lostcarnival | ⇨ THE SUMMERLANDS

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⇨ THE SUMMERLANDS

Who: Everyone!
When: Day 138 - Day 152
Where: The Summerlands
What: The Ringmaster brings the carnival to the Summerlands immediately after being freed from Portland so that everyone can take a fucking nap. Her included.
Warnings: Individually marked! Most likely discussion of torture and trauma in here.

DAYS OF SUMMER↴

You made it! And things are back to normal... more or less. Upon waking, you will be greeted with a clear blue sky and gentle breeze – the carnival has found itself situated between a pair of mountain peaks, with great fields of flowers extending in the distance. In the other direction, you’ll see mountain-top cities and tall waterfalls accenting vast swaths of forest.

Some of you will already know this place. It’s the Summerlands. You game here once to rest in safety nearly a year ago, and now you’ve come to rest once again.

► WAKING UP: Shortly after the carnival arrives, the Ringmaster will send out a somewhat cryptic radio message - but her immediate location won't be clear. Whatever items you had on your person at the time the Severing was broken will still be on your person, including whatever clothing. All of the animals and pets of the carnival will have returned to the grounds as well, though they are currently free from their designated living spaces. Things in the carnival will appeared to have naturally aged a month, as if the carnival was been sitting here empty and waiting while everyone was in Portland. The lawn needs mowing.

► SUMMER CITY: After the Summer Fae become aware of everyone's presence, they will welcome you into their city. There are stairs that lead up the sides of the mountains, but thankfully there are also magical means of getting up there as well. The Summer Fae will be willing to help workers with the injured as needed, offering herbal remedies and healing magic to those that want it. You'll also be invited to join them for dinner, but they will not be particularly offended if they are turned down, for now.

► SUMMER PEOPLE: The fae here will mostly enjoy the company of any carnival members that offer it - it doesn't seem that much happens here besides day after day of peaceful meditation and relaxation. It is not uncommon to see Summer Fae spent days doing exactly the same thing, whether that be enjoying the weather, listening to music, or dancing - the day and night periods may be similar to earth, but when you don't need rest it can all blur together just the same. Some of the fae work on feats of agriculture or craftsmanship, and while there is no particularly need to work in this place, they take pride in the fact that they do.

► NEW ARRIVALS: Though the Ringmaster will not be offering much guidance for the first week or so, eventually the carnival will begin running for a few small performance sessions, off and on, as a thank you to their fae hosts. The carnival will also be open to receiving new arrivals during that period, and so there will likely be some newbies to train and get orientated as well.

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Tamaki was just on his way into the Big Top, only to stop abruptly when he sees Steven walking out of it, looking distinctly more... dark, than usual.

He's also wearing a lot of glitter and... is that a fishnet top? Really?

Tamaki has no idea what to make of this. Why would Steven willingly decide to look like this? Has he decided to join some sort of glitterpunk band? Did they have a glitterpunk band at the Carnival? Is glitterpunk even a real thing or something he made up just now?

So many questions, so few answers. So he waves to get Steven's attention, and walks over to him.

"Stevicchi... is this glitterpunk?"

Let's start with that one.

Something about Tamaki's frank and mostly accurate question just humbles the shit out of Steven's showboating. He extends his arms, looking down at himself - he doesn't really know the right terms, either, but...

"I guess I was kind of going for... goth?" he says, as if that isn't a word that he uses often. He's very much stabbing in the dark with this choice of fashion. "But if glitterpunk is a thing I guess it's kind of like that, too..."

Shit, he forgot to be a goth this time. This is hard.

"Oh." Tamaki nods, as though he understands, but he still looks so confused it's clear he doesn't. Whatever this is, goth or glitterpunk (for once, he wishes Sougo were around so he could ask him), it just doesn't really seem to fit with Steven's normal personality.

But after a moment, it hits him. Steven was just coming out of the Big Top after all, so the only explanation must be...

"Is this for a show?"

"Um... No," Steven admits, Tamaki's introduction having completely thrown him off. He frowns and tries to pull it together. "I'm just dressing like this so everyone knows how I feel, now!" he goes on, more forcefully. "Because I'm not hiding it anymore!"

Or rather he is, but behind superficial sadness as opposed to a consistent attempt to be happy.

Tamaki looks him up and down, trying to understand what feelings fishnets and make up link to (actually, he has an idea, but he's pretty sure Steven is too young for that kind of feeling). He'd think maybe the black would be the biggest indicator, but Steven's face is so colorful and sparkly...

"I think your outfit needs to be a little more specific."

Steven scratches at his hair, looking a little bit sheepish. He's never actually tried to dress like this before, so maybe Tamaki knows better than he does about how best to express your depression through clothing?

"You think?" he asks, looking down at himself. "I thought I looked sort of... cool..."

His advice would be to wear a t-shirt, sweatpants and a hoodie...

...No wait, that just expresses laziness.

"Eh? You do look kinda cool, though... Like the eyes." He circles a finger around his own eyes, to indicate what he's talking about. "Maybe you could have some cool boots too? If you find something to fit over your claws..."

"Do they make boots for cat feet?" Steven wonders, shifting back and forth as he examines his own digitigrade paws. He rubs his chin. "I mean... I guess Puss in Boots was pretty popular..."

This is, of course, said completely seriously.

"The make up was the best part... I usually only do stuff like this for performances, but I decided that the occasion called for something kind of dramatic?"

Puss in Boots! Exactly. They could get him some boots like that. Tamaki is just as serious about this as Steven, and he nods in encouragement.

But something else is bothering him; the why of Steven dressing up like this, and not so much the how. He mentioned earlier that he was trying to show his feelings on the outside, and now he's saying the occasion called for something dramatic.

"What's the occasion, anyway?" he asks, moving to stand in the shade from the tents. It's hot out here.

His plant parts make direct sunlight pleasant in a way it wouldn't have been otherwise, so Steven stays where he is for the moment, though he turns to follow Tamaki's position. He starts looking a little bit embarrassed as he's forced to contemplate his answer to that.

"I just... decided to be sad on the outside, instead of hiding it on the inside. Because keeping it on the inside... wasn't really helping anymore."

He rubs his arm, staring at the ground.

"Maybe that sounds dumb."

Tamaki absorbs that answer, tilting his head a little, though his eyes show understanding. He doesn't really get how clothes are supposed to show how Steven feels sad, but he understands the desire to make his feelings known.

"I don't think it's dumb," he says finally, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I mean, I don't know if your clothes mean you're sad. But I think it's okay to show people how you feel."

He is right that keeping feelings bottled up inside won't help anyone, after all.

Steven is obviously very nervous talking about this - and Tamaki's acceptance of his confession is obviously very valuable to him. He relaxes a little bit, and then nods.

"I know... it's just... really hard, sometimes. To feel like I can." That last part is hard to say, and he only just manages to rush it passed his self-consciousness on the subject. "Or... to feel like I want to? I don't... I don't like feeling this way. I don't want to."

He can't meet Tamaki's eyes.

"But... not wanting to doesn't mean I don't end up feeling sad anyway."

"Mm..." Tamaki nods, rubbing a hand at the base of his neck. "Feeling sad isn't fun... but when you do, you can't hide it forever."

Hiding it just makes it feel worse. You start to feel alone, after awhile, because no one knows you're suffering. Tamaki's been there, when he was younger, and more recently, trapped in the soul of his Portland self.

"Why don't you feel like you can't show people?"

That is actually harder to explain than he thought it would be. Part of his kneejerk reaction is to say that he knows that sharing your feelings is important, but yet he knows that he's been struggling to do that. So, why?

"...Because... then..." He trails off, rubbing his arm as he tries to put words to it. "Then, the people who care about me... they'll be worried. And that will just make me worried, too. And sometimes... it feels like it's easier if I just... handle it myself. Because a lot of the time there's nothing they could do."

"I don't want people to think I'm sad when I'm trying to be happy. Which is why I guess... I thought maybe not trying for a while would be better."

Tamaki thinks over this explanation, and he thinks he gets it. Steven is a really nice person; of course he wouldn't want to upset anyone by being sad, especially if he thinks they can't do anything to help.

"So you dressed like this, thinking everyone would know you're sad?"

Just going by their conversation earlier, he's going to guess that didn't go quite as Steven planned; though, Tamaki realizes he's not exactly known for being the sharpest crayon in the box. It's entirely possible that only he missed the implication of what Steven was doing.

"Do you want to talk about why?"

Steven considers that, looking like the proposition is a difficult one for him. He shrugs a shoulder, smiling faintly in appreciation of the offer.

"There was everything in Portland... and then when we got back... a bunch of my friends decided to go home for a while afterwards because it was so stressful. Dad and I went together, but now..."

Steven glances in the direction of the trailer park.

"Dad isn't back yet. And I don't know when he will be." He looks at the ground. "And the stuff back home wasn't very good, either."

"Your dad didn't come back, huh..."

Tamaki wonders if that was a conscious decision on Greg's part, or just something that... happened, like the way Mitsuki went home and left Tamaki here. He's not entirely willing to give Greg the benefit of the doubt after what happened at the celebration, and doesn't entirely have the self awareness to realize he might just be projecting.

"Is anyone else from your world still here? That you can stay with?"

Steven smiles sadly and nods, looking up from the ground. He doesn't know that Tamaki doubts Greg's intentions, but he still sort of worries about that idea on his own.

"He probably... maybe he needed more time. I don't know..." He shakes it off, laughing uneasily. "Peridot and Lapis are still here! And... Blue Diamond..." His expression falls again. "...But that's more of a bad thing..."

"Maybe..." He'd like to give Greg the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard to do that when Steven is sad and all alone. And if things are bad back home too, hopefully his dad is taking care of him there...

But something else Steven says catches his attention, and he tilts his head. "Why's it bad?"

He's not doubting Steven, but he hardly knows anything about gems.

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⇨ THE SUMMERLANDS

hello darkness my old friend

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