lostcarnival | blinded by the light [closed]

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blinded by the light [closed]

Who: Rin and Yukio, possibly Herbert and Shura later!
When: Day 90
Where: Med tent
What: Rin's eyes have "healed" after Lilith struck him blind, but he still can't see. He has a crazy idea -- and what does he have to lose?
Warnings: **EYE HORROR**!!

Ever since having his Pokémon and sword returned to him by the Ringmaster, Rin had been relying heavily on the Flygon. He had barely walked anywhere since recovering from the prism, instead riding on Nosh's back. He really just wanted her to lead him around, but the dragon insisted. She even let him hold on to her antenna, which she usually found to be quite unpleasant. Kuro was rarely very far, either.

It was a very unsettling feeling. He knew he was holding his hand out, right in front of his face -- but he couldn't see it. He couldn't see anything. At first, while his eyes were healing from the damage Lilith had done, he would occasionally see flashes of light, sparkles. Ghosts of electrical impulses as his brain rewired.

Now, the pain in his eyes was completely gone, along with the small flashes of light. Now there was nothing except pure, infinite darkness. So his demonic healing had "fixed" his eyes. But he still wasn't able to see. His eyes -- these particular eyes -- would never see again.

He could just ask the Ringmaster to fix them, but he wasn't even sure she could! He had one more idea... and what did he have to lose? His vision was already completely gone. It couldn't get any worse.

He carefully slides off of Nosh's back, still holding one of her antenna so she could guide him. She folds her wings tightly and ducks into the tent.

He'd warned Yukio he was coming with a quick radio message, and he'd tied a bandana around his eyes. He can smell the medical tent -- bleach and sanitizers and freshly laundered sheets and the barest hints of blood -- and, to his surprise, he can almost 'sense' his brother. He knows he's nearby. He doesn't quite know how, but he's definitely there.

Regardless, he calls out, sounding more depressed and withdrawn than ever;

"Hey, Yukio. I'm here."

He'd told Yukio he had a plan -- but he hadn't revealed what his plan was. Not yet.

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Yukio is always some background level of stressed, no matter where he is. But being away from familiar places and roles never helps it, and coming back to somewhere he recognizes is enough to let him take a deep breath and re-center himself. He cleans the med tent, checks and maintains his herbarium (Shiemi had helped a little bit, and he wants to make sure it's even better if--), takes a moment to practice archery, goes back to the med tent, takes a call from Rin, tries to breathe. He's tired.

But it's not going to get better, especially with Rin's blindness and completely unexplained 'plan'.

Rin comes in, with Nosh, and Yukio's tongue flicks out, long and blue-black and forked. Unsurprisingly, he smells Rin and the pokemon. Surprisingly, Rin sounds... sort of how Yukio feels, but with less bite to his tone.

"Nii-san. How are you doing?" Yukio's speech isn't too impaired by the alteration to his mouth, but he's still not completely confident in his ability to pronounce things clearly.

Edited 2018-08-27 17:12 (UTC)

He's tired. Rin's tired. Everyone in the Carnival is tired. Apparently their next stop was supposed to be relaxing, but who knows if that was true or not.

Rin has his head low. He has a crest of secretary bird pinions sprouting from his head that are laid flat against his head. He looks pale and miserable.

"I've been better," he admits. The prism prison and the soul-sucking clones had taken a lot out of him, as had using his flames without Kurikara. Add blindness in on top of that? Rin was bone tired.

Nosh rumbles her concern in her throat, looking at Yukio plaintively. The pokémon is even carrying his sword for him. She leads him to a gurney and helps the half-demon sit down, then lays her head in his lap.

Yukio really doesn't want the insect in the tent, but there's no point in ever trying to separate an exorcist and their familiar if the familiar isn't causing real problems, and Rin and Nosh basically follow those rules.

He'd like to get mad at Rin, to tell his brother he's in this position because he was being an irresponsible idiot, but... it's not worth it, and it probably isn't even accurate. Rin's capture wasn't entirely his fault, and Yukio's safety was just dumb luck.

"What did you want to try to help restore your vision?"

Rin takes his bandana off, tossing it to one side. Both eyes are completely silvery-milky-blue with abundant tiny vessels covering the corneas. One can't help but be reminded of a cooked egg, the clear parts turned opaque white.

"They don't hurt any more, so I know whatever healing was gonna happen already did. These eyes are toast, bro."

These eyes. He continues staring at nothing, but he gestures with his hands.

"... I grew my foot back once. It didn't even take very long! Yukio. I want..."

He'd gone over it so many times to himself, but saying it aloud.... He takes a deep breath, and looks in the direction he thinks Yukio is.

"I want ... I want you to take these crappy blind eyes out of my head, Yukio!"

As soon as Rin pulls off the bandana, Yukio's mind starts turning. And as Rin starts talking, says whatever healing was gonna happen already did, Yukio knows what his brother's going to ask him to do.

He spends the rest of the time that Rin's talking thinking about how he's going to do this, the tools he needs and the cuts he'll make. He takes a step closer, and tilts Rin's chin up with one hand, to get a better look at his eyes. His tongue brushes against Rin's cheek, because apparently the stupid thing just flicks more frequently when he's concentrating.

"All right." He wonders if Rin really understands what he's asking, if he realizes that a meister in Doctor and a few months reading medical textbooks don't actually mean that Yukio knows what he's doing. He's just very good at faking it, and he manages to sound calm about the idea, like it's not any worse than putting a bandaid on a scrape. "Do you know how well general anesthesia works on you?"

"Ah...?" Suddenly Yukio is there, and there's something tickley on his cheek (Yukio's hair? No way, it wasn't that long... nor was it that important). His eyes dart back and forth, unseeing but still mobile and still searching, not quite used to their complete sightlessness yet. "Just like that, you'll do it?" Nosh moves her head out of the way, watching Yukio carefully.

Rin hums thoughtfully. He was honestly expecting to have to do more convincing. But hey. He sighs out a breath of relief and lets Yukio do what he needs to. And he knows that this may be out of Yukio's league... but honestly, he's the only person he trusts to do it. Sure, Herbert was there.

But Herbert might do other creepy things.

"Uh.... general ana...seeze-ya?"

That would be a 'no', Yukio.

"The medicine that knocks you out for surgery." Yukio explains, without bothering to correct Rin's pronunciation (or misconception about what the words actually are).

"I don't want you waking up in the middle of it." Which would be... really terrible. He'll just have to ask Herbert if he knows the recommended dose for a teenage boy with rapid healing.

"I'll probably need Doctor West's assistance with the surgery." An admission of weakness, but not too much. "It's going to be complicated."

"Oh! I knew that," he frowns, thinking hard. "I've never had surgery or anything, so I don't know."

He isn't sure he likes the idea of it, though.

"Do I really have to be asleep? Can't you just... I don't know. Make it numb or something?"

It's a bit of a half-hearted complaint, though, and in response to both that and mentioning Herbert, Rin concedes.

"Maa... whatever you think is best."

Fumbling, he finds his brother's hand and gives it a squeeze.

"I trust you." he pauses, then adds with a flail, "Just don't let Dr. West do anything weird, ok!"

"We could try a local anesthesia." Yukio doesn't like the idea of localized anesthesia for this, just because he doesn't know what he's doing. He'd rather knock Rin completely out, in case something goes wrong. But... it's always riskier to put someone completely under. There's too much to consider here, he'll have to talk to West and ask for advice. "I promise I won't let him do anything weird."

In contrast to his level tone, his hand is clammy, and his clawed fingers return the pressure a little bit too tightly. But he does return that reassuring squeeze instead of just pulling away.

"Well... the sooner we can do it, the better. Hopefully they'll grow back in, but... hell. I'm already totally blind, what does it matter if I have eyes or not?"

He laughs, and it's a little desperate sounding. He doesn't like being blind, not at all. It makes him feel so weak and helpless. The return squeeze is appreciated, either way -- a feeling of someone else in a void. It was nice, and he's reluctant to let go.

"But if you need to talk to Dr. West and get organized first, that's fine. Do you think... you can do it today?"

"Tomorrow morning." He isn't going to do this tonight. He needs to read, and prep the tent, and discuss the surgery with West, and... well, he needs to sleep. He can't do delicate surgery if he's this tired, and he isn't going to rush the job just because Rin can heal.

"If you want to stay here for the night, you can."

Edited 2018-08-27 20:02 (UTC)

Rin seems pleased with that, and he nods and smiles. He gestures to Nosh, and she picks up his bandana. He replaces it around his milky eyes and looks all the better for it.

"Tomorrow, then."

He 'looks' around the tent, more on habit than anything else, and sniffs the air. Then he shakes his head. He doesn't feel at ease here, and besides, he wouldn't want his presence to distract Yukio from important business.

"No, I'll just come back in the morning first thing. I'll set an alarm and everything!" He offers a sidelong smile. "Nothing to eat or drink after midnight, right, Dr. Yukio?"

"That's right. Also make sure you bathe, I don't want to spend the entire surgery wondering why everything smells like cooking oil."

The next morning, Yukio is back in the med tent early, after conferring with Herbert, reading up on what he has to do, and actually (somehow) getting some sleep. He can't let this get to him.

"Are you ready, nii-san?"

That actually gets a laugh out of Rin, and he departs, not to be seen until the next morning. Once again he comes in on Nosh, and she carries his sword. But this time, Kuro pads in besides them, looking anxious.

Indeed, he is fasted, and he is clean! His hair is disheveled because he has no real way of styling it without being able to see it, but that's not too different than usual. He's opted for some lose, comfy clothes.

"As ready as I'll ever be, bro. I barely slept..." he admits. "I was nervous... surgery is scarier than I thought..."

Really, Rin? Yukio shakes his head. "There's nothing to worry about, nii-san."

Except the animals in the tent. Yukio waves Nosh and Kuro off, or tries to. "Kuro, you two need to leave. I'll bring my brother back to his trailer after the procedure, you can meet him there."

Look, he doesn't think about what he says, sometimes. Most of the time.

... Well, ever.

Kuro meows in a way that is definitely a complaint, and Nosh's antennae droop with a sad trill. Rin grabs Kuro and rubs his forehead against his, then does the same to Nosh.

"It's alright. If Yukio says you need to leave the tent, you need to do what he says." Kuro whines again, but less insistently. He turns in the general direction of wherever Yukio is and gives him a half-smile. "They want to know if they can stay outside the tent, as long as they don't come in."

Yukio crouches down to pet Kuro between the horns (it might have been a stupid, inebriated comment, but he did loudly tell the demon that they were siblings) and tries to explain.

"You can wait just outside, Kuro, and I'll come get you and Nosh when I'm done."

Kuro gives Yukio a satisfied purr when the exorcist pats him on the head, and seems satisfied with that compromise.

He looks at Nosh and gives a cheerful, "Myaao!"

Nosh nods in understanding, then gives Rin one more gentle nuzzle with her nose, ruffling his hair and his new feathers there. Then, she and Kuro exit the tent to find a comfortable place to rest.

Rin hears the tent flap close with a fluttering of fabric, and then he smiles.

"They're just worried... that's all. But Kuro trusts you, and he was telling Nosh to trust you, too."

"Nosh and I haven't... had much of a chance to get to know each other." Yukio says, sort of an agreement with that last statement. His tongue flicks out as he watches them go, and then again as he turns back to Rin. It's a new habit carried over from his snake form, tasting the air as he thinks.

"If you're ready, we can get started."

He's ready, the anesthesia and all his tools gathered up, and he takes Rin by the elbow and leads him into the corner of the tent curtained off and carefully (obsessively) cleaned for the surgery.

"Take this, and then lie down." He says, pressing two pills into Rin's hand, a sedative that should keep Rin mostly conscious but calm (if it works with Rin's half-demon biology). "In about fifteen minutes, I'm going to inject anesthesia into your right eye, and then fifteen minutes after that, I'll check for effectiveness and start the surgery."

More detail than he usually gives a patient, but if he answers Rin's questions before he asks, it will go more smoothly. He can do this. Failure isn't an option.

"You should hang out more! I'll let you fly her sometime. It's a lot of fun," he says, cheerfully, hiding his nervousness. It wasn't that he didn't trust Yukio -- he trusted his brother with his life.

But that didn't make the whole thing less nerve wracking. The least he could do was hide his unease.

He nods his affirmation, and lets Yukio lead him to the table. He rolls the pills around in his hand, then swallows them obediently before lying down. It takes him a moment, but he gets settled and removes his blindfold, once again revealing the milky, sightless eyes.

"Sounds good! Ah, I can't really feel my eyes anymore anyway..." he says, poking one directly with the pad of his finger. He could feel pressure, but the expected sensation of burning and stinging that would usually accompany poking an eye directly were very dull. Dead eyes indeed.

Thankfully, the drugs do seem to take effect, Rin's demon physiology amazingly not eating up the sedation like candy. As they first start to kick in, Rin feels a little dizzy, maybe even nauseated. He squirms uncomfortably on the table. But soon, he feels his worries about the procedure fade away, replaced by a warm and comfortable buzzing haze. He feels his breathing even out, his heart-rate slow, and his brain check out in favor of resting in the sedative's cottony embrace. He could almost fall asleep like this...

Rin pokes himself in the eye, which is an effective way of demonstrating the lack of feeling, but gets a frown from his twin.

"All right," he says, when Rin looks like he's about to fall asleep. "I'm going to inject the anesthesia now."

Yukio isn't confident, not really. He presses a gloved finger against the skin below Rin's right eye to find the first injection site (inferior orbital notch), and then injects the anesthesia (5ml, parallel to the orbital floor, slowly and carefully to ensure the entire area is numbed). Then the next injection (supraorbital notch this time, the same amount and technique).

"I'm going to start the surgery in about fifteen minutes."

If the anesthesia works. If it doesn't... Yukio's considered his other options, but they aren't ideal.

Yukio's voice snaps him back to (hampered, fuzzy) consciousness for a moment, and Rin gives a woozy thumbs up, "Ooooooooohkey-dokey smokey pokeyyyy."

The injection itself has a sharp, pinchy pain to it, and Rin scrunches up his face a little. It reminds him of going to the dentist, a little.

Just a quick pinch--

And just like at the dentist, within a few minutes, he feels a warmth creep along his eye-socket and eyelids.

"Ahhh..." he says, poking the skin around his eye. "wwwweeeeeird."

"I need you to stay still, nii-san," Yukio says, gently grabbing Rin by the wrist and moving his hand away from his face. "This is going to be uncomfortable, but if you try and touch your face I'll have to tie your arms down."

Yukio checks that everything is in place one more time, scrubs his hands again, wipes the skin around Rin's eye clean with an iodine solution, and picks up the eye speculum. Putting it in place, he checks in with Rin again.

"It will be uncomfortable, but it shouldn't hurt. If it does, tell me right away."

A peritomy is the first step, cutting through the conjunctiva with a small pair of scissors. He can't turn back now. He keeps cutting, separating the sclera from the capsule that surrounds the eyeball. His hands are steady, his breathing is calm, and he's read enough about this procedure that he knows he can do this.

He hooks a rectus muscle and cuts it. Rin's going to heal from this, even if Yukio doesn't stick close to the textbook instructions and just lets the muscle retract. One down, three to go. If the anesthesia isn't working, this is where he'll find out.

"Oooouuuhhhh... don't do thaaaaat..." he whines, not wanting to have his hand tied up. That sounds unpleasant, and so far this hasn't been unpleasant at all!

So he wiggles into place a bit, putting his hands under his back and butt and laying on them so he isn't tempted.

While Yukio preps the area, Rin simply yawns, his other eye closing in rest. If he's almost falling asleep through the procedure, that's probably a good thing.

This would probably be utterly terrifying, even sedated, if Rin could see. As it is, though, everything is just darkness anyway. All he can feel is pressure, the movement of his eye as Yukio manipulates it, and a pop of release as he cuts one of the muscles holding the globe in place. The dead eye lolls to the opposite side.

There's a splurt of blood as the muscle is cut, but it quickly abates thanks to demonic healing -- nothing a surgical gauze sponge can't easily soak up. Rin makes a face, and speaks sleepily.

"Ahh... it's weird, but it doesn't hurt at all... you're doing good..." yawnnnnn, "Yuuuukioooooo."

Rin's reaction is reassuring, and it's certainly helping Yukio stay calm and confident here. He hooks and clips the other muscles, checks that the orb rotates freely, then pulls the eye out and clips the optic nerve. This is where most of the bleeding happens, and he has to stop himself from trying to stop it, because he doesn't want to interfere with Rin's demonic healing.

"... are you falling asleep, nii-san?" Yukio can't imagine being that calm in Rin's place, even with the sedation.

There's definitely a lot more bleeding, but it stops after about three minutes. It's enough to fill the empty socket and leak out a bit from the medial canthus, but hardly the bloody mess it would be on your average human. Once the blood is soaked up, there's something... interesting at the cut end of the optic nerve.

A tiny little ball of tissue, about the size of a very small pea -- just a little dark colored bleb on the creamy white nerve stump. An eye, already growing back.

"Ahhh... it feels weird. So empty..." he takes one of his hands from behind his back and reaches up to touch the empty socket, but stops himself. He puts his hand back.

"... I'm not...! I'm.... definitely not."

He punctuates it with another yawn.

Is that--?

Yukio knew Rin's healing was fast, but that's incredible. Yukio injects the anesthesia into the other eye, and then as he waits for it to kick in, he watches that eye grow back.

If he had healing like that...

It's an eye! Probably... from the pigmentation and the shape and location, it probably has to be. However, it doesn't seem to be growing or changing. Eyes were complicated things, and it would take some time for this little bleb to be full-sized and functional/

But once the speculum is removed, the orbital fat that had formerly been cushioning the eye fills in the socket and hides the little eye from view.

Oh well. At least it was proof that Rin's theory was correct. If the eyes would be visual or if Lilith's curse would persist was yet to be seen...

Though, after the pinch of the second anesthesia, Rin's breathing gets deep and even. It seems like he really did fall asleep.

The second enucleation goes just as smoothly as the first, and afterwards, Yukio carefully cleans and bandages Rin's eyes (as much as he can, with that healing kicking in), cleans up, and then goes out to the front of the tent.

"Kuro?"

Rin snoozes through the whole second enucleation and continues sleeping as Yukio finishes up. Sedation is great. Sedation is so great.

Kuro is curled up on top of Nosh, who is, in turn, curled up in a spot of sunlight outside the tent. They both look a little haggard, like they'd tried to rest during the surgery, but didn't quite relax enough for that. Nosh's head lifts up and her antennae perk when she sees Yukio, and Kuro jumps down to go to his "brother", tails held high in greeting.

Yukio may not have Rin's demonic telepathy, but the curious "Myaaa?" and head tilt that Kuro gives him couldn't have a more obvious meaning.

How did it go? Is he ok?

Yukio crouches down in front of Kuro, and pets the demon.

"Everything went well. My brother's sleeping now, so please don't wake him if you decide to go in."

Kuro treads his forepaws happily, purring his thanks.

He will be as quiet as a church mouse!!

He informs Nosh of Yukio's instructions, and the pair of them head inside the tent, quietly. Kuro hops up on the bed table and lies against Rin's legs. Nosh puts her head on his belly. Both of them are clearly much more at ease.

And Rin is totally passed out, and will be until his sedatives wear off!

Yukio sits back at his desk, after making sure that he can see Rin clearly from where he's sitting. There's nothing he can do now except wait. The surgery went well, Rin's calmly sleeping off the sedation, and Yukio just sits and waits and tries to focus on the medical textbook he's working through. He keeps reading the same page over and over and getting nothing.

When Rin stirs, Yukio puts his book down, stands up, and goes over to check on him.

It's not a super long wait. Rin's demon physiology finally kick out the sedatives and he grumbles as he wakes. Though, Kuro has fallen asleep in his place.

"Mmmmrgh... Yukio....?"

"Nii-san. How are you feeling?" Yukio puts a hand on Rin's shoulder, just to reassure his brother. "Kuro and Nosh are here as well."

Kuro wakes up and stretches when Yukio walks over and trills so Rin knows he's here. Nosh also makes a small noise, but keeps her head on his belly.

"Mmmmrgh. My head kind of hurts... but nothing awful..." he touches the bandages on his eyes a bit, then seems to remember what happened. "Oh!! So.... it went smoothly, right?"

"It went very smoothly." Far more smoothly than Yukio expected. He'd anticipated something going completely wrong. "I don't know how long recovery will take, so I want you to come back to the med tent daily so I can keep an eye on it."

It takes a moment, thanks to a slight druggy haze, but Rin chuckles and then laughs.

"Hehehehe... Hehe.. An 'eye' on it..!"

Rin's recognition of the joke gets a little relieved breath of laugh from Yukio.

"One of us has to."

Yukio didn't joke often, but when he did, it was subtle little puns like that. It was also usually a good indicator of him being in a decent mood, so Rin has an even dopier smile on his face than usual.

"Maaa... ok. So come back daily for you to check it... anything else I should be doing?"

"Just don't touch it." The last thing anyone needs is for Rin to shove a finger in there.

"Are you ready to go back to your trailer or would you like to stay here for a while longer?"

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blinded by the light [closed]

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