lostcarnival | ⇨ THE EPILOGUE

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⇨ THE EPILOGUE

Who: Everyone!
When: Day 61
Where: The Carnival
What: After all the rescues team return, it will be matter of tending to the wounded and getting the hell out of dodge. The Ringmaster can handle the fleeing part, but someone will need to look after those in the medical tent. Or, maybe, you just want to show up and ask what the hell happened.
Warnings: Some messed up consequences of faerie fuckery.

IN REPAIR↴

As the minutes tick past, all four rescue groups will eventually return. Everyone in the carnival is encouraged to help out, ensuring that the rescues and victims both are taken care of after the fact. You can tag in here as rescuers taking care of business around the carnival, victims recovering, or other workers checking in to see what's going on. This log is for general aftermath threads, made by anyone.

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"...Yeah."

It's hard not to feel the terrible weight of that admission. It's not like it isn't extremely obvious to anyone who knows anything about the two of them, but it's hard to acknowledge just how badly someone has hurt you. Even though he got away this time, it doesn't feel like she'll ever really be gone.

Even if he never saw her again, she wouldn't be. It makes him feel so helpless.

"I just... got really unlucky I guess," he says, his voice catching with the emotion he's trying to hold down.

"... Yeah." There's really nothing else to it, is there? When their heads and memories were messed with in Portland, Steven just got really unlucky.

Yuya moves to put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm glad you're safe now." He really was worried about Steven in her hands, given everything.

His shoulder is mostly skin still, at least, with some of his mossy fur still peeking through the cracks of crystal. Steven looks down at the floor, and tries to shake off the feeling of ill-ease.

"I don't know if I am," he says quietly.

"... Well, you're as safe as any of us are." Which, frankly, isn't very. "But you know, no matter what we're going to take care of each other--that includes you. It's okay if you're scared, I am too. But you're not alone."

And that makes the biggest difference in the world, not to be alone.

It reminds him of something that Connie would tell him, which makes it hit home extra hard. He sniffles a little. He can't help it.

"I'm really scared," he admits. Everyone must be right now. "A-And... I'm scared that... she messed something up with me, and that I'm not going to be able to fix it."

Both physically and emotionally.

Yuya hesitates before shifting to sit on the edge of the bed, so it's easier for him and Steven to face each other. He braces his hands gently on both Steven's shoulders--a comfort he's very used to giving to the kids at his duel school.

"What do you think has to be fixed?" Yuya expected the Ringmaster's changes to turn back, but Strange mentioned once they were a reflection of the strength if the Fae's hold and the Rose Queen might not let go. Still, if that bond can be forced on him, can't it be forced off?

He hesitates to answer. It takes a while of staring into space before he can get up the nerve to try to explain.

"Sometimes it feels like... when something bad happens to you, you can't stop thinking about it? And how terrible it made you feel?" He doesn't know if this sounds stupid. "And I guess it gets better with time, but I don't know how long I'm going to feel like this."

It had been bad even just from Portland, but any hope of separating his alternate life from his current one feels like it's gone right out the window. The worst kinds of things that had happened to him there have happened to him here.

Yuya nods with understanding. When Steven opens up, Yuya pulls his hands back and rests them against his knees while still looking attentive.

"It's kind of hard to predict that." There's a pause before Yuya reaches to rub the back of his neck, trying to find the best way to relay his feelings in return. "My Dad disappeared three years ago, and for a long time it didn't get better. And I closed myself off from everyone, so I couldn't get better."

He looks down, then up at Steven with a sheepish smile. "I can't tell you when it's going to get better, but... I can tell you it gets better faster when you share it with other people and let them help you."

"I know," he says softly, because it's advice he's heard before. It's just so hard, sometimes, to explain the things he's feeling without making other people feel worse. His voice is even smaller when he speaks up again.

"Was I wrong to go back?"

Yuya pauses, before letting out a soft breath and offering Steven a smile. "If you were, we were both wrong. I couldn't leave them behind, either. Maybe they would have been hurt worse, or..."

Yuya shrugs a shoulder. They'll never know since that's not what happened, but they know the Rose Queen well enough to take a guess what she might have done. "I wanted to stop her from taking you, too."

He feels like people will be mad at him, like Connie was. At least Yuya seems to understand.

"I just wanted to help them, but... I feel like I might have made it all worse." He blinks away tears. "I feel like I keep doing that even when I don't mean to. It's my fault the Rose did this to me, too."

"It's not your fault," Yuya shakes his head, then leans forward to brace his hands on Steven's shoulders for comfort. "You didn't know. You weren't trying to do any of this, and... and those guys keep hurting all of us. If it wasn't you, it probably would have been someone else, and you know that's not better!"

Not that Steven should suffer in their place, just... well, while it could have been better, it also could have been worse. Yuya's memories of that month in Portland, and all the damage the Rose Queen did, are still strong. "And look, even after she got you, you found ways to help us get you back. Not everyone could have done that, but you could."

Steven sniffles and rubs his face, looking up at Yuya again. He just can't stop thinking about how this should have been avoided somehow, and how he keeps making stupid mistakes. But, hearing otherwise helps.

"I was scared Joker was going to make a deal with her. When I came back in, it looked like she was trying to get him to do something, and I couldn't deal with someone else getting pulled into it, too."

Yuya nods slowly as Steven continues. At least his words got through a little bit.

"I know. I was really scared too, what was going to happen to them. I couldn't let Gongenzaka or the rest of them face the Rose Queen alone while I ran away." Even if that might have been preferable to them. Even if she wanted Steven, there was nothing thst meant she wouldn't hurt everyone else anyway.

He rubs the back of his neck. "Maybe we could have come up with a better plan, but... I'm not sorry about going back. Changing the person who gets hurt doesn't make it better."

Now, that is something that makes sense to Steven. It's a feeling that is both good and bad. On one hand, he wasn't objectively wrong for that he did. On the other, it really does feel like there is no right answer a lot of the time.

"I don't know why people feel like it's okay to hurt themselves for me," he says, sounding confused about the entire concept. "Everyone wants to save each other, but... it never works. You just hurt them in a different way."

Yuya worries over his lip briefly, turning his gaze down before he offers a shrug in response.

"Maybe... maybe that's just how love is sometimes." There's a brief flash of guilt in him, but he tries to squash it down quickly. "It's worse to see someone you care about be hurt than be hurt yourself."

It's not a satisfying answer, but it's the best one Yuya has from experience. Some people you really will do anything for.

He wrinkles his nose. "And I guess Joker sees it as his responsibility to keep us safe, since he's our Supervisor."

That too.

"Yeah," Steven agrees softly, nodding his head a little. "He does. He told me that." He doesn't really think that it's actually Joker's obligation to do that, but he understands why someone would want to protect the people he's in charge of.

"I guess this was probably pretty scary for him." Steven obviously feels pretty guilty, too. Does he wish it had been different? It's impossible to say without knowing the alternatives.

"I think it was scary for all of us... but you know, that isn't because of what you did." He looks back up so he can offer Steven a reassuring smile."It sounds like she was going to come anyway for the Rose... and she hurt a lot of people in Portland."

Her cruelty didn't come just from wanting to possess Steven. That much Yuya won't let him hold against himself. "If you're worried about how he's feeling, then the best thing to do is get better."

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⇨ THE EPILOGUE

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