pipers_son: (icons-for-the-baes) (I'm gonna make a therapist very)
Joker ([personal profile] pipers_son) wrote in [community profile] lostcarnival2017-04-07 05:15 pm

but oh my heart is flawed // closed

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.

[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]
dorkypantsuit: (&ii)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-21 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
It's such an empty reaction. Even when he speaks, he'd normally sound so amused and instead the words are just blank, like there's no point in finding the humor in it. He didn't know Tamaki thought that, but smiles weakly when he hears it. Maybe if they weren't both so broken something like that might have been possible, in a different reality. Joker looks awful, his face stained red from his tears, his wings a mess, the Psionic wouldn't even be surprised if Joker mentioned he'd lost a few feathers from whatever stress had caused this.

Maybe Joker would want him to keep talking about something inane. He honestly debates it for a second. Should he let his friend return to some semblance of normality? He could pretend nothing was wrong, easily. Or, should he try to help, to really help with whatever Joker's problem could be? He never was very good at being the conciliatory partner in his relationships, but right now maybe that's what Joker needed. He honestly isn't sure which choice is best. Maybe he should leave it up to Joker to decide.

"...I'm guessing a boyfriend isn't what you need right now."
dorkypantsuit: (-x)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-23 06:54 am (UTC)(link)
"Don't." He wants to say that helping a friend is more important than anything else he could have been doing, but he doesn't. Even if he did it felt like Joker the way he was now wouldn't believe it. The Psionic can tell him not to apologize at least. He doesn't tell Joker how panicked Tamaki seemed either. He didn't know for sure what happened between them, but he didn't want Joker to feel guilty about it, whatever 'it' was. No, what Psi really wanted was to make a difference this time, to pay back the friends who gave him the kind of joy he hadn't know for too many sweeps. He hasn't yet found a way to do it, but that didn't mean he was going to stop trying.

He reaches out to catch Joker's hand, mostly trying to make the other man look at him more than anything else.

"What do you need?" he says, the question somehow plaintive as it leaves him. "Let me help you."

He releases Joker's hand, letting him do what he wants with it, but there's a certain pleading to his eyes, and his posture is almost desperate, his muscles tense as though ready to fight.

dorkypantsuit: (-i)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-25 05:21 am (UTC)(link)
He can't know Joker's situation. He doesn't have the personal details and he doesn't understand the context. Human culture seems varied across the multiverse, and it's hard enough for him to grasp the things they have the most in common. Human stations, the sort of class system Joker knows, it's beyond him.

He does know what it feels like to want something he can't have. It's a feeling he's known all his life. Even if he didn't though, the way Joker clutches his stomach before grasping his horn would make his heart swell with sympathy. It's too complicated, it's not something the Psionic can fix. That doesn't mean there's nothing he can do. His head drops, seeing Joker clutch at himself is too painful, to reminiscent of a troll grasping their own horns in an attempt to drown out other sensations. He takes a breath, steadying himself before he looks to Joker again.

"Come to my hive." his voice is gentle, but insistent. It's clear from his tone and expression that Joker's feelings are affecting him, but he doesn't let it hinder his speaking. "We can talk... I'll take care of you."

More than anything he wants to help, he knows it's not something he can fix directly, but maybe he can still do something. He hopes he can. He hopes Joker will let him.
Edited 2017-04-25 05:22 (UTC)
dorkypantsuit: (-v)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-29 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
He finds himself relaxing. He's relieved, even a bit hopeful, though his friend is in such clear pain. Maybe he could help, maybe things would get better. After so many things had gone wrong for all of them, maybe there was still a chance things could be okay. He nods back, standing before reaching out with his hand to help Joker up as well.

"Can you walk okay?" He doesn't know why Joker's on the ground, but he assumes it's because he's hurt.
dorkypantsuit: (=xii)

Time Skip

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-05-01 08:13 pm (UTC)(link)
The physical aspect of the question was specifically what he was asking for. He's glad at least, that Joker can stand up. Now they just had to give walking a try. He holds his hand out, even after Joker's standing on his own, because he isn't sure what made the human collapse the first time or if it might happen again. He's pretty clearly worried and unsure, but there's another feeling there too. It's something close to confidence, or maybe even pride. That Joker's agreed to let him help, even though he's worried, that gives him some small amount of hope that things will get better. It's probably one of the bigger differences between them, Psi still believed things could get better. There's a future where he isn't so lucky, strung up and forced into an eternity of motionless servitude, but he's yet to have that last bit of joy stamped out of him, so for now he lets himself believe that change is possible.

It doesn't take them too long to get to the Psionic's trailer. Hopefully they both make it in one piece. Psi let's Joker get settled inside at the table while he debates on how to proceed.

"Do you want... A drink?"
Edited 2017-05-01 20:33 (UTC)
dorkypantsuit: (=xi)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-05-03 03:10 am (UTC)(link)
Right. He closes his eyes, face coloring in embarrassment as he realizes what Joker must mean. Joker still hadn't been able to get rid of the vampire infection. He's never seen Joker like this before, mood so dour, and now he'd probably made it worse by forgetting how he'd been turned. He sighs, before turning back to sit down with his friend, at a loss for what to do. The whole walk here Joker had been silent. He can't believe leaving his friend in a heap in the woods was the right idea, and yet he isn't certain this was the right one.

"I guess... Some kind of distraction then?"

A distraction...

"I could get you off?"
dorkypantsuit: (Default)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-05-04 03:31 am (UTC)(link)
At least he attempts to smile. Psi smiles too, glad to see his suggestion accepted.

"Alright then." And then he stands, grabbing Joker's hand to lead him over to the bed, mostly because it's the most comfortable place to sit. There's certainly not enough room for them to do anything with the bench seating near the kitchen table. On the bed there's plenty of room for whatever they might get up to, like for example, Psi leaning close to give Joker a kiss.

Cue makeouts.