but oh my heart is flawed // closed

[pipers_son]

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.


[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]

Comments

[pipers_son]

Oh yeah? [And because he's curious and trying to pretend his own misery doesn't exist- ] What's wrong about feathers?

[Listen. He has feathery wings. This feels relevant to him.]

[He's in the middle of a sip when Childermass asks his question, and that makes him pause a second. Fortunately, it's... been a little while since him and Psi ran into each other. He can manage this.]

Yeah, s'been a right pain. I'm not sure what it is, but I don't think the Ringmaster's vague instructions have been helpin' me any. Would like ta taste cake and things again, but I'm wonderin' if maybe that'll be a while before I get the chance.

[atouts]

He may still be looking for something to use besides chicken feathers for an idea he's had.

[ Childermass most definitely declined to offer raven feathers. Partly because he was being a jerk, mostly because he doesn't want another magician using bits of him for a magic act. But there, fair enough warning. Anyway, after a sip from his own glass, he sets it down and leans an elbow on the table. ]

What were her instructions on that, anyhow?

[pipers_son]

I'll keep that in mind.

[ffs strange]

[Still, is it time to complain about the Ringmaster? You bet it is. Joker gives a small snort and takes another drink, just because he thinks he'll need it.]

Exactly that- look inside ourselves. Somethin' about separatin' ourselves spiritually from the demon part that makes us vampires? It all goes over my head.

[atouts]

Wouldn't rightly know how to do that myself, to be honest. [ Spiritually? But how? He leans back in his chair, considering the problem for a quiet moment before asking, ] Have you tried asking the others with this problem?

[ Which is to say 'the other vampires', still vampiric and former both. ]

Or perhaps it's just telling the demon part to go fuck off, only very adamantly. Something like that.

[pipers_son]

[Okay maybe he should make a commitment to not drinking when Childermass talks, because that makes him snort a bit and he has to hastily put down the glass so he can press one finger to his nose. THERE'S NO BLOOD DRIBBLING OUT, IT'S FINE.]

That's definitely a suggestion! Might have ta consider that one.