lostcarnival | everything's fine

Entry tags:

everything's fine

Who: Lauren and Annabelle
When: 76 or Something
Where: Alola on da Beach
What: Swimming and being Drunk and Losers.

Lauren is having the worst time of it lately. Saying mean things to his brother, sharing his problems with people on the radio, both were things he never thought he'd do before this week. He had though, and despite his desperation or maybe because of it, nothing had helped. In the end he'd simply decided to pretend everything was fine, if only so that he could move on with his life and away from all the terrible feelings the drama stirred inside of him. However, running from the problem wasn't really working either. He wasn't arguing with Susan, but instead he just felt like a failure. It was even harder to act like things were normal when Susan himself was so distraught over the loss of his own abilities.

If he were smarter maybe he'd have a solution, but as he was it didn't seem possible. Susan wanted to stay overnight in Alola, and Lauren hadn't fought it. He couldn't sleep though, so after Susan's dozed off he finds himself wandering his way down towards the beach. The sound of the waves hitting the shore is constant, even at night when everything else is silent. It does nothing to calm him, instead every lap of the water causes some new anxiety wash over him. He'd managed to find some kind of liquor here, and though he wasn't even sure what it was, he'd bought it. He's got it with him now as he sits there open and a few sips already taken. Relying on something like this to calm you down wasn't healthy, but if it was only one night then... Just tonight he'd pity himself, than tomorrow he'd be normal again.

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He shrugs.

"Don't usually. Just felt like it." It's a simple short statement, but there's no significant pause before and after each sentence. It's weird to talk with him and not have to wait between responses. Honestly despite his current slump, he does consider her statement for a brief moment at least. He wonders if she wants to know the real reason for it. He decides even if she does he won't tell her. He's pretending everything's fine, so as far as anyone else was concerned everything was fine too. Even drinking on the beach in the middle of the night.

"Mm," she responds, smiling lightly as she rests her cheek on her arms, seeming content with his answer. All the times she'd drank were mostly for the same reason, after all.

Annabelle partially wants to know why, for real—something tells her that isn't the whole answer. But she isn't hung up on it, either. She's largely of the belief that if someone needs to talk about something, they will, at some point, talk about it—but she's not always into trying to needle things out of people. Especially since, mostly, she doesn't know how.

So the fact that Lauren doesn't want to tell her is fine.

She decides to gently knock his elbow with hers, ultimately, but she doesn't look at him.

He looks to her at the knock, feeling even more confused than before. It felt like some kind of intimate gesture, but, at the same time all she did was knock him with her elbow. He's left feeling confused by her again, and instead of silently pondering it, the liquor emboldens him to speak.

"What's with you?"

She looks back at him, raising her eyebrows, truly oblivious. She isn't offended by the question, because she thinks it's fair that people are confused by her—after all, she wasn't properly raised in a social environment. Instead, she looks pleasantly serene and perhaps moderately confused herself.

"Hm? Broad question."

Like, what's with her in general? Because, good question. She has no answer to that, she thinks.

Her response only makes him even more confused. He realizes it's likely his own failure to get people that's causing the problem. It's what causes all his problems. He groans letting himself fall back, and with a soft sound his head hits the sand.

"Why are people so confusing?" It's more, a kind of loud airing of grievances than an actual question. He's so frustrated with himself and with all of this stupid carnival bullshit.

"I have no idea." She laughs again, turning with a twist in her waist to watch him as he falls back. "But I don't intend to be confusing," she says through a toothy smile. "I actually aim to be as transparent as I can manage. But, you know, I grew up mostly alone. I have beautifully abundant social failings I've enough pride to comfortably admit to."

She tilts her head, watching him.

"That said, I'm curious to know what you meant."

He looks to her as she talks. She's a wordy sort, he realizes. It's hard for him to believe she lived alone. Maybe she's the type that just talks to herself when no one else is around. Susan used to do that kind of thing when he was smaller.

"I don't know. You sitting here with me, it's not actually to enjoy the weather."

So what was the reason, did she want to be his friend? Did she want to tease him?

It's more that she just reads way too much.

"Well, I'm still currently enjoying the weather—that happens to coincide with your company," she remarks. "And that's why I was walking along here in the first place. But then I saw you, so now here I am."

If she were a polite person, she might anxiously ask if that bothered him. But she doesn't care about that too much.

He laughs, weakly covering his face with his hand. He still doesn't get it. She seriously just wanted to sit with him and came over?

"But why would you want my company?"

Why would anyone want his company, for that matter. He lifts the bottle he's been drinking from, offering it to her. If she was going to stay she'd probably be needing it.

Annabelle takes the bottle, then looks at it inquisitively. If it really is straight liquor, she's going to suffer—but despite her anxiety regarding that, she drinks it without any real hesitation. Her eyebrows lift and she looks surprised, then stares at the bottle again, more confused than before.

Curved liquor, meaning... super fucking sweet. Less of a joke than she'd anticipated. There's still an unpleasant alcoholic burn, but... it's bearable.

She smiles, wiping her mouth through a chuckle, shaking her head as she recovers from the surprise of the alcohol's flavor.

"Because I enjoy you."

That response shocks him, and his body actually startles from the surprise of it as he turns to look her way. She enjoyed him. It's seconds before a deep flush settles on his face and he looks away feeling at once nervous and embarrassed. She enjoyed him... He hadn't heard anyone say anything like that before.

"Oh..."

No, he really has no idea what to say.

She looks at him, still smiling, and gives him a little shrug before she takes another sip from the bottle. Why did anyone spend time with anyone for any other reason than because they enjoyed that person?

Lauren was the confusing one.

She hands the bottle back to him.

He takes it, looking at the label while he thinks. She liked him. Did he like her? Was it okay that he didn't know for sure? She was funny though, and easy to talk to. She hadn't laughed at his question like Carly had. She'd been easier to talk to as well, though in the end Carly's advice had likely been the most helpful. He glances to her again. Susan had liked her too, hadn't he? She wasn't a bad person at least.

Of course last time they were together there'd been that ridiculous argument. Susan had misbehaved, and he had said some rather stupid things as well. He winces at the memory of it. He should apologize, but it feels trite to do so after she's said something like that. Maybe it didn't need to be said.

"...Thanks." he finally acknowledges before putting the bottle back on the ground beside him. He pushes it into the sand to keep it from spilling. He looks up to the sky, full of stars he can't name or recognize. It was strange being in a world completely different from his own. He missed Faerun, but at the same time, he wondered if it was really home he missed or just the familiarity of it that he craved.

"I don't like it here."

"I gathered," Annabelle says, folding some hair behind her ears. She rests her cheek on her arms, folded across her legs, and stares at the dark lapping water. The moon ripples along the surface in time to the soft sound of the crashing waves, and she can still see how the sand darkens where the water touches it.

"I can't say I relate, but... I also am aware that I haven't gone through what you've gone through."

Being turned into a vampire didn't seem even a little bit fun, and Annabelle found a thrill in even the darkest things.

At least she wasn't like Susan before, talking about how great this place was, or giving him those sad guilty looks if he even dared to complain. Still, it wasn't like he was having the best time of his life back home either. Was there something wrong with him that he could never be satisfied with what he had? It's a depressing thought.

"What was your home like?"

Annabelle drops her head so that her curly hair falls everywhere, and she laughs through her nose a bit, pushing her fingers through it as her forehead rests on her arm.

"Boring. Dreary. No civilization for tens and tens of miles; only the gray sky, black sea and the shoddy cabin itself."

She turns to look at Lauren, her hair kind of a mess. "My home world itself of course had countless untold wonders... Hundreds of beautiful civilizations, languages, cultures, climates... I just never saw it."

It didn't sound too different from Faerun in that aspect. There were many strange and beautiful sights to see their, different people and cultures as well. Lauren had even seen some of these wonders himself. He still remembered the shock and disbelief he experienced when they discovered the Pool of Radiance. Somehow thinking of those wondrous things didn't make him miss it. He didn't have a particular desire to see any of those sights. He didn't miss any of the towns and hardly none of the people. He wasn't happy here at the carnival, but he was starting to wonder if his unhappiness and his environment were non-consequential. Maybe... There was something wrong with him? Was it something he could change?

"... Did you want to?"

"With everything I have, I did!" Annabelle exclaims, rolling her eyes up as she shakes her fists in frustration, teeth clenched.

In her case, the Carnival was doing well to entertain her in those aspects... but it still wasn't the same. She's going to new, exciting worlds on someone else's whim, which in and of itself doesn't bother her necessarily—but it's still not exactly what she wanted, back home. It's just a very close approximation.

She then also flops back with a heavy sigh.

"If I go home, I intend to have my way."

If she went home.

His eyes widen at the statement. Her energy isn't infectious, but it's comfortable, almost subdued. She had things she wanted to see and do. Apparently, for her home didn't even need to be part of the equation.

"If you go home?" he asks, voice a bit softer than before.

"Yes," she answers, understanding that this might not be a popular stance despite her conviction. Her arms are crossed as she stared up at the sky. "Even if I grow the bottom half
of a slug, I'm not confident that I would wish to return home."

His eyes widen in terror.

"Has someone been half slug before?"

She looks over at him as she lays in the sand, smiling. A little bit of a giggle escapes her.

"I don't know. It just seemed like a feesible worst-case scenario."

He shakes his head in disbelief, trying to push the image of a slug person from his mind.

"Even if you were part slug you'd stay here?" He can't believe it. Was there something really wrong with her home?

Annabelle laughs, conceding to his point as she realizes how ridiculous that sounds in retrospect. She lifts her legs so that they're bent at the knees.

"Okay, perhaps I would be a little frustrated and wanting of a form with more mobility. But, feesibly? It's a lot more interesting here than at the hermit's hovel."

He nods, gaze falling back to the stars. He wonders why she couldn't have just gone out on her own, but he's sure there's a reason. If she disliked it that much there's no way she would have stayed unless she had to. Just hearing how much she wanted to see her own world made Lauren feel bad for not caring about his own. He wonders if he would have felt the same if he'd wound up here before the Tears of Virulence attacked. There's no way he can ever know for sure.

"... It isn't really the changing that bothers me... I don't like being caught off guard."

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