pipers_son: (icons-for-the-baes) (I'm gonna make a therapist very)
Joker ([personal profile] pipers_son) wrote in [community profile] lostcarnival2017-04-07 05:15 pm

but oh my heart is flawed // closed

Who: Joker and a whole bunch of people (Tamaki, Psionic, Childermass, Ginko, Doll, Hinawa)
What: After a good couple of years faking it, Joker finally breaks. He just wishes that multiple people didn't see it.
When: Early on in the Alola stop
Where: A couple places, including in a tree
Warnings: Alcohol. Joker's messed up past including child murder. A slight mental break.

[Snake is leaving.]

[Joker see it coming a mile away. All the bits of packing in their tiny shared space, and... Who couldn't see such obvious signs? But even with that kind of warning.... He doesn't do anything about it. Tries to ignore it, get back to work and do what he can, because the alternative is facing not only that hurt but so much else.]

[But there's no ignoring it when he steps into the trailer and all traces of Snake are gone.]

[Keep smiling and move forward. For years, that's been the only way he's been able to survive. Keep moving, keep making for over the hill, and until then, so that no one worries or sees too much... Keep smiling.]

[The words repeat through his head as he moves through the darkened carnival, a mantra to keep him going.]

[Just.... keep smiling.]
puddingemote: (but i can write a song)

[personal profile] puddingemote 2017-04-08 09:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[Tamaki just so happens to be on his way to his own trailer when he hears what sounds suspiciously like someone crying. Unable to just ignore something like that, he starts to weave through the trees, looking for the source of the noise.

But he wasn't expecting to find Joker, though maybe he shouldn't be surprised.]

Um... Manager...? [His tone is soft and worried. Joker is visibly upset, and while Tamaki doesn't really know how to handle this kind of situation, he has to at least say something.] What's wrong?
puddingemote: (i belong)

[personal profile] puddingemote 2017-04-10 09:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[Tamaki hesitates, because he's normally willing to listen to Joker, but that doesn't sound right at all. This doesn't look like the work of allergies, or any other inconsequential illness Tamaki knows of. It just looks like, well, like Joker is crying, a lot.]

Um, are you sure, Manager? [He knows Joker probably won't like it, but he comes closer, so he can better see Joker's face in the gloom.] I can go get someone... uh, you're dating someone? [He thinks it might be the Psiionic because he called him cute that one time.] So I can go get him. [Yeah he's basically assuming that now.]
puddingemote: (i don't know where i belong)

[personal profile] puddingemote 2017-04-17 08:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Stop it! Don't say that!

[Tamaki can't help the sudden raise in his volume or the heat in his tone. He can tell Joker is not fine, that he's being lied to, and he's frustrated because he doesn't know what to do. Joker wants to keep insisting that nothing's wrong, so Tamaki doesn't know what exactly is wrong-

He punches a tree.

Maybe a little too hard, because the sturdy plant makes his hand smart immediately, the skin on his knuckles scraped. He doesn't regret it, though - taking his frustration out on the tree is better than taking it out on anyone else, Joker himself in particular.]

I'm going to go get him. [It's better than staying here and messing up, even though he doesn't want to leave Joker alone.] Okay? Stay here.
puddingemote: (i don't know where i belong)

[personal profile] puddingemote 2017-04-20 04:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[The bloody eyes, faint as it may be, similarly stun Tamaki for a moment. Not quite realizing it's a vampirism side-effect, Tamaki can't help but feel his panic rise. Joker has been bleeding. That has to be bad.

But at least Tamaki's yelling has temporarily stunned Joker into submission. Tamaki doesn't like that he did that, but he can't deny it was effective.

He hesitates for one second longer, then takes off running. Having a radio would make this easier, and luckily his trailer isn't too far away.

He manages to garble out something that mostly consists of, "Manager, trees, was bleeding, said it was allergies, lying, needs help." It's in the Psionic's hands now.]
dorkypantsuit: (-v)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-19 08:51 pm (UTC)(link)
The Psionic isn't totally sure what to expect after hearing Tamaki's panicked and mostly incomprehensible message. He knew something was wrong with Joker, and vaguely the direction he was heading towards, but other than that the true details of the situation escaped him. It was hard to believe Joker was in any real danger. Aside from that bit with the agents the carnival was relatively safe for the people who worked here. It's true they were connected to a new world at the moment, making travel between the realms possible, but for someone not contracted to get in before performance week was pretty strange to consider. Even stranger was the thought that something dangerous could be happening and only affecting Joker without any security members already being in the know.

When he sees the situation for himself, however, he understands why Tamaki seemed so panicked. Psi didn't know exactly why, but he knew Joker didn't like others to worry about him. He thought it was pride that kept Joker smiling at everyone no matter the circumstances, or perhaps a strong unwavering devotion to looking only at the positive side of things. Needless to say, even working at the carnival as long as he had been the Psionic hadn't ever seen Joker looking quite like this.

He moves forward hesitantly. He doesn't know what's wrong, but already his heart aches in sympathy for his friend. He knows Joker doesn't like being asked things questions about possible injuries and bad experiences. He knows Joker just last week had basically told him to fuck off for asking if he was hurt. Still, he can't just leave when Joker is acting like this. Carefully he reaches out to put a hand on Joker's shoulder, kneeling down to sit beside him.

"Hey... I heard something about allergies?"
dorkypantsuit: (&ii)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-21 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
It's such an empty reaction. Even when he speaks, he'd normally sound so amused and instead the words are just blank, like there's no point in finding the humor in it. He didn't know Tamaki thought that, but smiles weakly when he hears it. Maybe if they weren't both so broken something like that might have been possible, in a different reality. Joker looks awful, his face stained red from his tears, his wings a mess, the Psionic wouldn't even be surprised if Joker mentioned he'd lost a few feathers from whatever stress had caused this.

Maybe Joker would want him to keep talking about something inane. He honestly debates it for a second. Should he let his friend return to some semblance of normality? He could pretend nothing was wrong, easily. Or, should he try to help, to really help with whatever Joker's problem could be? He never was very good at being the conciliatory partner in his relationships, but right now maybe that's what Joker needed. He honestly isn't sure which choice is best. Maybe he should leave it up to Joker to decide.

"...I'm guessing a boyfriend isn't what you need right now."
dorkypantsuit: (-x)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-23 06:54 am (UTC)(link)
"Don't." He wants to say that helping a friend is more important than anything else he could have been doing, but he doesn't. Even if he did it felt like Joker the way he was now wouldn't believe it. The Psionic can tell him not to apologize at least. He doesn't tell Joker how panicked Tamaki seemed either. He didn't know for sure what happened between them, but he didn't want Joker to feel guilty about it, whatever 'it' was. No, what Psi really wanted was to make a difference this time, to pay back the friends who gave him the kind of joy he hadn't know for too many sweeps. He hasn't yet found a way to do it, but that didn't mean he was going to stop trying.

He reaches out to catch Joker's hand, mostly trying to make the other man look at him more than anything else.

"What do you need?" he says, the question somehow plaintive as it leaves him. "Let me help you."

He releases Joker's hand, letting him do what he wants with it, but there's a certain pleading to his eyes, and his posture is almost desperate, his muscles tense as though ready to fight.

dorkypantsuit: (-i)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-25 05:21 am (UTC)(link)
He can't know Joker's situation. He doesn't have the personal details and he doesn't understand the context. Human culture seems varied across the multiverse, and it's hard enough for him to grasp the things they have the most in common. Human stations, the sort of class system Joker knows, it's beyond him.

He does know what it feels like to want something he can't have. It's a feeling he's known all his life. Even if he didn't though, the way Joker clutches his stomach before grasping his horn would make his heart swell with sympathy. It's too complicated, it's not something the Psionic can fix. That doesn't mean there's nothing he can do. His head drops, seeing Joker clutch at himself is too painful, to reminiscent of a troll grasping their own horns in an attempt to drown out other sensations. He takes a breath, steadying himself before he looks to Joker again.

"Come to my hive." his voice is gentle, but insistent. It's clear from his tone and expression that Joker's feelings are affecting him, but he doesn't let it hinder his speaking. "We can talk... I'll take care of you."

More than anything he wants to help, he knows it's not something he can fix directly, but maybe he can still do something. He hopes he can. He hopes Joker will let him.
Edited 2017-04-25 05:22 (UTC)
dorkypantsuit: (-v)

[personal profile] dorkypantsuit 2017-04-29 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
He finds himself relaxing. He's relieved, even a bit hopeful, though his friend is in such clear pain. Maybe he could help, maybe things would get better. After so many things had gone wrong for all of them, maybe there was still a chance things could be okay. He nods back, standing before reaching out with his hand to help Joker up as well.

"Can you walk okay?" He doesn't know why Joker's on the ground, but he assumes it's because he's hurt.