tacosgay: (10 9 8)
Taako ([personal profile] tacosgay) wrote in [community profile] lostcarnival2018-03-05 09:57 am
Entry tags:

the me that you know, he doesn't come around much [Closed?]

What: Taako is handed over to the proper authorities after getting his shit pushed in; the proper authorities then toss him in a cave. Foster comes over to make things worse. (Reira also helps.)
Who: Taako, Foster, and Reira
When: Day 19
Where: Jail. Where Taako belongs.
Warnings: The Adventure Zone: Balance spoilers, strong language, Foster. Possibly other stuff that I'll add later.



Taako must have gotten killed. Well... to be exact, Dupree must have, which, first off, how? What the fuck? And second, shit. Waking up in the medical tent had been disorienting, but at least then he hadn't had the energy to feel properly upset about it; here in the fucking time-out cave, he's perfectly aware enough to feel every bit of pissed off that he truly is at Peridot and Jasper for fucking things up so bad. Do they even know what they've done?

Pff, probably not. That seems to be a theme for the non-Harbingers. They have no fuckin' clue, and they're very, very vocal about it. Also violent.

All of this would honestly be fine if it weren't for the additional fact that his magic has been stripped from him-- both Harbinger and otherwise. He's a wizard who can't cast. He's pretty much utterly useless now, just some asshole in a cave, waiting to see what his former boss/kidnapper is going to do with him when she can't just snap her fingers and "fix" him.

He's sitting, silent, with his back against the wall of the cave, his arms folded across his chest and gaze directed pointedly at the dirt. There's a heat and intensity in that gaze that is very, very unusual for him; but just beneath it is total hopelessness.

Without his magic, he's useless. And RM isn't known for returning what she's taken; not without something in return. But Taako has nothing else to give her this time. She already has his time, his actual physical being, and now his magic. So, he supposes, this must be it. He just has to wait and see what the carnival does with fuckups like him.

criticallyfucked: (Blink if you can hear me)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-05 06:42 pm (UTC)(link)
The Carnival talks. It talks a lot. Admittedly, it talks a lot less around Foster, and often shuts up entirely when he's around, but it still talks. So he knows.

And he's surprised--and disappointed--to find that the Harbinger they captured is Taako.

Foster's round hooves track over the smudged earth and stone of the cave, but he finds his way. He wasn't in what one would call 'good shape' when he was here last, and anyway, the holes rotted in his mind, the infinite riddling labyrinths of disease and decay had not exactly written him a map.

He was also the one behind bars then. He's never been completely sure why he still isn't, and feels no better about it now than he did then. There were so many times he should have died, would have died, was begging to die, was literally demanding to die.

But every time, he was denied. Every time, he was punished to live, because he hadn't done enough, hadn't suffered enough, hadn't served enough.

So he's trying again. He has his purpose to serve, and now that purpose, that power is marked on his flesh.

He stops in front of the bars, staring at Taako through his beady little eyes, and waits.
criticallyfucked: (The earth will overflow tonight)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-05 07:13 pm (UTC)(link)
"I thought you were smarter than that," Foster doesn't bother to clarify what he thought Taako was smarter than--whether it's getting captured or failing to recognise him as a three foot tall teddytaur or something else entirely.

For once, his tone is openly disparaging, his head tipped to the side in a more condescending, detached kind of way.
criticallyfucked: (Hold onto your humility)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-05 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
"Me?" Foster echoes back, and laughs. "Since when do I know anything?"

It's not just him, either. Apparently, if you ask around, he doesn't know shit. Creation, the Void, the answers to simple questions... he doesn't know anything about anything, even the things he's known all along, all his life!

It's true! He's absolutely stupid.

"... well," he hedges out loud, specifically for Taako's benefit. "Maybe I do know something."
criticallyfucked: (Everything will go tonight)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-05 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Brag? Him?

Foster looks briefly amazed at the idea--like it hadn't occurred to him that such a thing could even be considered--then shakes his head, his soft ears flopping slightly.

"Oh, no."

He looks at Taako again, head cocked at that same odd angle. Whether Lambert believes him or not, whether Syrlya listens to him or not, whether Yuya is capable or not. It doesn't really matter. Faith is... nothing. It's worthless. Knowledge is something. Not a lot, but it's something. And him... he doesn't have much, but he has... well.

Something.

"I have much bigger plans." And so saying, he smiles broadly, spreading his claws and paws wide.

"I'm here to help."
Edited 2018-03-10 05:44 (UTC)
criticallyfucked: (From across the untold miles)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-12 07:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Even if Foster were physically capable of breaking Taako out, he can't and couldn't do it. Whether or not he wanted to, even. And it's not like it doesn't appeal to him, the idea of breaking free one of the Void's own chosen, freeing Taako and returning him to apocalyptic purpose... of course that's what he wants. But no.

Not as long as the Ringmaster opposes the Void, he can't.

So, he serves Creation, for Her, and Taako will either have to overcome him or succumb to it. He thinks he knows enough about Taako to predict which it'll be.

"Nope!" he replies in a bright tone. Then, emboldened:

"I don't think your sister would like that."
criticallyfucked: (From across the untold miles)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-12 08:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah. There it is. That look. The kind of reaction Foster has come to expect, and look forward to. Communication, mediation, de-escalation... none of those words achieve much power in Foster's experiences. Antagonism, though...

"Are you telling me that she would be happy with this?" he wants to know. He's even genuine about it, casual and up-front and curious. One front hoof paws the stone. He crosses his arms, but not defensively.

"It was just a guess. But she seemed pretty important to you, so I figured you would care about what she wanted." You know, whether the multiverse was ending or not, and by whose hand.
Edited 2018-03-12 20:14 (UTC)
criticallyfucked: (Hold onto your humility)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-12 09:02 pm (UTC)(link)
"Wrong."

The word might as well be a piano dropped through the roof and into the conversation between them. He actually drops the smile, if only momentarily.

"I know you remember Portland. Did you think I forgot?" hat's as far as it goes before the smile comes back--it's thinner, though not bitterly. Just rueful. Whether self-deprecatingly or condescendingly is less clear. At least it brightens back up after another second.

"You want to know something interesting? Amethyst was also chosen by the Void. She's a familiar now."
criticallyfucked: (But ground yourself with Jacob's Ladder)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-13 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
Taako's words actually cut deep--deeper than he knows, much deeper. Does he know about Herbert? What Herbert did to him? Does he know--no, of course he doesn't know how this feels. How it feels to be rejected, and to reject it. The Void... Herbert... Amethyst, Steven. How much Taako knows or doesn't know...

"If only." If only the Void had answered him. If only Herbert hadn't done that. If only the inevitable meant something to anyone except him. But he knows it doesn't. If this staging has shown him anything, it's that it doesn't, that what he suffers for, what he suffers from is still an affliction unique to him, that the desolation and misery, the agony of others is nothing like the one known to him at all.

"But I don't think it matters. You know I have no time left--and what I do have is wasted on me! So don't delude yourself into caring what I do with it. Amethyst doesn't. What she does without me doesn't matter. Trash isn't worth that kind of time. But you haven't seen Lup in.... how long? It was a pretty long time.... are you okay with that?" His little eyes are locked with Taako's, both his smile and his intentions perversely sincere.

"That's what I don't understand." He drops it briefly to divert himself, conversational for just a moment. But he picks right back up again.

"The multiverse includes her too, you know. Maybe that's your plan. She'll never know what hit her. What happened, before it's over. Or what happened to you. It's almost painless." Almost?

Ha ha.

"Of course, painless is as painless does. I mean, you're not me."

He left his own parents in ignorance out of kindness, because that's the kind of mercy he could give. Because that's the merciful end to giving life to some idiotic garbage that would never mean anything, never matter at all. The merciful end to giving birth to, living with, being responsible for a disease.

They already knew, they all knew how it would end. But no one wants to be there for it.

Except him.

Ignorance really is bliss.

The only difference is he can't ignore it.

But Taako--oh, Taako can. He remembers Taako weeping over the mere memory of his sister. Teeth gritted, fists clenched, voice raised. He remembers Taako's grief and his fury. And he remembers Taako before and Taako after. Lup is something to him. Something dear.

Maybe the only dear thing in the world. So what? He has something.

"So if you want to serve the end, then please, do it! End this, end all of it--it's the least you can do." There's a pause for silence, the kind Taako probably remembers--

"But do you really want to end everything without seeing her again?"
criticallyfucked: (From across the untold miles)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-13 06:14 pm (UTC)(link)
"I don't fucking get it?" Foster echoes, like Taako is the one being unreasonable here. Like he really cannot believe Taako would accuse him of not knowing.

Because he does know something about this. He knows everything about this. Everything that matters. He knows what Taako thinks. He knows because he does, in fact, fucking get it.

Another time, he'd laugh--and laughing, say of course he doesn't, of course, he's too stupid to possibly understand. He has no empathy for other people. He never has--what other people think and feel is inscrutable to him. Meaningless. Nonsense and noise. As far as he can divine, those emotions exist in a different world, on the kind of higher plane actual people inhabit and not worthless, stupid garbage, like him.

But this?

He does laugh--and laughing, he smiles, as though he he's totally willing to believe it.

But instead of the expected, what he says is "Okay. Then I want you to look me in the eye and say that you're fine with never seeing her again."
Edited (Welp my keyboard is probably dead so please forgive any typos or terseness) 2018-03-13 18:14 (UTC)
soft_focus: (-OBLIGATORY GLOOM SHADOW-)

[personal profile] soft_focus 2018-03-13 07:17 pm (UTC)(link)
It is no secret to her, that Foster doesn't care, and cares less of himself. It is admittedly, to a point, a part of why she has followed him here. Stalking from a distance, staring curiously on her own trek to sit near Taako to see what Cole meant by the oddness of how the Harbringers felt.

Standing there didn't reveal any oddness of course. Hiding around the corner, feeling the initially cool and then steadily rising tension of their anger and upset shows nothing more than that-though it is certainly strange to feel emotions so purely from Foster, she supposes.

Reira does not reveal herself however, not even before they speak. Instead she stands around the corner and frowns, listening. Her daemon- currently a momonga squirrel on her shoulder, thought it more beneficial perhaps. Foster had seemed certain about...something, involving the Harbringers right? So maybe there was something to it.

It is so confusing however. Portland being mentioned again, this matter of ending it all, not ending it, and so forth. And naturally, it's no surprise that Foster is...well, an advocate for that. He'd certainly made that clear before, and she doubts his opinion would change in a matter of hours.

But everything else...

'Do you really want to end it all without seeing her again?'

Somehow it is those words that cut. She doesn't know who 'Lup' is. Someone important, given Taako's rising response, someone very, very important, but no one she knows. But something about that statement hits her, more so as Taako answers-as he protests, insists in his anger that Foster doesn't know, he can't know, he-

It is the calm that has her snap, and without thinking she peers around the corner, taking in Foster's demand. But somehow all she hears is something else, all she hears is something she said, that mean, cruel thing that was supposed to make it better, and alright, and...

'Wouldn't you rather have your real sister?' She had said, and even though she'd agreed not to leave, she had done it anyway.

She didn't give him a chance, did she? She didn't, and without thinking there are tears watering and she tears around the corner with a muffled, grunting cry that cuts short as it meets stuffed fur and cloth. Her arms wrap around from under the other's forelegs-squeezing, and squeezing tight, and there was something to be said perhaps, about the supposed link between hugging 'cute things' and wanting nothing more than to squeeze so hard that it simply snapped in half and stopped breathing but she can't even think to try that so instead as tears stain the back of Foster's stupid pink coat her legs wobble, and her arms simply give way to dropping the thing an inch or so to the side.

Foster on the ground. She herself, standing there. In front of the cell. Head bowed, and eyes hidden.

...And she's quiet. And shaking. And.

"...n...no one." And her daemon tries to muzzle against her wet chin but it means hardly anything when there is still so much in the air, a never-ending, stressfilled reminder of what she did, almost did, and only 'almost' because of someone else's wish.

"....No one...wants to disappear without warning someone like that." She could even say it for Foster, perhaps-with the excuse of inconvenience over convenience, making sure no one wasted a breath over even searching, but these words are far, far from being meant for Foster's velveteen ears. "....n...not even if everyone is supposed to go...a...And..."

...

She didn't....give that warning...
criticallyfucked: (Doubt's not in your genes)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-15 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Foster is so disoriented by events at first that, frankly, it's just a series of ghoulish experiences, each of which lasts far longer in his perception than in reality, and none of which are anything but nightmarish for him.

Reira's arrival is so sudden, her arms wrapping tight around him--he's lifted off the ground by her without warning, still squeezed about the middle by her small and unwelcome arms, he can feel something wet in his fur--and then he's dropped, which would actually be a relief but for the repulsive feeling turning his stomach, crawling in and under his skin and through his nerves.

It does give Reira the stage, though, and he does hear her even if his attention to it is... hampered, both by the alien nature of her emotion and how much he would like to cease existing right the fuck now.

This has already been exhausting--pretending to be 'himself,' whoever or whatever that really is, doing and saying the things he knows should feel right to him but somehow don't, like whatever he's supposed to be is on the other side of a glass pane--is exhausting. He knows what the right thing is, but it doesn't feel right at all and he's exhausted and miserable trying to keep up with it, with chasing it down.

And Foster understands what Taako means when he says those words, he understands it so deeply that he feels it. The need to not only go down with the ship but be the one to steer it to its fateful, its fatal course. How could he not--it's the only time he does feel, the crash and pull of the tides of fate, the crushing nearness of that terrible space, the exhilarating, awful power of knowing exactly the precipice on which you stand--!

And knowing that by your hand, each next wave could be the one to bring its fall upon you, to in so doing feel it either lift you up or take you with it--!

But Taako is also pretending--he's pretending to be him, playing at being Foster himself with this fake fatalism and sight of truth that Foster can see right through, so full of holes and flimsy, paper-thin layers that he gives lip service to but for which he never follows through.

Taako can lie like a dog, but there's not mistaking it: he's shamefully faithful to Lup, cares about her so deeply that even Foster can tell.

His professed devotion to the Void is not only meaningless but insulting.

So when he speaks from the floor, it's to Taako and only to Taako.

"That doesn't sound like not giving a shit to me."
soft_focus: (extra 19)

[personal profile] soft_focus 2018-03-15 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
While she shakes, she listens, and while she listens, she shakes. Taako's words pass over her, their accusation not so much striking her but instead floating around uselessly, unrelated to her own intentions. Foster's words die in her ears, when he speaks up again-they aren't for her but more importantly they aren't hers. And together the comments from the pair have her choke back her present breath, preparing to bring forward her own. If there is one thing she would love to never think about doing at all, it would be 'trying to make someone do something by force'.

She does that enough with Foster for the sake of the other just doing 'right' by himself, after all, and Foster is right here, making it worse. "...I DIDN'T COME HERE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING!" she shouts, eyes squeezed shut while she directs her focus to Taako. And then, in silence, she chokes, and shakes, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "I wasn't going to talk at all..! ...I just wanted to see if they were right-about the Harbringers having 'weird feelings'..! But they're not weird at all-they're just normal feelings, like people have when it looks like nothing's going to be alright, like hi-"

There is a hiccup, though it seems more as though she was about to say 'him'. "L...Like people who want everything to just stop..." she 'finishes', trying but failing to use a deep breath to steady her words. "...They're normal feelings," she continues, still trembling. "J...Just like his are, now," the girl adds, glancing only briefly at the bear on the floor. "...And even if something happens to make someone feel something, that doesn't make the feeling fake. ...it's a feeling, and that's real."

But that's not the point. That. ...That isn't the point at all, and as she said, she didn't come to talk about it in the first place. "....It doesn't matter what you, or anyone think about it right now," she says quietly. "...If it's going to stop, it will. And... ...I don't think it will, not really, I guess. So...you're sort of right, to think I was thinking that. For me...kg...I guess... ...For me, it's not as bad as it could be," Reira determines, glancing aside with her shadowed eyes. "...There are... ...lots of worse things, things I know are worse, that aren't here, in this place" the girl says gently. "...things that mean everything really does have to stop, and start over again with something new." That was, after all, what happened with Zarc.

"...but..." She swallows. She can't talk about that, after all. "...That doesn't mean I'm going to tell you to think it won't end. ...No one is the same person. ...That wouldn't be right at all. So if people want to disagree, they should be able to. Whoever is wrong, we find out no matter what... But..."

But Foster's words from earlier echo, and the girl chews her lip. Her fists tighten, and shake, and she deliberately keeps her gaze away from that bear. "...but...n...no one should leave, without warning their most important person, if they can," Reira insists, half choking once again. And her head is still, even now, bowed. Her eyes still hidden, her arms, as stiff as the clenched fists shaking violently against her sides. "A-And...n...no one should have to pretend it's not going to hurt, when they say goodbye..!" she continues-for it was Foster's words which made her react, not Taako's. It was Foster's needling, and poking, and prying, that made her rush out-Not Taako's. And it's not fair, it's not right, but the words are echoing in her own ears just as much as they likely did in Taako's own, dancing with the sensation of a hurt that doesn't mark the skin. "N- ...Not when you say goodbye to them, or to everything else, w..whether it's the world going away, or j..Or just them! No one can make that 'not hurt', and...and no should make anyone pretend..! ...D...Doing that is... ...Doing that is..."

...It would be the cruelest thing, undoubtedly, and what was more, if it hadn't been for Yuuya, she would have done that herself. Left alone with words that she had never truly apologized for, and an infant that wouldn't have been her-not ever again. The girl's legs finally give out-along with her voice, cracking into more broken and open sobs.

"Kghkh...Kgh..gh... ...T...Taako," she manages, finally letting the light hit them as tears shine across wide and puffy eyes. "...I did s...something really...really wrong, I think..."
soft_focus: (extra 17)

just drive a knife right here, through my heart, goodbye-

[personal profile] soft_focus 2018-03-16 04:31 pm (UTC)(link)
"....I don't think either of those things work," she sniffs quietly. She had thought... "...M...making it all end faster... ...that means there's still little things, doesn't there?" The girl swallows.

But tries to continue-tries to relate to the other's words (because that hurt is there and it's so strong, so very, very strong, and it shocks down to the core the more it's there)-tries, with her words feeling like syrup chalking up her throat. "...my..n...niisama..." There is a hiccup. And...

"...Niisama is...the first one who said I wasn't just 'empty'," Reira whispers. "...For me...he's d...definitely the 'coolest'," she decides, not quite familiar with the descriptor. "...I thought...if it means he can stay alive, and have a happy family...then it's ok to stop existing, right..?"

She didn't say goodbye properly-and she supposes now she'll have that chance again, but-

"...If I wasn't here, I wouldn't exist anymore," Reira finally reveals, swallowing thickly. "...Everything was going to go away. Everything already almost did. ...And someone had to fix it...but...I th...I think the way I did it...wasn't as good as I thought it would be... ...I s... I told him it was going to be better with R....With his other sister, instead of me... And...and that wasn't true, and I think it hurt him, a lot..!" The admittance comes on shaking breaths-but she cannot help but feel some ounce of determination to try and do more than just explain things. Because indeed- "And... ...If I wasn't here, that would be how it happened... I'd be gone, and...and he wouldn't get to hear...a...anything else, but..."

...

"...When there's still time left, you can do...little things. They're not big things," Reira clarifies, chewing her lip. "...They can't make the ending happen slower. ...But if there's still time left...I want to use it for something anyway. Because I can make someone like niisama smile again. I...I can make someone happy, just for a little bit," the girl chokes. "It's not about fixing it...it..." Deep breaths.

Deep breaths-it's an extension of what she already thought-what she already believed-but just thinking about it and how there is a chance, that just being here means she's not gone and her brother doesn't have to think she's gone and-

"...When this pillar goes away, I don't know if my world will. ...They said lots of places will end. ...But we don't know if ours will, right away...so even for that little bit of time, even if I know it has to stop soon... ...I think, as long as you use that time to do things like say goodbye, and make the important people laugh, and smile, and feel just a little better, for a little bit... ...that's better than throwing it out. ...It doesn't need help to get thrown out-it can do that alone."

"We have the time before that for a reason though, I think. Time to just...make someone else feel a little better. Even if it doesn't change anything else. ...you still made someone important feel better."

...She thinks she knows what to do, when she sees her brother again, now.
criticallyfucked: (The earth will overflow tonight)

[personal profile] criticallyfucked 2018-03-17 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
This performance is exactly why Foster lets Reira have the reins the way he does, listens to her the way he does, speaks to her the way he does, submit to her the way he does. It's not that he doesn't believe her feelings are real. He is certain they are, as much as he's ever certain anyone's feelings are.

There's something uncanny about the child, about her timing and her understanding, something strange and knowing and prescient. About what she says, and how and when she says it.

He listens from the floor, still lying on his side where Reira ignominously dumped him. He listens, but doesn't say anything while she bares her heart to Taako, rips open her soul and bleeds tears and grief onto the stone beneath their feet.

But whatever is happening between Taako and Reira is exclusively between Taako and Reira; or at least, he isn't feeling any part of it, if he's even supposed to be.

He doubts it. That's why she threw him aside, after all! His usefulness ended, she got rid of him, discarding him like the trash he is.

His nerves feel like they were removed and replaced upside-down, his thoughts snarled and empty all at once. Something she says--one thing, briefly, catches his attention, but he shuts that down before his too-fast thoughts, too-eager self can take it where it doesn't belong.

He's ready to stop existing any second now.