more. Just knowing that he had been alone in that cavern with this man, even for a single hour, is a source of overwhelming fear and horror. Even with the onion man under the Prince's control, the possibility, how helpless he would have been--
But if Foster can catch him away from the medical tent... no, no even that's too much, that's too dangerous. No one would stop him--the onion man. He knows it. He knows they would all allow it to happen, whatever the man wanted to do to him.
So when Foster spots him by the trailers, he quickly makes himself scarce. And when he spots him again, by the cookhouse, he does the same. This time, though, there's nowhere to run. Forced to hide or be seen, he tucks himself into a corner between buildings, behind the kitchen itself. And there he waits...
He hates it, this running-and-hiding game. He hates himself--no, he hates what it is about himself that makes him... subject to this. This particular fear. What makes it so terrifying... he knows he has no choice. He can feel his heart in his throat, racing, his breath short. But from a distance like this, he can also be angry--or the facsimile of it, anyway, the awareness of how he would be feeling anger. Onion Man. He has to be afraid of Onion Man?
This... is pathetic and cowardly. He's pathetic and cowardly.
He's always been those things, though. It's only a problem because...
....because it's Onion Man.
no subject
"Brain death? No--death itself is meant to be my fate, and my fate is my purpose. This is what I deserve! Everything I do, everything I am is meant to rot. I was born to death, born to die. That's why I live!"
no subject
He still leans back a bit more from the table in response, looking slightly wary. He hasn't completely lost all of his instincts.
"Why are you motivated to, stay alive at all, then?" he asks. "What drives you if your 'purpose' is to die?" Herbert, you can't outlogic someone with brain damage. "Everyone is always, dying--why not take the time to be certain your brain rots at the same pace as the rest of you?"
no subject
Well, assuming you had nothing but loathing and disgust for toddlers.
"Time is the illusion of safety, of a reality one can ignore--I have no such illusion to myself!" he actually almost snarls, but for the fact that it's impossible to call anything paired with such excitement a 'snarl.'
"My fate, my purpose is every second, every inch of rot before my life is void, my use completed. My body is whole only to feed that purpose with blood. It cannot be saved, nor my mind, not my self."
no subject
"It can be saved, you're incorrect. Your 'fate' may as well be to rot until meeting me, an expert in the fields of reanimation and neurobiology. If you don't want it for yourself I, want your brain and I will use it for my own purposes." He's hushed but still intent. He's given up on reason. Nobody will believe Foster anyway.
no subject
Yes--?
No--!?
WaitFoster falters, blinks once at Herbert; the absolute enthusiasm of delusion is collides with the totalitarianism of fear. Never have his instincts been so utterly split. Never has he been so confused about how to be. Who, or what, those are ambiguous and ever shifting, but--
The deadlock is not so much broken as balanced when a third emotion--if one can call it and 'yes' and 'no' emotions to begin with--rises in him to set the scale.
Doubt.
He lets go of the table. Steps back, uncertainly--eyeing Herbert, sideways, clearly uncertain. Dubious. Suspicious. Neither willing nor afraid. But nor either unwilling or unafraid.
Finally, there's nothing else for him to do but put on a smile.
So he does.
no subject
"You've been the one responsible for the abundance of test subjects, correct?" His voice is louder again, now that the questionable aspect (or at least the bit he's aware is questionable) has been dealt with. "I'll require some personally and individually, preferably with similar brain damage but if you can't manage that I'll see to it myself." He's confident again, none of his confusion making it through into his voice.
no subject
He knows what it means if he says yes, knows that he will be contributing to his own destruction, his own downfall, his own--
"......"
But he won't refuse. He won't. He can't. It is not... his right to decide. He has... he has to fulfill every requirement, and let fate itself decide for him. That is... what his suffering is for. To achieve, to absolve, to allow, at last, the mechanism of fate to turn for him, to unlock the power behind divine apathia, divine aphasia, and reveal his purpose at last...!
So he doesn't refuse, but he finds himself trembling. He's shaking, he's shaking and he doesn't know if it's fear or excitement or both, some terrible chemical reaction of joy and despair--!
"Yes. Yes. I..." He can't finish the sentence. He can't finish it. He can't. He's. Fuck. Fuck. He needs to go.
no subject
"I'm in Trailer 16, deliver the specimens to me after hours." And then he picks his fork back up again. He'll let himself leave after just another four mouthfuls. That will be sufficient, with the reagent helping.