lostcarnival | (no subject)

Entry tags:

lauren,
susan

(no subject)

Who: Lauren and Susan (again)
Where: their trailer (again)
When: a while ago! (aka after susan was found in the dream realm and brought back)
What: more brother shenanigans (again)

Susan wasn't sure why, but everything hurt. He thought he had just been sleeping, but that wouldn't explain this... He slowly opens his eyes, blinking as he looks around at their trailer, trying to figure out what happened. Did he forget something important?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He sighs, not sure at all what to do here. Susan's reaction to everything was anger, no matter what he was feeling. Lauren knew that, but it didn't make dealing with it any easier. Lauren tries to put himself in Susan's shoes. Waking up hurt with no idea what's happened, knowing you may have hurt someone you didn't mean to, Susan had every right to be upset. Still.

Lauren reaches for his brother's hand, holding it in his own.

"I'm sorry."

It was Lauren's fault this happened, because he couldn't protect his brother.

Susan still stays looking away, for now, staying quiet. He doesn't understand how that could happen, how he couldn't really remember it. Everything he did remember was fuzzy, like... a dream. And Lauren was hurt, and he was hurt... He must have hurt him. This was his fault, not Lauren's, and Lauren's apologizing now?

He hesitates, not sure if Susan is annoyed by him or not. The silence is uncomfortable though. Being considered annoying is worth it if it means he can break the quiet.

"Do you want me to tell you what happened?"

It takes him a moment, but he finally nods. He has a vague idea of what might have happened, and he isn't sure he likes it... But still, he wants to know, especially if Lauren does.

As the silence goes on Lauren thinks at first that Susan really is mad at him, that he's being ignored, but then Susan nods. Lauren hesitates. Even though he offered to tell Susan what's happened, he's not sure where to start.

"When I woke up you weren't there. I asked Fluff to find you, and she couldn't. We went looking for you in the dream realm, but you weren't yourself. Some people got hurt, but... But everyone's fine. We couldn't even defeat you. We only managed to free you when a spell backfired..."

He's quiet again, taking in Lauren's words. He eventually looks back at his brother again, looking a bit confused, but letting him talk. It isn't until after he's finished that Susan finally speaks up.

"I hurt you."

Lauren looks away. The expression of hurt and confusion on Susan's face is difficult to look at. It only makes him feel even worse.

"It wasn't you."

He shakes his head, looking away.

"It was, I did it. I remember..."

"You do?"

He thought he didn't. Maybe he didn't realize it until now? What must it have felt like, to not be in control of yourself?

He nods a little. He'd figured (hoped?) that it was a dream, and maybe it kind of was... But it also was real, it seemed.

"I do... I remember fighting you."

He hesitates, unsure what to say. He looks to Susan, studying his face as though he'll be able to find the words there, but he doesn't. It doesn't matter, all he needs to do is tell the truth.

"I remember the fight too and I know that wasn't you."

"But it was. It was my magic."

It's not often that his magic is something he sees as bad at all. He loves his magic, it's a part of him and it sets him apart from everyone else. But when it's turned against himself or someone he cares about, he can't help but think a bit badly of it.

"But you didn't cast it. You'd never attack me or any other innocent person. I know that."

It doesn't make any difference to Lauren who's magic it was. The person in control, the person casting the magic, that was the person that had hurt them. Susan was just an unfortunate bystander.

He's quiet after that, for a few long moments, before speaking again.

"It's still mine."

It's not that he doesn't understand what Lauren means, but he still can't help but feel it's at least a little bit his fault.

He looks away. He's frustrated, but not at Susan. He's mad at himself for being unable to convince his brother this wasn't his fault. He shifts, moving to pull the covers back.

"It's okay... No one blames you."

He scoots into bed beside his brother, pulling the blankets back around them both.

Susan scoots over to let his brother in, staying quiet. He doesn't like feeling like things are his fault, especially things he can't help, but he can't stop. At least if he remembered it better or had actually done it himself, maybe he could feel differently. As it is, he just feels a bit lost and guilty.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only