Jonathan Strange (
kingsroads) wrote in
lostcarnival2017-04-17 09:09 am
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Entry tags:
no bourbon, no scotch, no beer
Who: the idiot brigade aka Lambert & Strange
Where: Strange's trailer
When: backdated to late on Day 77
What: errybody in the trailer got tipsy
Warnings: alcohol use
( continued from here )
[ Taking the White Gull, Strange carefully puts two small drops of the alcohol into his mug of wine. His hands are steady, like he's used to doling out entirely small doses of liquids. Really, he doesn't believe this is as potent as Lambert says it is. After all, the other man can drink it and he...well, he's Lambert so who knows what sort of witcher nonsense makes you resistant to weird alcohols. Still, he can always add more later if need be.
As he finishes adding in the White Gull, Strange caps the flask and sets it on a nearby, hella cluttered table. Moments later, he raises his mug as well. ]
To your new appointment.
[ Might as well make an ATTEMPT at a toast. Strange downs a healthy serving of his wine...then just starts coughing a bit because wow, even with just two drops that stuff is surprisingly potent. ]
Good Lord.
Where: Strange's trailer
When: backdated to late on Day 77
What: errybody in the trailer got tipsy
Warnings: alcohol use
( continued from here )
[ Taking the White Gull, Strange carefully puts two small drops of the alcohol into his mug of wine. His hands are steady, like he's used to doling out entirely small doses of liquids. Really, he doesn't believe this is as potent as Lambert says it is. After all, the other man can drink it and he...well, he's Lambert so who knows what sort of witcher nonsense makes you resistant to weird alcohols. Still, he can always add more later if need be.
As he finishes adding in the White Gull, Strange caps the flask and sets it on a nearby, hella cluttered table. Moments later, he raises his mug as well. ]
To your new appointment.
[ Might as well make an ATTEMPT at a toast. Strange downs a healthy serving of his wine...then just starts coughing a bit because wow, even with just two drops that stuff is surprisingly potent. ]
Good Lord.
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Thankfully, he's got enough common sense to realize that if he bothers Lambert with all these questions, he's definitely not getting any answers. And he's got questions on top of questions. So, he takes another drink to mull things over and settles on, ]
What are the other witchers like? I've talked your ear off about the other magician in my world, but I don't know if you've ever mentioned your schoolmates.
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Right now there are only four witchers from my school left, including me. I'm the youngest, so they're always on my back about everything -- about as fun as you can imagine. Eskel's better at magic, and after everything they put in him Geralt's even more of a beast than most witchers. Vesemir... [ At that some of his good mood abates, and his scowl seems genuinely scornful. ]
He's the one who trained all of us, so he definitely knows his shit. Sanctimonious as hell, though.
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Still though, four witchers...you'd think there would be more, wouldn't there? ]
Are there always so few of you?
[ says the person whose world has a handful of magicians ]
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That's at least twice as many witchers as you've got magicians. [ Lambert has to point out the obvious potshot with a smirk. Well, all right, he doesn't have to do anything, but you know, just reminding Strange of that. It's better than dwelling on the actual answer to his question, though he does get to it after a moment's pause. ]
As you can guess, the job's dangerous. Nothing nearly as dangerous as people who think you have something they want, though. Hundred or so years back, a mob attacked the castle, destroyed or stole the formulas and spells for making new witchers and massacred all the witchers and the boys that were in training then. Only ones that survived were the ones who were out hunting for the season.
[ He holds out his cup for more wine when he finishes, brows raised. Top him up, bro. ]
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As Lambert holds out his cup, Strange tops it off with the wine...and then just straight up refills his cup as well. Let's get drunk. ]
What are the spells to make new witchers in the first place?
[ It's obvious from Strange's tone and lack of poker face that he's asking for a Reason. look, he's just saying, if the carnival ever stops by Lambert's world for some reason they do have a magician. ]
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Even well on his way to tipsy, though, Strange's 'casual' question isn't going to fool him, and he laughs, shaking his head. ]
Bad ones, Strange. You don't think I was born like this, do you? [ He taps a talon maybe uncomfortably close to one of his bright, cat-like eyes, the mutation one he had long before the carnival. ]
But honestly, I couldn't tell you the details if I wanted to. That wasn't considered something we needed to know.
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[ He's feeling pretty good still so let's just add a little bit more to the cup. Moderation is for suckers. ]
But a handful of people to take care of all the monsters in your world? I'm sure even you would like a helping hand every once in a while.
[ Fun fact, Strange has zero idea of what witcher school consists of and that much is horribly apparent. His tone is just light and idle as he talks. ]
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[ Actually, most likely Lambert's going to clean it up, if only because the idea of what civilizations and sentient beings might form out of vomit in the time it takes Strange to get rid of the mess is horrible to contemplate. With that caveat delivered, though, he passes the flask over. ]
It's not like witchers are the only thing that can kill monsters. We just don't need an army to do it. [ He shrugs. ] Vesemir says there's less monsters than there used to be, anyway. Guess he'd know, he's ancient.
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[ He'll vomit in the bushes before stumbling back inside and sleeping until noon. c: There are some habits that Strange is finding keep on reasserting themselves now that he's temporarily a bachelor and a completely erratic sleep schedule is one of them.
Strange pours more of the liquid in there, about the size of half a teaspoon instead of the few precise drops he did earlier. This has the effect of making the drink taste even worse but he's powering through it because like hell he's going to be sober when Lambert's drunk. ]
You'd think with less witchers, there would be more monsters. I wonder what's different.
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Bigger cities, better armies, more politics. Take your pick. Monsters are like any other animal, they like places where they can hide better and where they can hunt better. Doesn't take a lot of brainpower to figure out peasants are easier to eat than a knight in plate armor.
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I could barely manage an estate to begin with, I certainly don't know how I'd be able to manage an estate while worrying about things that could eat people. Those from your world are hardier than I imagine most people here would be.
[ After all, while some people at the carnival came from super capable worlds where they had to deal with nonsense on a regular basis, an equal number (if not more) of them really didn't. ]
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Does it really count if you've never known anything else?
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I don't know. Since I became a magician, I always hoped I'd see at least one different realm, but even in London I knew I was the exception. Most people probably wouldn't think about the possibility of seeing anything else to begin with.
[ He takes a bit of a larger drink than before and can't help but wince a little. Wow, that Gull has a kick. ]
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[ He tries to take a moment to actually picture that, without involving statements like 'probably wouldn't live past the age of eight.' ]
... would've been taught how to deal with it. Probably. [ It's not like has any conception of how nobles' kids are raised, but they've got to learn how to be smarmy gits with their heads up their own ass from somewhere. ]
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Or at least, more faith in half of my parents. If she had to teach me about murderous monsters, I'm sure my mother would have tried her best before she passed.
[ no comment on the dad. Dads suck. ]
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[ Yeah, no, Lambert's not going to beat around the bush or spare Strange's tender feelings there. Who resents dads, boy does Lambert resent dads, and any authority figures that can be reasonably construed as fathers. As he's proving now by taking a big, resentful gulp of his drink, the burn of alcohol down his threat all too appropriate for the bitterness in his voice. ]
Guess thats one more thing we have in common. [ Other things being, an inability to take shit too seriously for too long.]
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Of course, he's already starting to feel a smidge woozy. This stuff is potent. ]
Magic, nightrunning, and now horrible fathers. We're more alike than either of use realized.
[ He is 100% teasing at that because yes, they are alike in some regards but they're massively different in other, more noticeable ones. ]
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[ Drink is the answer to a lot of things. Lambert smirks, tail curling around to rest in his lap. The results of attempting to punch either one of them are pretty stark, it's true, but it's not like Lambert needs a copy of himself to get along (and it would, honestly, probably, hate that). One thing he can say is that things are rarely ever boring around Strange, and that's a good enough reason to hang around him. ]
So, what'd he do? [ If they're going to get into it, Lambert wants the gory details. Don't spare him out of propriety, Strange. ]
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[ Don't mind Strange as he just chugs some of his drink, obviously incensed at the thought of his father. It doesn't matter to him that this is insanely alcoholic, he just wants to get drunk as fast as possible now. ]
What about yours?
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Beat me and my mother every time he was drunk, which was any day he had coin in his pocket to spare, and every time he was pissed about not being drunk. Surprised he could even get it up long enough to put me in good old mum, which just proves not all miracles are good ones. And then instead of having the decency to die after stumbling into a nest of nekkers, he was saved by a witcher instead. And so-- [ He spreads his hands. ] --here I am.
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I know good fathers exist. After all, I'd hope that I'd eventually become one when I return home. [ lol nope canon dicks you over. ] But it does seem that they're few and far between.
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Funny how that works, isn't it? [ Lambert snorts. ] Maybe it's because the good ones die doing shit they're supposed to do, like look out for their family.
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That's honestly quite depressing. You're either a terrible father or you die young? I'd hope there are more options.
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[ Not that Lambert sounds too broken up about it, because he's pretty clear about his limitations. Being a dad is for guys like Geralt, who care and shit like that. ]
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[ When one of the first conversations you have with someone dovetails into "hey quick question but do all your bits work properly", that's certainly something you remember whether you want to or not. ]
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oh my god that's beautiful
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here we go, a suitably shitty witcher ending
SIDEQUEST COMPLETE, /trumpet fanfare
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sorry, he's awful
you are not sorry in the slightest
okay, not even a little bit
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and then kytha discovers an amazingly dumb piece of witcher lore
restrain yourself from throwing yourself at his feet, strange
excuse you, he's not a half-assedly written video game woman tyvm
this is true and also his shirt stays closed way too much for him to be one of those
this is a serious period drama not some fluffy bodice ripper
certain segments of fandom would disagree
yeah but certain segments of fandom would need to care about the bodice wearers in the first place
woo hoo internalized misogyny
it's a helluva drug