lostcarnival | but oh my heart is flawed // closed

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but oh my heart is flawed // closed

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.

[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]

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[If Joker won't say any more, neither will Ginko; instead, he stays focused on keeping him supported on the way to Supervisors' Grove.

By the time they reach the trailer, keeping Joker upright is definitely putting some strain on him. He's pretty sure he didn't break anything, thank goodness, but he's still very glad to reach their destination.

Once they get there, he steps up and tries the door; if it's unlocked, he'll just go in, helping Joker step up. Otherwise, he'll step back and knock a couple times.]

[Maybe it's all that time having a tent and no door, but Doll hasn't quite gotten the hang of locking things up, even after what happened with Smile.]

[But she does hear someone coming close, and she springs towards the door to open it.]

Thank goodness, Joker! Where'd all'a Snake's--

[She cuts herself off when she sees who's at the door and the state Joker's in.]

Bloody hell-- get 'im in, quick! [Doll gets out of the doorway, still hovering close to help the stranger lug Joker into the trailer.]

[Joker is still sort of curled up against Ginko as they approach, but you know what rouses him up pretty fuckin' quick? Doll's voice. Immediately, he's trying to straighten up, wings fluttering a little.]

S'just- I'm fine. Just- too much wine.

[He's not fine.]

[Ginko's definitely glad for the help. He frowns at Joker, then looks around for somewhere to put him down - a bed, a chair, whatever.]

Far too much wine, and maybe a few bruises. Maybe tell him not to drink and fly next time.

Oh that's a funny one, Joker, tell it to me again when y'can stand all by yourself. [Doll frowns deeply at Joker's insistence that he's "fine", but she's already bustling over to her bed to pull the covers back. Joker had given her his spot and wouldn't hear about them snuggling together in one, and she still has no idea where Snake is so she's not about to occupy his bed with their drunk older brother.]

[She is going to give him such a talking- to, leaving her to deal with this mess.]

[She gestures to the man holding up Joker to put him down on the prepared spot, eyes narrowing at his griping.]

Oh yeah? 'N where were you, Father Parish-Pickaxe, while he was flappin' about half cocked like this?

[There's an attempt at a giggle.]

Father Parish-Pickaxe.... Good.

[What's good? Doll?? The nickname??? Who knows. Not Joker. Have fun getting him to lay down with his wings, Ginko.]

[He sighs, ears tilting back. He doesn't actually look at Doll when he speaks, focusing on getting Joker down; he guesses he should start by sitting him down on the bed before getting him to actually lie down. Does this guy just sleep on his side all the time or what??]

What does that even... never mind. I didn't know any of this was happening 'til I found him in a tree.

[Well. Okay fine. She retracts some of her ire. Getting knackered and flying up into a tree does sound like the kind of bonkers stuff Joker would get up to, though she's a little lost on why he's drunk.]

[After a huffy moment, Doll goes over to the bed to help, pulling Joker's legs straight and climbing up onto the bed to help turn him.]

Down on his front, if he's gonna upswallow he shouldn't be on his back. [She has no qualms manhandling Joker, though it's hard being small and having to watch two extra appendages.]

[The wings do make things a pain in the ass, although at least Joker- fucking hammered as he is- does make an attempt to help before flopping face first onto the bed. There's something just barely audible from where he mumbles into the bed.]

Ginko's a good...

[There's a word that's missing, but let him just stay there.]

Right. [He helps get Joker settled, then takes a step back from the bed.

Joker's... non-sentence gets a quiet laugh - which Ginko immediately regrets, actually, wincing and setting a hand on his side, over his ribs. He's gonna just... sit down on the floor for a bit. If you guys don't mind.]

--Oof. Glad to hear you think so.

Head t'the side, that's it... [Doll gently moves Joker's head so he can breathe a little easier, and the angle lets her fix the back of her ridiculous brother's head with a worried look. He's never gotten like this before, as far as she knows. She rubs the space between his wings, trying to comfort him and let him know she's there before she climbs down to sit with Ginko.]

[She notices he's holding himself. Putting together what he said earlier about Joker being in a tree, she can figure out what happened.]

You want me t'get the doctor? S'the least I can do.

[It doesn't take long, with the softness of the bed, the heavy weight of alcohol, and Doll's reassuring touch before Joker's breathing evens out, and he's out like a light.]

[Have fun getting to know each other, everyone. He's done.]

[One of Ginko's ears twitches, hearing the pattern of Joker's breathing change. Good. He really should rest.

He shakes his head at Doll's offer.] I appreciate it, but I'm alright. Pretty sure I just bruised something.

...Okay. [Doll looks up at Joker sleeping, then wraps her arms around her knees.]

F'r what it's worth, he never did this before-- [Before she arrived here.] --before he got here. I've never seen him... drunk. B'fore.

D'you know what happened? [She looks up at him with big, entreating eyes. All she wants to know is how to fix whatever's happening to Joker-- then find out where Snake went. If only so that they can both tell her they're not falling apart because of her arrival.]

Guess that's not too surprising... I hadn't, either.

[His tail curls sheepishly by his side at that look. He really wants to be able to give some kind of an explanation here, give her an idea of what could have caused this - but he doesn't know himself.] I've got no idea. Things have been kind of rough lately, but I wouldn't have expected this...

[It occurs to him that, when it comes down to it, he doesn't know much about Joker at all. He knows how much he cares about his performers, he knows him from chatting in the menagerie and wandering around new worlds. But that leaves a lot unspoken.

...Well. Fair's fair, he guesses, given how little he's said about himself. Everyone has more to them than they let on, in his experience. But after this, he can't help but be worried.] He seemed really upset, but that's about all I know.

Edited 2017-05-02 13:55 (UTC)

[Well that's disappointing, but Doll can't fault him for not knowing what Joker didn't tell him. She shrinks back down into herself, nose resting on her knees.]

I made things harder. He didn't want me to join the carnival and I... I told him I was gonna if he said yes or no. I jus' didn' want him t'be all alone but--

[She looks up at the man again.] I made it worse, didn' I?

[...Well, shit. Ginko's ears tilt back a bit, though his expression doesn't change beyond the briefest flicker of concern. He guesses it isn't too surprising that Joker wouldn't want people he cared about joining the carnival, given the whole vampire incident and everything.

But he also really doubts he would want Doll to feel like this is her fault.]

I don't think so. Joker's definitely worried about you, but... that mainly seemed to have him concerned with getting back here as soon as possible. It might well have been worse if you weren't here.

And... I hate to say it, but even if he did feel like he was under more pressure from you getting here, this might have been inevitable anyway. [He shifts a little where he's sitting, twisting the fur on his tail idly in his fingers as he speaks.] I wouldn't have thought as much this morning, of course, but... from the sound of it, there's a lot more going on with him than he's been letting on. I... think he may benefit from having someone around who really knows him well.

Like what? [Doll shuffles closer to Ginko, looking up at him expectantly. If Joker won't tell her what's going on with him, then she has to get it from somewhere. Otherwise how is she supposed to help?]

Please... I owe him ev'rythin'. I jus' want to take a little of what he's carryin', even if he doesn' know it.

[Normally, Ginko isn't too inclined to go spreading other people's business around, but... from the sound of it, this kind of is Doll's business. Hiding it from her wouldn't help anything.]

I can't claim to know all of it, but... [He hesitates, thinking for a moment.] ...Has he told you about the vampires?

Vampires? [Doll blinks up at him, looking slightly alarmed. Her first instinct is to say that those things don't exist but... then she thinks about what she saw of Black at the end. Maybe vampires do exist.]

...No, he didn' say nothin' about that...

[Of course he didn't. Ginko doesn't say that aloud, but it's probably implied in the way he suddenly looks EXTRA TIRED for a second there.]

The carnival... goes to a lot of different worlds, of course. Some more dangerous than others. We got caught up in a conflict with some vampires a while back; we thought we were done with them, but... well, some turned out to be visiting one of the worlds we stopped in recently.

They... found an opportunity to attack. A lot of people got hurt, and some were even turned. They particularly targeted the supervisors.

[He doesn't want to put this too bluntly, not wanting to alarm her, but... there isn't really a way to make this not alarming.]

[To Doll's credit, she doesn't make any distressed noise that might wake Joker up. She sits there, the color drained from her face, and stares wide-eyed at Ginko. She knows the implication that Ginko is making, and she realizes that sometime between when she went to make her deal with the Ringmaster and when she left the tent, Joker had been attacked. Maybe 'turned'...?]

[She wipes her eyes, wondering if it would have been different if she'd been there.]

They... they targeted him. [Doll's voice is choppy, but quiet.] And he hasn' told me anythin'.

He probably didn't want you to worry.

[Which isn't to say that Ginko is actually defending Joker hiding this from Doll. He only means to explain it.]

[She nods vaguely, her eyes hardening at the floor.]

They do that a lot. Him 'n Snake, 'n the resta our family. Precious Doll. [Had to be protected and cared for, just because she was the youngest. It isn't fair, she doesn't want to be the baby forever.]

Have you talked to them about it?

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