Something something the carnival is doomed.

[squeedlyspooch]

Who: Taako and Zim.
When: Before the event after they are assigned a trailer.
Where: Their new trailer!
What: New roomies! New digs! This is going to go so well.
Warnings: Language, and Zim is prejudiced against non-Irkens. The worst birds and the bees talk ever happens as well.


The Backyard is one of the few places Zim hasn't extensively examined, and for several reasons. One, he already has an excellent base and therefore no need for some backwater "trailer" residence pod, whatever a "trailer" is. Next, it being the homes of these gross mutants is off-putting and repulsive to him. Finally, he's been busy doing other things like getting offended at the lake and suspiciously eyeing some of the rides and game booths.

However, he did apparently get assigned one and it's only a matter of time before he decides to actually see it. Not out of any need for rest - Irkens don't need to sleep - but out of curiosity. Maybe there's some useful equipment he can commandeer for some evil plans. Or an evil escape. An evil something? He hasn't thought that part through yet.

He's standing in front of a small trailer, unimpressed. If he had eyebrows he'd be raising them, but instead he bends over to see that the trailer doesn't even extend into the ground. It's just... a little silver capsule, no basement, no underground labs, nothing. If it was a ship it would still be a piece of junk, in his opinion. It's lack of flight capabilities is just one more reason why it's terrible, and it makes him throw his hands in the air. "This is it?" He says to no one in particular. "It's garbage! There aren't any proper defenses! No communications array! Not even any little lawn animals! How am I supposed to work with this??"

Comments

[tacosgay]

"Fiiine, fine," Taako says, sighing as though he is the most put-upon elf in the entire multiverse. He retrieves the little pop-tent from the floor, setting it aside somewhere that Zim can't accidentally, who knows, trip or fall into it somehow? He seems pretty unlucky.

"Okay, no more water. Got it. Is ice cool, or, like..."

[squeedlyspooch]

The spa gets one more angry look as it is put away, making a very important mental luck to never ever go near that thing again. Or any spas, for that matter. Spas are officially terrible, terrible things that are the equivalent of torture chambers.

"I'm not going to find out," he replies curtly. "That was almost as bad as rain."

[tacosgay]

"Yeah, okay..." Taako frowns at his selection of belongings. He doesn't really have anything else interesting for Zim to poke at... then again, why is he letting this guy go through his stuff, anyway?

Well. On second thought, it is entertaining.

He sits down, legs crossed, and looks into his bag to see what else he has that Zim can use to hurt himself improve things around the trailer; he pulls out a few items that he sets aside. A couple of wands, their purpose he doesn't divulge; a stun baton that he promptly puts back to keep for himself; a strange, unmarked metal rod that has only a button on one side; a salt shaker, a pack of gum, and what seems to be a plain slingshot.

There's still weight in the bag; he's got something that he's keeping in there, hidden, for now. But the above items, he'll allow Zim to fiddle with, since he can't really do any harm with them, especially given he has no idea what any of them are or do.

"There. Go nuts, little man."

[squeedlyspooch]

Folding his arms impatiently, he has the sense to wait this time for Taako to lay everything out. He isn't much of a fan of the waiting though, and he's very clearly eyeing the baton and the bag. If he isn't going to indulge as to what the rest of that stuff is, then they've got to be interesting and worthwhile. Probably weaponry, since that would be the only real thing worth keeping for himself - in Zim's opinion.

But he starts with the stuff that has been left out. That could still be useful, somehow. He's creative, he'll figure it all out. Of course, he doesn't immediately grab at any of it, having literally been burned from making assumptions about the spa. Part of his PAK slides open and a robotic arm shoots out, with a clampy sort of end to it, and he uses it to pick up the slingshot. "Explain what all of these do. Unless it's all garbage."

[tacosgay]

"Oooh, careful with that, my man," Taako says, leaning back against the wall and watching Zim with a smirk on his face. "That is a leg-shrinker. I saw one guy use it on accident and his legs just... poof. Disappeared completely. Now he has to walk everywhere on his hands."

[squeedlyspooch]

Well, that gets dropped very quickly, though Zim's expression is only half 'eeugh' as the other half is schemingly thoughtful. Maybe he can attach it to a robotic lawn ornament outside as a defensive measure against anyone who gets too close to the trailer.

"This?" The robot claw goes for one of the wands.

[tacosgay]

"Oh, that's the wand of Dingaling Stealing." Taako can't even tell if this guy has a dingaling of any kind, but it's the first thing to mind. "Very effective psychological weapon, but it only works some of the time, so you better be sure when you point it at somebody."

[squeedlyspooch]

There is absolutely no recognition on Zim's face upon hearing that explanation, so either he doesn't or he isn't familiar with the slang. It's tough to say, really. However, the possibility of a psychological weapon is pretty appealing, regardless of what it does.

"So, eh, this one might actually be useful on some kind of defensive lawn ornament. To keep the other repulsive drones working here away." He is completely serious.

[tacosgay]

"... yyyeah. You heard what I said it does, right?" He raises his eyebrows, smirking a bit more broadly. "'Cause, I mean, yeah, that'd definitely keep people out after the first one, but like... only people who have a dingaling to start with, you know?"

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim just looks at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

[tacosgay]

"... ehhhhhhhhmmmmm." Taako's voice sinks into the back of his throat, a high, slightly cracking sound; he waves a hand at Zim. "I'll tell you when you're older."

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim opens his mouth to reply, but after a split second realizes that he still has his disguise on so of course this guy is going to think that he's too young for whatever-this-nonsense-is.

"YOU PITIFUL FOOL!" He calms down a moment later, as if he hadn't just screamed that at Taako. "This is merely a brilliant disguise to infiltrate the humans undetected."

[tacosgay]

"Uh... huh. Okay, I mean, we went over that you totally still look not human at all or anything, but go on." Taako reclines further onto the bed, sinking down onto it while still keeping his head propped up enough to watch him intently.

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim completely ignores that and hops forward. There isn't really anything short enough for him to leap dramatically onto so... he just does that, dropping the wand and instead using the robot arm to yank his wig off. With his hands he removes his contact lenses, wet squishy noises and all.

So instead of being an ugly green human kid he's an almost-cute green bug thing, complete with pinkish bug eyes and big black antennae. "Behold, Irken superiority!"

[tacosgay]

Oh. Holy shit.

Taako actually sits up at that, a grin of disbelief across his face.

"Aw, oh my god. You're actually kinda cute. What the fuck."

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim is baffled at that reaction, before annoyance quickly settles in. "Cute? Zim is NOT cute. I'm a tool of unstoppable destruction and cruelty!"

[tacosgay]

"Okay, okay."

Taako doesn't say anything else. He just picks himself up and flips over so that he can lay on his stomach, chin propped up on his hand.

He just... grins.

"So, like... you still look about five, kemosabe."

[squeedlyspooch]

"ZIM! My name is ZIM!" He replies, unsure of what 'kemosabe' is supposed to mean and therefore just emphasizing his name instead of bothering to ask. "And I don't even know where you got that number! Going by Earth numbers, I've gone through YEARS, DECADES of military training! More than any human could go through in their entire lifetime!"

[tacosgay]

"Okay, fine. But you still don't seem to know what a dingaling is, am I right?"

Taako kicks his legs childishly as he interrogates the alien, eyebrows raised smugly.

[squeedlyspooch]

That is an expression that reads the explanation is probably something that is disgusting and repulsive, but psychological warfare. An obsessively militaristic little alien like Zim can't give that up so easily.

"Filthy, inferior biology?" Is his best guess.

[tacosgay]

"... eeeeehhhhhhh, well, sometimes, sure." Taako smirks and shrugs his shoulders. "That depends on the dingaling, my man."

[squeedlyspooch]

Why is he smirking, what are they even discussing. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he responds, baffled.

[tacosgay]

"Junk. You know. Stuff." Taako is the last person you should ever try to discuss sex with, especially if you have no fundamental understanding of sex in the first place. "The family jewels. The mushroom sword. Dick. We're talking about dick, my dude."

And, with a deadly serious expression, just in case he still hasn't gotten it: "Penis."

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim just kind of. Blinks.

Look, he thinks humans have arm control nerves in their bellies and that they need their eyes open in order to breathe. He isn't an expert on human anatomy, though he'd never admit it, and coming from an alien species that not only hatches its young via test tubes, but in fact only has fleshy bodies for the purpose of transporting their actual selves, robotic brains, around, it should not be at all surprising that he is not familiar with slang for genitalia. Or correct biological terms for genitalia that isn't horrifically alien in nature.

So yes, he is Really and Truly Not Getting It right now.

[tacosgay]

"... y'know, there comes a point where you don't even know enough for me to be able to explain what I'm talking about, and I'll be real with you, my dude, I am about to give up here."

How the fuck does this thing even reproduce? Wait, he super doesn't want to think about that.