lostcarnival | ⇨ THE LUNAR SOLSTICE

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⇨ THE LUNAR SOLSTICE

Who: Everyone!
When: Winter Breaks: Day 6 - Day 25
Where: THE MOON
What: The carnival journeys to one of its moons to celebrate the Lunar Solstice. More information here.
Warnings: Winter fun.

MOON WALKING↴

The journey to the moon only takes a blink of an eye, but it leaves the carnival far away beneath you. The second moon can be seen on the peripheral, massive compared to its usual view. At least when the holidays start out, there will be no notable wildlife on the moon, though this is something you can talk to the Ringmaster about if you think it needs a change. It sounds like this is the first time she's used it in quite a while - it probably needs some dusting off!

Claim your cabins, and proceed to... well, do whatever you want! There is no rush and little obligation, besides to enjoy yourself. For real, this time. She promises there will be no vampires. Or, at least, none that don't already work for the carnival.

► CABINS: Living arrangements are character choice for this event, and there are a variety of cabins of various sizes, mostly built to house 2-6 people, though you can fit more in if you squish. They are all made of wood and of a rustic design - no fancy modern furniture, here! Each building is housed with a fireplace and the needed amenities. You can pick up materials to cook with the private kitchens if you like. Theoretically, you could spend the whole holiday sequestered away, watching the snow fall. Some of them also have outdoor hot tubs available!

► ACTIVITIES: Activities are mostly going to be character driven, though there will be some large group games like bingo and maybe a poker tournament happening at some point in one of the festival halls. Otherwise, there is a lot to offer: skiing, snowboarding, hiking, ice sculpting, snowball fights - it goes on! If you'd like to run a winter activity, just let the mods know, and we will get the word out there for you.

► FEASTING: Every day isn't a full-out feast because that would get a bit unhealthy, but there will be a number of specific feast events over the holidays where everyone is encouraged to let out their inner hedonist and stuff themselves. There will be one big feast per week, with smaller but also delicious meals offered in between. The feast dates will be B12, B18, and B24. There's also plenty of alcohol available for anyone who wants it.

► SHOPPING: As mentioned in the planning post, there is a massive market being run by the World Walker Caravan! The Ringmaster has given everyone 1250 credits to spend on items, but there is a caveat - must spend at least 500 of those credits on gifts for other people. And it better be a good one, if you only buy one! (She will ask that you do not buy her presents, however. She appreciates the sentiment, but it seems sort of silly buying her things with her own money! If you'd like to gift her, please have it be something more personal or handmade, but you are not obligated to get her anything at all.)

► TREATMENTS: The beginning of the holidays will also be about the time that the emergency Medical Team will have finalized their treatments for the Prince's poisoning. Watch out for further information on that - and make sure to get treated if you are suffering from petrification or poison induced illness! The holidays will be a lot more fun that way.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The confirmation from the Ringmaster that things back home really are as what the fake 2B had told him crushed the small bit of hope he had that things really weren't that bad on his Earth. His hope that no one was actually infected and 2B was fine was completely dashed. And the fact that he can't have a second contract with the Ringmaster while he still has yet to complete his first frustrates him to no end.

So even though he physically feels great, thanks to the colder weather making his systems run with lower energy consumption and despite the visible melted flesh exposing the metal at the back of his knees, 9S can't help but feel a little grumpy admidst all the festivities.

That's when he spots Cole. It seems that half the time 9S encounters Cole, he has alcohol in his hands. The oddity of the spirit's actions always pique his innate curiosity. So 9S approaches, a wry smile on his face. "Alright, why do you have alcohol this time? There's no servants here."

"They don't realize it, but they shouldn't drink any more. They'll be sick." Why he has alcohol this time? Cole's the metaphorical designated driver. If 9S does some eavesdropping later, he'll find a few of the caravan members wondering just where that alcohol they were drinking went to and who cut them off before things got real bad.

"The chocolate was ignored. One of the animals tried to eat it." And animals + chocolate = vomiting for days.

But that doesn't really matter right now, does it. Because 9S is hurting, the thoughts of 2B continue in his head, she's not fine, she's infected, I can't do anything. It was bad to let these thoughts fester foul. People made terrible decisions. "You should talk about it," Cole says, almost out of nowhere, as he regards 9S with that creepy stare of his.

Why is letting an animal have chocolate bad? The taste is sweet. But before he can ask the question, Cole's statement completely derails that thought.

"Talk about what?" 9S fires back with a frown.

His chest hurts as he tries to figure out what exactly Cole could be referring to, emotions threatening to spill out even though he's trying to rein them in.

Could it be the helplessness at seeing Rita and the others covered in stone and being unable to assist in developing the cure due to his lack of useful knowledge in those fields?

Or perhaps that his life truly meant nothing to Command, that humans he's known for mere weeks treat him like an actual living being rather than an ant in a colony.

Or maybe the sheer loneliness of realising he's the only uninfected YoRHa android other than A2, an android he has no memories of, and that everyone is on the road to death.

Or perhaps it's the anguish at the realisation that 2B was-- is so wracked with guilt that she thought that death, REAL death, is her only escape.

Or maybe it's the thought that even if the Ringmaster saves everyone if he signs a second contract, 2B and himself will never be together. The only way they could is if he lets everyone else die. Their lives are in his hands... And there's a not insignificant part of him that would be willing to trade all of YoRHa for 2B's life and happiness.

"You need to be more specific." 9S lets out a hollow laugh. "There's a lot I can talk about. Like the fact we're on the moon."

Where the humans would be living, if they were back home. It's almost sacred ground!

"2B."

Because isn't that the root of so many of 9S's problems? His actions at the ball, his actions now, his choices and thoughts and hopes all tie back to 2B and 9S's relationship with her. A friend then a killer then something else entirely (or a killer then a friend then something else entirely.) Guilt writ large over a curious little scanner.

"You miss her," Cole simply responds. "Even after what you know."

And there it is.

Of course Cole's rooting around in his head again. But he can't be angry when it isn't on purpose. 9S wouldn't be surprised if he's practically broadcasting his thoughts and feelings to the spirit.

And it's true, he does miss her. Carnival life had been easy, when he knew that he would be reuniting with her after a year and a day. Now... that's not even certain. It doesn't matter that she killed him, over and over again. He doesn't blame her for that. It never entered his mind to blame her for his murders, even though it was her hands that taken his life.

It's fine, it would always be fine, as long as they could be together again.

"Do we have to talk about 2B?" he mutters, looking away. "She's not here." Like she should be.

It hurts to think about 2B. About how it wasn't fair that that was the role she was given to play. About the pointlessness of it all. About how her happiness would be impossible without the deaths of everyone else they worked with.

"She isn't. And she might not ever be. But you're still allowed to miss her."

Even after what he knows, what 9S knows 2B has done, he can still miss her. Which, 9S knows that, but perhaps it might be good to vocalize what he knows, to verify those thoughts in his head. Cole continues, after a pause.

"She deserved more."

Yes, he misses her. He misses her so badly it's almost as if he has a gaping hole in his Black Box. It's hard to remember what it had been like in the days before he met her; memories of her filled his world with a bright light.

"...Yeah. She did. Does."

And with that admission, the gates are opened, words and emotions pouring out before he can stop them.

"I don't understand why it was necessary. Why create an android whose role is to kill those she cares about? And then make her feel pain and suffering from doing so?" What secret could possibly be worth all that pain? "It hurt her so much to keep killing me. She was so alone... and I didn't even know."

9S needs someone to listen. So that's what Cole does.

He still doesn't know much of the specifics. But he knows enough. 2B had a job, a job that was killing her, a job where she had to lie and hurt and pretend and the lying and hurting and pretending hurt her but it also hurt 9S.

"It's dangerous when those in charge forget that people are people." That might have happened here. Creating a role, a path, a pattern for 2B to fit into without realizing or remembering that she was 2B. That she was someone.

Edited 2017-11-27 20:35 (UTC)

"I..." 9S' voice falters for a moment. "I didn't realise how different things could be until I came here. Back home, we were disposable, you know?"

Of course Cole doesn't know, unless he's managed to peer into those memories, too. Memories of self-destruct protocols to prevent the machines from extracting data from them if a mission goes bad. Memories of how they're just deployed into new bodies whenever they die. And his realisation that he was killed over and over again, his memory wiped, born anew.

"Me... 2B... We didn't matter. As long as we did our part in ending the war." Glory to mankind. "We're the same as every other 9S and 2B model before us. The only difference is our memories."

As long as humanity can return to Earth, it doesn't matter how many YoRHa were sacrificed for it; unlike the androids before them, YoRHa can come back after death. As long as the Bunker was safe, then they could die as many times as needed on the field. What value does the life of a YoRHa android have then, when they were essentially immortal as long as the Bunker stood? Even he mercilessly killed Rita, knowing she would come back.

(He didn't feel guilt then, but he feels it now even though that had been the only feasible choice laid out before them.)

He never realised how cold and clinical YoRHa truly was until he came to the Carnival, where people actually give a damn about what he thinks and feels. Where people were willing to put in the time and effort for him, without obligation. If only 2B were here to see this for herself...

Disposable?

...ah. Disposable. Cole's frown deepens slightly as he looks over at 9S, picks out that particular hurt, dying over and over again, memories changed and wiped, only for 9S to gain new memories and the process starts all over again. Someone could die and come back. Corypheus did it. Those in the Hunt did it. 9S can do it as well.

"But you do matter," Cole murmurs, looking over at 9S. "YoRHa might not think so, looking down on everyone from their perch, ants in an anthill. But the ants matter to other ants." 9S mattered to 2B. 9S mattered to Rita. 9S mattered to Cole.

There's a small pause before Cole continues. "I'm sorry they hurt 2B. I'm sorry they hurt you." He's not going to say what he hopes, that it won't happen again, because part of Cole worries it will. He won't make promises he can't keep.

"Ants, huh?"

He supposes that's true. YoRHa were crawling all over Earth, fulfilling their duties in service to the whole. Even if that sometimes meant killing their own kind.

Cole had no role in his pain, but the spirit's sympathy is appreciated, even if the hole where duty and service once was still remains hollow and unfilled.

"Thanks, Cole. I just... I wish YoRHa isn't the way it is." To think that when he'd started talking to Cole, he hadn't expected their conversation would get so serious. His gaze slides away. "To be honest, I'm not sure I want to go back. I will, to save 2B. But after that..."

His head tells him not to stay on Earth, just get both 2B and himself out of there. But his heart, maybe his soul, still yearns to return to his duties, a piece of programming he cannot touch.

"You're you. You are your own 9S. If you don't want to go back, then don't."

9S isn't stuck somewhere. 9S has options. 9S can do all sorts of things and explore all sorts of places. If he does not want to go back to YoRHa, then he shouldn't. It's as simple as that in Cole's mind.

"Find a way to do what you want somewhere else."

9S' breath hitches in his throat.

"I can't. My role, my purpose, is to fight in the war against the machine lifeforms and aid humanity's return to Earth."

Even though he had been adamant on 2B coming to the Carnival with him, to escape the logic virus and to escape her duties, when he thinks about himself leaving YoRHa, when he thinks about abandoning his mission, he feels something deep within him rebel at the thought. The thought twists his mechanical insides, chokes the breath from his throat.

"If I leave, then I'm turning my back on the reason I was created! They're my humans. If I can't serve them, then what purpose do I have?" Unknowingly, he's raised his voice, hands clenching into fists. "If I can't fulfil my purpose, then why am I even alive?"

It hurts, thinking about turning away from his purpose. He knows going back will only reenter the cycle of life and death, but not going back hurts just as much. How do humans do it? How do humans live without knowing the reason for their life?

9S wants a purpose. But the purpose he has hurts him so he can't use that purpose. So he needs a new purpose, but he still refuses to give up on his old purpose.

"Do you need a reason to be alive?" Cole explains, calm and quiet. He doesn't think 9S does. He can be alive for the sake of being alive, for breathing, beating, being. But 9S wants a purpose so Cole can advise on that.

"It's...hard. You won't know what you're doing for a while. But you look and talk and seek and search and then you'll know."

That's what happened with him after all. Battered and broken, something lost and confused, but the Cole became free, he became himself again—no, he became himself better.

Strange said he had no purpose, but he found it thanks to Arabella. But 2B isn't here and she is the same as him: an android made to serve the humans on the moon, drifting aimlessly if severed from that goal. There will be no answers there; she is his reason for living but not his purpose.

9S lets out a hollow laugh. "Is that how you did it? You looked for purpose and found it yourself?"

He'd joked with Strange about being useless after the war is over, but faced with the reality of turning his back on the war and finding a new reason to be terrifies him. Is this what the other androids felt before they deserted? And in the end 2B and him had cut then down for it. Without the guarantee of 2B with him, there's only terror thinking about turning away.

At that, Cole shakes his head. Because he didn't. Truth be told, he probably wouldn't have found a purpose himself if he didn't have his friends, didn't have people to help lead and guide him, showing him how to best be him. He had wants and desires, of course. He wanted to help. It'd be best if he helped. But that wasn't enough for a purpose, the way he now knows what his purpose is.

"Others helped. Searching and seeking myself, I wouldn't know where to start. But they talked, I listened, and I learned. Maybe that's how you'll find your purpose."

Just listening. Hearing what others have to say, paying attention to how others instruct you, simple things like that.

So Cole doesn't know for certain if that's the path to finding purpose. But there are so few certainties in the world. 9S supposes he should have expected that. The only certainty is that if he goes home and fixes things, he will die. And if he goes home and doesn't and 2B dies... he won't be long in the world, either.

The world will be meaningless if she isn't there.

But if Cole thinks that he can find purpose from talking and listening to people here, then, "...I'll... I'll try."

Cole understands, a little, in a way the others can't. That's how they had gotten along during the ball, wasn't it? They're not like humans, so assured in their life and existence.

Cole smiles, a weak little smile, as he gives 9S a tiny nod. Because that's good. Trying is good. That's the first step to solving any problem, trying and hoping and seeing what works and what doesn't.

"Good," he simply responds, with a nod. "And I'll help."

He'll listen, he'll watch and wait, he'll try his hardest to find a purpose for 9S by talking and getting advice and trying things and all of those sort of things as well.

9S swallows his emotions before he responds. "Thank you."

Because at least he won't be alone. That there's someone who knows and someone who will help.

His gaze flickers to the bottles in Coles hands. "So, what are you going to do with those?"

Wondering why Cole was carrying bottles of drink was how their conversation had started in the first place, after all.

Edited 2017-12-11 07:31 (UTC)

Oh, these? Cole looks over at the bottles before he shrugs slightly.

"I don't know. But they needed to be away, out of sight and out of hands." The people drinking them were already three sheets to the wind and would regret their choices in the next few hours. Cole didn't want them to regret their choices even more.

Hmm. 9S hadn't liked the wine at the Prince's ball, but that could just be because it was the Prince's. But more importantly...

"Why don't you try some?" You know, just so 9S' curiosity is satisfied. "You can drink, right? You have a human shape and everything, so..."

It's hard not to have his thoughts linger on 2B and how they could've been together at the Carnival -- that night at the ball... he'd been torn between anguish and joy -- so he's eager to latch on to something else.

Sorry 9S. At his question, Cole shakes his head. "The shape of a thing doesn't make one the thing."

He might have a human shape and look like a human, but that doesn't make him human in the first place. Cole can't drink. That's one thing he learned about himself and one thing that he knows is a fact. He can't drink, can't eat, can't sleep. There are a few little human things that they do which Cole simply doesn't do to begin with.

9S opens his mouth, and then closes it again.

"That's... true, I guess."

After all, Adam and Eve were hardly androids -- they can't possibly be mimicking humans! -- even though they looked like them, right down to the lack of...

And androids aren't humans, no matter how close to them they may appear.

"So if you tried to drink something, it would make you ill? Kill you?"

Cole shrugs! He doesn't know that much, just that he doesn't need to drink, so most of the time he doesn't. It's honestly as simple as that.

"I don't know. I just don't do it because why would I?"

It looks messy and it can spill everywhere. Besides, what else would he drink for, pleasure? He can think of plenty of things that would make him feel better than drinking juice or something like that.

9S shoots Cole a bewildered look. "To find out what happens?"

He says it like he can't possibly understand the folly of doing something just to find out what happens. That mackerel that killed him would've been totally worth it if he could remember what it tasted like. Unfortunately for him, 9S was stopped by more sensible members of the party from eating it again.

"Aren't you even a little bit curious? Part of trying to figure out who you are is testing your limits."

⇨ THE LUNAR SOLSTICE

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