lostcarnival | BITCH SESH

It's no surprise at all really to see things so neatly sorted. With the plants and the organization it's vastly different from Psi's own trailer. The unfamiliarity sets him on edge. This isn't normal, he isn't frequently here and he still isn't sure if he's welcome. The aggression from his argument before is fading leaving him shaky and anxious. An ugly brown bruise is starting to show on his cheek from where Snake socked him earlier. Miu draws his attention though. Her fluff looks soft, the rest of her as adorable as he remembers from last time. There's a part of him that wants to complain when Ginko sits next to her, but she's his pokemon, not the Psionics.

He's just trying to avoid feeling like an asshole for what he did earlier, and he knows it. He sighs, scratching the back of his head with his hand.

"I think I did something... Really stupid."

He may be able to reach her, anyway; once he's seated, Ginko scoops Miu up and sets her on his lap. She gives a quiet trill and nestles into the front of his shirt.

Ginko frowns at Psi, ears giving a concerned twitch. "...Stupid, how?"

He sits down beside Ginko suddenly looking glum. His shoulders slump.

"Joker's been avoiding me... So I made him talk to me about it." His antennae twitch nervously, and he looks over to the bug in Ginko's lap. He reaches out a hand, tentatively to pet her, sighing again. Stupid stubborn proud asshole.

"It didn't go well." he laughs short and melancholy. "Obviously."

"I shouted. Got punched."

Edited 2017-05-15 03:52 (UTC)

Ginko's ears droop. "...He's been avoiding you, too?" That's difficult to imagine, given how close Joker and Psi seem to be. Miu leans into his hand, appreciative of the extra attention.

...Wait, what? "--Joker punched you?"

He shrugs, pulling his hand away for a second, before seeing the spewpa lean towards it. He smiles weakly, petting her once more and trilling to her as he does so.

"Snake punched me. For shouting at his brother." Human family, they stood up for each other. Psi just kept trying to yell, as though it might make things better. Maybe Joker was right, people didn't need him mucking up their lives. He smiles sadly, in fact it's barely a smile at all, the curve of his lips an irritatingly bold facsimile of that expression.

"He's so... Stubborn. I don't... All I did was see him upset. I wanted to help, but... Now he's just set on ignoring me."

And maybe it would have been fine if Psi hadn't responded like he had. Maybe now things were beyond repair. The fake smile falls, his hand on Miu stalling in it's movements. He stares at the floor as though he's looking past it.

"I just fuck everything up."

"...Ah." He honestly has trouble imagining Snake punching anyone, either, but... when it comes down to it, he guesses that makes sense.

Ginko goes silent as Psi talks, but, for once, he doesn't hesitate to answer once he's finished. "No, you don't." He doesn't give him time to argue before continuing, either. He doesn't know if Psi would argue, honestly, but just in case.

"Even if you could have handled it better, your heart was in the right place - besides, who was telling me recently that it can be hard to stay rational when things get stressful?"

It's weird having your own words tossed back at you. He knows he meant them when he said it, but they feel so false echoed back. Really his inability to stay rational wasn't even the point. It was just him, everything about him. He just wasn't meant to have people close, or to stay close to others. The one group of people he'd finally felt he belonged with he wasn't with any longer. And that was his own fault too, because his fear of consequence outweighed his love for them. If that wasn't a spectacular example of what a horrid person he really was, well... It was a perfect example. He doesn't say any of that to Ginko. His focus shifts, and he knows he's sitting beside Ginko on the bed, but it also feels as though he's watching himself from some distant part of the room.

Maybe coming here was a mistake. He said he wanted to help Ginko, and yet he hadn't done a single thing for the man sitting beside him. Still here he was, the Psionic, asking for help. It was pathetic. He wonders if he should tell Ginko what happened, if Ginko would still be willing to humor the Psionic if he knew what the troll had said. It was just so frustrating, Joker was frustrating. The Psionic knows it's not his place to share any of Joker's secrets, but at the same time he honestly didn't know what else to do or how to make any sense of this.

He looks to Ginko, eyes uncertain. There's a sort of vulnerability to his expression that hasn't been there before. He doesn't know when the things he say will cross the line. He doesn't know when he'll be revealing too much, but he knows he can't leave here without saying anything either.

"...Don't..." He sighs, looking away, reaching a hand up to push his bangs out of the way. His antennae twitch uncomfortably at the pause. "Don't talk about this to anyone else, okay?"

"There's lots of times when I can tell something's wrong with Joker. It's never anything big... He avoids certain topics. He changes the subject. He avoid's answering questions. Just little things like that."

He glances back to Ginko again before continuing. "If you push on it he pulls away... So I didn't push. I... I thought I was fine with that. But he's so damn stubborn. I didn't even do anything I didn't even find him! I came and I got him and I just asked him to come back with me, just to let me help him and that was it! But now he's avoiding me. Because I guess now if he sees me it reminds him of that or he gets embarrassed or whatever and it's so- so stupid! I don't care if he cries or if he gets drunk all night or if he eats his own sopor or whatever. I just-! I just want to be there for him, to help if I can... But now he won't even look at me."

It's an emotional tirade, and he feels exhausted and upset by the end of it. He thinks he's likely just made a fool of himself, but it was how he was feeling and everything he'd been thinking and he just needed to say it to someone finally, to hear the words outside of himself. He watches Ginko, worried he's going to get told off for being an idiot or something, but no matter what he's glad he did it. He won't regret coming here, even if it does end badly. At least then he'd know, even if what he'd know was that he was an idiot loser not worthy of friends.

If Ginko had any idea what was going through Psi's head, he might be kind of amazed by how familiar Psi's thinking here really is. He has no clue, of course - but he does know that the fact that the Psionic is talking to him about this is... probably a pretty big deal. He remembers what Psi had said before, about having feelings for him.

"I won't." From the sound of it, this is something other people don't really need to hear about, and he owes it to Psi to keep it to himself anyway; it's still hard to process, that he could end up as Psi's first choice for things like this. But talking through other people's problems was never the hard part.

...Hah. Almost immediately, Psi's complaints sound pretty familiar. Ginko's tail flicks back and forth a couple times, guilt and thoughtfulness making him restless for a moment. But then Psi keeps talking, and Ginko goes quiet, and still, and listens in silence once again.

For a couple moments, he stays silent and still as Psi watches him. Then he reaches over, setting a hand hesitantly on the Psionic's shoulder. It's an undeniably awkward gesture, but then, Ginko has never really been one for affectionate contact. This is about the most he can think to do. He looks him in the eye, just for a moment, before his gaze drifts off to land somewhere around Psi's knee, and there it stays as he speaks.

"...Joker is... it seems like he's not used to depending on people. He won't let it happen easily, and if you want to get through to him, it's going to take time. And you'll have to be careful. But--"

But.

"It's good that you're trying. That you care enough to try - and it's clear how much you do care. I think that Joker probably knows that, too. That... might be part of what's scaring him."

He still remembers what Joker had said to him that night, insisting that his rescuers should have left him where they found him, back in Hell. If that's really what he thinks of himself, it's no surprise that he wouldn't respond well to Psi pushing to help him.

"Give it some time. I doubt he'll open up on his own, but letting him cool down should help."

Sometimes awkward is in the eye of the nervous. Psi isn't scrutinizing Ginko's movements. He hardly noticed the twitching of Ginko's tail while he was speaking, and he doesn't really notice Ginko's hesitation now as he reaches out to the Psionic. He's just glad for the gesture to be honest. He feels relieved, and he slumps as the tension leaves his body. He wasn't being turned away. Just the opposite, Ginko was actually listening to what he had to say, and while there was a part of him that still felt guilty for coming here, mostly he was just relieved.

Ginko's perspective is different. The things he says sound reasonable, and Psi sort of wonders why he didn't think to tell himself the sorts of things he's hearing now. He never was very good at thinking about things reasonably though. Just another stunning personal flaw he supposed. The thought has him deflating, as does Ginko's advice of giving things time. He really hated waiting. He rests his arm on his leg as he hunches over somewhat. It's sort of a silly looking position to be in when you're sitting on a bed and as tall as Psi is.

"If time could fix it before I doubt it will now." He takes a breath before just biting the bullet. "I sort of, just shouted his business out to everyone."

...Ah.

"So that's what that was." Ginko sighs and pushes his free hand through his hair. The one on Psi's shoulder stays where it is. It just... lives there now, he guesses.

"Yeah, he's probably pretty upset about that. But that's just another reason the first step there is going to have to be to apologize. If you don't think he'll let you do it in person, then you can leave him a note or something."

He blushes a bit at the comment, the freckles on his face glowing brighter for just a moment. Ginko had heard that?

"I guess that makes sense..."

It still sucks though, having a fight with a good friend. Joker was arguably his best friend here actually. He sinks down even further.

"Sorry for bothering you with this."

Edited 2017-05-17 03:49 (UTC)

"Don't worry about it." He gives a small shrug. "I don't mind talking through things if you need to; I'm glad to help."

It's only after he says that that he remembers - again - the whole pale romance thing. That must have sounded really weirdly forward? Shit, has he sounded like that to Psi all this time??

He smiles, before leaning over and resting his head on Ginko's shoulder. Forward? Yes, but he didn't care at the exact moment.

"Thanks."

Oh. Ginko goes very, very still, not even breathing for a couple seconds.

"N...no problem."

This is a lot more physical contact than he had bargained for oh god

Not breathing isn't good, and Psi definitely notices it happening, so after a moment he draws back. He figures he should just leave, but... Well without Joker to mess around with he was sort of... Lonely? Which really was just an embarrassing and stupid thing to think in his mind. Before Signless he'd been alone all the time and it hadn't ever bothered him like it did now. But maybe that was only because he hadn't known what he was missing out on, or something. This whole thing was dumb and he was dumb for thinking it.

"Well, I guess I'll get out of you hair then."

Edited 2017-05-17 18:58 (UTC)

Ginko relaxes a little when Psi draws away, though he does feel kind of bad for freezing up on him like that. But... well, it's not like he ever knows how else to respond when someone does something like that.

He would wonder why he's so bad at this, but let's face it, it probably has to do with the years of near-isolation.

His ears give a slight flick, and it takes him a moment longer than he'd like to think of how to respond. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to - it's alright."

There's a hesitation before Ginko speaks, and Psi can't help wondering if it's because the human really doesn't want him around after all. He smiles, looking away.

"You don't have to be so polite. I don't mind getting kicked out before I start to annoy you."

What? Ginko frowns, leaning over to look at him.

"...Psi, since when am I ever polite? If I didn't want you here I'd say so."

Psi smiles weakly, because all though Ginko may not have much in the way of formal manners, he is definitely one of the kindest people at the carnival.

"Okay."

Edited 2017-05-19 02:27 (UTC)

"I mean it." He doesn't know if Psi is actually doubting what he said, but he wants to be sure. "You can stay here as long as you need to, alright?"

"No, I believe you." His smile grows fonder, more sincere. "You're a good person."

Somehow, even if the sentiment itself isn't too much of a surprise from Psi, hearing it said so bluntly catches him off-guard. He takes a couple moments to reply, his shoulders hunching.

"...Thanks. I mean, I'm... glad you think so."

He looks away. They weren't really the same, which is to say the differences were glaring, but sometimes in some ways.

"You remind me of someone... Actually."

"...Yeah?" Ginko's tail swishes a bit by his hooves, caught between curiosity and not wanting to press too much.

He nods, gaze shifting as he thinks of their similarities.

"Yeah... Patient, kind. He couldn't stand to see someone suffering, even if it was his worst enemy... Maybe that parts not like you, but." He shrugs.

Honestly he wasn't sure if that last part fit Ginko or not, but that was probably because Ginko didn't have any enemies in the first place.

"He wasn't shy either, so I guess that's another difference."

It's a pretty flattering description, that's for sure - though Ginko can't say anything as far as his view of his enemies, either, having never considered someone as such. The closest he could remember was a few unpleasant or dangerous people he'd rather not see again.

Trying to think of a serious response to that gives him pause, so instead he gives a vaguely embarrassed laugh. "Uh... thanks, I guess. Though I wouldn't say I'm shy, exactly."

Psi's smile widens as his grown grows more amused than fond, though there's still plenty of fondness there to be certain.

"You wouldn't?" he asks, not bothering to hide any disbelief that came through. In his mind Ginko was pretty much the definition of shy. He didn't like sharing things about himself and he was awkward around strangers, well judging from the way he acted at public gathering's at least.

"Well-- no. I'm just... reserved, I guess. Saying I'm shy makes it sound like I'm scared of people or something - which I'm not."

Just to be clear.

He makes a thoughtful humming side as he looks away, thinking that over in his head.

"I don't think shy means you're scared of people... I think it means you're worried about what people will think." Eventually is what he decides on. He wasn't sure if the difference was distinct enough to Ginko, but it felt different enough to him.

"Signless wasn't afraid of talking to anyone though... He could turn a situation around just by talking to someone, make them see things in ways they hadn't before."

He was... He was amazing. The Psionic sighs wistfully, for a moment lost in his memories.

"Yeah? Guess that is another way of looking at it."

It does seem like a difference worth noting - though, for the most part, Ginko isn't used to thinking of himself as being particularly concerned with other people's opinions of him, either. It doesn't matter what a stranger thinks of him, unless he specifically needs them to trust him.

But then, there aren't usually all that many strangers around in the carnival, and if he doesn't know someone already, he's bound to soon. Suddenly, what those around him think matters a lot more than it used to, whether he wants it to or not.

Ginko's ears tilt forward as Psi keeps talking. Just hearing the way he talks about Signless is more than enough to make it clear just how much he thinks of him - and how much he cares about him. Ginko can hardly think of what he could possibly say in response.

"...You must miss him."

He notices that Ginko doesn't bother saying Psi's interpretation of shyness doesn't apply to him, but lets the subject drop. He's much to distracted right now to argue that point anyway, his mind wrapped up in memories as it is. He's brought abruptly back to reality at the comment from Ginko though, and finds himself pulling back a bit at the comment.

He did miss Signless, and the others as well, but it wasn't something he particularly wanted to talk about. Which wasn't to say that he didn't like talking about Signless and the Disciple and the Dolorosa, he just didn't like dwelling on how much he missed them. Eventually the question became 'Why didn't he simply go back?' and that was a question even he wasn't sure how to answer. He looks away, nodding, antennae drooping as he tried to avoid the uncertain thoughts the question brought to his mind.

He'd love to see them, if only the threat of execution wasn't hanging so near over their heads. He supposed the answer he didn't want to give was that he was afraid. He'd already told Ginko as much by the lake, but he didn't think the human quite understand just how terrifying a thing it was for him, or how much of a coward it made him feel.

"I wasn't even 'the Psionic' when I met him... He literally changed my life." He smiles weakly, glancing Ginko's way once more. "He's the one I told you about before."

Before their argument, right after the vampires had attacked, he'd told Ginko about Signless although he'd never said the troll's title. He'd told Ginko about the man who told him it was alright to care.

"I'd still be a slave if it weren't for him."

Ginko does not at all mind moving the topic away from whether he's shy or not. Frankly, this seems more relevant to... everything.

"That was the same guy?" The more Ginko hears about this guy, the clearer it becomes how important he is to Psi. "...I'm glad you met him."

Edited 2017-05-21 22:36 (UTC)

He laughs, shaking his head.

"Me too." No matter what happened, his life was better now for the experiences he'd had since meeting Signless. Even if he was afraid of the future, he didn't regret that.

"Otherwise I wouldn't have met you."

"Exactly what I was thinking."

From what he's heard, he can't imagine that Psi would be anything but worse off if he hadn't met the Signless - or, judging by how awful his world sounds, if he hadn't ended up here. Otherwise, Ginko might wonder if it was selfish of him to be so glad for the Psionic's presence. But as it is, this really does seem to be what's best for him.

He's actually surprised to hear Ginko respond in kind for a moment. Instantly though, the shock becomes a kind of glee, and he actually looks away, the freckles on his face glowing briefly brighter.

"...What about you?" he asks, after a moment, struggling to regain his composure. He assumes they all have at least one person back home they'd like to see again, after all.

"Me?" Taken by surprise, Ginko takes a couple seconds to backtrack in the conversation enough to work out what Psi is asking.

"...Guess it's been weird, going so long without seeing Adashino. He was a doctor back home; we've known each other a while, and he'd buy items I picked up from my work whenever I stopped by."

That didn't really sound like a friend to Psi, but it's not like he was an expert on human relationships.

"Were you guys close at all?"

Edited 2017-05-26 00:24 (UTC)

"I guess so." Thinking about Adashino is one thing, but talking about him to someone else is a lot more difficult - particularly while trying to separate their personal relationship from their professional involvement, since he supposes Psi is mostly interested in the former.

"He was... a weird guy." Ginko snorts quietly. "He couldn't see mushi, but he was completely fascinated with them. So, he just collected artifacts and such instead... and bothered me about my health every time I stopped by. ...You guys would probably get along."

It made sense being fascinated by something you couldn't see. Especially with mushi, a group of creatures that seemed capable of a million different impossible things. He laughs at the comment about them getting along though.

"Because we both want you to not die?"

"Yes, that's one thing. Plus you're both too straightforward for your own good, and you make a habit of getting into other people's business."

The phrasing may sound harsh, but there's a definite hint of fondness in his voice, all the same.

It's not anything that he would normally take as an insult, especially about the being straightforward bit. He wasn't sure it was possible to be too straightforward. When was being straight forward a bad thing? Never, that's when. But getting into other people's business, well, all too recently he'd heard that in a rather more negative. But Ginko doesn't say it harshly, more like he admires it. That makes him happy.

"Thanks."

BITCH SESH

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