lostcarnival | Something something the carnival is doomed.

Entry tags:

taako,
zim

Something something the carnival is doomed.

Who: Taako and Zim.
When: Before the event after they are assigned a trailer.
Where: Their new trailer!
What: New roomies! New digs! This is going to go so well.
Warnings: Language, and Zim is prejudiced against non-Irkens. The worst birds and the bees talk ever happens as well.

The Backyard is one of the few places Zim hasn't extensively examined, and for several reasons. One, he already has an excellent base and therefore no need for some backwater "trailer" residence pod, whatever a "trailer" is. Next, it being the homes of these gross mutants is off-putting and repulsive to him. Finally, he's been busy doing other things like getting offended at the lake and suspiciously eyeing some of the rides and game booths.

However, he did apparently get assigned one and it's only a matter of time before he decides to actually see it. Not out of any need for rest - Irkens don't need to sleep - but out of curiosity. Maybe there's some useful equipment he can commandeer for some evil plans. Or an evil escape. An evil something? He hasn't thought that part through yet.

He's standing in front of a small trailer, unimpressed. If he had eyebrows he'd be raising them, but instead he bends over to see that the trailer doesn't even extend into the ground. It's just... a little silver capsule, no basement, no underground labs, nothing. If it was a ship it would still be a piece of junk, in his opinion. It's lack of flight capabilities is just one more reason why it's terrible, and it makes him throw his hands in the air. "This is it?" He says to no one in particular. "It's garbage! There aren't any proper defenses! No communications array! Not even any little lawn animals! How am I supposed to work with this??"

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Zim, meanwhile, does not notice this newcomer at all until he starts talking. He's scowling as he folds his arms and looks over and... up. Way up, because he's about half of this guy's height and sweet Irken smeets, he's got to be at least as tall as a tall human. Maybe as tall at the Tallest, which he immediately dislikes. Making that plainly obvious through more scowling and squinting, he lifts a hand and opens his mouth to respond, then pauses.

Wait, we? Since when is there a 'we'?

"You?" He is entirely confused as to what is going on here. The voice he recognizes, and he of course isn't pleased to be having a conversation with some mutant who called him crazy, but he also seems to know more than Zim does. With Zim that is utterly unacceptable. "What are you, the residence pod drone?" He decides to wave his hand dismissively at him, making all kinds of horrible assumptions as is natural of a defective invader. "This pod is trash, I demand something less inferior!"

"Ehhhhhhmmm, nope! I'm your roomie, bubale, we're gonna share this shitty pod." He just smirks coolly down at him, apparently not bothered by Zim's shrieking at him, or his assumptions that he's the pod drone, whatever the hell that is.

Taako then, without another word, heads on to unlock the door with the keys he was given, letting them into their new home.

"Hey, maybe it's bigger on the inside or somethin', huh?"

"WHAT," is the response Taako gets for several different reasons, namely being he's having trouble wrapping his head around the idea of having to share his living space with someone, and the fact that he's never heard of this 'roomie' nonsense at all. He stands there, baffled for several seconds, before chasing after him.

"Hey! HEY!" He snaps, following him inside. "Share?? ZIM does not SHARE his living quarters with other disgusting fellow humans!" Snapping that out, he blinks, then quickly adds in, "... Aside from my parental units, which is a perfectly normal thing to do! And also my dog. Human dogs live in houses."

Yes, good save.

"Okay, first off, I'm not a human, so you're in luck there, my fella." Taako actively debates whether he should call him out on insisting he's a human, when he's very clearly not-- Taako might not be one himself, but he's met humans before, and some of them are his good friends, and this guy? This guy is not a human.

"Second off, this wasn't my idea, so lay off with the shooting the messenger maybe. If you wanna take this up with the fuckin' Ringmaster, be my guest." He figures Zim will know exactly how awful an idea that is already.

He takes off his pointed hat, setting it aside, and then unfastens his cloak, turning his gaze over the contents of the tiny trailer; unfortunately, it's exactly as small as it looks from outside. But, hey, it's somewhere to hang his hat, and it's technically free, so that's pretty cool.

So, so many things wrong with all of this, he isn't sure where to start, and even he can tell that while yelling incoherently is the most appealing option, it definitely isn't going to get him answers or this apparently-non-human out of his residence. He's just got to take this one at a time, sadly, since he doesn't have any especially powerful doomsday weapons of mechanized lawn gnomes he can throw at the problem (the problem being Taako).

"Don't be stupid! Of course you're human!" He nearly shouts back in spite of the enclosed space, ignoring how tiny it is for the moment. "You've got -" He waggled his fingers at his head. "- Hair! And a nose! And ears! And an incredibly human neck! And you're all - ugly, you know, like a normal human!"

"Alright, little man, let's get one thing straight here: well, okay, two things." Taako hangs up his cloak, and frowns pretty severely down at Zim, a surprisingly harsh look coming from somebody who was pretty chill until a few seconds ago. "First off, I'm not a fuckin' human, I'm an elf. Don't be racist, we're gonna have to live together and I wanna hate you as little as possible, you feel me?"

And then he twirls his Umbra Staff, resting heavily against it to stare down at Zim.

"And, second, I am a work of art, okay, and humans wish they looked this good. Like, legitimately, that's a real thing."

Zim's response is an entirely tactful one, as is expected of him when discussing something as personal as one's appearance.

Wait, no. It's the exact opposite.

"Ew." An expression of repulsion, mild for him since it isn't accompanied by shrieking or screaming, overtakes his face and he's having a hard time believing anything this - thing is saying. There's a beat, however, and then the yelling starts up. "Then prove it! I've never heard of this 'elf' species before!" He stops, then taps his chin. "I think."

Taako frowns extra-hard at Zim, and then pulls back the thick curls currently hiding one of his long, pointed ears.

"Elf, my guy. And, by the way, just while we're here, I know you're not a human, either, and, like... I don't get what your deal is, but you really gotta step up your game if you're gonna pass that green head of yours off."

"HEY," he retorts back, yelling slightly less. "I'm a perfectly normal ugly human child with a skin condition."

He isn't quite ready to give up on his brilliant disguise, though he is now staring at Taako's ear. The shape is kind of strange, though he's never exactly paid much attention to normal human ear shapes, or normal human ears in general (if he did he would have bothered including them in said disguise). "And your ear doesn't prove anything! It looks all fleshy and curved and normal to me."

"Yeah, what kinda fuckin' skin condition turns you green, huh?" Taako is completely and utterly unsold. He doesn't seem to mind, however; he's just calling Zim out, just to be an asshole, a smirk drawing up the corner of his mouth.

"And, see, get this--" He runs his fingers along the pointed shape of his ear. "Humans don't get these babies. Human ears are super small and curved, but elves get these really cool points, you get me?"

And then he leans back a bit, grinning down at Zim.

"I'd point out the difference on you, but you don't have any ears. Which is, by the way, pretty fuckin' weird to me."

He's thinking hard about this. Really hard, because who knew human ears would actually hold any kind of importance? It's not as if they're antennae, after all. On top of that, hearing all the flaws in what is supposed to be - has been, up until right now, an amazingly successful disguise, is not only grating but freaking Zim out a little bit. A lot. He's yelling again.

"YOU FOOL! IT'S PART OF MY SKIN CONDITION!" Which he isn't specifying what, as his knowledge of human anatomy and diseases is severely lacking when it comes to the more serious maladies and it's easier to simply not respond to that and continue demanding answers of his own.

He folds his arms. "If you aren't human, then surely you have more than your ears to prove it! Like your home planet, or... whatever normal adults of your species can do. Assuming your species just doesn't have enormously tall children."

"Well, we can outlive the shit out of most humans, if that counts for anything. Though we don't really have the time for me to prove that one." Taako smirks, and then he heads over to the door, gesturing. "But I guess I've got some other cool stuff I could show off, if you're so determined to figure me out. C'mon, should be getting pretty dark out in the forest, huh?"

He's keeping that first one at the back of his mind, because Zim is nothing if not ambitious, and a little thing like time has never stopped him from carrying out some inane plan. In fact, if he could get his hands on the right equipment he could easily build another time stasis field, this time dialing the maximum setting up to decades or centuries, and then just tossing Taako into it to see if he does indeed live longer than a human....

He very obviously looks as if he's got something diabolical lurking in his mind, though he follows after him. "What does the forest have to do with anything? That place is almost as dirty as those booths serving food."

Taako can see the wheels turning, but he is definitely not going to ask. He knows by now that it's definitely not anything he wants to hear.

"See, human eyes kinda suck. I figure you already know that, am I right?" He leads Zim along without looking back-- he figures he's loud enough that he'd know if the dude dropped back.

Zim marches (literally) along behind Taako, not even hesitating in his answer to that question. "Of course I do! They aren't even outfitted with standard issue ocular impl -"

Then, remembering that he's still trying to do the whole "Look, I'm a super normal human!" thing, he cuts himself off and simply replies, "Yes."

Taako does actually glance over his shoulder at that, eyebrows raised-- but he settles into a smirk.

"Right. Elf eyes, however, are super rad, and I'm about to show you how we do, my friend."

Shouldn't be much further. Night is falling, the darkness collecting around them, though Taako barely notices.

That is actually not a terrible idea. He's already fully aware of what poor eyesight humans have, even Dib has to wear those ugly ocular correctors on his even uglier face since Earth doesn't have the technology for the already-mentioned ocular implants that are standard issue on Irk.

"Alright...." He sounds as if he might actually be considering this plan. "And what of your homeworld?"

"Uhhh... I mean, it's just a place, I guess? What do you wanna know about specifically?" Taako shrugs as he leads them into the woods, skillfully avoiding tripping or running into any trees along the way.

"It's called Toril, if that helps? I mean..."

"Never heard of it," Zim says curtly. His knowledge of Earth geography isn't extensive (read: nonexistent) but he at least knows which planets are on the list to be conquered for Operation Impending Doom II, and that certainly isn't one of them.

"What other planets are within its proximity?" He knows a few near Earth, or at least used to be, and he's pretty sure none of the humans noticed their missing status.

"I don't actually know, my dude. Astrology was never really my thing, you know?"

It's actually bullshit; he's just too lazy to list them at the moment, and they've basically reached their destination.

"I haven't actually thought up what I'm gonna... do out here to prove I can see," he confesses, only a little sheepishly. "But, hey, I got us out here, didn't I?"

He makes a mental note to look up 'astrology' later. Obviously something to do with space, but not a term he's heard before.

"Hmmm!" He glances around. The light from the carnival isn't great through the thick trees; in fact, it's dark enough that his own implants are no longer cutting it. Luckily for both of them he's got a brilliant and painless idea.

From his PAK comes his binocular and night vision helmet, and as several cords plug into the back the entire thing forms seamlessly over his head. He points about twenty feet away, at some dark-coloured fruit shaped like triangles hanging from the branch of a tree. "If your vision isn't as inferior as you claim it to be, then what's that?"

"Looks like some fruit, my man. I mean, it's triangles, which is pretty fuckin' wild, but it's definitely fruit."

Taako turns to smirk at Zim in the dark, a hand propping at his hip.

"How about that, doubty mcdoubterson?"

"That could have been luck!" He's already looking for another thing to try, something more difficult than triangular fruit which anyone could have guessed. Probably. Nope, need something more complicated than that.

His head is darting around, and when he settles on a slightly further away caterpillar, he points excitedly. "What about that??"

Said caterpillar is bigger than a typical one, and when it turns its body in the direction of Zim's voice it opens its little mouth to reveal way, way too many sharp teeth.

"Oooh, jeez... that, my dude, is a bad time is what that is." Taako leans away from it; he is not a fan of anything with teeth like that, but especially not bugs.

"To be exact, though, it's a caterpillar with some crazy teeth."

Alright, that's something he can agree with. He makes a bit of a noise, clearly not planning on getting closer to whatever that thing is, and switches gears to a third test. It looks like a face that's grown out of one of the tree trunks, gaping black eyes and a mouth curved into a voiceless scream. It looks extremely pleasant.

"That! Tell me what that is!!"

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