⇨ SHABONDAMASHII

[ringleaders]

Who: Everyone!
When: Day 92 - Day 99
Where: Shabondamashii Bathhouse
What: With the Silver Mirror claimed and the animals of Eden relocated, it's time for the carnival to kick back and enjoy an interdimensional bathhouse and the surrounding festival city. Meanwhile, the scattered shards of the Mirror have an unexpected effect.
Warnings: Dark/Light halves acting weird.

THE BIG CLEANSE↴ As the carnival recovers, the Ringmaster has brought it to the gates of a famous interdimensional bathhouse to rest. She won't be joining you for most of it, though she will be checking in frequently and available by radio. She's fixed a large portion of the Silver Mirror after it shattered, but it seems like pieces are missing. She doesn't want to rest until the missing shards are dealt with, and the Mirror itself is locked away safely. ► YOUR OTHER HALF: The shards missing from the Silver Mirror didn't just disappear - after breaking apart in Eden, fragments of the object embedded themselves in the spirits of those not already touched by its powers, and those that had been the most fae-touched. That means, your characters. The effect of this, explained in more detail on the plotting post, is that some characters will be splitting into two versions of themselves: the Light, and the Dark. This doesn't mean good and evil, of course, it's far more complicated than that. Splits can start happening at any time after arriving in Shabon, and initially characters won't know how to rejoin with their twins. Later on, it will become apparent that they need to reconnect via the shard of the Mirror they share... of course, in order to rejoin, you have to have both halves, and not all twins will be as eager to go back to the way things were before. This plot point is optional. ► SPA DAY: When you're not engaging in metaphysical division, you are free to enjoy the many luxuries that Shabon offers. Things will mostly have an east-Asian bend, like what you would see in the movie Spirited Away, but as long as it doesn't affect the setting much, you can honestly have whatever spa-type services available that you want. Food is served both in restaurants and 'buffet' style. There are also well paid sex workers here, if that is your thing, but make sure to tip well. ► FESTIVAL TOWN: The city surrounding Shabondamashii is largely meant to catch the business of interdimensional tourists. There are frequent parades and other events held, and the architecture is very closely packed. It's easy to get lost if you leave the bathhouse, but it's definitely worth it if you like party. You can pick out a few outfits for yourself and some fun nick nacks, but nothing that would normally require mod approval.

Comments

[spaghettimonster]

After the original split, and the argument between the Papyruses that ended in them going pointedly separate ways... The other Papyrus decided Sistina should stick with this one. Not as a watch, that kind of idea didn't factor, but because their constant worrying and complaining were grating, and they deserved each other. He hadn't worded it that way, exactly. But close enough, for an unhappy and frustrated mind to read between the lines of the cheerful, indifferent smile.

Papyrus goes quiet for too long, through each of Sans' questions, curling in on himself harder as he thinks what the quiet must sound like.

"I know it wasn't my right mind. I want you to be happy, and well," though Sans so frequently hasn't been, "and alive. That's what I want. Killing you is horrible. Was horrible. I can't understate how much I hated it. It just... seemed better than the alternative."

Sistina shuffles around by the doorway, but doesn't interrupt, even when Papyrus trails off quietly for another minute.

"Like with our father."

He coughs a rough laugh, glances at Sans and away again.

"Just like that! Just... wanting him not to hurt. But I felt it for everybody. When the song caught me, and it wasn't your fault," and he flinches, he doesn't want Sans to think that, but he wants to say these things, there's no conversational path here that doesn't hurt, "I was in the Void. Nothing to see, nothing to touch. Nothing but me, and, I couldn't stop thinking about things. Everything about them. All of the things that hurt, that normally I brush off, ignore, or forget."

Kind of like now, but worse. Far worse, with those whispers pushing him to the Void's conclusion.

"That was the pressure. It kept me from hiding from this, and made the pain inescapable. Made it all feel inescapable, except through... That's all."

[osteothropy]

That's a lot to process. Somehow, he imagines it is probably worse in reality than Papyrus's words can imply. Thinking doesn't sound that bad, until it suddenly is. With some of the people it got to, it must have been bad.

"I know what you mean," he says, subdued. Sans didn't go as far as to wish away all of his emotions - just the crippling ones that have so often made him falter. Thinking about death seeming better, thinking about their dad... those things would make him feel pangs of sorrow no matter what form he's in. Yet, it's not enough to interfere, and that's what counts.

What he wanted most of all was to not be so fucked up, and he's genuinely gotten what he wanted, in some respects. He's free to be as pragmatic as he wants.

"I've felt like that before... but... more about just myself than anybody else. I feel like you know that, but I was never sure. I tried not to talk about it in front of you. Just... feeling like I'd be better off gone."

His extraneous eye sets close, leaving just the main ones half lidded with thought.

"But it's so easy to imagine writing off everybody and everything else at the same time, y'know? I don't think any of that makes you a bad person. That's just what it feels like, when you're in that place. When you don't feel like there's anything on the horizon that'll ever make the stuff you're going through right now okay, or worth it."

"At the time, I just kinda thought that maybe you were right to want that for me, for a minute. But... when I came out of that egg, I knew that I'd been wrong."

[spaghettimonster]

Some of the tension in Papyrus simmers down as Sans talks, going quiet and attentive. He never expected to bring these these things up to his brother, that Sans would really listen. Not just listen, but validate them, confirm them. No terrible jokes deflecting things, no making excuses and leaving... But it flares up again at that last admission.

"You were wrong, you shouldn't think like that!" Papyrus snaps in agreement, with so much uncensored heat he startles at himself and hesitates. It's easy to say let's just talk, but he's still scared he'll say the wrong thing, and the conversation will end. "I... Nobody should. Not you, not me, not anyone."

Though Papyrus is, to a degree. Not nearly as badly as before, or as badly as Sans. It's only a piece, mostly because it hurts to be like this. Scared with the reminder of what he did before, and setting him to imagining what things would have been like, if they'd both felt like this before. Maybe he can't help it, right now, split up with the happier half of him elsewhere. Not just for the faking it things, but the now-distant sense of really thinking he could be better, could be happier, could be great.

Though that kind of thing had felt a lot more real, before finding out what being king was like.

"...I knew you did. I wanted to make you stop thinking that way. You think the worst of yourself, most of the time. Maybe not right now," he says with a glance at his brother, because Sans seems pretty unhaunted by that sadness, even though they're talking about this, like this. "And... you treat yourself so badly that you get even worse! Which just confirms your bad thoughts. It's so stupid! You're not stupid, why did you keep acting like it? I hate it. I hate you, sometimes."

He sighs.

"And I hate feeling that. A whole bunch of well-intentioned hate."

[osteothropy]

Sans doesn't startle at Papyrus's outburst, but he does turn to look at the shadow of his brother more carefully. It's interesting to see how much of that frustrating is deep and sincere.

"It's easier to hate than it is to change, bro," Sans says, quietly. "I could't do what I needed to do, and the failure shook me. I started to hate myself, and then I hated myself for hating myself. But... when you don't feel like anything can change, the only way you can make up for what you've done wrong is to let yourself suffer for it. Cause you feel like it's what you deserve."

"But you didn't deserve that," he says, glancing over with a couple of his eyes, disconnected from the ones staring ahead. "If I fell completely, I'd be dragging you down with me. So, I just tried to mitigate things by having zero expectations. Y'know? Can't be disappointed if you never hoped for anything in the first place. And I didn't want anybody to hope I'd do anything useful, either, if I was just gunna let them down."

He falls silent for a few moments, making a connection he never had before.

"It's kinda like the next best thing to not existing. If I showed how bad I felt I'd be hurting people around me, so I just did a bunch of pointless bullshit and acted like nothing that happened actually mattered. Even if it did. But then I came here, and I ended up with all these responsibilities... I can't just be a non-entity anymore so I have to try to be something else."

"All these people count on me and if I'm not good enough to do it, then... I don't know. I end up wondering what the point in being anything is."

sorry about the delay, i was overthinking it. i'll roll with it better to keep momentum up

[spaghettimonster]

Papyrus scowls at the soft reprimand about hate, and huffs an unnecessary breath for show, but otherwise listens. During the pause when Sans goes quiet a few minutes, Sistina goes, "oh," from the doorway. She moves to the edge of the bed and pecks at Papyrus' ankle a couple of times, and he leans over to pick her up - still scowling - with glances at his brother, as Sans continues talking. And they both take a minute to let Sans' words sink in before responding.

"You didn't hide it all that well," Papyrus eventually mutters. "I know you know I know. I knew enough to get mad at you, when you wouldn't tell me anything. Maybe you don't have to go from everything alone, to doing nothing because you don't believe in yourself, to everything alone again. That's kind of stupid too."

"It's kind of familiar," Sistina says. "Worrying if you'll fail people... Being something else for them... Not showing pain, even to a brother."

Papyrus hemms for a few seconds thought, then flicks a finger to his crown. She nods at him, and he crosses his arms, nearly all the finger joints reconnected. The one lying next to him isn't going anywhere. "...I guess. But, it's not the same. I wasn't trying very hard to keep existing, that was easy. I was trying to matter to anybody else. That's almost the very opposite! I never felt like this. Or I didn't let myself. Whatever."

"More than a little. Jokes, or talking yourself up... Is it really much different? Saying things don't matter because you don't, or because you hope to make them better...?"

Papyrus grumbles wordlessly, responding with an intensified scowl and nudging her off his lap. Then he looks away from them both, the very picture of a moody teenager.

Sistina takes it with ruffled feathers and hunched neck, then settles down between the brothers before looking up at Sans. "Sorry, Sans. I don't think... We didn't think about that part, of what you were doing. Or going through, now. We just... wanted to fix things."

[osteothropy]

Sans appreciates the mediating factor that Sistina offers - sometimes he thinks back to the world where they picked her and Helvetica up, and thinks that there couldn't have been a luckier pair of guys to have that opportunity. Both of them are so bad at this, and even now this is just happening by the aid of magic.

He wants to hold onto this, he thinks. Make a note for later. Maybe a combined version of himself will remember what it feels like.

"I don't really make a point of letting people know these things," he says, shrugging a shoulder. "Neither'a you are mind readers, right? I think a lot of this I am figuring out for the first time, now that I have a clear enough head to think about it."

He swallows, hesitating on saying something, before finally:

"I know that... how you are right now, none of this really counts. And me, I'm kind of cheating here, too. But... maybe we can take a rain check on this, and... y'know. Once we're all together, remember what we were going for, and do it for real."

If he can hold onto this clarity when he's one person again, he's consider it a real victory.

[spaghettimonster]

"You want to talk about this stuff, again?" Papyrus glances at them from the corner of his eyesocket, still turned away towards the door. "The ways we're... not so different?

It's hard to guess exactly what his brother means, in saying that none of it counts. There's at least two thirds of Papyrus and half of Sans, a majority of each of the brothers, isn't that enough? But maybe it's something more like, a drunken confession doesn't count, and neither does any more magical shift of inhibition or personality.

It's a moot point anyway, he and Sistina agree.

"That might take a while," she hedges. "The other Papyrus doesn't want... well, anything to do with all this. I'll have to... try to talk him around, convince him it's important."

"Who can blame him for that, nobody would want to feel like this."

There's other things Papyrus can blame or complain about his other self over, but not his hesitation to reconnect. Much less the soul-searching beyond it necessary to be one person again.