lostcarnival | ⇨ SHABONDAMASHII

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⇨ SHABONDAMASHII

Who: Everyone!
When: Day 92 - Day 99
Where: Shabondamashii Bathhouse
What: With the Silver Mirror claimed and the animals of Eden relocated, it's time for the carnival to kick back and enjoy an interdimensional bathhouse and the surrounding festival city. Meanwhile, the scattered shards of the Mirror have an unexpected effect.
Warnings: Dark/Light halves acting weird.

THE BIG CLEANSE↴

As the carnival recovers, the Ringmaster has brought it to the gates of a famous interdimensional bathhouse to rest. She won't be joining you for most of it, though she will be checking in frequently and available by radio. She's fixed a large portion of the Silver Mirror after it shattered, but it seems like pieces are missing. She doesn't want to rest until the missing shards are dealt with, and the Mirror itself is locked away safely.

► YOUR OTHER HALF: The shards missing from the Silver Mirror didn't just disappear - after breaking apart in Eden, fragments of the object embedded themselves in the spirits of those not already touched by its powers, and those that had been the most fae-touched. That means, your characters. The effect of this, explained in more detail on the plotting post, is that some characters will be splitting into two versions of themselves: the Light, and the Dark. This doesn't mean good and evil, of course, it's far more complicated than that.

Splits can start happening at any time after arriving in Shabon, and initially characters won't know how to rejoin with their twins. Later on, it will become apparent that they need to reconnect via the shard of the Mirror they share... of course, in order to rejoin, you have to have both halves, and not all twins will be as eager to go back to the way things were before. This plot point is optional.

► SPA DAY: When you're not engaging in metaphysical division, you are free to enjoy the many luxuries that Shabon offers. Things will mostly have an east-Asian bend, like what you would see in the movie Spirited Away, but as long as it doesn't affect the setting much, you can honestly have whatever spa-type services available that you want. Food is served both in restaurants and 'buffet' style. There are also well paid sex workers here, if that is your thing, but make sure to tip well.

► FESTIVAL TOWN: The city surrounding Shabondamashii is largely meant to catch the business of interdimensional tourists. There are frequent parades and other events held, and the architecture is very closely packed. It's easy to get lost if you leave the bathhouse, but it's definitely worth it if you like party. You can pick out a few outfits for yourself and some fun nick nacks, but nothing that would normally require mod approval.

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► HIS OTHER HALVES
To Sans's credit, it takes a little while for it to happen. Yet, it's in the periods of downtime that his doubts become harder to look away from. When they're on a mission, or when danger is threatening, everything becomes about survival.

When you're mostly surrounded with fancy bubble baths and exotic foods, however, there's a bit less to distract. Sans, despite his image, has never been much of a legitimate hedonist. He'd probably enjoy himself a lot more if he was.

And so, it's on day 93 that you may find Sans out in the halls, looking to flag down anyone he recognizes from the carnival. He's wearing an untied yukata with a t-shirt and pajama pants beneath it, and he seems a little bit put off, but otherwise composed.

"Uh... there's someone I'm gunna need a bit of help with, over here..." he'll say, and usher you towards the room where he's been staying alone so far. Inside, there is a second Sans, curled up on the bed and looking practically comatose with misery.

"I'm thinkin' this might be that doubleganger thing that's happening? The RM told me about it yesterday. He's, uh. Not having a good time."

► WILDCARD
Sans will be split for a day or two probably, so I'm open for anything else you might want with him. Light Sans is essentially him without all of the depression and trauma dragging him down. He's genuinely well put together and easy to interact with! He seems pretty worried about Dark Sans, though.

Reira knows about the dopplegangers. Not because it's happened to her, no- for someone who doesn't have much grasp on 'self' she's done a remarkable job at staying glued together actually.

One could even say that it's the reason she's stayed stuck together. It's hard for her to doubt herself too significantly when she's not even entirely sure of what there would be to doubt. For the most part she just thinks and feels something and Does it.

Unfortunately that attitude also got Yuugo to go and cut himself in two right in front of her sooooo... Well that was an interesting conclusion to her 'not-birthday'. She's still got to change out of the fancy clothes in fact.

Reira blinks a little bit owlishly at Sans-Lite, and then slowly peers inside the room at Sans...NotLite. Dark?

She's going to give up on these labels and continue with her gawking for now. "Ummmm...." Oh dear. She blinks, and without any further prompting just goes over to try and sit beside the 'dark' half. "......Hey." Sir. Sir.

"...Why're you sad?"

"Ah, geez," Sans-Lite says, rubbing the back of his skull. "Don't ask him that." He's already got an idea of what the other half must be feeling, because it's all weirdly absent on this side. "You can... sense emotions and stuff, right kiddo?"

He's pretty sure there are multiple empathic children and Reira is definitely one of them. Meanwhile, Sans-Dark is still just laying crumpled on the bed, seeming unsure of what to say.

"Don't bother," he mumbles.

"Yeah." She takes a moment to look from Dark to Lite, blinking. "...I still don't know what all of the feelings are called. But they're there." Normally 'what's wrong' is supposed to be the safe question she thought, but apparently it's not? "...I won't ask that again though I guess."

As it is, she tilts her head at Dark. "...You don't know what I'm going to 'bother' with though... ...I think?" It's silly to tell her to not do something before she even tries it you know. "...What 'm I not supposed to bother with?" The question is arguably aimed at 'Dark'- but she looks at 'Lite' when she asks it, genuine confusion on her face.

Sans-Lite drags a hand down his face. Reira is a very literal person, he knows. He just needs to figure out how to explain this to her.

"He's... part of me, or something. You've felt what I feel like before, right, kid?" Sans-Lite asks. He's worried, but also strangely unburdened by the myriad of existential and trauma-based pains that hangs around Sans like a fog from time to time. Sans-Lite is concerned, but it's in a rational, controllable, and practical sort of way. He sees a problem, so he's worried.

His other half, though? Well, Sans-Dark is completely falling apart inside, and without any real provocation. Feelings of self loathing and hopelessness are thick.

"You can tell that I'm missing something, right?" Sans-Lite says. "It's like all of that bad stuff manifested and flopped down on the bed over there."

"Well...I guessed that part," she admits, regarding the 'parts of people' bit. "...Umn...I don't think it's like you're missing something, what I'm feeling though. It's just that you're not feeling certain things right now. Or, one is, I guess..." She furrows her brow, trying to figure out how to put it into words. "...Ummm... like how people aren't always scared, I guess. It's a lot more of everything else for both of you though..." Everything being...well. The things they're both experiencing. Without one to temper the other, it's a pretty concentrated mess. Sans' guess of feelings being 'missing' isn't as far from the reality as Reira thinks.

"...Yuugo did that, sort of." They didn't so much break into Sad and Confident as...Angry and Confident, those 'two'. "Ummm..."

She decides she should probably ask what she didn't get to ask Yuugo on that point. "...This is probably bad, isn't it? If one part is 'all sad', are you going to be able to make them feel better at all?"

It's a confusing question to take apart. The gist seems to be 'how can you make something that's ONLY SAD, happy' however.

Well, now that the first part is established, they can focus on the problem that Reira has just highlighted: if this clone is bearing all of his baggage, how the fuck are they supposed to do anything about it? Even under normal circumstances, Sans has struggled to cope with that.

"I mean, personally? I feel great," Sans-Lite says, shrugging helplessly. He's not even really thinking about it in terms of 'cheering up' his emotionally dead doppelganger. He's already under the impression that it's impossible. "Maybe you don't realize how much of an all the time thing this has been..."

Sans-Dark only really looks up to scowl at the two of them.

"Then why don'tcha just blow my brains out, huh? You'd be doing everyone a favour, including yourself..."

Sans-Light puts his hand to his face again. "Could you not, in front of the kid?"

"Fuck off," Sans-Dark says, giving Sans-Lite the middle finger.

It's astounding how little Reira reacts to given certain situations. She's about to answer 'Lite' that she's only felt...Smaller sadness. Which wouldn't have made much sense but would probably have confirmed the theory that it was harder to catch. When Dark cuts in however she just stares.

And stares.

And gently tries to move the other's middle finger down. Considering her palms are about the size of her face now, that might be awkward- regardless of how close one hand gets to the other. "...We're not supposed to do that with our hands, I think." It's rude, or something.

"...And...I don't think that's a good idea, doing that other thing," she says honestly. "...Even if you have bad feelings, they're there for a reason. If you didn't feel bad sometimes, you wouldn't be able to feel as happy when the good things happen. Which means you're both supposed to be here." She remembers that quite clearly after all. "...Because all feelings happen for a reason, I think..."

Ahem. As it is. "...either way, it wouldn't be the same 'you' anymore, if part of you was gone, so that's a bad idea I think."

Sans-Dark swats away Reira's hands when she tries to reposition his finger, not so willing to let it go. He may be depressed and lethargic, but he's also bitter and angry.

"You don't know anything about it," Sans-Dark says, sounding emotional already. "How about feeling bad all of the time, huh? You know what that's like? Don't... don't try to give me this 'there's no sweet without the sour' crap, okay?" Dark Sans pulls the cover over himself. "There's no reason for a ton of the bad things that happen to people."

"I mean," Sans-Lite says, carefully. "He's got a point."

Oh, well fine. Keep your finger where it is then. She moves her hands to her knees, frowning. "...That's not what I said," she mutters. "...I said there's a reason feelings happen. It doesn't mean what made the feeling is okay. It just means it happened." She doesn't push the good versus bad of it all though. Not if both sides are agreeing on it.

"...It still means both sides have to be there though. Um....not that you should always feel bad I mean," she adds quickly, looking to 'Lite' on that point. "Just... ...I don't think it's good if you're not able to. ...I... like being able to feel things when something happens, even if some of them are bad. ...Maybe I don't like when I'm feeling bad but..."

The girl furrows her brows, trying to phrase things properly.

"...But... ...mnh... Since things have reasons, maybe something can... ...Mnh...Or someone... ...hmn." She starts to say something, but it doesn't take long before she's forced to cut short to look at the ground. "....You told me not to ask about 'why' you're sad though. ...no one tells me when I ask why," she mutters a little bitterly. "...Why can't people try to help other people..."

Edited 2018-09-03 06:04 (UTC)

"We both know what the problem is," Sans-Lite says, patiently. "It's just not gunna make him feel any better having to go over it. I used to hate having to tell people anything about myself, so he probably does, too."

"The key point, I think, is that the Sans dealing with these problems might not have any alternative, so trying to fix him may be the wrong approach..." Hel adds.

"I couldn't fix myself even with all the good stuff I had going for me," Sans-Lite says. "Trying to force it out of him now just seems... cruel, or somethin'."

"Mnh..." Reira chews her lip a little- but she eventually nods. It's a bit different from being brushed off- very different from someone plastering a smile on their face and claiming they're fine. Heck, that was half the reason she'd taken to ignoring when someone was pretending not to be sad in the first place.

Enough people insisted on lying about it that it just wasn't worth trying to get involved anymore.

This is very different though, and now it feels a bit like they're in a rut. Reira looks to Sans-Lite, and then to Dark, and then for a moment to Hel as well. "Then... ...what do we do..?" How do they help, if helping is part of the problem?

It's a bit of a headache.

Luxury was always something that Tyki could indulge in. The warm water, catered service, exotic foods, beautiful women walking around of all shapes and sizes. Even the conversations in the baths with other males just looking to talk were fun, even if it was long stories to tell, battle scars to show.

He looks comfortable, a simple robe closed at his waist, his scars on his chest showing and less itchy, barefoot. His hands were in his hair, pinning up the messy curls out of the way, when Sans flags him down. He gives his usual cheery grin but then blinks mildly at his words.

Sans? Needing help? And asking for it? His expression dulls, taking his body language, the way he speaks, and the even if it was a trap, he walks forward right into the room where he beckons. Oh, he's seen this before, somewhat.

"How long has this been going on?" he asks, addressing the both of them. It would be rude to talk to Sans without talking to Sans. It was who he was.

Dark Sans pretty much just ignores Tyki for the time being, his arms wrapped around himself as he stares at the wall - it's almost reminiscent of when Sans had been ill in the underbelly of the Manor, except completely lacking the good humour.

Sans-Lite makes a helpless gesture.

"Within the last hour, I guess?" he says. There is a pretty obvious weight lifted from the way Sans-Lite conducts himself. The ease with which he has expressed his need for help is above and beyond what Sans could have previously accomplished, even at this best. "I was thinking too hard about some things, and then... it's like all of it just left my mind. And then this guy was here."

He gestures at the bedridden Sans. Suddenly, a beetle flutters out from Dark Sans's eye socket. It's Helvetica, his daemon.

"You're both the real Sans," she says authoritatively. "Just like I'm your real soul. I can feel both of you at the same time."

"Thank you, Miss Helvetica," he says first and foremost, as that puts things into a better perspective. He almost misses his soul but having Morticia out would only make him feel somewhat exposed.

Two halves, could he even call it halves, of Sans now both on display before him, one looking like Tyki did in his best moments, and the other pathetic and worn just like the Underbelly. It makes him passive, for both sides, his trust in the other allowing him to lower his own guard a little. He walks closer towards Dark Sans, sitting down on the ground sideways so he can address both of them properly if need be.

"Is something the matter, buddy?" he questions, like he always does without any conviction or hesitation, regardless of the answer, his arm folding onto the bed to put some weight on it, a cue that he was there to mostly Dark Sans. Sans-Lite could already see that.

"Dumb question," Dark Sans mumbles, not making eye contact with any of his seven eyes. "Seems pretty obvious I'm all the things that we'd be better off without."

Hel lands on Lite's shoulder, encouraged by Tyki listening to her.

"Sans has a history of severe depression," she says. "Now all of that is condensed into one version of himself, without any of the things that have allowed him to cope. It's very painful for him... but at the same time his other side..."

"All that stuff... I don't feel it anymore," Lite Sans says.

"Maybe," he responds, his cheek resting into his hand as he lounges like he's comfortable, just as he did with Rita, Strange, and Ignatius. He can't comfort until he knows enough and even then that wasn't always an option. One can't relate to something one doesn't understand. "But without asking, I can't be sure."

His eyes flick towards Hel as she speaks again, looking over Sans Diet as he conveys what he's suspecting and confirming what Hel is saying. What one has, the other doesn't.

"Depression?" he gently pries, not wanting a full backstory but still wanting to understand. He's a good listener and he's getting far more information than usual, "That's a hard thing to hide." But then Sans was always full of secrets.

"I guess you weren't here when it was more obvious," Diet Sans says, shrugging his shoulder. "I quit drinking around the same time you showed up... and then everything that happened in the Manor was it's own reason to be messed up."

"Oh, yes, he was an alcoholic, too," Hel confirms. "Which the side with his depression will have to be careful of..."

"You're still a shit head," Dark Sans grumbles. "You just hide it better, now."

"... We've come a long way, alright?" Diet Sans says. "There's just... only so much a guy can do."

"No, I came in halfway through your Summerlands visit, after the Ringmaster came back from some sort of ordeal?" He never really asked the details because they hadn't been that important, not at the time. And right now, none of that mattered.

He nudges his elbow into Dark Sans back but doesn't let any other part of them touch. He had made a point to never touch Sans with his hands, not unless he had to. He respected boundaries of people he was attached to. "Hmm, if I had known that..." He wouldn't have offered a glass of wine or a bottle of hard cider in the past. Then again, Tyki never really drank in excess except with faerie ale. It was a pleasure, one he could control.

"It's interesting to see, given how much I've wanted to know about you. The both of you. You don't have to hide from me, Sans. Your soul is right. It's what makes you who you are. Shit head or not."

Dark Sans grumbles and rolls over, irritated but unwilling to do anything about it. He casts Tyki a glance.

"You probably just think I'm some kind of freak show that's fun to watch," Dark Sans says. "I got no other explanation for why you're bothering me all the time."

...Okay, that part is actually sort of embarrassing for Diet Sans, and it shows.

"Okay, his garbage attitude aside, it is kind of confusing," Diet Sans admits. "Even I have no idea what's going on here half the time." Meaning, between Tyki and Sans. "It's kind of hard to imagine why you'd be interested in knowing this stuff for any reason that isn't suspect."

He seems to smile a little more sincerely when Dark Sans looks his way, his fingers curling on the side of his head as he listens to his words. He looks worn, aggravated, miserable, and Tyki just wants to soothe that.

His ear cranes back to listen to Diet Sans, taking in his words as well with a confused look rolling over his face. It's baffling even to think that he even questions this kind of thing. The more he listens, the more questions start piling up one after another. It's understandable, knowing who he is as the Warden, but it's hard to see Sans as that role without seeing him actually in that role. Unless...

"Do you think I'm trying to find our your weaknesses?" he begins, his face screwing up, and he laughs, bright and cheery, "Sans, dear Sans. You're safe with me. Aren't we friends?"

Diet Sans blinks, his seven eyes slightly out of sync. Then, he shakes his head, burying his hands in his pockets.

"Nah," he says. "Nothing that dramatic." He considers it for a moment. "The whole... effortless chill, inappropriate laughter schtick is just a little unnerving sometimes. It doesn't come off as sincere."

He shrugs his shoulders.

"Maybe it's just because it looks like the same kind of shit that I would pull if I was trying to avoid showing my hand. If you really are just like that... then I'm jealous, I guess."

"If I'm honest, I've tried toning myself down around you, as not to spook you away. You always seem to hide, and I don't know why," he says instantly, trying to convey himself in the best way he can, by talking. "I can't help if I get a good laugh out of something a little light hearted."

"I'm comfortable with who I am, for everything I am, and I enjoy life and the people I come to adore," he continues shortly, not wanting to make this about him. This was Sans' time of need after all.

His hands spread wide open beside him, holding his hands out, "We all have our secrets, Sans. Anything I am hiding is for a good reason but it is nothing that is going to endanger the carnival. I can assure you of that and that my feelings towards you as a friend are genuine."

"Good to hear," Sans says, and he isn't going to argue it. Tyki has never done anything to make him think there was an ulterior motive, besides be interested in him with a intensity he doesn't really understand.

"This is kinda weird. I feel like I'm going to be annoyed by how freely I'm saying this stuff after this is over... but right now it just doesn't seem like the wrong decision."

Somehow, as Diet Sans speaks, Dark Sans doesn't interrupt - practically refusing to even react.

"I've spent a long time hiding things. It ended up becoming a habit, to the point you can't imagine why anybody'd care what's actually going on."

"This is going to sound stupid," he begins, his eyes looking away towards Dark Sans who has grown quiet, "But down in that... Underbelly. I had been down there a whole day by myself, hungry, lasting on what Miss Jennifer had to offer. I hadn't seen the kids yet. Then you came along, weak and worn out. But instead of scolding me, instead of berating me for what you should have, you said something funny."

It warmed his heart, down to the very bone, deep into his soul, like everything was going to be alright, "I don't get scared often but that was a raw experience for me. My power not working correctly, unable to get out on my own. In my world, I can do just about anything. For once I just felt... helpless."

He hasn't talked about this, not with anyone else, not even Joker, "There, something to trade for everything you are sharing. But if you tell anyone, we're not friends anymore."

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⇨ SHABONDAMASHII

SANS | OTA (STARTING DAY 93)

Oh Boy, Sans,

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CW: passive aggressive suicide related stuff

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