lostcarnival | [CLOSED] It's Not Parting Ways When Immortality Is Cheap

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[CLOSED] It's Not Parting Ways When Immortality Is Cheap

Who: Yuuya and Gongenzaka (And Marishi, potentially)
When: When the Ringmaster was letting people mull over Godhood
Where: The Junk-pile where the Giant's Tent was
What: Gongenzaka and Yuuya discuss their (opposing) decisions
Warnings: Possibly some existential chatter, since, Immortality. References to past violent events.

With all the trappings of the Carnival missing, it is very much a shell of what it was. Or perhaps more accurately, the snail inside the shell. There is grass and some trees at least yes, but when Gongenzaka finally made his way back to his tent he was in for quite the sight. Aside from a pair of slowly waking undead animals (who were now being excitedly greeted by the chipmunk of the trio which had managed to travel all through Polaris and such, not to mention Suzu the granbull), everything else was...a mess.

Where the washroom was, certain cleaning supplies were simply on the ground. The party console sat without a television or a shelf in the overly barren living-room clearing, and as for what was left in the bedroom...

...Well, at least a bunch of pillows and blankets gathered over time were still there.

Which in turn, made it a good spot to sit he determined. Collapsing on his back in a heap, Gongenzaka closes his eyes and gives a small groan- the various pets settling elsewhere.

A massive boost in power... ...that will without a doubt change his place in the entire multiverse.

It's a big thing to consider, and at his side his daemon appears to chat with him softly about it.

This is something that requires more than just inner thinking, he feels.

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"Because... ...Yuuya, I-"

"Yuuya, we can't simply stand idle again..!" Once again it is the daemon doing the talking- simply because Gongenzaka himself is too quick to shut himself down.

At least it allows Gongenzaka to find his footing however, as his voice breaks. "...to say that it is only for power...I, the man Gongenzaka, would be ashamed to claim such an unforgivable thing...But it is that same power, with which I, the man Gongenzaka, feel I can keep those I care for safe...not only them, but those who follow..! I..."

"...We didn't...think of it as you being gone," Marishi admits quietly. "...The idea of you being gone was simply...impossible..."

But it isn't really impossible, because now they're staring at the reality of it.

Yuya looks away again, to the side, brow pinched tightly. "So... what, then?"

If Gongenzaka's still going to do it, then what?

They don't know.

They don't know at all. Marishi looks as though she might say something- but she seems restrained, which means Gongenzaka is actively holding that back. But they can't simply leave it at this. They can't...

"The Ringmaster might..." Marishi's own trail of thought doesn't finish- or at least it wouldn't have ended the way Gon finishes it.

"...perhaps, she can find a way to grant it without immortality..?" He seems...like he feels he should ask.

Unfortunately, he isn't likely in any state To ask, now.

"And if she can't?" Yuya draws his hands back, resting them in his lap and bowing his head. "If she can't, then... we don't have as much time as we--as I thought."

Granted without knowing what after death will look like, maybe this is all the time they had. But if they have souls, Yuya's pretty confident they stay somewhere when they die.

"... Are you going to be happy living forever?"

Marishi has looked rather displeased with her other half from the minute Gongenzaka even suggested That idea. It looks more like they're about to go at each other's throats now, which is fairly alarming when one is the other's soul. "...I..."

As it is,

"We would if it was with you..!" "MnH-!"

The...cat is out of the bag.

Yuya's attention snaps up at that and he's shocked silent. It reminds him of what Lambert said, thinking Childermass would live on past him. He'd regret not trying, wouldn't he? It was such an easy choice for him, but Yuya's home comes with so many more stakes. If it were the other way around, would Gongenzaka have just said yes?

Yuya blinks rapidly as his vision blurs with tears. "Then... shouldn't it be an easier choice for me? If I love you..."

If he loves him just as much, why is he still so scared of taking it? Why is he holding back?

Yuya grips his head, fingers tangling in his hair as he squeezes his eyes shut. "So why isn't it an easy choice?!"

Of course it can't be easy- between Yuuya's own experiences, and theirs...

"Yuuya-" Marishi is cut off, Gongenzaka moving to try and hold the other close.

"Yuuya...I... ...I, the man Gongenzaka...will go to rescind my acceptance...if...if it is like this..."

"Noboru, that is not how you fix things," Marishi hisses from behind the other, her partner resolutely trying not to look anyone in the eye.

Yuya's easily captured in Gongenzaka's arms, not even trying to avoid it--although he doesn't quite hold back.

He realizes maybe it came across as pressuring, but he just wanted Gongenzaka to be certain. Because when he makes the choice, there won't be any taking it back. And it's a really big choice. He'd taken Gongenzaka's awareness for granted already, and he didn't want to risk it again.

"... Are you saying that because you really don't want it, or because of me?"

Is it an easy choice for Gongenzaka, just to go where Yuya goes?

Despite himself, Gongenzaka flinches at the accusation. Marishi is silent.

Gongenzaka is silent.

And not a word is spoken, not even a stammer.

He's simply frozen up.

"It's that easy for you, is it?" Yuya smiles brokenly to himself through tears. It's a choice that's so much easier for everyone but him. Because he's scared and selfish. Gongenzaka deserves better.

"What do you really want to do, Gongenzaka?"

"I... ...Yuuya, you are not... ...It is not selfish, to not want power. It..."

Gongenzaka's words are honest, and yet his very voice seems to shatter with every word, until he can't say anything more. His hold on Yuuya is loose, and he cannot look to the other- not the least because of the haze of tears clouding them.

"I am sorry, Yuuya...This...this is not..."

"...we don't want to decide for you," Marishi says softly. "...it wouldn't be right."

"But that's not what I asked." Yuya pulls back a little, then, when it's loose enough to see can look at Gongenzaka. "Aren't you kind of letting me choose for you, anyway? It's still not... fair."

Sometimes, Gongenzaka is a little too willing to suffer. He supposes they both share that trait, and that's where they get stuck circling each other like this. Waiting for which one will cave first.

Maybe Yuya should be the one to cave this time. "If it's what you want then do it, please. I'll..."

He takes a deep breath. "I'll give it a shot, for you."

The shock is evident on both of their faces- and perhaps there is a flash of joy on Marishi's in particular, though it is quickly hidden. But Gongenzaka blinks, and blinks rapidly as the welled tears finally roll down his face. "Y...Yuuya... ...Yuuya...are you certain..?"

"...We..." Marishi herself is even torn once again, at this point. The partial elation is clear, and yet there are so many other things to consider- how much Yuuya could regret it, for example. "...If you do want to try..."

"...You should talk to her," Gongenzaka finally determines. "...To the Ringmaster, yes? ...just...to make sure, for yourself," he emphasizes with a tight voice.

"I have to tell her I'm going to accept it anyway, don't I?" He'll do that, in a minute. They still have the rest of the day to decide. He thinks he needs to at least put on a front of certainty for Gongenzaka, or he'll almost certainty harbor regret himself about it.

'Try' isn't a great word for permanently altering their being, but it's easier to talk about it lightly again than the heavy reality of what they're faced with.

"Maybe I'm thinking too quickly, but... I kind of want forever."

He really wants forever with Gon. He took forever for granted, he needs to make some concessions if that's what he really wants.

Edited 2019-03-03 07:54 (UTC)

"A...Aauh, that you would..." It's a little difficult to immediately calm down from the stressful tears, and Gongenzaka rather uselessly wipes at his eyes to that end.

"...To spend forever with you," he manages quietly, "Would be wonderful, I feel..."

Yuya reaches to wipe Gon's tears away, nevermind the ones running down his own face.

After a moment he leans forward to lean against Gongenzaka, resting his head on his shoulder as he fits in the crook of his arm.

"I love you," he affirms, in Faeish as always.

Gongenzaka sniffles, eyes closed tightly- as if the tears could stop if he only held them in. He pulls Yuuya in tight, shaking in his silence.

"...Aishite," he replies, his voice a wheezing whisper.

It's not enough of a whisper for Yuya to miss it, although he's uncertain if he heard correctly at first.

"G-Gongenzaka!" He squeaks, face going red because that's so much and yet he doesn't doubt it at all. Yuya isn't shy about verbal affection, but he hadn't been expecting to hear that one so soon.

"A... aishite," he stutters a little, still kind of shocked.

The redness is certainly nothing Gongenzaka is seeing right now. But hearing it from Yuuya as well just prompts him to continue holding tightly, no more words coming to the air. Only somewhat uneven breathing, as he holds the other close.

Yuya sighs softly, listening to Gongenzaka breathe as he holds him tightly. He tolerates that for a few seconds, but he's jittery from the admission and that he's actually going to follow through with this. He didn't think, when he first joined the carnival, this is where they would be.

"...Are you going to ask to marry me next?"

Is that a joke.

"PFHKUUU-OH!" And...that's almost a spit take.

"Oh!! Don't tease us like this!!" Marishi protests shrilly, her partner still choking to catch his breath.

A smile cracks Yuya's expression, and he uses the moment to push back so he can face Gongenzaka. "It just seems like we skipped a few steps, you know?"

He puts his finger to Gon's lips before he can respond, looking coy. "But you can't ask that until we're at least twenty."

"MNH!! I- It was not going to be asked for a while, I promise you..!!"

"And you can't tell me off for thinking about it for that matter!" Marishi...

Yuya's gaze drifts sideways to Marishi. He doesn't move his hand. "Oh... so you were thinking about it?"

"Y...Yuuya..."

"Well...Perhaps....~" Marishi teases in turn, inspecting one paw.

"Marishi........." Kids,

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