lostcarnival | [CLOSED] It's Not Parting Ways When Immortality Is Cheap

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[CLOSED] It's Not Parting Ways When Immortality Is Cheap

Who: Yuuya and Gongenzaka (And Marishi, potentially)
When: When the Ringmaster was letting people mull over Godhood
Where: The Junk-pile where the Giant's Tent was
What: Gongenzaka and Yuuya discuss their (opposing) decisions
Warnings: Possibly some existential chatter, since, Immortality. References to past violent events.

With all the trappings of the Carnival missing, it is very much a shell of what it was. Or perhaps more accurately, the snail inside the shell. There is grass and some trees at least yes, but when Gongenzaka finally made his way back to his tent he was in for quite the sight. Aside from a pair of slowly waking undead animals (who were now being excitedly greeted by the chipmunk of the trio which had managed to travel all through Polaris and such, not to mention Suzu the granbull), everything else was...a mess.

Where the washroom was, certain cleaning supplies were simply on the ground. The party console sat without a television or a shelf in the overly barren living-room clearing, and as for what was left in the bedroom...

...Well, at least a bunch of pillows and blankets gathered over time were still there.

Which in turn, made it a good spot to sit he determined. Collapsing on his back in a heap, Gongenzaka closes his eyes and gives a small groan- the various pets settling elsewhere.

A massive boost in power... ...that will without a doubt change his place in the entire multiverse.

It's a big thing to consider, and at his side his daemon appears to chat with him softly about it.

This is something that requires more than just inner thinking, he feels.

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"Gongenzaka!"

Yuya is the exact opposite of calm, charging across the carnival. He collapses to his knees beside him, quickly, claws sinking into the pillows around Gongenzaka's head as he stares at him intensely.

"We need to talk."

"Auh-" Considering that Gongenzaka was trying to go over the matter as calmly as possible, having Yuuya charge across to his pillow pile is just a little shocking- and he ends up almost scrambling himself into a tangle at the shock. "MNH- YUUYA-!"

"Some warning-!" comes a yelp at the side, where Marishi is arguably even more tangled.

"T...Talk about..what?"

"Sorry," Yuya says breathlessly, though it's too hurried to sound like regret and he's still hovering over Gon.

"Are you really sure you want to take all that power? It's not just power. You don't have to."

"Auh..." There is a slight stammering of a cough as he tries to sit up, blinking. "Y...Yuuya," he begins, blinking. "...Are you quite alright..!?"

"Yes you seem rather...frantic," Marishi remarks, looking somewhat uncomfortable. "Didn't we already agree over what we understood for this?"

Yuya pulls back to give Gongenzaka room, sitting back on his heels.

"But did we really understand it?" He presses his fists to his legs, expression tight with concern. "Because it's not just the power, right? You're going to be immortal. You'll live forever!"

He puts a hand to his chest. "I won't. I'll die. And so will everyone else, what happens when we're all dead?!"

"A...AAaauh..." Gongenzaka sits up straighter- looking anxiously at Marishi, and then back at Yuuya when even the daemon is struck silent. "Th... ...I, the man Gongenzaka...I..."

It's really not a great sign when both of them have been astounded into silence.

Yuya stares back, the silence stretching on.

Finally, he reaches for Gongenzaka's hand, holding it tightly in both of his. He doesn't know what to say yet, either.

Gongenzaka doesn't pull his hand back, unable to properly even register what is happening around them at the moment. That Marishi herself hasn't simply dissolved is frankly a testament to how strong his focus on the magic at a subconscious level is- because consciously, he's certainly not doing well.

"Y...Yuuya," he manages to croak, ears pinning back. "E..Even if I, the man Gongenzaka, were ageless, I..." He can't finish the sentence however, because Yuuya has brought forward a rather key part of the issue- Yuuya being gone.

Gone.

And he can't even think of perhaps there being an afterlife, or similar. "I..."

But then what does he do? His eyes water somewhat, caught between matters rather abruptly. He already dedicated himself to the decision- perfectly accepting one thing, and then another-

How did the most important thing not occur to him then?

"Yeah, you would be. Is that... really okay for you? Don't feel like you have to take this power, lots of other people are!"

Because it really comes down to just the power to help this situation, right? Back home it won't be needed. Maybe they don't have to take the responsibility. The consequences.

Just this once Gongenzaka doesn't have to carry the burden.

"I..."

Marishi, at this point, finds her voice.

Somehow. "...Yuuya," she manages gently. "I think...perhaps we should be asking the same of you... ...We assumed you were alright with us doing this ourselves but...."

"Are..." Gongenzaka finishes. "...Are you?" Because it seems he isn't.

Yuya worries over his lip, looking down. "I didn't think about what it'd really mean. I thought we'd be fine. And we will for a while, I guess, but what happens after that? You're going to be more like a fae than a human."

He'll die. If there's anything for his soul after, he also won't have Gongenzaka there. That's years down the road, decades hopefully--but Yuya's had forever on his mind, however unreasonably. And this way, they won't have it.

"... I don't want you to be gone."

"...Yuuya..."

Gongenzaka's words catch in his throat, half a choke, and half something else. In the other's grip, he shakes- what is for now only a slight tremble, but something that gradually picks up in intensity the more he tries to think of what to say. "I..."

"I, the man Gongenzaka, would not wish you gone either..! But I..."

But then what does he do.

The silence stretches between them as Yuya waits for an answer. And the long it goes on, realization slowly hits Yuya. His eyes widen.

"... You still want to do it." That's the only reason he's hesitating, isn't it? "Why?!"

"Because... ...Yuuya, I-"

"Yuuya, we can't simply stand idle again..!" Once again it is the daemon doing the talking- simply because Gongenzaka himself is too quick to shut himself down.

At least it allows Gongenzaka to find his footing however, as his voice breaks. "...to say that it is only for power...I, the man Gongenzaka, would be ashamed to claim such an unforgivable thing...But it is that same power, with which I, the man Gongenzaka, feel I can keep those I care for safe...not only them, but those who follow..! I..."

"...We didn't...think of it as you being gone," Marishi admits quietly. "...The idea of you being gone was simply...impossible..."

But it isn't really impossible, because now they're staring at the reality of it.

Yuya looks away again, to the side, brow pinched tightly. "So... what, then?"

If Gongenzaka's still going to do it, then what?

They don't know.

They don't know at all. Marishi looks as though she might say something- but she seems restrained, which means Gongenzaka is actively holding that back. But they can't simply leave it at this. They can't...

"The Ringmaster might..." Marishi's own trail of thought doesn't finish- or at least it wouldn't have ended the way Gon finishes it.

"...perhaps, she can find a way to grant it without immortality..?" He seems...like he feels he should ask.

Unfortunately, he isn't likely in any state To ask, now.

"And if she can't?" Yuya draws his hands back, resting them in his lap and bowing his head. "If she can't, then... we don't have as much time as we--as I thought."

Granted without knowing what after death will look like, maybe this is all the time they had. But if they have souls, Yuya's pretty confident they stay somewhere when they die.

"... Are you going to be happy living forever?"

Marishi has looked rather displeased with her other half from the minute Gongenzaka even suggested That idea. It looks more like they're about to go at each other's throats now, which is fairly alarming when one is the other's soul. "...I..."

As it is,

"We would if it was with you..!" "MnH-!"

The...cat is out of the bag.

Yuya's attention snaps up at that and he's shocked silent. It reminds him of what Lambert said, thinking Childermass would live on past him. He'd regret not trying, wouldn't he? It was such an easy choice for him, but Yuya's home comes with so many more stakes. If it were the other way around, would Gongenzaka have just said yes?

Yuya blinks rapidly as his vision blurs with tears. "Then... shouldn't it be an easier choice for me? If I love you..."

If he loves him just as much, why is he still so scared of taking it? Why is he holding back?

Yuya grips his head, fingers tangling in his hair as he squeezes his eyes shut. "So why isn't it an easy choice?!"

Of course it can't be easy- between Yuuya's own experiences, and theirs...

"Yuuya-" Marishi is cut off, Gongenzaka moving to try and hold the other close.

"Yuuya...I... ...I, the man Gongenzaka...will go to rescind my acceptance...if...if it is like this..."

"Noboru, that is not how you fix things," Marishi hisses from behind the other, her partner resolutely trying not to look anyone in the eye.

Yuya's easily captured in Gongenzaka's arms, not even trying to avoid it--although he doesn't quite hold back.

He realizes maybe it came across as pressuring, but he just wanted Gongenzaka to be certain. Because when he makes the choice, there won't be any taking it back. And it's a really big choice. He'd taken Gongenzaka's awareness for granted already, and he didn't want to risk it again.

"... Are you saying that because you really don't want it, or because of me?"

Is it an easy choice for Gongenzaka, just to go where Yuya goes?

Despite himself, Gongenzaka flinches at the accusation. Marishi is silent.

Gongenzaka is silent.

And not a word is spoken, not even a stammer.

He's simply frozen up.

"It's that easy for you, is it?" Yuya smiles brokenly to himself through tears. It's a choice that's so much easier for everyone but him. Because he's scared and selfish. Gongenzaka deserves better.

"What do you really want to do, Gongenzaka?"

"I... ...Yuuya, you are not... ...It is not selfish, to not want power. It..."

Gongenzaka's words are honest, and yet his very voice seems to shatter with every word, until he can't say anything more. His hold on Yuuya is loose, and he cannot look to the other- not the least because of the haze of tears clouding them.

"I am sorry, Yuuya...This...this is not..."

"...we don't want to decide for you," Marishi says softly. "...it wouldn't be right."

"But that's not what I asked." Yuya pulls back a little, then, when it's loose enough to see can look at Gongenzaka. "Aren't you kind of letting me choose for you, anyway? It's still not... fair."

Sometimes, Gongenzaka is a little too willing to suffer. He supposes they both share that trait, and that's where they get stuck circling each other like this. Waiting for which one will cave first.

Maybe Yuya should be the one to cave this time. "If it's what you want then do it, please. I'll..."

He takes a deep breath. "I'll give it a shot, for you."

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