lostcarnival | Something something the carnival is doomed.

Entry tags:

taako,
zim

Something something the carnival is doomed.

Who: Taako and Zim.
When: Before the event after they are assigned a trailer.
Where: Their new trailer!
What: New roomies! New digs! This is going to go so well.
Warnings: Language, and Zim is prejudiced against non-Irkens. The worst birds and the bees talk ever happens as well.

The Backyard is one of the few places Zim hasn't extensively examined, and for several reasons. One, he already has an excellent base and therefore no need for some backwater "trailer" residence pod, whatever a "trailer" is. Next, it being the homes of these gross mutants is off-putting and repulsive to him. Finally, he's been busy doing other things like getting offended at the lake and suspiciously eyeing some of the rides and game booths.

However, he did apparently get assigned one and it's only a matter of time before he decides to actually see it. Not out of any need for rest - Irkens don't need to sleep - but out of curiosity. Maybe there's some useful equipment he can commandeer for some evil plans. Or an evil escape. An evil something? He hasn't thought that part through yet.

He's standing in front of a small trailer, unimpressed. If he had eyebrows he'd be raising them, but instead he bends over to see that the trailer doesn't even extend into the ground. It's just... a little silver capsule, no basement, no underground labs, nothing. If it was a ship it would still be a piece of junk, in his opinion. It's lack of flight capabilities is just one more reason why it's terrible, and it makes him throw his hands in the air. "This is it?" He says to no one in particular. "It's garbage! There aren't any proper defenses! No communications array! Not even any little lawn animals! How am I supposed to work with this??"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh. Holy shit.

Taako actually sits up at that, a grin of disbelief across his face.

"Aw, oh my god. You're actually kinda cute. What the fuck."

Zim is baffled at that reaction, before annoyance quickly settles in. "Cute? Zim is NOT cute. I'm a tool of unstoppable destruction and cruelty!"

"Okay, okay."

Taako doesn't say anything else. He just picks himself up and flips over so that he can lay on his stomach, chin propped up on his hand.

He just... grins.

"So, like... you still look about five, kemosabe."

"ZIM! My name is ZIM!" He replies, unsure of what 'kemosabe' is supposed to mean and therefore just emphasizing his name instead of bothering to ask. "And I don't even know where you got that number! Going by Earth numbers, I've gone through YEARS, DECADES of military training! More than any human could go through in their entire lifetime!"

"Okay, fine. But you still don't seem to know what a dingaling is, am I right?"

Taako kicks his legs childishly as he interrogates the alien, eyebrows raised smugly.

That is an expression that reads the explanation is probably something that is disgusting and repulsive, but psychological warfare. An obsessively militaristic little alien like Zim can't give that up so easily.

"Filthy, inferior biology?" Is his best guess.

"... eeeeehhhhhhh, well, sometimes, sure." Taako smirks and shrugs his shoulders. "That depends on the dingaling, my man."

Why is he smirking, what are they even discussing. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he responds, baffled.

"Junk. You know. Stuff." Taako is the last person you should ever try to discuss sex with, especially if you have no fundamental understanding of sex in the first place. "The family jewels. The mushroom sword. Dick. We're talking about dick, my dude."

And, with a deadly serious expression, just in case he still hasn't gotten it: "Penis."

Zim just kind of. Blinks.

Look, he thinks humans have arm control nerves in their bellies and that they need their eyes open in order to breathe. He isn't an expert on human anatomy, though he'd never admit it, and coming from an alien species that not only hatches its young via test tubes, but in fact only has fleshy bodies for the purpose of transporting their actual selves, robotic brains, around, it should not be at all surprising that he is not familiar with slang for genitalia. Or correct biological terms for genitalia that isn't horrifically alien in nature.

So yes, he is Really and Truly Not Getting It right now.

"... y'know, there comes a point where you don't even know enough for me to be able to explain what I'm talking about, and I'll be real with you, my dude, I am about to give up here."

How the fuck does this thing even reproduce? Wait, he super doesn't want to think about that.

"Then find another way to explain it! I need to know how this ties into psychological warfare!" He shouts, jabbing a finger at Taako menacingly (trying to be, anyways). Warfare isn't something he gives up on easily, especially if he can use it against humans.

Oh, goddammit. Now he's painted himself into a corner. Either he admits he was fucking with him before, or he continues to lie and digs the hole deeper.

"It's a thing some people have. There, good enough for you?"

"Of course it isn't!" He snaps back. "Stop stalling and tell ZIM!"

"Okay. Okay, I didn't wanna really get into it, because I didn't want to scare you... but okay. I think you can handle it." Taako sighs gravely. "... look. Some humans have this... certain organ on their bodies. It responds to tension, right? It starts off okay, and then that tension builds and builds as things get harder... and then, at the veeery peak of that tension... bam!"

He makes a sudden gesture with his hands, his fingers spread out as if illustrating an explosion.

"Spiders just fuckin' pour out all over the place. I know, I know, it's gross, I just... hope you understand my stalling now."

"Spiders?" There is no outright dismissal, but Zim does look thoughtful - intrigued, in fact! - at this new information. Spiders are pretty terrible, so psychological warfare with them makes sense. Still....

"I've harvested plenty of human organs and I don't remember any that expel spiders." Then again, he didn't grab every single organ in order to fool that nurse, just a whole bunch of them, so maybe he overlooked it.

"... wait, what?" That actually manages to knock Taako right off of his train of thought, violet eyes widened slightly.

Okay, even though this guy isn't human his species apparently doesn't indulge much in experimentation of other species or things like stealing organs to remain incognito. The former a perfectly normal thing for aliens, don't judge him! The latter is just... Zim.

There's an awkward beat of silence. Then Zim says, "I mean... What?"

"Did you just say you steal organs from humans?"

Taako is actually staring directly at him, entirely lucid for once.

"Ha ha! Of course I didn't, you repulsive goblin!" That awkwardness is not abating as he forces that laugh. "Your hearing is defective!"

"Okay, first off, take it back or I'll shrink you twice as tiny as the last time." It's not a thread he can actually make any good on, as far as he knows, but Zim doesn't know that. "Second, that's bullshit and we both know it."

Zim shrinks back slightly, very quickly saying, "Ididnotjustcallyouarepulsivegoblin, I mean elf creature." So, don't shrink him again. Please.

"Anywhoo, it was just some temporary replacement. Totally fine! They all lived, probably!"

"Holy shit. Okay, uh, can I ask why?" He seems much more concerned with that than the fact that people's organs were stolen and they only "probably" lived.

"Oh, you know, extremely important invader reasons!" As if Taako has any idea what that is, Zim is just going to go ahead and assume it. "My mission outweighed their need for organs."

"... okay, I mean... that sounds like something aliens are supposed to do, I guess, sure," he says, flopping over on his bed in clear confusion-- he's basically resigned himself to that state of being whenever he's talking to Zim, however. "Just don't touch my organs, you got that? I'm still using these babies."

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