lostcarnival | dumb sad boys

Who: Lauren and Susan
What: ~~dumb brothers being sad - continued from here~~ OKAY NOW IT'S ACTUALLY A CATCH-ALL LAUREN+SUSAN POST FOR PRE-ALOLA JUNK
When: ~~Day 68 at night~~ a variety, starting with night of day 68
Where: their trailer

Although he eventually came out of the bathroom that first night, Susan still didn't talk to Lauren. Instead he avoided his brother as best he could, falling asleep curled up with Fluff (and Stanley, if she let him) on the bed.

The next day he went out, even though Lauren had told him not to; he didn't know a lot about vampires, and even though he felt bad doing it (especially when he was still worried about Lauren), he was pretty sure they couldn't go out in the sun, so it was an easy way to not have to talk to him. He didn't want another argument, not any more - not that he knew what else to do, not when he was feeling pretty bad now, but that didn't matter. He just didn't want Lauren to yell at him and tell him he's wrong.

By that night, though, he still wasn't feeling any better - and even though he still didn't want to really talk to his brother, he still missed him and wanted to be with him.

Once it was late, and he was sure Lauren would be asleep, Susan quietly left the sofa where he'd been originally planning on sleeping, instead slipping into the room with his brother. From there he quietly made his way to the bed, climbing under the covers while being as careful as he could to not wake him.

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It did happen, he knows that moment is still a bad one, but why is that what Susan focuses on right now? He really doesn't get it. He nods though, acknowledging Susan's input and showing he's listening.

"It did. And you're... Mad about it."

Carly said maybe the thing he thought he was mad at might not really be the problem though. Or, she had said something like it at least. To be honest, it was hard for him to really understand what she meant, but he wanted to at least try, for Susan's sake.

Susan was mad at the Ringmaster, but he was also mad at himself. He's only mentioned that second part once. There didn't really seem to be a way for Lauren to convince Susan it wasn't his fault. He wanted to believe someone was at fault, because thinking it was random was... Bad somehow.

He wasn't any good at this. Perhap's Susan should be Carly's brother instead. He shoves the thought away. He doesn't have time for self-pity.

"...Does blaming someone make you feel better?"

Susan only gives a vague shrug at Lauren's comment on him being mad. He guesses he is, or at least he was, but now he isn't so sure on all of it. He knows he still must be mad, but with so much of him missing it's hard to really think about being mad. He frowns, trying not to think about that, and just about feelings... But feelings are hard, and he doesn't really know what to say about them.

He shakes his head at the question though, finally looking back up at Lauren.

"No, it really is her fault."

He doesn't agree, but for now he will to avoid the argument.

"I know, I just mean. Attacking her, you said it was for everyone, but would it have also made you happier?"

He doesn't know what he expects to hear as an answer. Honestly, a part of him is afraid of what the real answer might be.

He looks down, honestly not sure about that. Would it have made him happier? It would have, he thinks, because then everyone would be safe, and that's what he wants... But Lauren was still hurt, and that's more important.

In the end, he can't decide, and so he only shrugs again.

"I don't know..."

If they both don't know the answer then maybe this wasn't the right route for their conversation. He had to be more direct, steer things back on course.

"You probably already know attacking the Ringmaster is dangerous... That you might do it again... That thought truly scares me."

"I won't." He says it quietly before looking back up at Lauren, finally seeming a bit sure of something.

"I won't attack her again."

Lauren winces, it's the answer he wanted to hear, but it came so easily.

"... Can you really say that so confidentially?"

"Even if I wanted to... She's too strong." He looks down again, a bit upset at saying it. He thought he was strong enough to do it, but she was just so much more powerful than him... He shakes his head before continuing.

"And, she cast a spell, or something."

"A spell?" he asks, looking confused. This is the first he's heard of it.

He glances up at him again before looking away with a small nod.

"So I can't attack her." Oh and she also ripped out his soul or something but honestly he's not even going to mention that part because it was kind of terrifying and also really weird.

He looks down to the table. So his worries really were unfounded.

"What if it's someone else?"

He looks back up with a frown, a little confused.

"What do you mean?"

"What if there's someone else stronger that you blame... Will you attack them?"

"But there isn't anyone else."

He huffs, feeling frustrated, but holds back the feeling.

"Not now, but that doesn't mean their won't ever be one."

"Well, I don't know what I'll do then 'cause it isn't happening!" Why would he know what he would do at some potential point in the future when he doesn't have the details?

He rests his head in his hand beyond worked up over this. He was sick of worrying and not knowing what to do. It was driving him crazy and it was at his wits end.

"Do you never think?" He's not even looking at Susan, but his voice is harsh.

He looks away with a huff.

"Maybe you just think too much."

"Do I have to keep you on a leash for the rest of your life?" he asked, just as harsh as before, but even louder now. His head raised as he met Susan's gaze. The frustration was written clearly all over his face.

Susan doesn't even really know what he said to make Lauren so angry (sure, he bit back at him, but no worse than Lauren had started). But anger is familiar, and so he doesn't really question it much before he's glaring back at his brother.

"You don't have to at all, even now! I can take care of myself."

"Like hell you can!" Did Susan not understand how much time and effort Lauren put into making sure things always went okay? Did he not care enough about Lauren to even protect his own life?

"From now on you don't go anywhere without me! Do you understand?"

He wants to hold on to his anger, he wants to be mad at Lauren because then he can't be upset and empty, but he doesn't want Lauren mad at him, just as much as he doesn't want Lauren following him everywhere. Normally he'd leave right now, but normally he had magic to help him get out of here, or to try and get his way. All he has now is himself, and he's not even sure what that's good for.

And so where Lauren is probably expecting anger or yelling or something, instead he only gets Susan hiding his face in his arms at the table, not responding at all.

It's not what he expects and it's definitely not what he wants. He wants a fight, and Susan denying him just makes him even angrier.

"Fine! Be that way! I don't even care."

He stands abruptly, hitting his knee on the table and cursing at it, before moving to the door and sitting in front of it as though to guard it.

Susan doesn't look up when Lauren yells, or when he stands, or even when he curses at the table. He doesn't know what to do any more, he feels like he's wrong somehow, he keeps making Lauren mad just by being him, and he doesn't like it.

dumb sad boys

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