lostcarnival | but oh my heart is flawed // closed

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but oh my heart is flawed // closed

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.

[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]

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[ No one except that one annoying northerner with a habit of appearing out of nowhere. That is to say, Childermass. He's already in the habit of late night visits to the cookhouse when no one is around, picking up a midnight snack now and then. Of course, he leans more towards fruit or day-old rolls than he does wine or worse.

Catching Joker there...

Well, it's not that shocking. He wouldn't be surprised if Joker had the same habit of sneaking food at odd hours, even before the whole vampire ordeal. ]

Need help finding something?

[ Anyway, back to the entire 'appearing out of nowhere' thing.

He wasn't there a second ago, now he is, casually leaning against a counter as if this were the most normal thing in the world. Of course, there's always the chance vampire hearing or a vampiric sense of smell gave him away even before he dropped his little spell. He can hide from sight easily enough, but he can't stop the sound of his beating heart or the smell of his blood. ]

[It’s sure a good thing he’s technically dead already because hOLY SHIT CHILDERMASS HE COULD HAVE DIED OF A HEART ATTACK]

[Joker jerks up and back, antlers banging on a bit of wood but otherwise not really banged up.]

Bloody- well look who it is!

[Ignore that his eyes are a little red. Vampire tears are bullshit.]

Just a bit of blood wine… At least, I’m pretty sure Koel’s got some in here somewhere.

[ Childermass does ignore that, actually. If Joker's been crying, who's he to bring attention to it? He's also not looking one bit apologetic for scaring the poor man, but that's to be expected. ]

Blood wine? I wasn't aware that was a thing. [ He's not even sure he wants to know what's in it, only— ] Not as in fermented blood, surely.

[ But it probably is. That's probably exactly what it is and he just had to say it, for curiosity's sake. He will nod towards one particular part of the kitchen counters, however, raising a hand to gesture that direction as well. ]

I've found most bottles kept in the cupboards under there. I can't say I've ever looked for blood wine there, though.

I have it on good authority that it most certainly is a thing, ha ha!

[That is a blatant lie, actually, but… If Koel has made blood based foods for the small vampire population the carnival has suddenly found itself in possession of, Joker is pretty sure blood-based booze is also a thing. Or maybe was always a thing. Who knows how that kind of wine ages?]

[Anyway, he makes his way for the cupboards, aggressively pretending that everything is just fine as he renews his search in a new area.]

So, come in for a sip yerself, Childermass?

It wasn't what I had in mind when I dropped by, no, but provided we find something else along with any blood wine...

[ He's not about to drink blood anything, thanks, but he does know there's enough of a variety hidden back here in the cookhouse to not worry about that terribly much. ]

I wouldn't be opposed.

[ Even if it's more to keep Joker company than anything else. If he's digging around for booze all alone, at this time of night, then he probably needs someone to keep an eye on him. ]

Heh. It's an acquired taste, I admit.

[Acquired by means of vampirism, but, hey.]

What's yer poison, then? Wine, or somethin' a little stronger?

[Because god knows they have it. And Joker is glad to find it, if it means not talking about his issues.]

[(Spoilers, the booze is going to make that happen anyway.)]

Wine will be fine.

[ Because it'll take longer for him to get wasted on that over, say, brandy or whiskey or even rum. He pushes away from the counter he'd been leaning on and crosses the kitchen to stand by Joker where he's searching through the cupboard for bottles. ]

Any kind. I can't say I ever developed any fine tastes while serving the good men of society. [ Mostly because Hurtfew Abbey rarely ever had any guests, so why keep a decent stock in the first place? ] Any luck finding your blood wine?

Found it!

[And there's the bottle coming out to rest on the counter. Sure enough, that is some worryingly dark liquid inside that's just a liiiittle slower in sloshing about than regular wine...]

[In the meantime, Joker just plucks out the first bottles of red and white wine he finds, and grins at Childermass.]

Think we're set for the night then, huh?

[ Yeah, one look at that bottle and Childermass knows he isn't going to be sampling that, not even a little. The other two bottles, however, he'll nod at. ]

I do believe we are. [ He steps back, out of Joker's way, and waves him on ahead towards the door between kitchen and the rest of the cookhouse. ] After you, sir.

[It's highly questionable if Joker should even be allowed to carry all three bottles, but, well, his wooden fingers seem flexible and strong enough if anything. He manages to pick the three of them up and makes his way back to the rest to the cookhouse.]

Such a gentleman. [That's apparently Joker's favorite joke as he puts the bottles down on the table with care.] So how have ya been takin' the latest stop?

[Glasses, he should probably get those...]

[ No worries about the glasses, since Childermass picked up a pair of them before following Joker out of the kitchen area. ]

I've never been to the tropics, so it has been a learning experience. [ Like how he's actually swapped to fewer layers for once, even though Joker sadly doesn't get to see the ridiculous Alolan shirt he's picked up. He skipped wearing that one this evening. ] And I've been thinking about picking up one of those creatures they have for the show.

[ He'll even admit that since the stage manager at least has some right to know the plans of his magicians. ]

[As someone who also had never been to the tropics before joining the carnival, Joker can both understand and is amused at the idea of how Childermass has been learning. As he pours some non-blood wine for him first, he grins.]

I'm all for it! Ended up draggin' one of those myself ta the carnival, fat little owl sorta thing, but he's about as active as me in the daytime, so I let him fly about at night. Didn't want him ta get stuck in my trailer while I'm here havin' a drink, after all.

I don't believe I've spotted anything owl-like out on the islands just yet, though I have picked up a different sort of bird temporarily.

[ He's doing the entire trainer thing and he's just going to talk about it like it's completely normal, not weird at all (it is extremely weird, but let him pretend). In any case, he'll take the glass of regular wine before taking a seat at whatever table Joker's taking over for this.

He'll nod his thanks for it, though. ]

But why an owl, Joker? Is it only because it keeps a similar schedule?

[Listen, Strange, everything is weird now, forever, just different variants of weird. Accept your new life. Joker seems to be faking it well enough, so long as no direct questions are asked of him.]

[Ignore the wine he's got for himself now. It's fine. Everything is fine.]

[There is a pause before he just sort of shrugs, however.]

Well, these days, I seem ta have attracted a lot of birds. It was just this one that stuck- ha, I guess because of the schedule thing. Figured, well, there's no harm in takin' it along for the ride, yeah?

Well, there may be some harm. You may want to decline if Strange comes by asking about feathers.

[ Mostly because Childermass truly wants to doom him to nothing but chickens, whenever the other magician even gets around to trying that spell. As for his wine, well, he doesn't seem to be all that inclined to drink it before Joker pours himself a glass of... that. The other stuff.

Although when his attention drifts from the stage manager to the bottle of blood wine, he does find himself asking, ]

How have you been, anyway? Still trying to shake the whole undead issue?

[ Or has he given up? He's certainly lingered overly long as a vampire when compared to some others. ]

Oh yeah? [And because he's curious and trying to pretend his own misery doesn't exist- ] What's wrong about feathers?

[Listen. He has feathery wings. This feels relevant to him.]

[He's in the middle of a sip when Childermass asks his question, and that makes him pause a second. Fortunately, it's... been a little while since him and Psi ran into each other. He can manage this.]

Yeah, s'been a right pain. I'm not sure what it is, but I don't think the Ringmaster's vague instructions have been helpin' me any. Would like ta taste cake and things again, but I'm wonderin' if maybe that'll be a while before I get the chance.

He may still be looking for something to use besides chicken feathers for an idea he's had.

[ Childermass most definitely declined to offer raven feathers. Partly because he was being a jerk, mostly because he doesn't want another magician using bits of him for a magic act. But there, fair enough warning. Anyway, after a sip from his own glass, he sets it down and leans an elbow on the table. ]

What were her instructions on that, anyhow?

I'll keep that in mind.

[ffs strange]

[Still, is it time to complain about the Ringmaster? You bet it is. Joker gives a small snort and takes another drink, just because he thinks he'll need it.]

Exactly that- look inside ourselves. Somethin' about separatin' ourselves spiritually from the demon part that makes us vampires? It all goes over my head.

Wouldn't rightly know how to do that myself, to be honest. [ Spiritually? But how? He leans back in his chair, considering the problem for a quiet moment before asking, ] Have you tried asking the others with this problem?

[ Which is to say 'the other vampires', still vampiric and former both. ]

Or perhaps it's just telling the demon part to go fuck off, only very adamantly. Something like that.

[Okay maybe he should make a commitment to not drinking when Childermass talks, because that makes him snort a bit and he has to hastily put down the glass so he can press one finger to his nose. THERE'S NO BLOOD DRIBBLING OUT, IT'S FINE.]

That's definitely a suggestion! Might have ta consider that one.

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but oh my heart is flawed // closed

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