but oh my heart is flawed // closed

[pipers_son]

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.


[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]

Comments

Tamaki and Psi

[pipers_son]

[As it turns out, that's not good enough.]

[He doesn't even know how it happens. Just- one minute, he's making his way through the trees, right side starting to ache distantly again, and it just- he crumples. Literally, feet tripping beneath him, body curling into itself, and Joker takes in a wet ragged breath as his eyes sting.]

[What could he have done better? The question haunts him, along with its myriad of answers. He should have had a better plan for getting past that vampire when she was making a toy out of him. He should have forcibly escorted Snake to safety in Celebration before someone could have taken him. He should have convinced him not to take a contract in the Carnival to start with.]

[But further back, even- all the things he should have done with Father, with the Circus, with listening to Beast and, God help him, but maybe none of them would be in this mess.]

[He should have, he should have, he should have.]

[Weaving unsteadily, hand pressed against his face as he chokes back a sob, Joker finds a tree nearby and collapses against it with his wings spread out limply. For all his fight, the tears still come, and he gasps and makes pathetic little noises in his effort to fight against them. He's too close to the other trailers now, could get seen or heard, but he can't even manage to care right now. There's just the tears, forcing their way out against his will, and oh he must make an ugly sight as he bows his head and nearly chokes on his own voice.]

[He should have just flown to the bleedin' ferris wheel if this is what was going to happen.]

Childermass

[pipers_son]

[Frankly? Joker is tired, by this point. Crying, as it turns out, is an exhausting business, and it's worse so when people try to actually get you to talk about it. But going back to the trailer makes his feathers stand up on end. He doesn't want to go back so soon, and face all the evidence of his failure to not protect Snake, not to mention Doll's existence now.]

[But there is one thing that, while it won't make the situation any more bearable... It's truly a miserable man's best friend in times like these.]

[And anyway, he's already buggered for the night. It can't get worst.]

[So that's why Joker is going through the cupboards of the cookhouse, thankful that the kitchens are blessedly empty right now. With Hinawa also having to deal with their shared... little problem, it'd been a concern. But there's no one in, so he's free to look for what will help him out tonight.]

[Hopefully no one enters until he's found what he needs to.]

Ginko

[pipers_son]

[Okay, so maybe that much blood wine was a mistake. But, ha ha, that's his life!! Just one mistake after another!!!]

[It's just that usually his questionable life choices and horrendous mistakes don't usually involve him stuck in a tree. How did he get into a tree again? He was just trying to fly back to his trailer and...]

[Oh, yeah. That explains it. He was trying to fly.]

[Cradling his head in his hand, Joker groans a little, and squints down with swimming vision at the ground. Where is he again? This place seems faintly familiar... And is that a head of white hair or a rock?]

[He is so bleedin' drunk right now.]

Hinawa

[pipers_son]

[The fact that vampires can still get hangovers is bullshit, and Joker will gladly put that in print.]

[But a hangover is what he has, no denying it, so Joker slips out of his trailer- he must have made it somehow in the middle of last night, huh- and heads straight to the cookhouse. Despite the fact that the sky is dark again, hopefully someone is working there, because he's fairly sure that solving this problem will be the same as any other vampire injury: drink blood for it. Or eat blood pudding. Either way, that will require Koel there...]

[It doesn't really occur to him, as he makes his way through the doors, that there's another vampiric cook who might know some stuff about that too.]