Something something the carnival is doomed.

[squeedlyspooch]

Who: Taako and Zim.
When: Before the event after they are assigned a trailer.
Where: Their new trailer!
What: New roomies! New digs! This is going to go so well.
Warnings: Language, and Zim is prejudiced against non-Irkens. The worst birds and the bees talk ever happens as well.


The Backyard is one of the few places Zim hasn't extensively examined, and for several reasons. One, he already has an excellent base and therefore no need for some backwater "trailer" residence pod, whatever a "trailer" is. Next, it being the homes of these gross mutants is off-putting and repulsive to him. Finally, he's been busy doing other things like getting offended at the lake and suspiciously eyeing some of the rides and game booths.

However, he did apparently get assigned one and it's only a matter of time before he decides to actually see it. Not out of any need for rest - Irkens don't need to sleep - but out of curiosity. Maybe there's some useful equipment he can commandeer for some evil plans. Or an evil escape. An evil something? He hasn't thought that part through yet.

He's standing in front of a small trailer, unimpressed. If he had eyebrows he'd be raising them, but instead he bends over to see that the trailer doesn't even extend into the ground. It's just... a little silver capsule, no basement, no underground labs, nothing. If it was a ship it would still be a piece of junk, in his opinion. It's lack of flight capabilities is just one more reason why it's terrible, and it makes him throw his hands in the air. "This is it?" He says to no one in particular. "It's garbage! There aren't any proper defenses! No communications array! Not even any little lawn animals! How am I supposed to work with this??"

Comments

[tacosgay]

Taako can see the wheels turning, but he is definitely not going to ask. He knows by now that it's definitely not anything he wants to hear.

"See, human eyes kinda suck. I figure you already know that, am I right?" He leads Zim along without looking back-- he figures he's loud enough that he'd know if the dude dropped back.

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim marches (literally) along behind Taako, not even hesitating in his answer to that question. "Of course I do! They aren't even outfitted with standard issue ocular impl -"

Then, remembering that he's still trying to do the whole "Look, I'm a super normal human!" thing, he cuts himself off and simply replies, "Yes."

[tacosgay]

Taako does actually glance over his shoulder at that, eyebrows raised-- but he settles into a smirk.

"Right. Elf eyes, however, are super rad, and I'm about to show you how we do, my friend."

Shouldn't be much further. Night is falling, the darkness collecting around them, though Taako barely notices.

[squeedlyspooch]

That is actually not a terrible idea. He's already fully aware of what poor eyesight humans have, even Dib has to wear those ugly ocular correctors on his even uglier face since Earth doesn't have the technology for the already-mentioned ocular implants that are standard issue on Irk.

"Alright...." He sounds as if he might actually be considering this plan. "And what of your homeworld?"

[tacosgay]

"Uhhh... I mean, it's just a place, I guess? What do you wanna know about specifically?" Taako shrugs as he leads them into the woods, skillfully avoiding tripping or running into any trees along the way.

"It's called Toril, if that helps? I mean..."

[squeedlyspooch]

"Never heard of it," Zim says curtly. His knowledge of Earth geography isn't extensive (read: nonexistent) but he at least knows which planets are on the list to be conquered for Operation Impending Doom II, and that certainly isn't one of them.

"What other planets are within its proximity?" He knows a few near Earth, or at least used to be, and he's pretty sure none of the humans noticed their missing status.

[tacosgay]

"I don't actually know, my dude. Astrology was never really my thing, you know?"

It's actually bullshit; he's just too lazy to list them at the moment, and they've basically reached their destination.

"I haven't actually thought up what I'm gonna... do out here to prove I can see," he confesses, only a little sheepishly. "But, hey, I got us out here, didn't I?"

[squeedlyspooch]

He makes a mental note to look up 'astrology' later. Obviously something to do with space, but not a term he's heard before.

"Hmmm!" He glances around. The light from the carnival isn't great through the thick trees; in fact, it's dark enough that his own implants are no longer cutting it. Luckily for both of them he's got a brilliant and painless idea.

From his PAK comes his binocular and night vision helmet, and as several cords plug into the back the entire thing forms seamlessly over his head. He points about twenty feet away, at some dark-coloured fruit shaped like triangles hanging from the branch of a tree. "If your vision isn't as inferior as you claim it to be, then what's that?"

[tacosgay]

"Looks like some fruit, my man. I mean, it's triangles, which is pretty fuckin' wild, but it's definitely fruit."

Taako turns to smirk at Zim in the dark, a hand propping at his hip.

"How about that, doubty mcdoubterson?"

[squeedlyspooch]

"That could have been luck!" He's already looking for another thing to try, something more difficult than triangular fruit which anyone could have guessed. Probably. Nope, need something more complicated than that.

His head is darting around, and when he settles on a slightly further away caterpillar, he points excitedly. "What about that??"

Said caterpillar is bigger than a typical one, and when it turns its body in the direction of Zim's voice it opens its little mouth to reveal way, way too many sharp teeth.

[tacosgay]

"Oooh, jeez... that, my dude, is a bad time is what that is." Taako leans away from it; he is not a fan of anything with teeth like that, but especially not bugs.

"To be exact, though, it's a caterpillar with some crazy teeth."

[squeedlyspooch]

Alright, that's something he can agree with. He makes a bit of a noise, clearly not planning on getting closer to whatever that thing is, and switches gears to a third test. It looks like a face that's grown out of one of the tree trunks, gaping black eyes and a mouth curved into a voiceless scream. It looks extremely pleasant.

"That! Tell me what that is!!"

[tacosgay]

"I'm pretty sure that's a sign we went way the hell too far out here, and I'm gonna take a few steps back, because yikes."

And he does, clearing his throat and looking sheepish.

"That's a fuckin'... tree face, and it looks like looking at it makes me feel."

[squeedlyspooch]

Yes okay, maybe he's getting a little ahead of himself here. The fruit was fine, but gross mutant things with teeth and may or may not have a taste for alien flesh isn't something he wants to investigate.

"Eh...." Zim follows suit, his binocular helmet shutting down and sliding back into his PAK on its own. "Well I think you've proven yourself to be slightly less inferior than a human there isn't any need to continue with these tests or stay here for any longer," he says quickly, all in one breath, and he spins around to dart back to the carnival, immediately tripping over a tree root by his foot. Irken sight, though superior to a human's, still isn't that great in the dark.

[tacosgay]

"Yeah no, that sounds right, let's get the fuck outta--"

And then he sees and hears Zim hit the ground, and he can't help but bark a high laugh.

"Uhh, careful there, bubale. Looks like the flora's hostile out here." He strolls easily over to squat down beside the fallen Irken, reaching out to pat his head awkwardly.

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim slaps Taako's hand away and after a split second pops up from having faceplanted on the ground, no worse for the wear. Irkens are very, very squishy things, along with being easy to rile, because he's growling, "Don't touch me!" Before proceeding to dart in the direction of the carnival, not even looking to see if Taako is following.

[tacosgay]

Fair enough.

Taako jogs after him, more than ready to stop being out in those woods.

He finally catches up to him back at their shared trailer, and he waves at him idly, stopping to catch his breath before he addresses him.

"... well? That good enough for ya?"

[squeedlyspooch]

He doesn't stop until he's reached the trailer park, glancing back over his shoulder at the trees circling the area. Too creepy for his liking. He'll need to raze the entire thing when he's taken over.

"Yes yes, you aren't human." He waves a hand, either convinced or bored of the subject, it's a little hard to tell. The important thing is he isn't yelling about it anymore, so that's a step in the right direction. Continuing, he heads over to the steps up to the trailer. "You still aren't living in my residence, though. That's stupid." Why would he ever share his base with someone, that makes no sense.

Though....

He pauses, then adds: "Unless you want to be my slav - er, intern. I could always use another one of those."

[tacosgay]

"... uh. I'm gonna have to ask what exactly that means before I sign anything, just sayin'."

Not that he's especially eager to, all things considered. He watches Zim climb the steps, his arms crossing over his chest, a groomed eyebrow quirking up.

[squeedlyspooch]

Luckily he's already gotten the definition from his base's computer, otherwise he'd be in the same boat. "An intern! A trainee who works for no pay!" Which for Zim is the exact same thing as a slave; if other idiotic aliens want to call it by some other term, they're free to. There are definitely no differences. "That's a real thing, you can look it up."

[tacosgay]

"... what would you be training me in, exactly...?" Taako can't help but smirk, leaning in, his hands going to rest at his hips.

[squeedlyspooch]

Zim stops at the top step of the stairs, still not tall enough to reach Taako's full height but now not looking up quite as high as he does while on the ground. "Oh, all kinds of amazing things!" The specifics are not things he is going to get into, as he's talking about manual labour, cleaning up after him, and other assorted chores that do not actually give anyone experience in anything, ever. "I'm brilliant, so you'd be learning so much!"

[tacosgay]

"Mmm, yeah, see..." Taako straightens up, tapping his lip with a fingertip; he looks as though he's seriously considering it. "The problem here is, I've kinda already got a paying gig, and I don't really wanna interfere with that, you know?"

[squeedlyspooch]

Pshaw, he's giving up an incredibly fulfilling life of cleaning up all the destruction Zim is inevitably going to cause, among other things. His loss. "Then you can find your own living quarters!" Zim cries, reaching to open the door. "This is my pod, find your own!"

[tacosgay]

Taako swings his Umbra Staff easily from where it hangs at his back, pointing it at Zim; quite suddenly, Zim is reduced even further in size, so that he can't even reach the doorknob. To be exact, he is now half his size in every direction.

Taako strolls over to him and picks him up, heading inside the trailer; there, he sets Zim down on the table.

"Looks like you're gonna have to learn how to share, my guy, because you can't stop a wizard from doing pretty much anything."