lostcarnival | ⇨ HEARTSTONE MANOR

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⇨ HEARTSTONE MANOR

Who: Everyone!
When: Day 170 - Day ???
Where: Heartstone Manor
What: The carnival arrives at the Heartstone Manor. Do your best to play along, and try not to get too far ahead of the schedule with threading if you can avoid it, in case something that would affect your character happens early on.
Warnings: Individually marked! Could be a lot of things.

BEAUTIES AND THE BEAST↴

When the carnival arrives at the Manor, everyone will be taken into the Throne Room to greet the Prince for the first time. He will be lounging on his throne, and will take a look at the guests that the Ringmaster has brought before eventually dismissing everyone so that he can talk to her alone. After that, they will be given a brief tour of the Manor by some of the servants, and then brought to their rooms to start picking out clothes for tomorrow. On the first night they will be permitted to wear regular clothes, but starting the next morning the dress code will be enforced.

There will be a number of servants helping guests with clothing, and making alterations to suit the non-humanoid features they may have. The tailors work with fabric by hand, but their stitching is impossibly quick and accurate, with changes being made to complex clothing at unbelievable speed. Some guests may note while working with them that one of the seamstresses has wooden mannequin-esque hands instead of human ones, and another has two sets of arms. The arms are one of the most obviously inhuman traits that they'll see while first touring the building.

Come the morning of Day 171, the daily routine will begin.

⇨ THE DAILY SCHEDULE ⇦

► FIVE MEALS A DAY: Between breakfast, lunch, tea, supper, and evening drinks, the meals you are required to attend are frequent and long. Each meal (except drinks and tea) will have multiple rounds, and use all of the fancy cutlery. It will be difficult to keep up for those that are untrained. The food will vary greatly, but will generally to be palatable to those that are into whatever kind of food it might be. Some of them are odd delicacies that are very much an acquired taste, however. People who cannot eat will be given a pass once the Ringmaster explains it, but will be looked down on for it.

► DAILY ACTIVITIES: There are scheduled activities for every morning and afternoon,
and everyone is required to attend. Descriptions of each activity are provided on the "Event Descriptions" tab of the spreadsheet linked up above. There is only one hour of free time scheduled per day, after supper, and beyond that the servants will almost constantly have you on the go. The Prince and Ringmaster will not be present for most of the activities, but they will be there for every meal. If you character refuses to follow the schedule or makes a huge mess out of proceedings, make sure to report it here.

► AFTER CURFEW: At 11PM, everyone is expected to return to their quarters and spend the rest of the night there. Wandering after curfew is unacceptable by the Prince's rules, and if you do it there will be the chance of discover. Based on your character's stealth abilities, there will be dice rolling to determine if they are discovered or not, and by whom. Make sure you report any after curfew activity to the mod post here. This can also take place as an investigation if they are actually looking for something instead of just farting around.

► ROOM AND BOARD: The servants will remain upbeat for most of the time the guests are here, unless something is done to provoke them. They will be present at every activity, and there will be a variety of different individuals. One frequently spotted character will be the butler, a man with dark hair and small, sharp horns. He seems to be the main organizer of things.

► ODDITIES: Even beyond the obvious, there is something off about the Manor. Doors, windows, and other household objects will sometimes move seemingly without cause, and other times there will be banging sounds in the walls, or mysterious voices heard at a distance. It feels like you're being haunted. If you have a moment to wander the corridors, then you'll sometimes see open doors abruptly slam shut the moment you lay eyes on them, and wall sconces turn off or on. It's weird, man.

► THE HUNT: The Hunt activity will have its own event post, and some sign ups for those that will participate meaningfully. There will be some dice rolling to determine who hunts the most impressive game, and rewards handed out accordingly. Before that post goes up, however, you can do some investigations for the start of the event, if your character is interested in looking into the specifics of the contest and overall context.

MAKE SURE THAT ALL DECORUM VIOLATIONS ARE REPORTED HERE.

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...Oh.

Slowly, his wings lose their tenseness. Limp, they match the way his ears have lowered, and Joker simply looks lost as he stares at Ginko. In his life, he's run into a lot of kind people, both within the Carnival and out of it. Yet he's always felt- sometimes with a sense of guilt- that it couldn't be real. Kindness either came at a price, or it came with a lie. Very few people have truly known him, after all, and he has to admit that even his own family are people he keeps many secrets from.

So what to do with something that seems like the real deal?

Joker hasn't the faintest.

Words, finally, come t him. "That's not..." Weakly, his hand gestures out to the side. "It doesn't work like that, Ginko. It's... not somethin' ya can just separate."

"...I know that." The reply is given with the sort of tired resignation of a man who is very used to being treated as naive, or like he must be misunderstanding something, even when he is absolutely not. There's something else there, too, something almost like guilt.

"I know the past and the present can't be separated. But that's not the point. It's..." He lifts his hands, gesturing almost helplessly, indicating something like a line in the air in front of him. "The present doesn't erase the past, but... it doesn't work the other way around, either. When you understand what you've done wrong in the past, and you do better-- that's all that can really be asked of anyone. And it seems safe to say that you've done that."

Knowing what Joker has done doesn't undo the past two years. It doesn't undo how much he's seen, how much Joker will do to look after his performers and his friends. It's something about him that Ginko hadn't known, and he can't pretend that he'll just walk away and forget about this, but-- it doesn't change what he already knows.

Joker's face twists, saying without words how much that doesn't seem true to him- how it can't seem true, because it feels too easy. A confession and action can't possibly be enough to erase such sin; it's probably why he's never cared for Christianity. (Well, one of many.) Nothing feels like enough with the things he's done, or what he's been complicit in.

But what can he say? His hand rises up a couple of times, as if to start, but it inevitably always falls again. No words leave him. There's no defense. Even this much is too much, really, and he'll need time to let it settle.

Eventually, however, he manages to find something. "S'a hell of a thing ta say," he murmurs, "when ya look so guilty like that, Ginko. Do ya really believe it, then?"

Whether it erases anything or not, it's certainly a step in the right direction... or more than that, with how much Joker has done for the carnival since then. In fact, admitting that he did something wrong at all already puts Joker miles ahead of a good few people Ginko has known.

...He'd kind of hoped Joker wouldn't pick up on that, actually. But he supposes he can't really expect to hide things so easily from someone so practiced at hiding his own emotions. Since he did notice, though... well, there's not much to do but answer.

"If I hadn't believed it, I wouldn't have said it." Ginko won't claim never to lie, but he wouldn't about something like this. Trying to handle a situation like this one with half-truths or twisted reasoning wouldn't do anyone any good. "I'm not just... spouting meaningless placation here, Joker. So I... won't claim that doing good can actually make guilt go away."

Even if you spend over twenty years pouring whatever effort you can spare into helping others, it's no guarantee.

Describing the feeling that goes through him at those last words is... hard. On one hand, it's almost a vindication. Of course the guilt won't go away. There was never any hope for that happening. At the same time...

He bows his head a little bit, hair hiding his expression as he works it all out. As with so many times, it's not something that can really be done so, also as he's done so many times before, he shoves the emotions away. Wraps them tight, locks them up. He can figure it out... later. Assuming they still have a later. If they don't, well- it won't matter, will it?

"...That yer problem, then?" His head nudges up slightly. "With the... mushi, and stuff?"

Ginko wishes there were better news that he could give Joker, some way to make things better. But anything he does will be a slow - and, likely, perpetually incomplete - process. Some things can't be fixed; all that can be done is to try to minimize the damage, to others and oneself.

He stays silent until Joker speaks again, and then his ears give a slight flick and he glances away in a familiar hesitation. But... after what Joker just told him, it wouldn't feel right to hide his own past. So he nods, slowly, before speaking.

"I... wasn't always as careful as I should have been about my condition. In fact, I..." He takes a breath before he keeps going, his mouth twisting as he tries to find the right words. This isn't exactly something he's accustomed to telling people.

"When I was younger. I had a few mentors who convinced me that, if I wanted to earn enough to survive, I would have to use that condition to bring in more work. So we'd stay in one place, for months at a time. The populations of mushi would grow, my master would treat their effects. And every time, things would... get out of hand."

While he's more than spilled his guts wet and sopping to the ground (metaphorically speaking), Joker wouldn't be surprised if Ginko refused to answer. There's no reason for him to, after all. The chances of them getting out of here solid and well is a question he doesn't know the answer to. That had been Joker's push into talking, into opening a chance he wasn't sure he'd get again. Yet him and Ginko are two different people. If he hadn't thought that sort of thing now, Joker isn't sure it'll play a factor at all.

Yet Ginko's voice rings out, and Joker's ears flick forward with each careful slow word. Behind the hedges, both their secrets are apparently going to be spilled out... But what he ears has Joker's brow crumpling together.

"That ain't yer fault," he says quietly. "S'just gits usin' someone who didn't know better."

"You were used, too," he points out. That part doesn't take much thought to get to, since it's... pretty obvious. Besides, talking about other people's situations has always been easier for Ginko than talking about his own.

That contrast is part of why he hesitates before continuing. "...I did know. They convinced me I had to do it for my own good, sure, but... I still knew it was wrong. I knew people were getting hurt. ...I was only thinking about myself."

He didn't have any siblings or an orphanage to be looking after. Nobody else would have been harmed if he had gone against what he was taught. It was only his own selfish fear that kept him from putting a stop to it all.

A protest is on the tip of his tongue. It's not the same, he wants to argue. It's different. But he bites down, mouth twisting, and curls his fingers into his palm. Joker tries to stay quiet as Ginko continues, ears twitching with the confession. What he hears... both isn't what he was expecting and explains a whole lot.

"Ya can still not know better." His head cocks to the side. "Even if ya know the consequences."

Ginko hums, looks away, and doesn't argue. It's only a moment later, though, that he looks back to Joker.

"What's the difference with you, then?" That hasn't been lost on him, of course. And when it comes down to it, that's what this is about; his problems aren't the issue here. Joker's are. "Why don't you think you deserve to be forgiven?"

He'd really, truly, appreciate it if Ginko could stop turning his own points back right around at him like this. Childishly, he feels that it can't be fair, but that's stupid. Turnabout, whether he likes it or not, is fair play.

It's also something he has difficulty explaining.... at least not without seeming like a huge hypocrite. So his gaze averts, jaw stiff. "It's different," he mutters, which sounds like a shitty excuse, except he keeps going, "when there's someone next ta ya in the same circumstances, but they want ta get out. When there's some who knows better and tries ta tell ya, but ya don't listen."

Joker, there might be a reason this is hard to explain without feeling hypocritical.

Ginko frowns at the look on Joker's face, and moves a little closer, leaning over a bit to look at him. "Why didn't you? What were you expecting to happen if you left?" His voice is still as careful and gentle as ever.

Ginko actually making the decision to come closer has him ruffle his wings, a little surprised and unsure of how to react. Still, he's been asked a question. Since he's already spilled the whole pitcher, what's the point of hiding a few drops?

"He was a Baron," Joker stresses, trying to impart how high a station that is. "We were a bunch of gutter rats. Not even our parents wanted any of us. No one would've protected us against him."

It all goes back to station - as Ginko had expected, honestly. And, of course, at the same time, there are those words. We. Us. This had never just been about Joker.

"...You were looking out for your family." It's as simple as that. Ginko can't defend what Joker did. There would be no reason, no point - but there's no doubt that his motives were better than anything Ginko could or would claim to explain his own past. "You were just unlucky to get caught up with somone like that."

"We were unlucky ta be born," he says, exhausted and worn down, too much so to stop himself. Maybe without all the prancing about that the Prince demands, all that watching over other people to make sure Peridot doesn't choke on her food or Tamaki avoids bludgeoning someone with a ball.... Maybe he'd be able to hold on better if they were just outright waiting instead of this constant nonsense.

But, god, he's so tired.

Reaching up, he pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to remember how to school his emotions again. It's not coming to him easy for once, no matter how much he tries to squeeze his eyes shut. "And she was still right anyway," he mutters. "She could see it and I couldn't."

There's... quite a lot that Joker has said here that hurt to hear. For Joker, for Doll, their whole family, all those families and the children whose fates had gone unsaid all this time-- but something about that, in particular, makes something deep in Ginko's chest twist in painful sympathy.

Unlucky to be born.

Like he has so many times before, he finds himself wishing there were more he could say, a better way to comfort Joker, to get through to him, but words can only go so far, and the longer this goes on, the more it seems like they're only going to get stuck in circles.

So, now, he does the only thing that comes to mind besides talking. He's closer to Joker than he had been, already, so - it just takes one more step for him to close the distance between them and put his arms around Joker's shoulders.

It is, to be frank, not a very good hug. Ginko never quite knows what to do with physical affection even when he's on the receiving end, and initiating it is something else entirely. Even with Psi, being the first one to move in and hug him feels like a clumsy effort to play a song he never properly learned, just hoping that he can plunk it out from observed memory. In this moment, he finds himself extremely aware of just how bad he is at hugging, and part of him wonders if this might have been a mistake, if Joker is going to push him away and ask what in this or any world is wrong with him.

He's kind of wondering that himself, actually. But he can't think of a better course of action. So he doesn't let go.

"That doesn't make you beyond saving. However much it may feel like it."

Much like Ginko, Joker knows that this conversation is going around in circles. Neither of them are really willing to budge, to accept things, and Joker isn't sure how he can- Ginko probably feel the same way. For a moment, he wonders if he should just cut it off here and get them back into the game before anyone can realize that they've been gone for far too long.

Yet right as he opens his mouth to say that... Ginko is suddenly stepping closer, closer than he's ever come to Joker of his own volition or without medical attention needed, and all the redhead can do is stare. There's no comprehension in his gaze as the other man's arms rise up to fold around his shoulders. Hell, his whole mind practically goes blank with the contact. Joker's hugged plenty of people before. Some of it is simply how it is. Other parts of it are because if you act casual and relaxed, then few people really notice anything beyond that. In this moment, however, his arm forgets how to work. It rises up halfway, wooden fingers grasping helplessly at air, and Joker's brows draw together in confusion.

Ginko.... doesn't do physical affection. Maybe it's different with someone he cares for, like how he and Psi are doing their thing, but Joker's always known that the other man doesn't really care for it. It's been something he's always mostly respected, save for when he wants to mess with him perhaps a tad.

But he's here right now, hugging him, saying that, and Joker has to draw in a quiet but tremendously shaky breath quite suddenly. Something is aching behind his eyes, hurting, but he doesn't dare let that little bit of pain have an outlet. All he can do is lower his head, letting his face hide into Ginko's shoulder, and shake.

Ginko can't feel any wetness soaking through his shirt, any sign that Joker is actually crying - but he's certainly acting like it. So he keeps holding on, and, after a few moments, patting Joker's back awkwardly with one hand.

Unfortunately, Ginko has absolutely no idea how long hugs are supposed to go on for. Normally, he would just stand there until the other person let go, but... this time, he's the one who's going to need to let go for the hug to end. He personally starts feeling vaguely uncomfortable after just a few seconds of contact, like he must be doing something unacceptably wrong.

But he supposes that's probably just him, and that Joker probably needs this more than his own anxiety would suggest.

So he keeps holding on.

Edited (gently adds a picture) 2017-11-12 02:38 (UTC)

Fortunately for Ginko, Joker has a slightly better idea of how long things should go.

While this does count for hugs, that's not really what's weighing on his mind when he finally stabilizes in Ginko's grip and takes one last ragged breath. Instead, it's something much more practical.

"Takin' too long.... Folk are gonna be askin' where we are." Really, Joker had always known from the start that this might take a while... It's just how the particular path has twisted that's left him all off balance. Reluctantly, he begins to pull his face away from Ginko's shoulder even if he keeps his head bowed down. "And we still don't have the ball."

Not that it really matters, but still.

"...Right." Slowly, carefully, Ginko releases his hold on Joker, and resists the urge to immediately shove his hands into his pockets. He does, however, take a small step back. He should probably give Joker some space, right...?

He looks around, frowning, at the surrounding foliage. "Guess we could just say we couldn't find it... think that'd work?"

"Yeah... .Yeah, probably." It'd be easy enough to dismiss, but so long as they're playing most of the game, then it's fine, right? It's not breaking any rules. Besides, Joker is pretty sure that it's not going to end any time soon. Too many shitshows with mallets swinging them around.

But he can't go out like this. Shifting his wings to refold them against his back, Joker closes his eyes to take and inhale a long slow breath. Right. Mask in place. It's been a long while since he's been this rattled, or since he's had to force it on like this.... Yet it's like juggling, or balancing a high wire.

He's done it too many times before to have forgotten how to do it now.

Ginko gets to watch it happen in real time: the way all exhaustion and misery and pain is wiped clean from his face, blocked from his eyes. Even his entire posture changes. He straightens up, and his ears perk instead of drooping wearily.

The smile on his lips is the same one he's worn hundreds of times before.

"Shall we, Ginko?"

...He probably should have anticipated that Joker would readjust like this before they stepped back out. Even if he'd been thinking about it all along, though, that probably wouldn't have prepared him for actually seeing it happen. In just a few moments, Joker goes from a shaky, miserable wreck to... just Joker. The way he always looks, all smiles. Like nothing is wrong.

Somehow, that makes Ginko's heart twist even more harshly than it had before.

But Ginko can be good at hiding things, too, and he barely hesitates before replying. "Yeah. Let's go."

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⇨ HEARTSTONE MANOR

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