You Can Lead A Horse To... Oh God

[criticallyfucked]

Who: Foster von Horsebody and YOU
When: D16-D18
Where: Anywhere!
What: Thanks, I hate it!!
Warnings: You'll hate it too!



There you are, minding your own business.

Maybe you've just been shopping (again), or finished a particularly pitched snowball battle (again), or maybe you just wanted to go for a short, bracing walk after a long, luxurious soak in one of the available hot tubs (again.)

And everything is peaceful: the moon is calm and quiet, the wind is cold, the snow is the perfect blend of powdery and fresh.

Until you see him.

See it.

It looks like a horse, at first--striding long-legged through the snow, its neck arched, mane and tail billowing. But only at first. There's something wrong with its face. With its head.

But no, it can't be...

...Can it?

Yes.

Yes. It can.

This horse. Has a human face.

And not just any human face.

This face.... this horse...

..... is Foster van Denend.

He's wearing a look of unmistakeable intensity, an expression that's no longer a smile, but it might have been one just seconds ago. His blue eyes are brightened by the reflection of light on virgin snow. A little bit of saliva glistens on his lower lip.

It is, undoubtedly, the worst thing you've ever laid eyes on.

You're welcome.

BONUS A: ON THE JOB

This isn't what he asked for. He asked to become a beast of burden, describing the horses at the manor and the idea of a body that would perform such labours unassisted.

No. That's blatantly untrue. It's not what he intended, of course. But what he intended or not, what he wanted or not, it is--word for word--what he asked to be. And thus certain that the fault lay with him (what had he said? he couldn't even remember, whatwords exactly he had used to convey his meaning), he didn't complain. And having accepted (or resigned to, or resolved to) his new form, his initial alarm, regret, confusion, and excitement... are all in the past.

Once he got his footing (literally), he realised that he had to learn to live with it--because that's when it occurred to him that he was going to have to work with it.

Or there would be consequences.

Which is his motivation for attempting to do just that--a sponge pressed under one hoof, another gripped in his teeth. There's look of fierce desperation determination on his face.

If anyone returns to the Carnival, for any reason--

Well. He's just knocked over a mop. He's... doing his best to corral it (har har), pawing at it with one hoof, then scooting it with that same hoof, going the other way. He bends, trying to seize the wooden handle in his teeth, but his human face is too short, and he has to drop to his knees--

"Fuck. Fuck--no. Fuck. Fuck."

If nothing else, he's hard to miss.


BONUS B: FEAST DAY

Foster is hard to miss, but he's equally hard to watch.

Without thumbs--without hands, or paws, or really any appendage even remotely designed for anything but standing on--he can only add servings to his plate by asking for them. Which isn't too terrible.

The problem is that he has also no way to put that food in his mouth. Not without bending that majestic, horrible equine neck gracefully over the table and putting his awful, uncanny human face directly into his plate of food.

Which is what he's doing right now to a slice of cake, and the cake has icing, and he might be doing his best, but--

Honestly, it's a crime scene. The act of forcing other people to see him eat is a criminal act. This is disgusting. I'm so sorry.

Maybe it's time for someone to complain to the Ringmaster.

Maybe several someones.

Comments

[criticallyfucked]

One really has to wonder what that zombie robot had did to be classed with the likes of this. Even Foster is aware he's something of an abomination now, and not in the sense that he usually is.

But he supposes it's fitting, too. For that reason alone, if not a plethora of others. He paws the snow with a front hoof, leaving a triple furrow in the icy soil as his tail switches with something that might almost be self-consciousness--but is more likely self-reproach.

"It... uh, it isn't what I meant to ask for." His ears swing back slightly; they're still bovine, weirdly, but they do match his body in colour. Whatever magic the Ringmaster used was apparently respectful of his existing colour scheme and all its yellow.

"But it might be what I deserved, in any case."

[pullingamiko]

Yeah, honestly, as bad as the robot zombie was, up close she thinks this might actually be worse. At least this Foster Horse Abomination isn't trying to kill her, so there's that.

"Isn't what you meant to ask for, huh." She thinks about that, mouth twisting. "What did you say?"

[criticallyfucked]

He turns his head away, arching his long neck and averting his eyes with furrowed brow; he remembers what he went into the conversation intending to say, and what he went in intending to ask for, but what was actually said, he's... struggling to remember. He can't bury his claws in his hair now, can't do any of his normal physical tics and tells, so instead he picks his feet up out of the snow individually and plants them back on solid ground, back and forth, restlessly, relentlessly, scraping icy soil underneath each hoof with continued aggression. It's like he's trying to pace, but in place.

"What did I say... what did I say? I said as lot of things, and probably some of them I even meant. But I don't remember any of them... or did you forget? I'm stupid!" His ears are lowered stiffly in what is obviously frustration and less obviously a kind of latent background exultation.

"If you want to know what happened, maybe you should ask her--!"

A beat, only half-deliberate.

"...then again, don't."

He does not want Miko to ask the Ringmaster. He would actually be pretty upset if she tried.

[pullingamiko]

Miko sighs, her ears drooping. That answer was pretty much totally unhelpful.

"Alright, so you messed up asking. And now... what, you're just some kinda. Weird man-faced horse monster forever?"

Gross, honestly.

[criticallyfucked]

"What is forever?" he asks, irritable. "The future? My own miserably short life span?" He laughs as though briefly delighted by this opportunity for self-mockery--a sound which is somehow significantly more horrible from a human head stuck on the end of an entire horse's body. His tail swishes, his neck bobs his head up and down--again, very briefly, but even his pawing at the ground (a poor substitute for the ability to reach up to bury fingers or claws in his hair) is creepily disconnected from the humanity isolated to his face.

"There is no forever," he says. It doesn't take long for him to return to being bitter and dismissive--but he's salivating a bit visibly now, spittle on his lower lip that he can't just wipe off. "There is only right now."

He's backing up instead of advancing, intending to steer around her in the end--his neck bends, arcing to keep his face trained on her. "Who cares! I'm a monster--I'm repulsive, I'm gross, I'm disgusting!" His eyes have lights in them, the saliva sprays from his mouth, a solid string of it, hanging on his chin, unreachable to his animal limbs--

"That's me! That's me! That's me until forever!"

[pullingamiko]

Ooooh god there he goes this was a mistake. Miko presses her lips together and raises her eyebrows as she waits for him to finish. This is so much worse when he's a horrible horsebeast.

She follows him with her gaze, hands propped on her hips, and her mouth twists as he... keeps talking.

"...Okay. You done? And, I mean, that's the thing - right now you're way grosser than usual, so, I dunno, I feel like it'd be better for everyone if this was... temporary. But I guess it probably isn't?"

[criticallyfucked]

"Not that I was informed," Foster replies a touch coldly. His tail lifts slightly, flicking, one back hoof cocked. "So... it's up to fate." He laughs--it's not a nice laugh, and there's drool hanging from his chin, but that's not outside of the norm.

"If I'm grosser now, it's because I have revealed myself to be that way. Not because anything about me has changed!" He's coming down from his... episode slightly, though not very much. There's a dramatic, almost violent gesture of his head on the end of his neck to go with that declaration, but a somewhat cooler followup statement--even if it's accompanied by an unpleasant sort of self-loathing smile. "I doubt the Ringmaster would have.... chosen this without reason."

There's a pause.

"Even if that reason is that I don't deserve better."

The smile splits to reveal teeth.

[pullingamiko]

Miko makes a face. That is... less than ideal. Wow this is uncomfortable. Though...

"I dunno, man, the reason might just be that she thinks it's funny." Like, just based on Miko's knowledge of the Ringmaster... that sounds likely to her.